Your best (and worst) sexual experience stories are boring and noobish great but this could be way funnier.

8/31/2009 9:29:13 AM

Seriously? How many fucking variants of the same thread can we have?

* Mine is not funny or noteworthy and it was with a longtime g/f. Gave myself a concussion though on a loft bed. Back story isn't worth writing. Use your imagination.

[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 9:32 AM. Reason : x]

8/31/2009 9:31:07 AM

obviously, we can have at least 3.

should i start to get the funny ball rolling?

8/31/2009 9:31:27 AM

I was bwning thumper and the bag she had on her head came off and someone recognized me with her.

qué vergüenza!

[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 9:32 AM. Reason : -]

8/31/2009 9:32:07 AM

I was pretty drunk, and I made the move from cowgirl to reverse cowgirl, lost my balance, fell off the bed and face-planted on the floor. Thankfully, we'd been dating awhile and were able to laugh it off.

8/31/2009 9:33:45 AM

8/31/2009 9:35:48 AM

lucy and i were filming a porn when some random guy came walking in and started pawing at her. we left the footage in

8/31/2009 9:36:35 AM

I was in the shower with this girl and we were about to do it but I had to pee. I immediately said, "hold on, I gotta pee," So I just peed in the shower. Apparently it was a total turn off for her. I was embarrassed.

[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 9:44 AM. Reason : -]

8/31/2009 9:42:54 AM

I've actually thrown up during sex a long time ago. It was after a party with a girl I had just started dating. I was hammered and told her I didn't feel well. She didn't care I guess and started fooling around when we got back. I thought I could pull it together and was fine for the first few minutes but then she started to get very vigorous. The motion brought on the spins and the mouth waters. I still thought I would be ok but after a few seconds of telling myself that I knew I was done for. I had just enough time to roll her over and make it to the bathroom. At the time I didn't have my own bathroom but I didn't grab any clothes and just made a b line down the hall. without missing a beat she too neglected to get any clothes and went to the kitchen to grab a water and then came and rubbed my back while I was throwing up.

looking back on it now it was actually very sweet of her

8/31/2009 9:50:18 AM

99% of my experiences have been embarrassing, but for some reason I can't think of any offhand son.

8/31/2009 9:50:29 AM

freshman year, just after coming back from fall break. I swing my by my gf's room, and soon after we're going at it on the floor and I hear a key in the door.

I yell "DONT OPEN THE DOOR" and they didn't hear me. I hear the knob turn, and i try to stretch back with my feet to kick the door back shut, but i'm just too far away.

The door swings open, and we look up to see her roommate's mother, laundry basket in hand.

Time freezes for a long time. We're looking at the mom, she's looking at us, and we're both butt naked on the floor, her legs still wrapped around me.

After what felt like an eternity, what she's seeing in front of her clicks. She drops the laundry basket, she gives us a horrified look, and literally runs away. I spring up, shut the door, we throw on our clothes and run back down the hall to my room. I was giggling. my gf did not find it quite as funny.

The roommate was from one of those strict southern baptist families, and while the whole college kid sex thing was bad enough, i imagine the terror was multiplied by the fact that she walked in on some interracial sex. So, within a week, my gf had a single room. The roommate's mother pulled her out of state and sent her to meredith.

Ok, it was probably more embarrassing for my gf than it was for me, but that's the best i got.

8/31/2009 9:52:58 AM

the only times I can recall being embarrassed in bed involved a one-night stand and whiskey dick


i think my favorite of incidences involving her being a bit embarrassed though was a few years back. an ex and I were going at it in the guest room at my dad's place, I don't think we'd been dating too long at that point. she was on top and decided to stand up for some reason.. ::CRACKCRACKCRACK:: went the ceiling fan off the top of her head.


actually i kinda hope she reads this, used to lurk once in a while

8/31/2009 12:22:03 PM

farting is really the only embarrassing thing i have ever done during sex.

8/31/2009 12:23:35 PM

^that sure would cramp your style these days, wouldn't it Ass Man?

8/31/2009 12:24:30 PM

my credit card being declined when trying to pay for the abortion

8/31/2009 12:24:51 PM

8/31/2009 12:26:20 PM

^^^ nah, because my farts, like my shit, don't stink

[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 12:27 PM. Reason : a]

8/31/2009 12:26:48 PM

I banged a fat chick once. True story.

8/31/2009 12:27:09 PM

about 10 years ago, i was at the point of blackout-drunk, and went down on a chick outside The Cantina, right beside the patio, with her ass up against the outside wall... she was a friend of some acquaintance, we had all been dancing upstairs.

i don't remember who she was or what she looked like, or how the hell i ended up with my tongue in her bush, or what else we did or didn't do.

i don't know how many people might have seen, if any. I hope no one did. Nobody told me about it the next day. I don't know if it's because they didn't know, or nobody wanted to admit knowing about it.

If you saw, don't tell me about it. I'd just rather assume the best, if that's even possible.







[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 2:11 PM. Reason : ]

8/31/2009 1:58:40 PM

Not sure if I would consider it a terrible thing, but it's the one I've gotten the most ridicule from.


We've been drinking for a while with some friends, girlfriend says something to the effect of "Let's go fuck, I'm horny." Of course, I agree. In the middle of said fucking, I stop suddenly for no reason and she asks "What? I was so close..." I shush her, and asked in the tone of voice you'd ask someone to marry them in... "Where's my beer?"

