virgin vampire who is afraid to have sex with his wife but then has sex and knocks her out w/virgin strength, then has sex again and she gets pregnant w/vampire fetus that breaks her spine/rib cage which prompts the vampire to seek a werewolf to fuck his wife but then the woman goes into labor so the vampire has to bite her pussy open to have the vampire baby who actually has an adult mind and the werewolf falls in love(sexually) with the baby.

12/3/2009 3:22:36 PM

sweet now i dont have to read it

12/3/2009 3:23:34 PM

you said nothing about skin that glistens like diamonds....does the baby have it?

12/3/2009 3:25:02 PM

no but the baby has a 9 inch erection

12/3/2009 3:26:37 PM

oh! thanks for clearing that up

12/3/2009 3:27:26 PM

and a wolf head?

12/3/2009 3:28:00 PM

vampire bukkake

12/3/2009 3:28:14 PM

^^ no it has a regular head you idiot

12/3/2009 3:28:57 PM

Wow. Just... Wow.

12/3/2009 3:31:42 PM

http://chud.com/articles/articles/21684/1/THE-DEVIN039S-ADVOCATE-WHY-BREAKING-DAWN-MUST-BE-MADE-INTO-A-MOVIE/Page1.html

12/3/2009 3:41:26 PM

[old]

12/3/2009 3:45:39 PM

Quote :

"falls in love(sexually)"

12/3/2009 3:52:07 PM

the baby requires a homogenous mixture of blood (bc it is half vampire) and semen (because it is half human girl) to survive

12/3/2009 3:55:35 PM

You guys...

You're only half right ITT.

12/3/2009 5:11:28 PM

i am 100% right

12/3/2009 5:24:41 PM

hey everyone it's 12/7 and i just wanted to remind you all that the vampire guy bites open the girl's pussy so her spine-crushing fetus can emerge covered in goo

12/7/2009 12:24:22 PM

is the werewolf wearing jeanshorts in this one as well?

12/7/2009 12:57:08 PM

if you are asking me if he's wearing jean shorts while the girl gets her pussy bit open by a vampire to drag out her baby that has retard strength, i don't know

12/7/2009 1:03:26 PM

this movie is really a commentary about global warming

12/7/2009 1:13:00 PM

shut up. get out of my thread you horse pussy.

12/7/2009 1:20:48 PM

Quote :

"hey everyone it's 12/7 and i just wanted to remind you all that the vampire guy bites open the girl's pussy so her spine-crushing fetus can emerge covered in goo"

according to that link up there from Grandmaster, Edward gives Bella a c-section:

Quote :

"In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth. It's like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It's so horrible it's brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie."

[Edited on December 7, 2009 at 1:24 PM. Reason : from the link]

12/7/2009 1:21:02 PM

no he feverishly bites her pussy open

12/7/2009 1:21:47 PM

I've been refusing to read anything about Twilight, but my roommate insisted I read this thread and the link contained in it. And I'm glad he did.

12/7/2009 2:25:00 PM

the link above is hilarious...i would go see that movie

12/7/2009 2:44:33 PM

how did this fucking Mormon bitch get all these girls obsessed with this stupid shit

12/7/2009 2:49:34 PM

On my flight home from Barcelona, I saw that the chick in front of me was reading this book. I only saw the top half of the front cover, which had a chess piece and the words "Breaking Dawn". I thought to myself, "wow this chick must be intelligent," figuring it was a book about chess strategy or some code breaking, etc.

BOY, WAS I WAYYYYYYY OFF.

12/7/2009 2:52:51 PM

the chess piece is a phallic symbol of the virgin vampire boy's erect manhood. ironically, he proclaims "checkmate" after ravaging his wife's hooty cave only to find out that she is nearly dead and then has sex with her again before having to bite open her pussy later to get his baby out of said pussy

12/7/2009 2:56:06 PM

Quote :

"I will not rest until I have seen a movie in which a werewolf falls in love with a baby"

12/7/2009 2:58:33 PM

and when Rat Soup posted this:

Quote :

"no he feverishly bites her pussy open"

i completely lost my shit laughing and rolled off the couch and onto the floor

12/7/2009 2:59:42 PM

Quote :

"BITING PUSSY OPEN"

12/7/2009 5:04:53 PM

ACTUALLY!

He doesn't bite her at all. He give her a c-sections with his "father's" medical tools.

She almost dies but then he takes a needle that has his venom in it and injects it into her heart. She goes 3 days through the change and then she becomes a vampire.

Her baby is half human half vampire. She can survive off both regular food and blood.

Just thought I'd clear it up for you....but it still has the crazy stuff even in the correct version.

[Edited on December 7, 2009 at 5:30 PM. Reason : ]

12/7/2009 5:28:47 PM

^ quiet you! in fact, i have just come up with a rough sketch of what the scene REALLY looks like:

12/7/2009 5:31:05 PM

Well him biting her wouldn't work out since the wolfs would have to kill all the vampires if they ever bit a pale face.

12/7/2009 5:32:31 PM

WHY MUST THEY BE SHITTING

12/7/2009 5:32:38 PM

Some chicks shit when they give birth

12/7/2009 5:33:53 PM

but do some vampires shit when they bite pussies to free halfbreed bastards?

12/7/2009 5:34:43 PM

I don't think vampires shit actually.

They don't really produce waste do they?

