Today we were switching hosted exchange providers (office only has like 10 accounts) and my boss was on hold for like 45 minutes. This was followed soon in his 45-ish year old long time smoker voice by:

"...I'm done with you jokers. It'd be easier for me to get pregnant than to change a setting in your retarded admin panel."

11/16/2010 8:56:07 PM

My boss is extremely level headed and professional, even when dealing with total idiots. I dunno how he does it.

11/16/2010 8:57:23 PM

Motherfucker always calls me "Big Guy", which is really starting to get on my nerves.

11/16/2010 8:57:48 PM

My boss calls me a brat at least once a week.

11/16/2010 8:57:54 PM

My Boss says Fuck and God Damnit a lot.

11/16/2010 9:02:55 PM

when he says "console application" he pronounces it like "council application"

we always give him a hard time

/nerds

he also often says "that deserves a _________" where __________ is a twizzler, doughnut, cookie, etc

[Edited on November 16, 2010 at 9:04 PM. Reason : .]

11/16/2010 9:04:03 PM

THAT BITCH JUST TEXTED ME AND CALLED ME BIG GUY AGAIN

I am going to snap his neck

11/16/2010 9:04:51 PM

i read that as snap his dick

11/16/2010 9:05:12 PM

I don't really have a boss, I guess.

11/16/2010 9:07:24 PM

the worst part is that this dude isn't even my boss. he is just a corporate dude that is filling in while my boss is in Philly.

BIG GUY? SERIOUSLY?

i think i am going to kill him

Quote :

"i read that as snap his dick"

you would

[Edited on November 16, 2010 at 9:11 PM. Reason : a]

11/16/2010 9:10:27 PM

my boss calls me ChickenMan

the whole crew calls me ChickenMan

11/16/2010 9:11:34 PM

"I hate it when you do that."
"That drives me crazy."
"Well, you're wrong."

or just

[Edited on November 16, 2010 at 9:15 PM. Reason : ]

11/16/2010 9:14:44 PM

^^ lol, I get Farm Boy from all my employees, but not my boss

11/16/2010 9:16:04 PM

I don't mind being called big guy if you're just tall/big not fat.

11/16/2010 9:17:19 PM

there are people at the plant who don't know my real name

they just call me ChickenMan

those fuckers put a label on the back of my hard hat that says CHICKENMAN

11/16/2010 9:17:38 PM

we need to circle our wagons

let's stack hands

this is where the rubber meets the road

you are awesome

11/16/2010 9:18:12 PM

When I was interning at a manufacturing plan...some guys called this one dude Attaboy. They restitched a name badge to his lab coat that said Attaboy. Took him almost a month to notice.

11/16/2010 9:19:13 PM

Quote :

"I don't mind being called big guy if you're just tall/big not fat."

I am none of the above. He just calls me big guy. It is kind of condescending imo, which bothers me.

11/16/2010 9:19:17 PM

^Call him Corporate

11/16/2010 9:19:58 PM

or call him little guy

11/16/2010 9:24:53 PM

Director: "Do you use the microwave in your office?"
Me: "No, it's old and nasty but Patti does."
Director: "Hmmm. Guess we'll just have to get rid of Patti then."

11/16/2010 9:26:19 PM

"..."

And that's because I'm in command of the department now.

11/16/2010 10:23:44 PM

bitch says "circle back"

ugh

11/16/2010 10:26:44 PM

"that god damn nigger had better not get me fired"

11/16/2010 10:27:26 PM

dovetailing on _______________________

11/16/2010 10:31:36 PM

after I cleared my boss's (google) homepage of all the extra downloaded clutter/taskbars/useless shit:

"Thanks for fixing my Googles!"

11/16/2010 10:33:15 PM

My co-worker and I actually have a running list of ridiculous shit our boss says. Most recently, he was instructing us on how to complete our yearly performance reviews and he kept saying that he didnt want a novel, just a novella. What a douche.

11/16/2010 10:36:08 PM

"God damnit, I don't want to spend my time in another pointless fucking meeting"

11/16/2010 10:45:42 PM

haha I thought you were kidding

your boss really says shit like that?

11/16/2010 10:46:22 PM

yep

I get to see a side of her that no one else does.

11/16/2010 10:47:35 PM

she says "thank you" after every freakin sentence.

I'm not complaining though, could be worse

11/16/2010 10:47:52 PM

do you get to see the sides of her vagina too?

11/16/2010 10:48:20 PM

nope

Don't want to either.

She's more like a very young aunt, or an older cousin.

11/16/2010 10:49:19 PM

would you like to see mine?

sorry I couldn't help it

what do you all do?

11/16/2010 10:55:39 PM

"Let's talk."

"Hey I got something else that I need you to work on." (Not so bad in this economy though. I just can't get anything done on time. )

"Do you have the ______ report/file?" (That I've never seen.)

"I don't know how this [project name] project got fucked up..." (then starts talking about a missed inspection, failing test, or personnel issue)

11/16/2010 10:56:10 PM

Quote :

"Motherfucker always calls me "Big Guy", which is really starting to get on my nerves. "

Mine keeps calling me "little girl"

Which I guess makes sense since I'm the youngest person working there.

11/16/2010 10:56:47 PM

It's a great day to be in the high tech industry.

11/16/2010 10:57:19 PM

"Big Guy", "Chief", "Champ"... etc, all bug the crap out of me... so glad my boss / co-workers don't call me any of those

i do admittedly have insecurities regarding my small stature though

[Edited on November 16, 2010 at 10:59 PM. Reason : ]

11/16/2010 10:58:21 PM

One of my techs calls me "chief"

11/16/2010 11:00:32 PM

I also somehow got the nickname of watermelon girl.

All you gotta do is make a joke about watermelon farts and you get called watermelon girl.

11/16/2010 11:01:27 PM

reading back through these I've laughed several times.

"lets take an airplane view" is another one that get me

11/16/2010 11:13:01 PM

"I hope there's never a zombie apocalypse, because my brain would be like caviar."

11/17/2010 5:22:02 PM

My boss is an indian, and I don't know how to respond to this thread without sounding like a racist asshole

11/17/2010 5:24:09 PM

General profanity, obscene gestures and chair throwing

11/17/2010 5:27:16 PM

^^Do the needful

11/17/2010 5:33:09 PM

Haha I wonder what my reports would post in this thread. My boss is too normal and does not talk like a fucking Dilbert strip so I'm pretty lucky.

11/17/2010 5:57:53 PM

"Do unicorns have magic? What the hell kind of question is that?"

11/17/2010 10:03:28 PM

"How are we operating like this?"

11/17/2010 10:09:29 PM

ok my imagination is wild, wtf is a watermelon fart?

11/17/2010 10:10:24 PM

"Fuck it, burn it down"

11/17/2010 10:11:07 PM