discuss:

http://tinyurl.com/bvtnmx

2/9/2009 5:49:47 PM

I would say that neither one is more correct than the other, depending on the situation.


tl;dr version:
Guys: Be willing to adapt to marriage...
Ladies: Be willing to adapt to marriage...

2/9/2009 6:52:04 PM

lol dont marry career women!! but watch out for those gold diggers!!

fuck my life, damned if you do, damned if you dont!

2/9/2009 7:23:10 PM

Quote :

"And, of course, many working women are indeed happily and fruitfully married--it's just that they are less likely to be so than nonworking women."

I guess I was lucky to find an outlier and married a career woman, who was not only all about having kids, but willing to have one during med school. And i'm pretty sure she's happy about it.

I can't wait till she's done with residency though. She's pretty much cranky all the time, but it's not exactly going to cause a divorce or anything.

This article is just trying to lend credence to the MRS degree.

2/10/2009 9:36:07 AM

This seems like a pretty clear application of common sense. Jobs are stressful; raising kids and maintaining a household takes time, and not having enough time for things is stressful. Higher stress seems like it could have a reasonable correlation with marital trouble and divorce. If additional income from a second career in the household is insufficient to compensate for the additional stress and reduced time for household chores, then on the aggregate outcomes could be worse.

The main arguments are related more to the number of earners in the marriage, rather than gender-specific issues. I'd be interested to see similar studies about voluntary stay-at-home dads; I imagine outcomes there might fall somewhere in the middle of the other two groups.

2/11/2009 1:21:44 AM

I look forward to being a stay-at-home dad one day.

livin' the dream!

2/11/2009 7:06:07 AM

I never thought I would say this when I was younger, but I would gladly become a stay at home mom.

2/15/2009 8:20:08 PM

My future wife and I certainly plan on maintaining our own careers. She hasn't put herself through law school just to stay home with the kids and clean house. And I certainly don't expect her to.

Although when we eventually have kids, I can't say for certain what she'll do. We both had full-time nannies and maids to look after us while our parents worked, and I wouldn't be opposed to going that route.

By having the nanny it allowed my parents to each have their own successful careers, and when they got home in the evenings they could focus on having quality family time without all the normal household responsibilities: meals were prepared, houses were cleaned, etc.

Sure times will be stressful if things are rough at work, but that's life.

2/15/2009 9:13:41 PM

how does everyone feel about letting a third party (nanny, day-care, et al) have a significant chunk of influence on your progeny? this is still very far away for me so i havent resolved the issue internally

2/15/2009 11:00:30 PM

My wife and I aren't planning on having children, so we don't deal with those sorts of issues. But she gets stir-crazy if she doesn't have enough to do, so it's definitely beneficial for her to have a career as well.

Also, for any of you who don't have any economics background: the economist mentioned in the first column, Gary Becker, is a fucking genius. It's amazing the number of models we've learned about in my microeconomics classes that were developed by him, with an incredibly diverse range of topics and applications.

2/16/2009 2:04:26 AM

^^ From someone who has worked the nanny side of that equation, I don't think I would ever want one myself. You never know what kind of person is taking care of your kids. And most of the parents I met who employed nannies hadn't a clue what was going on in their kids' lives.

Children are not accessories

2/16/2009 7:52:20 AM

Its topics like this that tend to make me happy I am single with no kids at this point in my life. Sure sometimes I wish this werent the case, but I also am able to live pretty stress free without having to worry about anyone else other than myself. My most stressful decision each day is usually how I want to spend my couple of free hours each evening entertaining myself.

2/16/2009 8:57:23 AM

the woman i plan on spending the rest of my life with will also have a career (she will probably make more than me during my low bonus years), and it will take a village to raise the 2 or 3 kids we're likely to be having.

i feel fortunate to have my parents and extended family nearby -- my culture encourages that kind of behavior. im going to see about taking that new home-buying tax credit to move closer to my parents in Cary.

