Wipe down the toilet with toilet paper.

Shit.

Get up and leave.

How is this so hard? No matter how much you freak out or plan ahead or scout locations etc....

Its not going to change the fact that you are about to shit on a toilet that thousands of people have dropped anchor on.

Man the fuck up and shit it out and stop being a fucking girl about it.

1/12/2010 2:20:44 PM

great thread.

private single bathrooms at my office ftw.

1/12/2010 2:20:45 PM

Also, men, lift the toilet seat when pissing in the shitter. You won't die if you touch the toilet seat with your hand. It's the same toilet you sit on when shitting. And women, sit on the toilet seat instead of pissing all over it.

1/12/2010 2:24:38 PM

Just don't piss in the shitter in the first place

You can wait 20 seconds for a pisser to open up

Don't ruin the day for countless potential shittees

1/12/2010 2:26:14 PM

I'm guessing your office doesn't have urinals? Otherwise I fail to see the purpose of assigning a toilet as the pisser.

1/12/2010 2:28:13 PM

Let's recap:

Quote :

"1. Urine 2. The Horseshoe Toilet Seat Pube 3. Ass Hair 4. Ass Dust 5. Aftermath Shit Particles 6. Spackle Remnants 7. Overpowering Stank of Doom 8. Active Virus(es)"

1/12/2010 2:30:05 PM

Of course we have urinals

I don't assign shitters as pissers; I'm simply referring to the urinals as pissers

"Pisser" isn't a pejorative here; merely an apt description of its function

1/12/2010 2:31:39 PM

hey Slave Famous you forgot one....

6. The Random Seat & Floor Turd - Some people shit and SOMEHOW just completely miss the bowl. I don't know how this happens unless you're aiming for the floor right in front of commode. This is normally the gooey turd that couldn't clog the toilet even if it tried. Albeit this is not the skids or the runs, but your run-of-the-mill viscous poo.

1/12/2010 2:32:37 PM

debra's desk is really kind of high

1/12/2010 2:33:44 PM

Thankfully, that doesn't happen often enough in a formal office setting to warrant inclusion on the list

Were this thread about shitting in dorms or fast food restuarants, it would be quite fitting

1/12/2010 2:34:21 PM

I've seen it in a few offices actually.

1/12/2010 2:35:50 PM

Lets try to keep it a bit more realistic

No floor turds, wall mist or upper deckers itt

1/12/2010 2:36:59 PM

I think i know this one, but... upper decker?

1/12/2010 2:38:23 PM

Defecating in the top tank of the toilet

1/12/2010 2:39:16 PM

splendid idea.

1/12/2010 2:39:50 PM

First world problems

1/12/2010 2:42:51 PM

since we're on the subject...

whats everyones view on courtesy flushes?

1/12/2010 2:44:50 PM

http://failblog.org/2009/10/06/bracelet-fail/

1/12/2010 2:45:14 PM

at least people in first world almost get it right, where as people in third world countries shit outside in their drinking water. wtf

1/12/2010 2:45:37 PM

Quote :

"Aftermath Shit Particles "

we call them shiticles. my nephews have the habit of leaving them behind often

1/12/2010 3:05:33 PM

Quote :

"whats everyones view on courtesy flushes?"

I'm not exactly sure what a courtesy flush is.

1/12/2010 3:17:31 PM

slightly off topic

i was at school one day, walked down the short hall to the gym

went to the locker room, got shoes and stuff out of locker

came out of gym into the short hall to leave, and someone had dropped a deuce in the intersection of the 2 hallways, within that short time span!

master this and you can avoid most of the obstacles ITT

1/12/2010 3:24:19 PM

Quote :

"whats everyones view on courtesy flushes?"

My shit is really foul smelling so I have to courtesy flush.

1/12/2010 3:29:07 PM

but if it's under water, then no biggie right?


ah never heard this exact technique before

Quote :

"A term popular in jail. A courteous thing to do when you have a cellmate and are in the small confines of a jail cell. A method you perform when in the jail cell to eliminate the smell of your bowel movement. Usually executed at the point of release from the anus and before it hits the water. The suction of downforce of the flush eliminates the gases as well as the odor of the loaf. "Yo, do a courtesy flush bro, that shit smells dude.""

