So I was just talking to a girl I've been seeing recently, and she said there has been a lunch thief going around her work. Today he/she stole her orange. This kind of shit is not gonna fly. We're already planning on making a batch of laxative brownies, but I need more ideas... I wanna make sure that this thief never steals her food again.

I know some of you guys have to have dealt with something like this before, do you have any suggestions of ways we can teach this person to eat their own food? I was also thinking of putting a bunch of food coloring or something in a sandwich so their mouth turns blue and they will be easily distinguishable.

3/17/2009 4:16:41 PM

you should steal her box lunch and eat it

3/17/2009 4:18:00 PM

I lost a peanut butter and jelly sandwich one time.

That's the first and only time it's happened, though.

3/17/2009 4:18:18 PM

laxative foods would be a good start, but, unfortunately, if some type of crazy medical shit goes down, you're actually at fault.

just like if you booby trap your house and an intruder gets killed, you're still at fault.

AMURRICA FUCK YEAH!

3/17/2009 4:23:53 PM

This thief is helping you, she's probably overweight.

3/17/2009 4:24:08 PM

^Because oranges are so fattening.

And no, she isn't overweight. Please take your trolling back to Chit Chat.

NeuseRvrRat, what if say I was constipated and I had a lax brownie for my medical reasons and this thief came and stole it from my lunch and got sick, how does it work out?

[Edited on March 17, 2009 at 4:26 PM. Reason : ]

3/17/2009 4:24:53 PM

You should really stop stealing her oranges so that you can be the hero... you sociopath.

Does your girlfriend remember all of the types of food that were stolen? Is it only fruit? Does it vary? First you must make sure that your bait will be taken by narrowing down the targets.

[Edited on March 17, 2009 at 4:29 PM. Reason : -]

3/17/2009 4:26:59 PM

A few well placed razor blades should do the trick

3/17/2009 4:28:41 PM

^^^it's up to a jury of your peers.

make your own choice, but i don't put much faith in the collective common sense of 12 random americans.

[Edited on March 17, 2009 at 4:31 PM. Reason : 22222]

3/17/2009 4:30:50 PM

the next time a sandwich disappears take a picture of your penis on top of a similar looking sandwich and tape it to the refrigerator door the next day

3/17/2009 4:32:33 PM

^

Now that's what I'm talking about.

3/17/2009 4:33:04 PM

^^3RDED

3/17/2009 4:34:54 PM

---

[Edited on March 17, 2009 at 4:35 PM. Reason : my bad, browser ]

3/17/2009 4:34:54 PM

lol FykalJpnthat is an awesome idea except I don't wanna get fired for posting lewd pictures in the break room. What I could do is the next day just put said picture in the lunch bag with a note saying "I hope you enjoyed my sausage sandwich yesterday!"

[Edited on March 17, 2009 at 4:37 PM. Reason : ]

3/17/2009 4:35:46 PM

3/17/2009 4:36:22 PM

What about something that makes you throw up.

3/17/2009 4:36:24 PM

Quote :

"I was also thinking of putting a bunch of food coloring or something in a sandwich so their mouth turns blue and they will be easily distinguishable."

i like this idea

3/17/2009 4:39:49 PM

Quote :

"JIZZ IN MY LUNCH"

3/17/2009 4:43:44 PM

3/17/2009 5:31:53 PM

Actually I like the laxative idea too, only if you take all the toilet paper though.

3/17/2009 5:47:05 PM

Maybe you can be at fault for laxatives

But if you like ridiculously hot, make you cry hot sauce in your sandwiches, that is your own business.

If someone else takes a bite and can't handle it, it's their fault.

If you have a syringe, you could inject an orange with clear-ish hot sauce or some other liquid.

3/17/2009 5:52:11 PM

put a ton of wasabi in the center of the sandwich

3/17/2009 5:58:43 PM

vinegar
bitteryuk - the spray for animals to keep them from licking wounds. Too bad you're in BFE, because I'd let you borrow mine.

It's ridiculously easy to get on one's hands, and it doesn't go away for days. It more or less requires the use of gloves

3/17/2009 5:59:47 PM

masturbate into a tray of sushi

[Edited on March 17, 2009 at 6:03 PM. Reason : g]

3/17/2009 6:03:43 PM

straight from ultimate fighter...

Since you have an orange thief.... just take a needle and inject a shitload of vinegar into the orange

3/17/2009 6:24:14 PM

Quote :

"Who would steal thirty bag lunches?"

Ill tell ya who, That Damn Sasquatch

3/17/2009 6:38:30 PM

Don't leave your food unattended.

3/17/2009 8:19:09 PM

what kind of place does she work that someone is stealing lunches That's some straight up preschooler shit right there.

