So I may or may not be adopted. Anyone found their birthparents?

I have no idea where to start or any idea how medical records work.

This has been an AstralAdvent presentation.

11/27/2010 11:23:13 PM

i'm just curious, so i'm gonna ask. why don't you know for sure if you were adopted?

i've got access to ancestry.com if you can give me enough of something to look up. sorry, that's probably not much help

11/27/2010 11:27:52 PM

my family told me i was adopted when i was 7. we found my father and i eventually lived with him and we are so much alike it's creepy.

how do not know if you are adopted?

11/27/2010 11:55:24 PM

Oh lol sorry, i'm definitely adopted. I just say may or may not sometimes when its not appropriate, have known all my life so its not like my mom brought it up at thanksgiving dinner.


I would think my birth-mothers name would be on my birth certificate, but then wouldn't my parents have that or wouldn't they be able to get it easily for records purposes?

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

[Edited on November 28, 2010 at 12:07 AM. Reason : ]

11/27/2010 11:59:58 PM

your adoptive parents should have the info to get you started

11/28/2010 12:07:31 AM

kids at school sometimes thought I must be adopted

they were misguided

11/28/2010 12:22:54 AM

go to the register of deeds in your county of birth and they should be able to give you a copy of your birth cert

11/28/2010 12:31:00 AM

in closed adoptions that information is not available

many states have adoption registries. if your parents want you to be able to find them they may be listed with the registry. you can also register yourself in the case they ever try to find you.

[Edited on November 28, 2010 at 1:17 AM. Reason : ]

11/28/2010 1:15:45 AM

Here's the NC site for ordering a birth cert. Not sure if it'll help:

http://vitalrecords.nc.gov/vitalrecords/

11/28/2010 4:37:47 AM

what county were you born in (and of course i'd need your name & birth date)? many of them are available on ancestry.com. you can see the actual image and everything.

if i can find you, i can send you a pdf and you don't have to order, pay for, or wait on anything.

[Edited on November 28, 2010 at 8:39 AM. Reason : ]

11/28/2010 8:38:31 AM

Go to the adoption agency, and say something to the liking of "I need medical information due to an illness" or something like that, and see if they will pull some strings to get you the info you need.

11/28/2010 10:06:39 AM

medical information should be available without any names

11/28/2010 11:08:41 AM

^ It is available without information. Ive had a friend go through this. Also if its closed, Birth Certs wont have names on it.

Id say why dont have a copy of your birth cert but I guess some people dont keep one around. Ive 3 around for various reasons.

Good luck dude and I hope you find what you are looking for.

11/28/2010 11:17:32 AM

I was going to make a thread on a similar issue today.

I have never really had much desire to find my biological parents. I waffle on whether I want my family medical records, but thus far I have been leaning toward no.

While I was at home for Thanksgiving my mom (out of the blue) handed me a printout of the contact information for the lawyer they went through with the adoption saying if I wanted to look up my biological parents that's where to start. I have talked with a few people on here about how they feel about the whole issue of meeting biological parents or even just getting medical records, but I'm curious how other people feel.

11/28/2010 11:23:13 AM

as was mentioned before, if it was a closed adoption their names won't be on your birth certificate. like my birth cert has my adoptive parents names on it. also i think NC adoption records are sealed by law so you have to have mutual consent to get any identifying information, but you can get some non-identifying info like age, etc w/o consent.

if it was done through an agency, start there. but your adoptive parents should have the information you need to get started (ie: agency, attorney, etc).

i was adopted through the children's home society of NC. i haven't really cared about finding my biological parents. i'd probably like to see a picture or something, but i don't know beyond that. plus, to get CHS NC to act as a confidential intermediary for FINDING biological parents costs $$.

11/28/2010 12:59:57 PM

you'd be surprised how much $$$ adoption agencies pull in. it's a very profitable business.

11/28/2010 1:01:38 PM

i know!! but unfortunately i understand that it takes time and resources to hunt down biological parents if they do not have the information :/ and CHS is a non-profit, which i like a lot. i donate to them every year.

i think i'd just like the non-identifying info anyways...education level, heritage, age @ my birth, etc

i don't really care about finding them and seeing what they are doing now. so i can get that ish for free. i just haven't taken the plunge yet.



[Edited on November 28, 2010 at 1:21 PM. Reason : .]

11/28/2010 1:20:18 PM

Not to be a dick, but if your parents put you up for adoption and have made no attempt at contact, isn't that a fairly apparent sign that they don't want to be found? You obviously have a family who adopted you and raised you like their own. IMO, it really doesn't matter whose vag you came out of, it matters who raised you (other than for some weird medical reason).

