OK here's the deal - I've been offered a job in Raleigh. I live in Charlotte. It is up there in the dream job category. It will pay a LOT more, it is at a place I've wanted to work at forever, it will be great for my career and will open a lot of doors. Life changing.

The rub - I'm married, my wife is a teacher. There is a hiring freeze for teachers, so she likely wouldn't be able to get a teaching job, at least not quickly in the triangle. She does not want to waitress ever again. We've also put down a lot of roots here and our best friends in the world live here.

Other considerations - Closer to both of our families (That's both a pro and con).

Considering my wife's job situation, if I were to take this job, it would likely mean we'd have to be apart during the week, at least for a year. If the hiring situation doesn't improve in that time, then longer. That would suck.

I don't know what to do. She's being supportive, but is extremely reluctant to turn our life upside down for it.

TLDR - Great job offer in Raleigh. Live in Charlotte. Difficult to relocate. What to do?

8/16/2010 9:54:19 AM

That's a decision just for you and your wife to make. If it were me, I'd only go if the pay from the job in Raleigh would cover the amount lost if she couldn't get a job immediately after relocating. But FYI there are other part time jobs besides waitressing.
if you have older kids and still have a job in Charlotte then I would just stay there and get a promotion.

8/16/2010 10:01:36 AM

yeah, gotta go with the "if the increase in pay, benefits, etc outweigh her not working for awhile or you two being separate for awhile, then go for it. If not, then don't." answer.

8/16/2010 10:03:55 AM

Quote :

"That's a decision just for you and your wife to make."

8/16/2010 10:24:55 AM

Quote :

"That's a decision just for you and your wife to make."

but

Quote :

"If it were me, I'd only go if the pay from the job in Raleigh would cover the amount lost if she couldn't get a job immediately after relocating."

[Edited on August 16, 2010 at 10:39 AM. Reason : .]

8/16/2010 10:39:33 AM

my wife and i anticipate this EXACT situation (seriously detail for detail) will occur in the next few years. we've pretty much already decided to move to raleigh

8/16/2010 10:44:14 AM

Just make sure if you decide to stay where you're at, that you don't hold it against your wife. I've known a couple people who had a decision similar to this and chose not to take it, but eventually wound up, almost subconsiously, holding it against their wives. Anytime they had a rough spot at work or had to miss on something that the other option would have allowed them to take part in, it would get at them.
But as the others have said, make sure it's really worth it to make the move

8/16/2010 10:50:58 AM

have you looked at private schools? Just because public schools are on a hiring freeze does not mean a thing for the private schools (my old school has offered me on several occasions a job teaching biology)

8/16/2010 10:57:40 AM

A) if the additional money gets you close to what you're making combined now, take it. She'll get a job sooner or later which will put you where you really want to be without you passing on your dream job.

B) And MOST IMPORTANTLY:

Quote :

"There is a hiring freeze for teachers, so she likely wouldn't be able to get a teaching job"

They lifted the hiring freeze in June. I'm working out the final details of being hired with wcpss right now. -- so, unless there's a new freeze i'm not aware of, it may not be bad at all. And teacher positions were never frozen to the level of support positions afaik.

http://www.wcpss.net/HumanResources/hrjobs.html

[Edited on August 16, 2010 at 10:59 AM. Reason : link]

8/16/2010 10:57:50 AM

Do you own a house in Charlotte. Would you be able to sell it and make money off of it or would you loose money. The cost of moving and hassle of selling a house needs to be factored in too. But if I were you I would move.

8/16/2010 11:06:50 AM

If it pays A LOT more will it cover what you'd be losing if your wife took 6-12 months off? Also, Wake County Schools is a pretty big system...stuff happens during the year...teachers leave...your wife could get lucky. Besides, some of the Cary schools are still hiring (from what I've heard). And as said before, private schools aren't on a hiring freeze.


There are ALWAYS plenty of excuses to not do something.

[Edited on August 16, 2010 at 11:14 AM. Reason : .]