1/12/2010 3:46:39 PM

This thread is great. One beef I have with crapping in public toilets is the when damn stall door doesn't lock. I like to know that someone cannot accidently open that door on me. I also hate stalls that are so close that you can play footsie with the guy in the next stall. That is some gayness.

Oh yeah and people who smoke in stalls (like in airports) are douches that should be punched in the face twice.

1/12/2010 3:48:14 PM

My loafs sink so I don't feel the need to flush them right after I pinch them.

Can I also add:

Fellow bathroom users - Unintentional eye-contact through the gaps in the stall doors. People constantly flushing to cover-up the sound of farts and splashes. Texters, talkers, peekers...etc.

1/12/2010 3:50:16 PM

Has scouting been mentioned ITT yet?

7. Scouting - If you are lucky enough to work at a venue that has several different locations and types of lavatory facilities, scouting out the optimal location can be vital to you success. I, myself, work at a large multi-floor complex with multiple restrooms on each floor. Yes, I find myself wandering several floors away to get that perfect spot. I have scouted out the perfect time and place to take my dumps. In the mornings, I opt for the conference center on the first floor. Way down the hall from the main lobby, the conference center does not begin to get crowded until 9am or so. I will get in at 7am and have my pick of freshly cleaned toilets from the janitor crew from the night before. I know so because the bowl water is still blue from the cleaner used to swab it the night before. That is a nice feeling knowing you are the days first to defecate in that one. In the rare instance my urge to purge my ass hits in the afternoon hits (normally I am a morning shitter), I meander up to labor and delivery on the 3rd floor. This bathroom is nice because of the 4 stalls, nice if needing to shit when someone else is already shitting. Then you don't have to shit in the stall right next to theirs. Also, the floor is comprised of 95% women nurses (labor and delivery), which significantly lowers the chance of another dude coming in and interrupting you mid dump.

1/12/2010 4:29:38 PM

Piss film on the floor- someone misses the toilet slightly maybe once or twice. and results in a piss film on the floor that you know is there because you can see the light reflect off it. I can't take a dump there because i'm afraid my pants around my ankles may touch it.

1/12/2010 5:34:02 PM

More of a sheen than a film

A film is something that you can peel off, like on top of a pudding

If it were nut instead of piss, it would be a film

1/12/2010 5:47:33 PM

^ regardless of nomenclature, it's still gross

1/12/2010 5:49:53 PM

There is still a layer there. Regardless of peeling ability.

1/12/2010 5:52:54 PM

A layer is something tangible that can be readily removed

Standing urine cannot be, unless you have a straw or a squeegee on your person

It can be called a pool or a puddle, but not a film

Now crusted urine, the caked over kind that gets that rust colored tint, that could be called a film

1/12/2010 5:59:26 PM

I'll go with sheen, but now that I think about it, the film dark yellow spots that form on the toilet seats from neglect piss me off too (no pun intended hardy har har)

1/12/2010 6:05:24 PM

Quote :

" "I just simply the wash the toilet seat with soap and water." "

We used to have chlorox disinfecting wipes that I would wipe the lid down with, but I haven't seen them around lately. However, we do have some lysol in the shitter stall which I spray down the lid with and then wipe off with TP. Overall, we have pretty clean toilets at my work.

[Edited on January 12, 2010 at 8:20 PM. Reason : d]

1/12/2010 8:20:19 PM

bttt

The year is 2020, the office is now at home (March 2020 - no definitive end date because Americans are selfish and stupid)

Obstacles to shitting are now almost non-existent. Unless you have kids or are doing Keto

12/29/2020 1:53:37 PM

Biggest obstacle I had at the office was all the Indians who had no clue how to use a proper bathroom. There'd be feces smeared on the walls (visible finger swipes) of almost every single stall, despite there being multiple rolls of toilet paper available in each stall. I was told this also occurred in the women's restroom as well.

There also appears to be some custom of hocking massive lugies when using the restroom. Most do it in the sink, which is... almost acceptable. A few, however, do it straight on the floor while dropping a deuce. Either way, entering the bathroom frequently sounds like a herd of cats all coughing up hairballs at the exact same time.

Because of this, I no longer used any restrooms on my floor, and frequently would go to other floors where there were almost no IT staff to do my business.

12/29/2020 5:01:04 PM