for about 10 minutes. First time since April 4th when I dropped her off with her mother (and left for deployment the next day), other than one time about a month ago where I got to talk to her for about 1 minute before her mother yelled at her for something stupid, causing her to hang her head and sulk, refusing to talk anymore.

At least it took 10 minutes for that to happen this time.

...but I guess that's better than continuing to have my requests to talk to her ignored.

7/5/2010 12:11:52 PM

this thread makes me want to punch your baby's mama in the neck

7/5/2010 12:13:21 PM

what a biatch....


but good for you this time

7/5/2010 12:13:30 PM

i'm glad i don't have to deal with bitchy momma drama

glad you're willing to deal with crap to talk to your kid. i've seen too many dads who just peace out after a breakup

7/5/2010 12:15:16 PM

has anyone else ever seen a kid who immediately hangs his/her head and withdraws at the most slightly stern admonition?

When I get to bring her to my house, she does it for about the first day, maybe two, whenever I use the "daddy voice" with her and tell her not to do something (not raising my voice, but a serious tone). After that, she loosens up and does fine. I know it has to do with her mother being so harsh with her (and harping on her incessantly for acting like a 3-year old).

7/5/2010 12:15:46 PM

sometimes i feel like making jokes in these threads but they'd only be mildly funny at best and i know theduke is already pissed and i don't want to incur his wrath (because he's a scary dude).

if i ever think of one that would be hilarious though i'm totally gonna post it

7/5/2010 12:20:44 PM

you really, really need to catch her in a compromising situation and report it to Child Services

that kid needs to be in a stable home (well, as stable as a military home can be )

7/5/2010 12:20:49 PM

my daughter does that too. she's almost 2 1/2. i don't think it's that irregular. i teach the 3 year old class every week at my church and they all seem to do it too. at least for a minute anyways. it's not like it makes them withdraw for the rest of the day or anything

when i need to explain something in daddy voice, i usually get down at her level and make her look me in the eyes while i talk to her. kids gotta understand that just b/c you're being stern, they don't need to be embarrassed and withdraw. it just means it's time to listen

[Edited on July 5, 2010 at 12:23 PM. Reason : .]

7/5/2010 12:21:40 PM

7/5/2010 12:48:44 PM

yep, my 2 1/2 year old is the same way.

she sulks for a minute, then is back to normal, but at least whatever I told her did sink in b/c she rarely disobeys whatever i told her.

7/5/2010 1:47:33 PM

i think her initial reaction is normal but she's got to be a little more resilient! perhaps your baby mama is a little too tough on her

7/5/2010 1:50:37 PM

Quote :

"you really, really need to catch her in a compromising situation and report it to Child Services that kid needs to be in a stable home (well, as stable as a military home can be"

I have a plan. I can't post it on here, just on the slight chance that her mother has ever found this website and reads it.

Quote :

"my daughter does that too. she's almost 2 1/2. i don't think it's that irregular. i teach the 3 year old class every week at my church and they all seem to do it too"

i guess that's good that the behavior isn't that uncommon. she's really bad about it only when i first get her--it's kind of pitiful to watch. once she's been with me for a day or two, though, she gets better adjusted. her mother harps on her CONSTANTLY, and sometimes very harshly relative to whatever minor thing that my daughter did.


she always complains that she's poorly behaved when she comes back from visiting me, but I think that she's quite well behaved at my house (and constantly get comments on it from other people). I think that her mother either has an absurd standard for a 3-year old, or my daughter acts out when she goes back to her mother because she is so harsh with her (at least until her mother manages to crush her spirit again).

Quote :

"when i need to explain something in daddy voice, i usually get down at her level and make her look me in the eyes while i talk to her. kids gotta understand that just b/c you're being stern, they don't need to be embarrassed and withdraw. it just means it's time to listen"

that's exactly my approach and my thoughts on the subject.


[Edited on July 5, 2010 at 2:57 PM. Reason : ]

7/5/2010 2:55:49 PM

This thread is kinda adorable. I <3 Daddy

7/5/2010 3:04:05 PM

My GF's brother is going through the same shit so I feel your pain. He and his wife split about 2 months ago. He has had his daughter for a total of 24 hours in the past 30 days. It sucks because he is a REALLY good father, and she means the world to him. His wife is just a total bitch. He actually has a meeting with his lawyer tomorrow to try to get a court order signed granting him rights to see her until the official custody situation is decided.

7/5/2010 3:11:31 PM

^^agreed

theDuke866 keeps finding new and interesting ways to get hotter

7/5/2010 4:41:23 PM

i'd jump infront of a parked car for my kids, if i had any
how many hot points is that worth?

7/5/2010 4:48:35 PM

too many to mention but then you'd be dead so that doesn't really help you out

7/5/2010 5:11:35 PM

parked car = no points

7/5/2010 5:27:47 PM

lafta would still find a way to get seriously injured in the process

7/5/2010 5:33:27 PM

^ Only if we pray REAL hard.



[Edited on July 5, 2010 at 6:18 PM. Reason : .]

