http://twitter.com/Shitmydadsays

this dudes twitter is fairly entertaining

10/24/2009 11:22:04 PM

old as dirt

10/24/2009 11:22:26 PM

1

[Edited on October 24, 2009 at 11:22 PM. Reason : 2 ]

10/24/2009 11:22:32 PM

Old but funny

10/24/2009 11:22:48 PM

#611,526

10/24/2009 11:23:04 PM

I am following that person now.

10/24/2009 11:25:38 PM

Quote :

""I like the dog. If he can't eat it, or fuck it, he pisses on it. I can get behind that.""

Quote :

""Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.""

Quote :

""You're being fucking dramatic. You own a TV and an air mattress. That's not exactly what I'd call "a lot to lose.""

Quote :

""Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you.""

Quote :

""Don't listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son.""

Quote :

"'You don't know shit, and you're not shit. Don't take that the wrong way, that was meant to cheer you up.""

Quote :

""I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it""

10/25/2009 12:11:16 AM

Quote :

"Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal.""

10/25/2009 1:07:01 AM

older than dad himself

10/25/2009 2:46:41 AM

fuck twitter

10/25/2009 9:39:43 AM

"son you will never be the man your grandfather was"-my dad

10/25/2009 10:33:43 AM

Quote :

""It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit.""

10/25/2009 11:00:00 AM

If you're gonna smoke pot, use clean needles!

10/25/2009 11:03:43 AM

twitter is retarded.


My pops always ssays shit like........"Thats good enough for the girls I go out with"

10/25/2009 11:18:44 AM

".... so I says ...."

10/25/2009 11:45:23 AM

apparently pilgrimshoes has also become a new convert

11/11/2009 2:11:01 PM

apparently this dude just signed a deal with CBS for a pilot series based on his twitter

11/11/2009 2:12:38 PM

Quote :

""It's watering plants, Justin. You just take a God damned hose and you put it over the plant. You don't even pay rent, just do it. Shit.""

i'm dyin over here hahahahahahaha

11/11/2009 2:12:51 PM

you guys have some fucked up family

11/11/2009 2:13:14 PM

Quote :

""I hate paying bills... Son, don't say "me too." I didn't say that looking to relate to you. I said it instead of "go away.""

hahahahahaha

11/11/2009 2:35:39 PM

Oh man, you mean other people knew about this?

I thought I was the only one in the world who knew about this little gem. I thought it was my little secret. I thought I had something special.

11/11/2009 2:43:54 PM

Quote :

""My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the fuck is mad men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up.""

hahaha

11/11/2009 2:50:59 PM

I too follow this person

11/11/2009 4:21:17 PM

i too think twitter is gay

11/11/2009 4:24:01 PM

Quote :

"A mule kicked Uncle Bob once. Broke his ribs. He punched it in the face.. My point? You have an ingrown fucking toenail. Stop bitching." "

didnt [user]WilliamJoel[/user] recently have an ingrown tonail thread??

[Edited on November 20, 2009 at 10:17 AM. Reason : ??]

11/20/2009 10:16:21 AM

Quote :

"apparently this dude just signed a deal with CBS for a pilot series based on his twitter"

ya, he got a book deal and a pilot on cbs because he set up a fucking twitter account

11/20/2009 10:45:01 AM

this looks so fake/not funny

11/20/2009 10:51:37 AM

your face looks so fake/not funny

11/20/2009 11:00:18 AM

YOU ARE FACE!!!!

11/20/2009 11:01:10 AM

4^ that's what I'm gonna do...start tweeting or blogging about something in hopes to make it big

until then, I'm living off the gov't!

11/20/2009 11:03:36 AM

Quote :

"Everybody's broke, so here's the rule for Christmas this year; if you still shit your pants, you get a present. Otherwise tough shit."

11/25/2009 6:43:56 PM

Ha I saw that one.

11/25/2009 7:07:30 PM

i need to start writing down the shit my dad says, it's pretty damn good.

11/25/2009 7:08:16 PM

Quote :

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

11/30/2009 8:29:28 PM

aww man. why couldn't a cable company have picked him up. hbo or f/x

its going to lose soooo much zazz when they neuter it for broadcast tv

11/30/2009 8:32:29 PM

Quote :

"I have now officially driven further than Tiger Woods."

ok, ima call bullshit on this one. i've heard numerous other people say it and it just doesnt seem like something he would say

12/1/2009 6:39:28 PM

Quote :

""We're out of Grape Nuts... No, what's left is for me. Sorry, I should have said "You're out of Grape Nuts.""

12/7/2009 1:54:40 PM

Quote :

""Anytime someone sells you food in a sack, it's not a sack of food, it's a sack of shit.""

12/7/2009 4:29:11 PM

gods not a dumbshit. nice

12/7/2009 4:30:57 PM

my favorite so far...
"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."

12/7/2009 4:46:47 PM

This could be me.

12/7/2009 4:54:33 PM

this isn't from that site, my dad actually just said this to me about his first wife: "you know how opposites attract. she was pregnant, and i was not."

1/8/2010 7:24:44 PM

it's not really funny....all he does is cusses

(the site)

[Edited on January 8, 2010 at 7:26 PM. Reason : ]

1/8/2010 7:25:56 PM

"You smell like a French whore. What are you wearing?" -my dad (to my brother)

1/8/2010 8:40:16 PM

Quote :

"No presents goddamit. I'm turning 74. I don't need you to commemorate that with a fucking Barnes and Noble gift card"

1/13/2010 6:24:34 PM

http://mashable.com/2010/02/19/shit-my-dad-says-pilot

2/19/2010 3:40:20 PM

wtf

i dont see that as a good fit at all

2/19/2010 3:42:02 PM

Quote :

"“Yes I got him a gift. He had a kidney stone. You piss a rock through your pecker, you deserve more than just a pat on the fucking back.""

2/19/2010 4:05:30 PM

Kevin Smith talked about this in a SModcast a while back

2/19/2010 5:24:23 PM

Quote :

"how much do you lack?"

but lack sounds like like


<3 my Daddy

2/19/2010 5:25:15 PM