when you have a normal 8-5 40+ hour per week job. Who's done it or doing it? I'm sure it's not a big deal if it's just casual dating but the lifestyle differences seem like it could be an issue when trying to take it to the next level. Thoughts?

11/3/2010 8:56:54 AM

yeah, it would suck



I also think you would have to trust the person a lot because working in the service industry puts you in to easier situations to slip and mess up

11/3/2010 9:00:01 AM

Quote :

"Dating a waitress/waiter/bartender "

don't

11/3/2010 9:04:32 AM

My brother was a bartender at the saucer for 2 years after college. My SIL was still in school at the time. So while not a 9-5, most of her activities were during the day, she was in bed by midnight. My brother wouldn't get home til 5 am after closing and cleanup, sleep til 2 then back to the bar by the evening shift. It put a serious strain on their relationship and they almost didn't get married. He quit the saucer and got a 9-5 to save their relationship.

I know it's not like that for everyone, but it was not ideal for them. They never saw each other.

11/3/2010 9:05:45 AM

I dated a waitress in high school. Even though I never got past 2nd base with her, the unlimited cheddar garlic biscuits she'd bring me from Red Lobster made up for it.

11/3/2010 9:06:39 AM

exactly why i asked. the service industry is a whole other world and i remember the things that go on from when i was a part of it, albeit for a short time.

11/3/2010 9:07:47 AM

I've been on both sides.

I've dated a bartender and two waitresses. I'm also a bartender that has dated a grad student and several "professionals".

If you can get over the trust issue and the fact that every dude she serves wants to bang her (if she's hot), then you're gold. In my opinion, it's almost a perfect situation for the other person. If its their full time job, then they probably only have 2 or 3 nights off a week. So you spend those nights together, then you're pretty much free 4 to 5 nights a week to do whatever you'd like. The negatives are that when ya'll go out, you're probably going to have to go out pretty hard, as most bartenders can party big time and they have a different "clock" than you, so you'll probably be staying up late.

It's not the easiest relationship, but if you can get on the same page, then it can be a good/fun one. However, I've found that even the best female bartenders are a little "off", and the majority of them are WAY OFF. So although she might seem sane in the beginning, she's most likely bat-shit crazy. I wouldn't go into it thinking it will work out in the long term.

11/3/2010 9:08:29 AM

Quote :

"i remember the things that go on from when i was a part of it, albeit for a short time."

Yeah, everyone fucks everyone else who works at the bar/restaurant. Expect to be cheated on.

11/3/2010 9:10:59 AM

Generalizations are made itt.

Peter works 8-5 and I usually work at night. I haven't cheated on him and I won't no matter where I work. As long as you don't have to be stuck up each others asses 24/7 then it'll be fine. If you like her, then give her a shot. What is the worst that can happen?

11/3/2010 9:15:16 AM

Quote :

"If you can get over the trust issue and the fact that every dude she serves wants to bang her (if she's hot), then you're gold. In my opinion, it's almost a perfect situation for the other person. If its their full time job, then they probably only have 2 or 3 nights off a week. So you spend those nights together, then you're pretty much free 4 to 5 nights a week to do whatever you'd like. The negatives are that when ya'll go out, you're probably going to have to go out pretty hard, as most bartenders can party big time and they have a different "clock" than you, so you'll probably be staying up late. "

this is one of the pluses i was thinking about when going through these scenarios. I enjoy my own time/space and can get smothered when i feel forced to spend every waking minute with someone. But when it's just a few nights a week I think it would be great. But i'd have to make sure i'm not sitting around with my own thoughts on those other nights so my mind doesn't doesn't try to get the best of me.

11/3/2010 9:16:22 AM

Quote :

"Yeah, everyone fucks everyone else who works at the bar/restaurant. Expect to be cheated on."

This can pretty much be applied to everyone, everywhere.

There's a lot of restaurant incest going on, but its mostly because everyone there is single and drinking all the time. The same bartender who is cheating on you with the general manager at the restaurant would be blowing the vice president of the bank if she got a job as a teller..

11/3/2010 9:18:24 AM

Quote :

"I haven't cheated on him and I won't no matter where I work."

Oh, well.. okay. Good for you for deciding to take the moral high ground in your relationship.

11/3/2010 9:18:32 AM

I dated a girl last year who worked at an upscale restaurant, so she had nothing money-wise to complain about, but the job difference came to the surface after a while.