11/30/2010 4:18:56 AM

Beyond medical conditions, it could be interesting in the same way that people signing up for ancestry websites find it interesting, in knowing longer term past history, and cultural history and all that, even if you aren't doing it to contact your bio-parents directly.

11/30/2010 4:56:51 AM

I didn't know that many people (ITT) were adopted.

Unwanted children ITT.





But yeah, I wasn't adopted as far as I know, but I can't imagine any desire to try and find people who didn't want me in the first place.

11/30/2010 7:03:57 AM

Quote :

"if your parents put you up for adoption and have made no attempt at contact, isn't that a fairly apparent sign that they don't want to be found?"

My biological parents said at my birth that they were happy with the idea of opening lines of communication with me someday. I am the one who doesn't want it.

I am more curious if I have any blood siblings/half-siblings out there than meeting my bio parents. Though I would be interested to see what they look like now.

11/30/2010 9:18:07 AM

a lot of birth parents gave up their kids for a reason. they don't all need their ex-kids poking around trying to find them. keep that in mind if you do track them down and it's a less than stellar experience.

[Edited on November 30, 2010 at 9:37 AM. Reason : ]

11/30/2010 9:34:55 AM

yeah if they wanted to know your ass they'd have kept you

11/30/2010 10:01:19 AM

lol nvm

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

11/30/2010 10:48:54 AM

Quote :

"Not to be a dick, but if your parents put you up for adoption and have made no attempt at contact, isn't that a fairly apparent sign that they don't want to be found?"

nope. could be dead. or like this thread, could have NO idea where to start looking OR could be worried about the reverse situation...adopted kids haven't looked for them so they are afraid of searching, etc.

also finding out ABOUT your adoptive parents (heritage, a picture, education level, age at time of birth, etc), does not = finding them and meeting them. so keep that in mind.

Quote :

"a lot of birth parents gave up their kids for a reason"

they probably all had a reason. i think adopted children are usually well aware of this since it is something they have had to think about their entire lives. but thanks for pointing it out!

[Edited on November 30, 2010 at 11:55 AM. Reason : .]

11/30/2010 11:53:19 AM

At least it provides me with some fodder for people who press me about religion. If I'm destined to hell anyway for being a bastard, being a heathen doesn't really make things worse.

11/30/2010 12:07:50 PM

My husband and I both have family members who were adopted and located their birth parents. Good things came from finding their birth parents -- at least from a medical perspective.

My father's cousin located his birth mother, but found that she had recently passed away due to complications from a hereditary medical condition. Fortunately, he received the information early enough that he was prepared when he fell victim to the same disease. While it did not save his life in the long run, it did enable him to live a longer and healthier life than his birth mother.

My husband's cousin is a nurse and made the decision to locate her birth mother for medical reasons. The cousin did not really want a relationship with her birth mother, but they did become friends of a sort. Eventually, her birth mother died from an aggressive form of breast cancer. While it was painful (her birth mother's desire for a relationship and following death), she was ultimately grateful to know that she has a risk for breast cancer and will be closely screened.

[Edited on November 30, 2010 at 12:13 PM. Reason : PS. These are both people over 40 when the system was different.]

11/30/2010 12:11:40 PM

Quote :

"At least it provides me with some fodder for people who press me about religion. If I'm destined to hell anyway for being a bastard, being a heathen doesn't really make things worse."

hahaha. i love this

11/30/2010 12:25:29 PM

Quote :

"i think adopted children are usually well aware of this since it is something they have had to think about their entire lives. but thanks for pointing it out!"

ITT we use passive aggressiveness to make people feel bad about their posts.

Adopted kids generally have it better than a huge chunk of households across the United States. They go from a mom/family that doesn't want them, to a family hand selected by an adoption agency to be financially stable, a good home, etc. AND more importantly, two parents who live together and have paid a fairly large chunk of money because they want to have a kid they can love SO BAD that they would do just about anything to get one.

Over half of all marriages fail, which translates to a huge percentage of children having to grow up with only seeing one parent twice a year because they live half way across the US. I would have given anything to have grown up with both of my birth parents, but instead I missed out on holidays every year, and had to break the news to one parent each year that I wouldn't be joining them at Christmas each year. I missed out on playing sports because the major ones (football/baseball) had seasons that extended into the summer. I left friends from one home for 9 months at a time, only to come back and realize they or I had changed. I could go on, but I think I have made my point.