7/5/2010 6:15:35 PM

Quote :

"this thread everything I've ever read about your situation makes me want to punch your baby's mama in the neck"

7/5/2010 8:56:54 PM

My brother appears headed in a similar direction, with a marriage that is on the rocks and a 4-month-old baby daughter that he loves more than anything else in the world. The mother wants to move back to her home country and take the baby with her, which would effectively mean that my brother would lose her. I'm not sure of the exact laws about minors and international travel, but he has the birth certificate under lock and key so that she can't just sneak off with the baby, without his consent.

Duke, you're battle-tested from fighting these kinda court and custody battles. What do you recommend for my brother if it is clear that he is headed for divorce and a custody battle? What is the best thing for him to do in order to make sure that he gets at least partial custody of his daughter?

7/5/2010 9:21:44 PM

^i'm sure you could just make another birth certificate in another country.

7/5/2010 9:55:44 PM

I'm pretty sure that it's tough to get a passport for a baby without a birth certificate. And tough to get into another country without a passport.

7/5/2010 9:58:34 PM

isn't your bro an american? isn't his daughter american? if so, doesn't what he decide take preference over she she decides, legally speaking? (because she is not american, and the daughter and father are)

7/5/2010 10:02:37 PM

^^^^ Baring legal rulings specific to the family situation that alter the requirements, you're not supposed to be able to leave the country with a child without certified consent from both parents.

I had friends who found this out the hard way when they tried to take a vacation. They had to reschedule flights so that they could get notarized permission documents from the other parent.

7/5/2010 10:58:58 PM

^ I thought that was just something they threw into "Taken" to make the plot work better

^^ She (his wife) has dual citizenship.

[Edited on July 5, 2010 at 11:03 PM. Reason : 2]

7/5/2010 11:03:24 PM

Quote :

"My brother appears headed in a similar direction, with a marriage that is on the rocks and a 4-month-old baby daughter that he loves more than anything else in the world. The mother wants to move back to her home country and take the baby with her, which would effectively mean that my brother would lose her. I'm not sure of the exact laws about minors and international travel, but he has the birth certificate under lock and key so that she can't just sneak off with the baby, without his consent. Duke, you're battle-tested from fighting these kinda court and custody battles. What do you recommend for my brother if it is clear that he is headed for divorce and a custody battle? What is the best thing for him to do in order to make sure that he gets at least partial custody of his daughter?"

The wife isn't by any chance...Japanese is she?

7/5/2010 11:37:45 PM

Yep, that sounds like stereotypical Japanese wife behavior. In other words, your brother is fucked if the wife is Japanese. If she gets that baby to Japan, the baby is never leaving Japan.

http://japanchildabduction.com/

7/5/2010 11:49:20 PM

No, the wife isn't Japanese. I've read about the Japanese and their fucked up custody views.

She's actually German.

7/6/2010 2:38:49 AM

Quote :

"theDuke866: I have a plan."

A plant to do what exactly?

Abandon your competitive military career, quit going overseas, and settle down with a desk job so you can have a chance to see your child more often?

7/6/2010 2:59:33 AM

lookit dat troll

7/6/2010 3:18:07 AM

Quote :

"She (his wife) has dual citizenship."

Japan does not offer dual citizenship and very few people actually have it (ie: some ambassadors and WWII veterans for foreign relation purposes). Maybe it changed, but I could not get mine when I was considering moving to Japan. Anyone who willingly applies and obtains foreign citizenship automatically forfeits Japanese citizenship.

Hey, you all learned something new yay.

[Edited on July 6, 2010 at 3:29 AM. Reason : .]

7/6/2010 3:27:37 AM

^ Didn't see that.

BUT YES I KNEW THAT. I ACTUALLY LIVED IN J-PAN.

7/6/2010 3:31:10 AM

That sort of shit gets tricky. I know plenty of people who had US and Japanese citizenship into adulthood and didn't give either one up until they needed to for job purposes or something.

7/6/2010 3:39:59 AM

^^^^I'm not trolling.

I'm genuinely interested in how he plans to travel overseas and be a single parent.

[Edited on July 6, 2010 at 3:42 AM. Reason : ]

7/6/2010 3:42:24 AM

^^ I was offered Japanese Citizenship, but it would require me to forfeit my US Citizenship. I had until I was 21 to decide. Since I never thought I'd actually live in Japan, I never pursued it any further. How did your peps do it? I want to know!

7/6/2010 3:56:49 AM

For my friends who had dual citizenship they had passports for both countries when they were children, which establishes citizenship of course, and they could have kept it that way if they hadn't needed to choose a citizenship for their jobs. Not a single one of them was interested in keeping their Japanese citizenship though and I can't really blame them for feeling that way.

7/6/2010 7:17:39 AM

Quote :

"theDuke866I have a plan. I can't post it on here, just on the slight chance that her mother has ever found this website and reads it. "

Quote :

"BridgetSPKA plant to do what exactly? Abandon your competitive military career, quit going overseas, and settle down with a desk job so you can have a chance to see your child more often?"