The work schedule difference was somewhat of an issue (the best hours for her to work were Thursday-Saturday nights, which happened to be my only real cluster of free time). When she was off during the days, she'd get frustrated that I didn't want to go do stuff immediately after getting home from work.

It was also a bit of an issue because she was always comparing herself. Inevitably, a huge part of the relationship became dealing with her insecurities about having a college degree, but only being able to find a job waiting tables...that shit got old pretty fast.

11/3/2010 9:18:39 AM

It would be a little harder to start out a relationship in a situation like that I'd think, but not too bad. And I think a lot of people do go too much too fast when they start dating and spend every waking hour together right off the bat, which isn't necessarily wrong but also not ideal most of the time.

11/3/2010 9:20:04 AM

occamsrezr wasn't in the service industry, but for about 3 years we worked completely different shifts. I worked 8:30-4:30 and he worked 2:00-10:00. It definitely sucked.

11/3/2010 9:20:50 AM

i guess a big part of it would be getting to know her life outside of work and seeing how that fits in with you. If she's just someone who works, gets off, gets drunk and goes out, sleep and repeat there probably isn't much substance there am i right?

11/3/2010 9:25:04 AM

it would seem to me that your opposite schedules should be the least of your worries at the moment.

11/3/2010 9:27:01 AM

Quote :

"If she's just someone who works, gets off, gets drunk and goes out, sleep and repeat there probably isn't much substance there am i right?"

That's roughly how my relationship went. She didn't always just drink after work, but she had little motivation to do much of anything. The problem wasn't that she was insecure about being underemployed and running the same monotonous schedule, it was that she complained about it, but lacked any motivation to do anything about the situation-it was just easier to complain.

11/3/2010 9:28:26 AM

Quote :

"it would seem to me that your opposite schedules should be the least of your worries at the moment. "

hey! this whole thread is just hypothetical!

11/3/2010 9:33:18 AM

Quote :

"don't"

Hey F you, guy

11/3/2010 9:34:19 AM

Quote :

"i guess a big part of it would be getting to know her life outside of work and seeing how that fits in with you. If she's just someone who works, gets off, gets drunk and goes out, sleep and repeat there probably isn't much substance there am i right?"

Pretty much the bottom line. The last waitress I dated had absolutely no idea what she wanted to do with her life (which wasn't the big deal) but also had no ambition to even try to figure it out. I always tried to hint to her to do something productive with her free time (take photography classes, cooking classes, learn a new language)...but nothing stuck. She was easily the hottest girl I will ever possibly date and a sweet girl on the top of that, but I couldn't deal with the "no motivation/ambition" factor.

Similar to the bartender I dated earlier this year. She had two really good talents other than bartending...she was an amazing chef (graduated from culinary school) and she made really good jewelry that she sold on the side. She was always like "at some point I want to start my own catering business or open up a small jewelry shop." But it was all talk. Never saw anything that led me to believe that it would ever happen.

You'll always here servers/bartenders complain about the job they are in, but they rarely try do to anything about it and a lot of them get stuck because they are making enough money and don't want to risk the disappointment of not getting a "real" job. So if you're looking for something serious and don't want to always be dating a bartender, make sure she has a legitimate future in something else.

11/3/2010 9:34:29 AM

Quote :

"The last waitress I dated had absolutely no idea what she wanted to do with her life (which wasn't the big deal) but also had no ambition to even try to figure it out. I always tried to hint to her to do something productive with her free time (take photography classes, cooking classes, learn a new language)...but nothing stuck. She was easily the hottest girl I will ever possibly date and a sweet girl on the top of that, but I couldn't deal with the "no motivation/ambition" factor."

Exactly.

11/3/2010 9:38:37 AM

oof, in this hypothetical there aren't many building blocks laid for future plans

11/3/2010 9:43:20 AM

Quote :

"there aren't many building blocks laid for future plans"

Well, you can always just bwn for a while and then stomp on the brakes if any of this stuff starts to surface. I agree that it's all about the individual. I worked at a shitty Buffalo Wild Wings for a little while, and although 90% of the people I worked there with (almost 4 years ago) still work there, there are a few that followed through with plans they had.

On the other hand, if that kind of thing doesn't bother you now, and probably won't in the future, then I say ride it out if you're interested, and just see where it goes.

11/3/2010 9:47:42 AM

Quote :

"The problem wasn't that she was insecure about being underemployed and running the same monotonous schedule, it was that she complained about it, but lacked any motivation to do anything about the situation-it was just easier to complain."

You just described pretty much everyone.