8/16/2010 11:13:29 AM

[chit chat]How hot is your wife??[/chit chat]

I know you said you've "put down a lot of roots" in Charlotte, but how much do you really like the city?? How much did you like Raleigh when you lived there (I'm going to assume you attended NC State).

I like Raleigh and made roots there, but I would jump in a heart beat to move to a city that I love like Wilmington or Charleston (which I did). You're young, you can make put down "roots" anywhere.

8/16/2010 11:14:59 AM

Would the Raleigh job pay for relocation?
How are the benefits for you and your wife (ie: if you want kids/more kids)?
The

Quote :

""if the increase in pay, benefits, etc outweigh her not working for awhile or you two being separate for awhile, then go for it. If not, then don't." answer."

If WCPSS isn't in a hiring freeze, see if your wife can get a job there - or private schools. Maybe there would be enough money for her to go back to school so she can teach at community college or higher?


Honestly, it's between you and your wife, but if this job opens a lot of doors for you and is going to pay considerably more, I'd take the job. Not trying to offend, but your wife is a teacher. The pay isn't spectacular and unless she's got the education to move up to better paying positions, she's going to be simply making her 3-4% raise every year.

Also..Raleigh to Charlotte is 2.5hrs if you take 64 to 49 (4hrs by Amtrak). So it's really not that far from friends & family. You can do the 3-day weekend stint, holidays, that sort of thing to still hang with friends.

8/16/2010 11:17:44 AM

Quote :

"Just make sure if you decide to stay where you're at, that you don't hold it against your wife. I've known a couple people who had a decision similar to this and chose not to take it, but eventually wound up, almost subconsiously, holding it against their wives. Anytime they had a rough spot at work or had to miss on something that the other option would have allowed them to take part in, it would get at them. But as the others have said, make sure it's really worth it to make the move"

Yeah I've thought of this... I don't know how that will play out.

Quote :

"have you looked at private schools? Just because public schools are on a hiring freeze does not mean a thing for the private schools (my old school has offered me on several occasions a job teaching biology)"

Well this literally just fell into my lap. I wasn't even looking for another job (although I hate the one I have). I have friends at this place that when an opening came up they put my name in and I did a phone interview and that was that. So we haven't even had time to look at what private schools may be offering. It's literally happened so fast it's made both of our heads spin. Unfortunately this is an exploding offer that I've got to make a decision on with a quickness.

Quote :

"A) if the additional money gets you close to what you're making combined now, take it. She'll get a job sooner or later which will put you where you really want to be without you passing on your dream job."

Initially it would not. In a short time frame, it would and then some.

Quote :

"They lifted the hiring freeze in June. I'm working out the final details of being hired with wcpss right now. -- so, unless there's a new freeze i'm not aware of, it may not be bad at all. And teacher positions were never frozen to the level of support positions afaik."

Hmmmm I'll have to get her to look into this.

Quote :

"Do you own a house in Charlotte. Would you be able to sell it and make money off of it or would you loose money. The cost of moving and hassle of selling a house needs to be factored in too. But if I were you I would move."

Thankfully, no. We just sold our house last year and moved into a rented townhouse. So no considerations there.

Quote :

"I know you said you've "put down a lot of roots" in Charlotte, but how much do you really like the city?? How much did you like Raleigh when you lived there (I'm going to assume you attended NC State). I like Raleigh and made roots there, but I would jump in a heart beat to move to a city that I love like Wilmington or Charleston (which I did). You're young, you can make put down "roots" anywhere."

It's hard to explain in a t-dub post, but we have friends here that have become our second family. Our best friends are having a baby in a couple of months that we'll be the aunt and uncle to that we'd very much like to be around for. We're also planning on having children in the not so distant future that we'd like them to be around for as well.

I love Charlotte and I love Raleigh. I've also lived in Wilmington and love it there. The actual city isn't as important. I did go to NC State and if it were only city considerations, I'd move back there in a heartbeat too.

It's all the other stuff... I'll have to get her to do some more research on the hiring situation in Wake, Orange, Chatham county areas and make a more informed decision as far as that goes.