Quote :

"bitteryuk - the spray for animals to keep them from licking wounds."

lol I like this idea. You can buy it at places like Petsmart.

Also like the idea of hot sauce in the sandwich/brownies/whatever. Buy some of that pure capsicum stuff and dabble it on.

Is the guy just stealing fruit or are other things missing too?

3/17/2009 8:46:55 PM

She just started a new job Monday and she's been in training. Apparently (s)he has stolen from lunches in the past.

3/17/2009 8:50:02 PM

maybe she should keep the items she really cares about at her desk


sometimes people can't just eat their own food because they don't have it

3/17/2009 8:53:47 PM

For all we know she has been leaving her lunch at her desk. The OP didn't say where this atrocious crime against humanity has been occurring.

And if the dude is employed and can't afford food for lunch, maybe (s)he should lay off the smack

[Edited on March 17, 2009 at 8:56 PM. Reason : .]

3/17/2009 8:55:36 PM

since the penis picture would be going in the breakroom, i would assume the food is being left in the breakroom

and there are reasons that people cannot afford food that don't involve smack

3/17/2009 8:58:39 PM

id try the food coloring in a dark food like the brownies

you can add it pretty easily in large amounts and you wont be able to see it while eating it

or you can write a note and fold it into the sandwich or something.. they'll bite into it and find it.. write something like "i know it's you. motherfucker" just to mess with their head

could be multiple offenders though, hard to know for sure

3/17/2009 8:59:14 PM

Quote :

"since the penis picture would be going in the breakroom, i would assume the food is being left in the breakroom"

Or it could be that most employees, at some point during the day, find themselves in the break room, and posting said picture there instead of at her desk allows the photo to have some level of anonymity and maximum exposure.

Quote :

"and there are reasons that people cannot afford food that don't involve smack"

NO WAI

3/17/2009 9:04:18 PM

Quote :

"and there are reasons that people cannot afford food that don't involve smack"

if someone is truly falling on hard times, i will gladly split my sandwich with them as long as they act with some integrity and explain their situation. stealing doesn't fly no matter why you're broke.

and before somebody calls me out, i've done it before and others have done it for me.

3/17/2009 9:07:08 PM

NO FUCKEN WAI

3/17/2009 10:04:33 PM

im digging wasabi sandwich and bitterex orange idea. "canned air" products are usually chock full of bitterex, although they are bad for the environment, if you need a source of the stuff

3/17/2009 10:12:22 PM

just crush up some no doz, caffeine is bitter as shit

3/17/2009 10:14:39 PM

put some benadryl up in there and see who is falling alseep!

3/17/2009 10:38:40 PM

or hallucinating depending on how much you put

3/17/2009 11:02:23 PM

3/17/2009 11:16:45 PM

web cam for the win.

3/18/2009 9:16:14 AM

someone stole my croutons one time. it's whatever.

i like the laxatives idea. One of my former roommates used to steal my meds and i switched them out and replaced them with laxatives and told her i just got switched to a new kind...she stole those too. prettttttttty funny

3/18/2009 9:20:16 AM

3/18/2009 9:23:15 AM

http://www.worstcasescenarios.com/scenario.htm?scenarioid=64&cache=1139899085

I like the bag stapled shut idea. They have to go to a whole new level of thievery to open a sealed bag where it would be obvious to all that someone broke the seal. Plus if they like oranges they wouldn't get that immediate visual cue that an orange was "available" because the bag would hide the fact.

Or to alter their crinkle noise idea. Rig a container that sounds an alarm when opened.

Oh, and I have been known to throw away a take-home styrofoam doggie bag or two after I've noticed it rotting in the fridge for a month - stinking up the entire fridge, but that's a different thread.

[Edited on March 18, 2009 at 10:24 AM. Reason : -]

3/18/2009 10:17:23 AM

I know its already been mentioned, but since this is a lounge (serious) thread, I thought it bore repeating.

It seems like a real good way to get fired in this day and age is to put laced food in the common fridge.

3/18/2009 11:34:17 AM

Well it depends on what it is laced with. If it is just a shit load of hot sauce you can just say you like hot food (which I do).

3/18/2009 11:57:20 AM

Quote :

"If it is just a shit load of hot sauce you can just say you like hot food (which I do)."

This is why I'm the biggest fan of the hot sauce idea. I think it's the one least likely to get you in trouble.

3/18/2009 12:12:42 PM

Unless they die. You know they could be asthmatic and sensitive to capsaicin.

3/18/2009 12:39:29 PM

Maybe you shouldn't go around eating mystery sandwiches if you have a severe allergy to anything.

I doubt the allergy thing would hold up in court.

3/18/2009 12:43:33 PM