11/3/2010 9:48:57 AM

I'm much more comfortable banging waitresses then I am having any kind of meaningful relationship with them.

Fuck her first, Jeepin, with that thick cock of yours, and see where it goes from there.

[Edited on November 3, 2010 at 9:57 AM. Reason : x]

11/3/2010 9:56:47 AM

lifers versus people there while in school or between jobs is what it boils down to.

11/3/2010 10:10:08 AM

Quote :

"oof, in this hypothetical there aren't many building blocks laid for future plans"

If she just out of school??

The waitress I dated was just out of school and the economy was shitty...so it's not like I expected her to be nailing down baller-ass jobs. I didn't even expect her to job hunt, I supported her "taking a break" for a while. But her lack of motivation to do anything productive pretty much sealed it for me...and led me to believe that the whole "looking for a career" was going to be tough for her to accomplish in the future.

11/3/2010 10:17:13 AM

a lot of servers/bartenders at the cheesecake factory work there while going to school and then graduate and find a job in their career then realize it doesn't pay shit compared to what they were making at cheesecake. A couple months later and they are right back serving again.

11/3/2010 10:25:09 AM

I dated a cocktail waitress for a while. It definitely sucked. She would get off work at like 3AM and want to hang out, but I would have to get up at 7 for work. Vice-Versa, I would have a day off and want to hang out, but she would sleep until 3PM then have to go to work.

On the flip side, the sex was awesome.

11/3/2010 10:28:10 AM

haha excellent.

11/3/2010 10:30:47 AM

11/3/2010 10:38:48 AM

they live across the hall making it much easier. logistics are a big part of it. maybe i should just think about this with my dick

11/3/2010 10:40:23 AM

yes, think with your dick. most of those late-nighters are fantastic in the sack

11/3/2010 10:42:06 AM

Quote :

"they live across the hall making it much easier. more dangerous when you find out she's psychotic and turns into your personal stalker"

11/3/2010 10:44:05 AM

^

11/3/2010 10:45:31 AM

I missed a lot of sleep but in the long run it was worth it.

11/3/2010 10:49:12 AM

I guess I should make it known that the girl in my example was a cocktail waitress at Pure Gold, so it might be a different situation.

11/3/2010 10:51:44 AM

Well,I remember working in a restaurant.... and that shit sucked when I had a gf because of the hours.

And both restaurants that I worked at were just like described above. everyone was fucking everyone else. That shit was disgusting.

11/3/2010 10:52:06 AM

^ this describes everyone I have ever known that worked at a restaurant. they all hang out together, they all fuck each other.

11/3/2010 10:55:11 AM

I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be.

11/3/2010 10:55:32 AM

a Wayne's World reference? Really?

11/3/2010 10:57:40 AM

I only hung out with girls at my restaurant. But the few times i did hang out with guys, they always tried something and always failed. Eventually I just quit trying to be friends with them.

11/3/2010 10:58:01 AM

Quote :

"this describes everyone I have ever known that worked at a restaurant. they all hang out together, they all fuck each other."

I've worked at enough restaurants where this DOESN'T happen. At places where there are 30 employees there might be one or two hookups, or one girl that sleeps with every guy there, but its rare that its this mass orgy that everyone makes it out to be.

That being said, I am dating a girl who waits table at my restaurant (part-time mind you).

11/3/2010 10:59:08 AM

Wayne's World is always relevant.

11/3/2010 11:00:12 AM

i'm sure bars are more susceptible to the inner-fucking than most normal restaurants.

but if you've worked there long enough perhaps you grow out of it, until there is fresh meat like ^^ has

11/3/2010 11:02:30 AM

They all worked together - smoked, cooked, and served
Then they all partied together - smoked, snorted, and drank
Then they all fucked each other - with their penii and vagoogoos

11/3/2010 11:15:44 AM

oh well. fuck it

11/3/2010 11:36:28 AM

^^ that sums it up perfectly

11/3/2010 11:37:44 AM

I'll re-echo my statements made earlier by adding that if you enjoy eating and drinking, it adds to the fun aspect. I love to go out and eat and drink. I like to try different foods, enjoy good wine, like to experiment with cocktails, and although not a drunk, definitely not scared to get tipsy when out with a girl.

The last waitress and bartender I dated were perfect compliments to these hobbies. Always tried different restaurants, ordered different food items and passed plates around, split bottles of wine that we had never tried before, and neither would ever turn down a shot. Food and alcohol are big parts of my life, so dating someone with similar interests is very important to me.

11/3/2010 11:48:59 AM