2/16/2009 11:32:44 AM

i'm totally on board with a maid/cleaning food prep service. that can remove so much extra crap and as joe said, allow you to spend quality time with the kids when you get home from work and not have to worry about cooking dinner, cleaning it up and oh shit johnny needs his soccer uniform cleaned!

i think its important to eat meals together, doesn't matter who prepares them but i also think cooking as a family is positive so a one night a week tradition or something would be cool

as far as a nanny or daycare service, im not planning on quitting my job to take care of kids but i would be open to a flexible work schedule allowing 2-3 days a week from home and a close relative, mom on either side or something to help with child care the rest of the week.

i think the most important thing is routine, teamwork and a sense of belogining in the family. its not acceptable for a parent to not know what is going on in their kids life but i dont think doing their laundry is important if you can afford to pay someone else to take that off your plate so you can make the soccer game and not be at your spouses throat at the end of the day

[Edited on February 16, 2009 at 3:46 PM. Reason : skjfkldsjf]

2/16/2009 3:46:02 PM

^ totally agree with that.

never thought about it that deep though.

2/16/2009 3:50:31 PM

not everyone can afford a nanny......i dont think that is a realistic option for most of tdubers.

When I first think of nanny's, I think of rich parents that want someone else to take care of their kids needs 75% of the time and they only interact with them on holidays, show them off to relatives and family pictures...other than that, the nanny does everything else (baiscally raises them). Why would you want to have kids if you want someone else to be the "parent"? Part of being a parent is to do those things..so what if you are tired after a long day at work? It is like hiring a nanny will help you keep your life as it was before the kid(s) arrived. Of course, if you are rich I guess it is nice to have those options.

[Edited on February 20, 2009 at 12:32 AM. Reason : w]

2/20/2009 12:30:20 AM

I'm completely against having a nanny.

Either me or the wifey is going to have to take a couple years off work (or maybe an abbreviated work schedule) whenever we have a kid. I'm a lawyer, and plan on running my own practice/having one partner and being able to do a lot of work out of the house by the time I'm settled down enough to have a kid...so I don't see that big of a problem with it. And who's knows with the wife...if she's adamant about her career...then she can knock herself out while I stay at home and do a little work and take care of the kids. But if she want's to stay at home, then she can do that too. I just don't want a non-family member half-way raising my kids.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that my mom is just waiting for me to get married and have a kid so she can move down to Charleston and "retire" aka take care of grandbabies.

2/20/2009 11:19:16 AM

Original article was highly biased / opinionated. Give him due credit for claiming to cite sources (which are probably legit, but I can find a legit source to support just about any point of view). Rebuttal didn't care much for, as tried to make her own point, rather than refuting his main points, (which is what the purpose of a rebuttal is ...).

Marriages are about compromise and communication between couples about both short-term and long-term goals. Careers are a part of kid. Kids are a part of it. ___ are a part of it. Be clear and open about those goals with your significant other, plan for what you can, deal with the unexpected, that's life.

Be interested to see if forbes has any additional followup to this.

2/24/2009 9:49:04 PM

Parenting is so much more than just staying home and keeping the house.

I can see how some (most) people would think that having a nanny would be bad, but coming from the other side of the fence I can say that it worked out extremely well for my family. I do know some kids who had nannies whose parents were never home and were never involved. That, I believe is a problem.

I'm sure it is easy to offload parenting on nannies, so parents who use nannies still have to work hard to make sure that they are as involved in their kids' lives as possible. I was raised knowing that my parents were important people and that they had to go to work. But they made every effort to make it to my soccer games, and were almost always home in time for dinner, whether we were eating in or dining out. They helped me with my homework and pushed me to succeed, and weekends were almost always free to do whatever.

So is it really a problem to have someone help out with cleaning the house and preparing the food? Only if you make it one.

2/24/2009 9:56:05 PM

Quote :

"I can see how some (most) people would think that having a nanny would be bad, but coming from the other side of the fence I can say that it worked out extremely well for my family. I do know some kids who had nannies whose parents were never home and were never involved. That, I believe is a problem."

I'm not saying kids with nannies can't turn out great....and I'm not saying that kids whose parents are home all the time will turn out perfect.

I'm just saying that my personal preference is to not have a stranger be a primary force is raising my kid(s). I don't want a nanny being the first person to see my kid walk, hear my kid say his first word, etc. I want to drop my kid off at his first soccer practice...not a nanny.

Quote :

"So is it really a problem to have someone help out with cleaning the house and preparing the food? Only if you make it one."

That's a maid...not a nanny.

2/25/2009 9:30:45 AM