HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law
States that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

12/23/2008 7:52:27 PM

A+

12/23/2008 7:54:17 PM

well deserved a imo

12/23/2008 7:55:09 PM

Here's one I'm sure a lot of TWW can relate to:

Quote :

"So when boredom strikes between the hard work of PhD life and crying myself to sleep because I don't have a big willy, I sometimes partake upon the wonderful adventure known as trolling. For those who are unaware, trolling a forum involves making an anonymous account on a particular forum and posting controversial, confrontational and irrelevant matter in order to provoke people into getting pissed off or upset. Trolls on a site such as b3ta or similar are just annoying as we're all on here to have fun, but the real fun with trolling comes when you can do it on a forum full of stupid, opinionated people. My favourites of these are religious, anti-abortion, teen-angst-oriented music and vegan/animal liberation forums. Over the years I've had quite a few good times, some of which I shall share over the following paragraphs. I once created an account on an anti-abortion forum. One user on this forum had posted a picture of an aborted foetus and she commented on how awful and terrible it was etc. etc. The picture was fucking scary, the thing looked like some sort of possessed zombie child. My response was thus "Fucking hell. Seriously, if that thing was alive and chasing me round my house, I'd have no qualms about smacking it to death with a shovel. Thank GOD someone had the courtesy to abort that ugly fucker." Typical responses raged from "You monster!" to "I'm going to find out where you live and smack YOU to death with a shovel!" Brilliant. Religious forums are excellent, particularly because they are normally full of extremely right-wing Americans who have never left their own town/state, let alone their country. The few that are not like this are hardline liberals, and I sit in the middle with a little grin whilst stirring the pot and fanning the flames. Oh, and they SERIOUSLY get intolerant and annoyed when you eventually 'admit' that you are a Muslim after days of arguments. Teen music ones are easy, there were two girls discussing 'cutting' when they are depressed. A quick "well that's stupid, why don't you just NOT cut? That's funny" led to five pages of threats etc. One girl responded with "they can't help it, I'm an epileptic and I can't control it. Do you think that's funny?"...I picked that one out to reply to with a flashing GIF saying "You deserve a seizure for your posts"* ...that got me banned quite quickly. But vegans/animal rights people are probably the worst for getting worked up. I think it's got something to do with the vegan diet making them cranky. They have very little comeback to the "with rights come responsibilities, when cows stop shitting everywhere and learn to use a toilet I'll agree that they are safe to walk along the street" argument, but they'll keep on and on and on until you let them think they're right. I (after a few pages of argument) eventually made a second account who came in and said "Did you know that on average 1000kg of corn contains 1kg of ground-up field mice because they are slower than the combine harvester?" and the fun starts again. All in all, making other people upset on the internet gives me great pleasure."

12/23/2008 7:56:17 PM

This is so old

[Edited on December 23, 2008 at 8:01 PM. Reason : http://thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=370174&page=1#7941164]

12/23/2008 7:59:43 PM

k

12/23/2008 8:02:13 PM

Quote :

"... the only question on the exam - "which tire was flat""

12/23/2008 8:08:33 PM

^^^^
awesome

12/23/2008 8:10:13 PM

I first saw this joke back when I was in high school. My chemistry teacher had it on his door. That was 7 years ago. A practical eternity in intarweb years.

12/23/2008 8:11:35 PM

Quote :

"In the colonoscopy suite, we had someone who started moaning the second the scope touched her bumhole. She was heavily sedated, but of course you can still talk and move. The doctor was a tiny (4' 11")little Indian guy who was visibly embarrassed by his patient moaning and thrusting her rear at him, saying "Yes, yes, YES Jeffrey, give it to me! Fuck my sweet ass! Oh baby, you've got the biggest cock" etc. The nurses were cringing on her behalf and I was making a personal note to self to NOT be sedated for my colonoscopy when it comes around. This went on for the entire 40 minutes. She must have thought ole Jeffrey had taken Viagra. It doesn't end there. The next year, the same patient came in again. None of us remembered her until the scope was slathered with warm lube and positioned. Then as soon as it slid in an inch, she started up with "You fucking pillow-biting cocksucker Jeffrey! I hate your motherfucking guts, get the hell away from me before I rip off your dick and feed it to you!" And so on. We are in pain with holding back the tears of laughter and biting our knuckles. Dr. Patel is quite surprised and says in his vaudeville hall Indian accent, "Oh my goodness, she is having a falling out with this Jeff-er-ry person." Then he said, "Well, at least she is having the annual checkups, eh?" I almost did a poo in my scrubs, trying to be professional. We called Dr. Patel "Jeffrey" for two years after that. The best part is she'll never know."

12/23/2008 8:36:41 PM

1/3/2009 2:47:34 AM

ATRIUM IS ON FIRE?

1/3/2009 2:50:58 AM

This story was found in King Tut's grave, and in his other hand he was clutching a piece of papyrus that said in hieroglyphics "omg [old]"

1/3/2009 3:06:52 AM

I love how no one looks past the first post to see what else I've found on this website.

1/3/2009 3:08:35 AM

I did. I just didn't say so.

1/3/2009 3:09:32 AM

I'm more referring to

Quote :

"This is so old"

Quote :

"I first saw this joke back when I was in high school. "

Quote :

"ATRIUM IS ON FIRE?"

Quote :

"This story was found in King Tut's grave"

[Edited on January 3, 2009 at 3:11 AM. Reason : but thx for looking ]

1/3/2009 3:10:44 AM

That lego cartoon is the heat

1/3/2009 3:13:47 AM

[NO]

1/3/2009 3:14:44 AM

Lol, stop worrying about TWW trolling and relax.

1/3/2009 3:15:58 AM

Dude, you didn't find anything on that site that I haven't been reading for years. If you just now found b3ta.com, then you're late to the internet (SON).

1/3/2009 3:26:50 AM

I've been lurking b3ta for years, SON.

And I did find all of these photoshops that I'm certain you haven't been reading for years.

[Edited on January 3, 2009 at 3:31 AM. Reason : not like finding them took much effort though ]

1/3/2009 3:30:55 AM

fukung.net > b3ta.com

and the fukung thread is at least 10 times better than this, literally

1/3/2009 3:36:49 AM

It's cool, I can still feel internet-superior because if your posts in this thread are representative of what you think are the funniest gems on b3ta recently, then your sense of humor could use a tune-up.

1/3/2009 3:44:12 AM