I know it sounds like I am bitching, and also that this is a huge tangent ITT, but given the choice between the shitty lifestyle of bouncing around and having to adjust to step parents, or being adopted, I would have given my left nut to have been adopted. It blows my mind when people who actually had a real family growing up give the "Woe is me" speech," because IMO, you are incredibly lucky to have experienced the upbringing you did.

11/30/2010 1:00:10 PM

Quote :

"While I was at home for Thanksgiving my mom (out of the blue) handed me a printout of the contact information for the lawyer they went through with the adoption saying if I wanted to look up my biological parents that's where to start. I have talked with a few people on here about how they feel about the whole issue of meeting biological parents or even just getting medical records, but I'm curious how other people feel."

since i was adopted by a family member, we know who my biological mother is and eventually met who my biological father is supposed to be (though there is doubt there). she pretty much dropped off the face of the earth after my younger brother was adopted, and i don't really have much interest in maintaining contact with him even though he tries to get in touch with me every now and then.

even when i was little and didn't know, i didn't really have an interest in finding them. my mother started telling us a lot about the adoption when i was still fairly young because she thought it would be so important to us later, but it's just not. probably more than anything else i would be curious about other siblings...i do know of some and have met one...but knowing how a lot of my other relatives turned out, it would probably be more trouble than it's worth.

i have a really hard time understanding how finding biological parents is so important to some people when it is for reasons other than medical records. similarly to artificial insemination babies looking for the sperm donor later on.

11/30/2010 1:10:33 PM

^^ ITT you make a LOT of generalizations. you do realize that people who are adopted have parents who get divorced, too...right?

Quote :

". They go from a mom/family that doesn't want them, to a family hand selected by an adoption agency to be financially stable, a good home, etc. AND more importantly, two parents who live together and have paid a fairly large chunk of money because they want to have a kid they can love SO BAD that they would do just about anything to get one. "

not always true. there are SO many different types of adoptions. if you go through a ritzy adoption agency, then perhaps what you say is true. but just because people pay money for something, does not make them perfect parents. and it certainly doesn't exclude them from divorce statistics. and outside of private agency adoptions, your generalizations miss the mark. perhaps a course in family law would be helpful.

and i never said "woe is me." never did i say being adopted was a bad thing, or that i would have preferred otherwise. you seem to be the one with the "woe is me" tale. and clearly have some issues that have not yet been dealt with what i can only guess is your parents divorce. i mean, yea, that sucks, but that doesn't mean that everyone who is adopted has some perfect life that you missed out on.

but good job reading into what i posted. i was just suggesting that PERHAPS adopted children are aware of the fact that their birth parents likely gave them up for a reason. so they don't need people barging into the thread untactfully suggesting otherwise. shocking, i know. but there are better ways of discussing things than stating fairly obvious facts with a holier than thou attitude. and my post wasn't even directed at you.

but you are turning something you have never experienced into a fairytale. it is a little irritating and kind of condescending given the fact that your post suggests that the psychological issues (whether positive or negative) that adopted children experience throughout their lives are somehow invalid and not worthy of attention because they MUST have all ended up in perfect families, getting everything they ever wanted.

^ i understand what you are saying. but again, finding out about biological parents isn't the same as meeting them and maintaining contact. i personally have no interest in ever contacting mine, but i wouldn't mind knowing things like cultural heritage and stuff like that. i don't think i care about ever attempting to make contact or forming a relationship, but some people do. i think i understand why, even though i wouldn't want that for myself.

[Edited on November 30, 2010 at 2:16 PM. Reason : .]

11/30/2010 2:10:28 PM

You're right, they are generalizations. I can only go on what I have personally experienced. I have known 4 people that were adopted, and all 4 of them had virtually the same profile. They lived in upper middle class families, their parents were not divorced.... from the outside looking in, they had about everything they needed. Yes, there are outliers, but I would speculate that the odds of landing in a good home without divorced parents for an adopted kid are much higher than your regular, run of the mill kid.

And no, I do not have any issues. I was simply comparing what growing up in a divorced household was like in comparison to a non-divorced adopted household, and claiming that, in general, the adopted kid has it much better.

11/30/2010 2:40:42 PM

^even an upper middle class family with non-divorced parents can be absolute hell, whether they are your "real" parents or not, whether it's the perfect life to those looking in or not

11/30/2010 6:17:28 PM

^ agreed completely. there is definitely not a formula for a perfect family.

11/30/2010 6:34:50 PM

Uhm, yeah. Generalizations. My husband's cousin was molested for years by her adoptive father.

11/30/2010 7:51:38 PM