Hotel changed from chocolate chip, oatmeal, and white chocolate chip macodamia nut cookies to BISCOTTI COOKIES!

Guy at the desk agreed that it was absurd. I ranted. He said I should write a note.

AND SO I DID.

Picture was included

Quote :

" Cookie Thesis I would like to lay out, in a five paragraph format or however I please, why I think removing cookies from the front desk is a bad idea. A bad idea SO bad that not only are you losing money, you are losing the respect of all mankind. I will lay out to you the dangers of the Biscotti cookies and then I will lay out the benefits of sweet sweet cookies. Lets look at the history of the cookie “In America, a cookie is described as a thin, sweet, usually small cake. By definition, a cookie can be any of a variety of hand-held, flour-based sweet cakes, either crisp or soft. Each country has its own word for "cookie." What we know as cookies are called biscuits in England and Australia, in Spain they're galletas, Germans call them keks or Plätzchen for Christmas cookies, and in Italy there are several names to identify various forms of cookies including amaretti and biscotti, and so on. The name cookie is derived from the Dutch word koekje, meaning "small or little cake." Biscuit comes from the Latin word bis coctum, which means, “twice baked.” According to culinary historians, the first historic record of cookies was their use as test cakes. A small amount of cake batter was baked to test the oven temperature. “ Thin, sweet, and eatable. That’s what defines an AMERICAN cookie. A biscotti is not only un-eatable, it’s like eating a pine cone. And not a pine cone that is covered in peanut butter, but a pine cone that’s covered in pollen and ass. And don’t get me started about the shape of a biscotti, I mean come on! I know this is California, but did you really have to choose the most phallic shape of cookie possible? Think about that. What does that say about the Pruneyard’s priorities? If I were to pick up a cookie, the last thing I would think to do is to drop it on the floor and step on it. However, the first thing I would think of when I pick up a Biscotti cookie is to remove the skin contact of the Biscotti, by dropping it on the floor, and step on said “cookie.” I don’t think it classifies as one personally. It really can’t be defined as a cookie. It’s not round, it’s not tasty, it doesn’t make you happy, but it does make you exceedingly thirsty. In other words, it’s a shapely bit of cardboard. Do you know who likes Biscotti cookies? North Korea. You know what North Korea can’t do? Feed its @#$%!^& people. And one of the major reasons they can’t feed their people is because the people refuse to eat the god damn Biscotti cookies! They have millions of them! But their people would rather starve! And starve this hotel shall. It’s one thing to think of your hotel as an Italian themed place. It’s another thing to burn Rome in order to preserve this notion. You are destroying the heart of one of the greatest empires in recorded human history. This is a fact. Financially, this is one of the worst moves I have seen. They actually have classes in business schools that go into detail on the philosophy of providing cookies for guests. And yep, you guessed it, they have 5 out of 19 chapters devoted to why you should not supply the garbage that is a Biscotti cookie. So there you have it. You are ruining your business model, revolting customers, losing money, copying North Korea, burning Rome, and supporting terrorism. What do you have to say for yourself?"

I printed two copies out downstairs, handed one to the same guy at the desk, and left the other by the "cookie" tray. As I walked away I said "Your welcome."

I win tonight.

The US might have one, Wimbledon might have had a 59-59, 10+ hour, postponed set in tennis....but I win today.


Today is mine.

[Edited on June 24, 2010 at 12:36 AM. Reason : dd]

6/24/2010 12:34:58 AM

tl;dr

you don't know how to write anything that'll get read (except when you're drunk, apparently )

6/24/2010 12:36:53 AM

I love that pic

6/24/2010 12:37:52 AM

lol

6/24/2010 12:40:58 AM

Quote :

"FIRST WORLD PROBLEM"

6/24/2010 12:48:29 AM

That cookie monster gif is the funniest shit I have seen in quite some time.

6/24/2010 2:33:55 AM

i lol'ed

6/24/2010 7:32:43 AM

6/24/2010 8:55:35 AM

Damn The Man!! Save the cookie!!

6/24/2010 9:06:42 AM

lullz

6/24/2010 9:09:08 AM

6/24/2010 9:17:33 AM

I think I have a job for you:

There's a bowl of candy at my office's security desk. It used to have all kinds of stuff, but there's been nothing but Smarties and Tootsie rolls for the past month.

6/24/2010 9:18:47 AM

6/24/2010 9:19:28 AM

l2doubletree

6/24/2010 9:36:22 AM

plz to embed the Billy Madison video where he is awarded no points... and god have mercy on us all

6/24/2010 1:41:26 PM

Brrr

6/24/2010 3:01:02 PM

Quote :

""Your welcome.""

Plz to learn da English.

And biscottis are fucking awesome in their own right, whether better or worse than cookies or not.

6/24/2010 7:31:02 PM

And I didn't think your threads could get worse....

6/24/2010 7:34:58 PM

YOUR

WELCOME

WHAT

6/24/2010 7:37:31 PM

Quality thread! 10/10

6/24/2010 7:47:31 PM

6/24/2010 7:48:40 PM

Quote :

"It’s one thing to think of your hotel as an Italian themed place. It’s another thing to burn Rome in order to preserve this notion."

What the hell?

6/24/2010 8:16:15 PM