8/16/2010 11:26:03 AM

I would say that if this dream category job has more prospects for upward mobility in the future and you and your wife (and kids if you have any) can live off the one salary for the time it takes for her to find employment, go for it. Teaching is a profession with tons of mobility, particularly since you would be relocating in state. She should be able to use her experience and networking to get a job up here. At worst, she could substitute teach while she is trying to get hired.

I, personally, would avoid being separated simply because of the added stress on the relationship that it would cause. Plus, I really wouldnt want to be away from my SO that long if I could avoid it.

[Edited on August 16, 2010 at 11:32 AM. Reason : 0o]

8/16/2010 11:26:15 AM

^ Absolutely. We did the long distance thing pretty much the entirety of college and it SUCKED. It made things a lot more difficult.

Thanks for everyone's input, BTW. There were a few points brought up I hadn't considered and some very pertinent information. Thanks!

8/16/2010 11:29:02 AM

Quote :

" I wasn't even looking for another job (although I hate the one I have)."

that pretty much sealed the deal right there.

8/16/2010 12:37:56 PM

yeh if you hate the job you have right now and the job you would move to is a "dream" job, I think you should seriously consider this. Living apart, while it would suck, would not be too bad from Raleigh to Charlotte. My wife and I considered it when I had an opportunity in Charlotte.

However, like most others said:

Quote :

"That's a decision just for you and your wife to make. "

8/16/2010 9:10:02 PM

Just find out if there's any opportunity for a teaching job for your wife sometime in the near future. If there is, I'd take the job and live like college students until she does find one.

8/16/2010 9:34:18 PM

It really sounds like you'll have some regrets and a "what if..." attitude if you don't take this opportunity.

I don't think one year of teacher's pay should constitute losing out on a really great opportunity. Besides, she can probably do something here even if she isn't teaching. If she doesn't find anything maybe now is a good time for her to take the low stress job at Whole Foods and think about getting active in some volunteer organizations or taking some classes that she is interested in. Losing her job doesn't have to be a bad thing and she may end up better off for it.

A week before school starts is a terrible time for her to resign, but the school system will ultimately be just fine without her. I hear lateral entry is the only good way to get into WCPSS although duro982 might be better to comment on that. One of my housemates just moved out to take a teaching job in Rocky Mount of all places (my hometown) because he couldn't get one here.

[Edited on August 16, 2010 at 9:43 PM. Reason : l]

8/16/2010 9:43:07 PM

a 2.5 hour drive is nothing to worry about. You'll be able to visit your friends on the weekend with no problem. I have good friends spread throughout the country who I only see once a year or less. And one thing I've come to realize about a really great friend is that you can pick up like you never left. You might spend less time together, but you'll make the most of it. They can also share the burden and drive up to see you.

But I wouldn't want to be 2.5 hours from my spouse.

8/16/2010 11:42:42 PM

My father originally worked at the Sharon Harris Plant in Apex. When we (the 5 of us) were little, he got a contract to work at Progress Energy in Southport

He worked out a work schedule where he would drive down Mon. 1st thing and come back Thursday night. I would say the whole time growing up there was on a period of 5-7 years my father actually worked in the town I lived in.....Maybe something like that could be an option.

My parents relationship has really blossomed now that my dad works from home. I realize this may be an exception. Charlotte is not THAT far. Is there anyway you could live somewhere in-between? Maybe only spend a few nights a week in Raleigh. I wish you luck! I know that from every angle this is going to be a tough decision.

8/17/2010 12:14:50 AM

you only live once and you should follow your dreams - however, i can't imagine living away from my wife for a whole year

one of you needs to make a sacrifice and that's how life works when you're married

8/17/2010 12:23:47 AM

Got 2 cars? Maybe find a place in Greensboro or Asheboro or Biscoe or Pinehurst so that you'll both have around a 1.5 hour drive, and split the transit burden, but both get to have the jobs you want without any possible resentment factor. It might not be ideal, although maybe there is no ideal solution in this situation, but you'd have an amazing variety of rental units to pick from around the area of 74/73/220 between Greensboro to Rockingham. You'd still be close enough to visit friends in either area, and you'd have your pick of city, suburban, or rural for living.