I know that these vampires if they were to eat regular food they would just throw it up.

12/7/2009 5:36:31 PM

Quote :

"but do some vampires shit when they bite pussies to free halfbreed bastards?"

more like butt do some vampires shit. and i believe in the context of the story, the virgin vampire dad is pants-shitting drunk when this event happens. he doesn't have time to go to the bathroom because women tend to start having babies at the worst possible time and they don't give a shit about what you might need to do in the mean time. so he has to relieve his angry bowels (he also has IBS) while sinking his dagger-like, pussy-ripping vampire teeth into his wife's stupid vagina that allowed this unholy demon spawn to be conceived in the first place. the werewolf sits off to the side and jerks off, but i didn't have time to draw that (it was very important that i show you guys the main details ASAP)

12/7/2009 5:45:12 PM

My roommate felt compelled to show me this thread once again, just for the picture, and I'm amazed at how much is going on:

The chick is flipping us off.
She has unshaven armpits.
Her boobs are, apparently, quite saggy and disgusting.
She is about four times the size of the dude.
She is wearing high heels and nothing else.

The dude has gray hair, a giant penis with a 90 degree angle in it, and bloodshot eyes. He is also shitting rather more copiously than his wife.

Meanwhile, the giant caption regarding the stomach lump is hilarious by itself -- all the more so when juxtaposed with the tiny label regarding the vampire penis.

Ratty may be my new favorite poster.

[Edited on December 8, 2009 at 12:33 AM. Reason : also the dude's dick has one blue vein, which is an odd way to show your efforts at detail]

12/8/2009 12:33:20 AM

Quote :

"On my flight home from Barcelona, I saw that the chick in front of me was reading this book. I only saw the top half of the front cover, which had a chess piece and the words "Breaking Dawn". I thought to myself, "wow this chick must be intelligent," figuring it was a book about chess strategy or some code breaking, etc. BOY, WAS I WAYYYYYYY OFF."

ahahahahaha I can just imagine the conversation.

"Hey, looks like you're reading about chess."
"What?"
"Your book. It's about chess right?"
"No it's about vampires that have sex with humans and impregnate them with demon spawn."
"Ohhh.... well, you uhh, have a nice day now...."

Quote :

"I don't think vampires shit actually. They don't really produce waste do they? "

The vampires drink blood. We're assuming this blood gets broken down into components that their body can consume to keep them going. So the waste product of the broken down blood has to go somewhere.

[Edited on December 8, 2009 at 12:41 AM. Reason : .]

12/8/2009 12:39:24 AM

That picture is more and mre funny each time I see it.

12/8/2009 12:49:15 AM

just wanted to let you know that the lines on the girl's boobs are veins. she has big veiny titties. i tried to make them blue but the color didn't translate very well. one thing you will need to know about my ms paint drawings is that i pay EXTREME attention to detail, ok? the vein in the dick and the veins in the boobs are evidence of this. if you cut open a dick you will find that vein. if you cut open some boobs you will find those veins in there. it would be a huge blow to my credibility if i did not include these details of the human female body and male ex-virgin vampire body.

[Edited on December 8, 2009 at 2:55 AM. Reason : .]

12/8/2009 2:46:21 AM

Quote :

"The dude has gray hair, a giant penis with a 90 degree angle in it, and bloodshot eyes. He is also shitting rather more copiously than his wife."

you neglected to mention that he, like his wife with crushed ribs/spine and a pussy that is being bit open, is also flipping you, the viewer of the work, off. the two people flipping us off also represent the duality of the author of the virgin vampire boy series (aka "the twilight saga" ) and all young women of planet earf who read the virgin vampire boy series metaphorically flipping off a lot of "motherfuckers." you see, the author is flipping off everyone who knows of this event (vampire boy fervently and unapologetically sinking his teef into his wife and savagely ripping open her pussy with gusto to deliver a child that is no doubt an abomination unto the Lord) and is thusly saying, "behold the diarrhea i have written in book form. know that your teenage children have read about pussies being bit open while werewolves look on with intentions of fucking something in the future. fuck you!" meanwhile, young women extend their longest digits upward to the sky as they reject all forms of good taste and decency in exchange for interspecial fucking masked under the guise of "true love." more like a true bucket of butt cum IMHFO (In My Humble Fucking Opinion). teenyboppers metaphorically spit in the faces of their parents and laugh at society's proposed moral code in the hopes that someday they, too, may fuck mythological creatures. godspeed i say. godspeed, girls.

/D- critical analysis

[Edited on December 8, 2009 at 3:26 AM. Reason : .]

12/8/2009 3:24:28 AM

So basically this is a book about...

12/8/2009 3:29:22 AM

what? no. shut the fuck up and get the fuck out of my thread with that shit. this is serious. there has been no talk of necrophilia or any sort of necromancy, you mini van.

12/8/2009 3:31:32 AM

A++ thread would lol again.

12/8/2009 5:12:13 AM

Quote :

"how did this fucking Mormon bitch get all these girls obsessed with this stupid shit"

[quote]

12/8/2009 5:52:13 AM

Really good marketing by her publisher?

12/8/2009 5:56:43 AM

Quote :

"his wife with crushed ribs/spine"

LOL I thought she was just fat.. but now she's deflated flat on the floor

12/8/2009 8:04:50 AM

set em up

12/8/2009 8:05:22 AM