Quote :

"BridgetSPKI'm not trolling. I'm genuinely interested in how he plans to travel overseas and be a single parent. "

Well, I told my daughter tonight when I tucked her into bed, so it's hardly guaranteed to be a secret anymore, although I still don't intend to tell her mother for a few days (waiting until just before she's to be served with court papers again).

...but yeah, that's exactly what I plan to do. I'm about to transfer back to NAS Pensacola, FL, so I can live near my daughter. My intention is to gain 50% physical custody (already have joint legal custody), finish out the last few years that I owe the USMC, and then get out so that I can stay down there and not have to move around anymore. I don't intend to leave until my daughter goes off to college.

6/8/2011 9:45:44 PM

do you think you'll stay in the military related field? Lockheed has "transitioning military" plastered all over their careers section

...although I suppose this would be for years ahead of now

6/8/2011 9:50:05 PM

Quote :

" ...but yeah, that's exactly what I plan to do. I'm about to transfer back to NAS Pensacola, FL, so I can live near my daughter. My intention is to gain 50% physical custody (already have joint legal custody), finish out the last few years that I owe the USMC, and then get out so that I can stay down there and not have to move around anymore. I don't intend to leave until my daughter goes off to college."

man decision. good call bro.

6/8/2011 9:51:23 PM

i know that must be a hard choice. if i had to give up doing what i love just to be with my kids, i think i'd honestly struggle with that too. ultimately i'm sure i'd make the same choice, but man i'd be a little irritated by those circumstances

you're a smart and talented guy though - i'm sure you'll find new challenges in FL. gg on making that commitment to your daughter though.

6/8/2011 9:51:37 PM

Quote :

"do you think you'll stay in the military related field? Lockheed has "transitioning military" plastered all over their careers section"

I think I've had this conversation with Duke before

yeah, Lockheed is pretty welcoming to ex-mil. we use a lot of them as SME's, business development people, and PM's

6/8/2011 9:52:28 PM

There's a bunch of stuff that I could do. The limiting factor will be staying in the Pensacola area. However, between NAS Pensacola and Eglin AFB (to include Hurlburt Field and Duke Field), I think I can probably do that. I'm by no means set on staying in a military-related field, but with my resume and those bases being right there, I think that's probably pretty likely, even if it means a 50 minute commute each way to work.

Part of me would like to work for a normal, private company, at least for a while...I'll have 20 more years to do warrior stuff again after my daughter is off to college. I've thought about a couple of 3-letter agencies and have a couple of ideas for setting myself up for that line of work down the road (even better than I already am).

Obviously there's the GS or gov contractor (Lockheed, etc) direction that I could go...

...I've also thought about going into the National Guard or Reserve, learning to fly helicopters to keep my hand still partly in combat aviation, and then having my day job be flying people out to rigs in the Gulf, or flying for a news station or EMS (and then maybe getting in with a company like Xe or again, a 3-letter agency sometime down the road).

I also want to get my Master's degree (thinking about Poli Sci/international relations...to set me up for one of those gov agency jobs...3-letter or State Dept). If I went on to get my Ph.D, I could be a professor at UWF.

[Edited on June 8, 2011 at 10:09 PM. Reason : there's other stuff i've given passing thought to, but whatever...it's a few years away]




[Edited on June 8, 2011 at 10:12 PM. Reason : whatever i end up doing, the important thing is that my little girl with have a full-time dad.]

6/8/2011 10:01:54 PM

what was your daughters reaction? Sounds like she would be pretty excited about it.

6/8/2011 10:11:01 PM

she was definitely happy about it, but i don't think she really fully understands. took a minute to explain that i won't be living with her mother and her husband...and that I won't keep my current house (well, I'll probably keep it and rent it, but I obviously didn't try to explain that to her). I definitely don't think she understands that she'll (probably) be living just as much with me as she does with her mother--she's never really known that, so she has no concept of it.

I mostly just tried to explain to her that her mom and dad will live close by each other, and she'll be able to see both of us often, and not have to go for a long time without seeing either of us.

6/8/2011 10:17:13 PM

Well I'm glad she will be able to see both parents. Good luck with everything and props for choosing her over your military career.

6/8/2011 10:20:17 PM

When you get back you gotta chris brown that hoe

6/8/2011 10:21:12 PM

getting out of the military = good call for family life


there's no life left in military service because the realistic ability to actually do the job has been raped by defense contractors

if we didn't have a hundred douchebag fatass asshole civilians standing around and thinking about efficiency solutions for every 2 junior people standing a 24 hr watch maybe the military would be a feasible career path for your average hardworking American

your best chance at extreme success in the military is being a complete retard so you never get angry at what a putz you're continually being played for

6/8/2011 10:25:30 PM

I have a list of things that piss me off and frustrate me about the military, and particularly my specific community. I decided to give it up (at least active duty) for my daughter, but over the last year or so, I've kinda gotten to the point where I would want out regardless. I won't get into that in this thread...it would be a long, complicated discussion.

6/8/2011 10:41:40 PM