8/17/2010 2:26:41 AM

As a teacher with some experience, she'll absolutely be able to find a teaching job in the area. Even if she cannot get a job in Wake County, don't forget about places like Johnston County, Franklin County, Durham... I'm a SAHM, but I'm a licensed teacher and every teacher I know has a job. And I cannot say enough about substitute teaching. I know a couple of really young, inexperienced teachers who managed to get great jobs with Wake County Schools by moving from working as a long term sub into a regular position at the school.

(IMO, it is difficult for first year teachers to get jobs with WCPSS because Wake Co. has higher teacher pay than other counties and there are more experienced teachers coming from other school systems applying for the same jobs. Also, a lot of young teachers become disgruntled when they don't have a job by August and move on to other school systems. If you can be patient and sit tight, quite a few positions open up in the middle of the year.)

If it really is a dream job, take it! Move! The great thing about your wife's job is that it is one that she can do anywhere. And the move won't hurt her career. At worst, she'll have to substitute teach for a few months before she finds a full time position.

[Edited on August 17, 2010 at 6:02 AM. Reason : ,,,]

8/17/2010 5:54:16 AM

Quote :

"Even if she cannot get a job in Wake County, don't forget about places like Johnston County, Franklin County, Durham... "

agreed 100% a teacher should be able to find a job even in this economy but...i understand this thread is about being a teacher, which i am not. im in inside sales ... maybe i can offer some insight.

8/17/2010 7:40:34 AM

Quote :

" I wasn't even looking for another job (although I hate the one I have)."

deal breaker. take the job.

8/17/2010 9:05:51 AM

Quote :

"a 2.5 hour drive is nothing to worry about. You'll be able to visit your friends on the weekend with no problem. [...] But I wouldn't want to be 2.5 hours from my spouse. "

8/17/2010 11:24:57 AM

My partner and I are in the same situation job-wise- he is in a specialized computer field with only 5-10 universities and companies doing what he does, and I'm a now-part time research tech, and in a few years after school, a nurse. We're going to follow him around if he wants, simply because I could work anywhere there's a hospital or university.

In short, if you have the better job offer and hate your current job, move to Raleigh. You can always build another branch of your social network in a new town, and your wife can also get other non-teaching jobs- private tutoring, being a nanny, etc. until a full-time position comes along. There's no sense in hating your life 40-50 hours/week if you have the opportunity to do better.

And, if you ever have kids, having family around would be invaluable to help with childcare. If you're planning on it soon (next year or so), this might be the ideal time if she was working part-time and could watch the kids part-time. You might end up saving money in the long run through this arrangement. She being a teacher, I wouldn't worry about her advancing in her career.

8/17/2010 1:35:14 PM

One thing that many of you aren't considering is that Charlotte > Raleigh.

8/17/2010 1:49:55 PM

the reasons I see (boiled down) are:

1 - Wife doesn't want to relocate her teaching job
2 - You have lots of friends in Charlotte

which in my opinion aren't big enough to overrule

Quote :

" I wasn't even looking for another job (although I hate the one I have)."

Quote :

"It is up there in the dream job category. It will pay a LOT more, it is at a place I've wanted to work at forever, it will be great for my career and will open a lot of doors. Life changing."

8/17/2010 2:00:12 PM

Quote :

"And I cannot say enough about substitute teaching. I know a couple of really young, inexperienced teachers who managed to get great jobs with Wake County Schools by moving from working as a long term sub into a regular position at the school. "

We are in dire need of quality subs in Durham Public Schools. The pay is pretty good for licensed teachers. We also have high turnover in staff so its likely a position would open up. Granted the last two years in a row we've made cuts at the end of every school year and those who are untenured, newest employed are more likely to get cut (but only after lateral entry teachers).

I live in Raleigh/work in Durham.


