dbhawley
All American
3339 Posts
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are really about me. 
He has never lost a sock.
He has been known to cure narcolepsy, just by walking into the room.
His organ donation card, also lists his beard.
He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.
When it is raining, it is because he is sad.
Even his parents’ advice is insightful.
If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men’s entire lower intestines.
His shirts never wrinkle.
He is left-handed. And right-handed.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn’t admit it.
You can see his charisma from space.
The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
He once punched a magician. That’s right. You heard me.
When he orders a salad, he gets the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs…where there is no turning back.
If a monument was built in his honor, Mt. Rushmore would close, due to poor attendance.
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.
His blood smells like cologne.
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.
He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
His pillow talk is years ahead of it’s time.
Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores.
If he disagrees with you, it is because you're wrong
Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact.
If he were to give you directions, you would arrive 10 minutes early.
He never says anything tastes like chicken, even chicken.
When aliens abducted him, they asked him to probe them.
He tells the alarm clock when its time to wake up.
When he goes to sleep, sheep count him.
He doesn't use oven timers, he tells the food when its done.
He was once found guilty, of being innocent.
he once had an awkward moment... just to see how it feels
He lives his life vicariously through himself.
He once taught his dog how to bark in Spanish.
He has won the same Lifetime Achievement Award........twice.
People hang on his every word, even the prepositions.
He can disarm you with his looks, or his hands.
He can speak French, in Russian.
He once challenged his own reflection to a staring contest. On the 4th day, he won.
His mother has the word "Son" tattooed on her arm
The Aztec calendar has his birthday chiseled in.
The front of his house looks like it was built by the Mayans...because it was.
His tacos refuse to fall from the shell.
If you were to see him walking chihuahua, it would still look masculine.
Dicing onions doesn't make him cry...it only makes him stronger.
He has never filled up on chips.
When it is raining, it is because he is sad.
Even his parrot’s advice is insightful.
If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men’s entire lower intestines.
His shirts never wrinkle.
He is left-handed. And right-handed.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn’t admit it.
You can see his charisma from space.
Signs that say "This is not an exit" do not apply to him.
If he rides with you in your car, its resale value will instantly increase.
If he passed you on the street you would still feel stopped and said hello and asked you about your day.
If you were trapped with him in an elevator, you wouldn't want to be saved.
His business card just says, "I'll call you."
He has served as best man for grooms he's never met.
He strongly abides by the motto: "Safety third."
His garden maze is responsible for more missing persons than the Bermuda Triangle.
Even watching him sleep has been described as breathtaking.
He's never needed lip balm.
He went to a psychic once...to warn her.  7/18/2010 4:52:23 PM
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