She busted out laughing in my face and that killed the mood. I really wanted to know where the fuck my beer was at that moment for some unknown reason.

I don't necessarily think that's embarrassing, but she sure did... I think she told everyone of my friends that story twice after that.

8/31/2009 2:49:10 PM

Quote :

"my credit card being declined when trying to pay for the abortion "

LOL

8/31/2009 2:51:13 PM

Quote :

"The roommate's mother pulled her out of state and sent her to meredith."

Haha yes because those Meredith girls are just darling angels.

8/31/2009 2:53:30 PM

had to fart during a blowjob

8/31/2009 2:54:08 PM

oh man

The time I couldn't get him off...he kept blaming it on a leg cramp and saying he'd had a long day, but...yeah.

Farting during sex...doubly embarrassing when you're surprised, too

Vomiting when being too enthusiastic giving a blowjob. I swallowed, kept going, and told him afterwards that maybe he ought to go wash his dick off

...That's about it. I feel like there are more, but hell if I can remember.

8/31/2009 3:00:01 PM

I accidentally stepped on my penis
it hurt too bad to continue fucking...

8/31/2009 3:03:43 PM

one of my friends actually "broke" her husband's penis when she was on top once.

8/31/2009 3:04:36 PM

i saw that on Grey's once

8/31/2009 3:05:34 PM

Quote :

"Vomiting when being too enthusiastic giving a blowjob. I swallowed, kept going, and told him afterwards that maybe he ought to go wash his dick off"

I've seen a couple bitches try to act like that shit didn't just happen when I damn well know it did, but at least you admitted it son.

8/31/2009 5:51:24 PM

waking up the next morning and having everyone tell me how loud we were

8/31/2009 5:55:35 PM

^ Yep. Been there.

8/31/2009 6:01:11 PM

Trying to put it in the butt when she got on all fours and tried to initiate doggy-style. It was awkward, but I think we kept going.

8/31/2009 6:16:16 PM

pretty much anyone of the fat/ugly chicks i have hooked up with, not really the sex, more the fact that my roomates/friends saw that i had actually hooked up with that thing

8/31/2009 6:25:29 PM

eh, just go with it. embrace your inner chubby-chaser.

it makes life easier.

besides, when your friends are getting turned down by the hotties, you're the one gettin some from her fat friend.

8/31/2009 6:31:46 PM

Quote :

"one of my friends actually "broke" her husband's penis when she was on top once."

Uhm. . .at least she broke his penis instead of her vagina.


Seriously, most embarrassing awful sex ever. I had to explain to the guy that I wasn't on my period. Convince the GYN that I was not sexually assaulted. And cringe every time anything came near my lady parts for like a week.

8/31/2009 6:37:16 PM

Quote :

"farting is really the only embarrassing thing i have ever done during sex. "

8/31/2009 6:41:12 PM

One time I knocked a bitch out because I turned around and my big ole man dick flew right across her slut face.

8/31/2009 6:41:44 PM

Friend of mine pulled his shoulder out of joint during sex. All the nurses at the hospital kept walking by the room and snickering. Good shit

8/31/2009 7:04:50 PM

aha bobby's story reminds me a little of what happened with one of my ex roomates. i stayed at univ towers my first year and didn't know my roomate prior. i think it was like the day after we moved in and my mom was bringing up some of my stuff. my roomate and her bf were going at it. they heard the doorknob turn and the dude at least hid under her desk. but the desk didn't go all the way to the floor so my mom saw his naked ass there. she just laughed and yelled out "nice ass" and left. i unfortunately walked in on them too many times to count (they were like bunnies)

8/31/2009 7:10:24 PM

you didn't join them?

8/31/2009 7:13:08 PM

blech no. he wasn't what i'd call fun to look at

[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 7:15 PM. Reason : her taste in men was highly questionable]

8/31/2009 7:15:15 PM

first time i tried swallowing i puked it back up onto my boyfriends belly.

oh how the times have changed

8/31/2009 7:21:57 PM

check please

8/31/2009 7:38:55 PM

One of my ex's was on top with my dick in her ass and the pullout left something on my chest. She bare handed it and took off running to the bathroom.

8/31/2009 8:15:16 PM

i threw up in a cup this past spring i think in my boyfriend's bedroom.

there was too much jiggling and stuff and i was wasted and felt ill

and i am one of those people that when i have to throw up, i have to throw up like right then. and all he had time to reach for was a water cup on his bedside table.

oops. that was gross. good thing he still loves me

8/31/2009 8:18:59 PM

Quote :

" TOO MUCH JIGGLING"

8/31/2009 8:21:37 PM

Nice son.

8/31/2009 8:22:34 PM

haha. i was going to type gyrating but i didn't now how to spell it.

(getting the spins in the middle of sex is NOT fun)

[Edited on August 31, 2009 at 8:23 PM. Reason : .]

8/31/2009 8:23:21 PM

oh trust me ive been there

8/31/2009 8:26:58 PM

One time I stuck a finger in my ex's butt. Later she started to suck on it and immediately gagged. And then I remembered where it had been. Good times.

8/31/2009 9:33:52 PM

Nothing specific. Always embarrassed when I have liquor dick though. And when I first started having sex with the last girl I dated, I couldn't last long to save my life...which was not like me at all. I finally knocked it out good for the that first time, and it's been smooth sailing ever since.

8/31/2009 11:41:09 PM