We were almost in the same position. I applied for a job back home and it would have involved being seperated from my husband for some time. Would have sucked but it was my dream job and a rare opportunity (would have been closer to family, better pay (double), brand new 30 million dollar Ag Ed building (for 6 teachers), all the resources and support I could possibly want, award winning & nationally recognized school) (obviously this isn't in North Carolina).


What does your gut tell you? Charlotte and Raleigh aren't very far apart so you wouldn't be very far from your friends and family either way. How important is job satisfaction to you?

8/17/2010 2:18:05 PM

^^

8/17/2010 2:26:41 PM

Real career >>>>>> Teaching career

8/17/2010 2:30:45 PM

Thanks everybody... This gives me a lot to think about.

8/17/2010 2:59:02 PM

just went through the same thing at the end of last year. wife is a teacher fyi.

we decided that my career is more important b'c our hopes were to have her be a homemaker when we started to have children.

ended up being a great decision for sure.

coincidentally we found out we were having a baby after we were moving...so it worked out that she didn't have to get a new job and we were just going to suck it up and live off my income

[Edited on August 17, 2010 at 3:33 PM. Reason : it's tough but worth it]

8/17/2010 3:04:25 PM

^ I was just thinking, if the OP can get some experience in living on a reduced budget while
his wife hunts for a new job in Raleigh, they'll have plenty of experience in managing finances when they have kids. There has to be something in your standard of living you can cut back on for awhile (not going out, etc.) during this period.

8/17/2010 6:55:37 PM

like others have said, this is only a decision you and your wife can make. the only thing i can add is you don't want to end up later in life thinking "what if". personally, if its a dream job, i say go for it.

and not that its ideal, but in atlanta 2.5 hours is a one way commute for some people. i certainly don't recommend it, but may be a temporary option.

8/17/2010 8:45:37 PM

I'm leaning toward accepting the position if I can work out working remotely for 1 or 2 days a week (they do allow this for a lot of folks) and then commute for the time being. I have a buddy I can stay with a night or two a week as well. It would suck but it would make things easier for us right now and then deal with her work situation as we can.

There's more to discuss about it but that's how I'm leaning.

[Edited on August 18, 2010 at 10:26 AM. Reason : *]

8/18/2010 10:08:05 AM

Quote :

"If it really is a dream job, take it! Move! The great thing about your wife's job is that it is one that she can do anywhere. And the move won't hurt her career."

8/18/2010 10:29:32 AM

didn't read everything - but don't seperate the marriage. The commute will tear it apart. Not sure where the job is, but a year apart is ridiculous. Stay together in one city or another.

8/18/2010 10:45:21 PM

^I agree.

NO job is worth more than your family. Stick together. Work it out. Either way some sacrifices will have to be made. You need to come to a decision you both agree on and are both satisfied with (no regrets), otherwise one of you will have to make a sacrifice and you have to be man or woman enough not to hold it against the other person. But do not leave her during the week. That's foolish.

8/18/2010 11:07:04 PM

This is why I'm never getting married

8/19/2010 12:10:41 AM

dont be a fag

take the job

8/19/2010 1:05:08 AM

dont be a fag pussy

take the job





The "we have roots here" and "our families are near by" excuses are the most bullshit excuses ever. It's time to leave the nest, birdies. You can always go visit your friends/family, they'll be there. You said "dream" job. Go do it.

8/19/2010 10:05:27 AM

Quote :

"Real career >>>>>> Teaching career"

8/19/2010 10:50:53 AM

Be glad you don't have a house. If that opportunity ever happened in our marriage, it would almost be a no brainer not to.

8/19/2010 1:41:48 PM

Because you have a house???

Sell it, pack your shit up, and move! DREAM job... Let nothing hold you back

8/19/2010 1:48:20 PM

Well what does she teach?
How long has she been teaching?

8/19/2010 2:35:43 PM

If you can tolerate your job now, I would just stay put. Sounds like you have a good situation the way it is.

8/19/2010 6:21:58 PM