JayMCnasty All American 14180 Posts user info edit post |
yesterday my girl pointed at the remote cause she wanted to change the channel and it was right next to a dog bone so i threw her the bone instead.
[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 1:24 PM. Reason : .] 12/10/2010 1:22:53 PM |
Jammngurl16 All American 4085 Posts user info edit post |
it's not me, it's you 12/10/2010 1:24:32 PM |
dustm All American 14296 Posts user info edit post |
lol, thats pretty funny right there 12/10/2010 1:27:49 PM |
ThatGoodLock All American 5697 Posts user info edit post |
its a good thing i didnt marry you for your brain 12/10/2010 2:34:10 PM |
Slave Famous Become Wrath 34079 Posts user info edit post |
I once dated a girl named Andrea (ON-dray-a) who was several inches taller than me.
The Giant jokes really grinded her gears. 12/10/2010 2:36:45 PM |
APCrook All American 1447 Posts user info edit post |
dutch oven 12/10/2010 2:37:05 PM |
Jeepin4x4 #Pack9 35774 Posts user info edit post |
cuming on them when they ask you not to. 12/10/2010 2:41:13 PM |
Slave Famous Become Wrath 34079 Posts user info edit post |
Jeepin I would appreciate if you stopped cumming on me.
The tissues are there for a reason. 12/10/2010 2:42:28 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Whenever she wants me to hold her hand as we're walking I just grab her by the top of her arm.
It's looks abusive as shit to anyone nearby. 12/10/2010 2:43:38 PM |
sparky Garage Mod 12301 Posts user info edit post |
I'll end an argument by saying "I'm right, you are wrong now let move on" 12/10/2010 2:46:56 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Whenever she mentions the future and having kids I remind her that I'll never have kids with her because she can't give me the beautiful black babies that I've always wanted. 12/10/2010 2:50:00 PM |
State Oz All American 1897 Posts user info edit post |
^i would laugh so hard if she actually gave you those.. you know, by fucking someone who could create them..
As far as asshole things that i do to my s/o, her mother is from illinois, so anytime she says something that i don't agree with or don't care about, i always say "i would expect some shit like that from the daughter of a yankee" drives her insane. 12/10/2010 3:01:55 PM |
sweetdi2k All American 637 Posts user info edit post |
"sorry for not giving you the courtesy tap......oh btw it's your turn to get the towel" 12/10/2010 3:06:27 PM |
nacstate All American 3785 Posts user info edit post |
I'll fart on her/in her general direction just to piss her off. But she does the same to me so it's cool I guess. 12/10/2010 3:10:51 PM |
sparky Garage Mod 12301 Posts user info edit post |
i don't do this on purpose but i have a bad habit of tuning my wife out when she's talking to me and then later she'll be like did you do what i asked you yesterday and i'm like what the fuck are you talking about...that really pisses her off 12/10/2010 3:12:09 PM |
jbrick83 All American 23447 Posts user info edit post |
Nothing creative...but I like to hide behind doors, walls, etc. and just jump out and scare the shit out of her.
I keep thinking it's going to get old, but I laugh my ass off every time she screams and drops something. 12/10/2010 3:13:25 PM |
pilgrimshoes Suspended 63151 Posts user info edit post |
she's older than me
so, that's a gold mine.
although i think im wearing the dinosaur jokes down
you can only ask someone so many times what it was like to ride a brontosaurus to school and the like 12/10/2010 3:16:49 PM |
Slave Famous Become Wrath 34079 Posts user info edit post |
Like how much older?
Just want to make sure your Diane Lane fetish doesn't manifest itself domestically 12/10/2010 3:20:38 PM |
pilgrimshoes Suspended 63151 Posts user info edit post |
busted
[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 3:23 PM. Reason : e ] 12/10/2010 3:23:06 PM |
rbrthwrd Suspended 3125 Posts user info edit post |
sparky's thing's aren't very clever or funny, he just seems like a terrible husband.
i sometimes say, "one more time and you're going back into the closet" when we are in public 12/10/2010 3:25:19 PM |
Radio Raheem Veteran 105 Posts user info edit post |
i get her to do shit for me and soon as she does it i say YOU BEST DO WTF I SAY haha
straight beastings 12/10/2010 3:25:52 PM |
jtmartin All American 4116 Posts user info edit post |
my wife is older by 6 months and I too make fun of how old she is... 12/10/2010 3:30:27 PM |
EMCE balls deep 89740 Posts user info edit post |
I don't have a s/o because I used to do many of the things listed in this thread 12/10/2010 3:35:55 PM |
iheartkisses All American 3791 Posts user info edit post |
Same here.
EMCE, let's mate. 12/10/2010 3:36:27 PM |
pilgrimshoes Suspended 63151 Posts user info edit post |
you guys could name your children with conglomerations of your names like jermaine jackson does
jelucy luffy jel jecy
come on it's perfect 12/10/2010 3:41:31 PM |
iheartkisses All American 3791 Posts user info edit post |
Jermajestucy 12/10/2010 3:43:48 PM |
mcfluffle All American 11291 Posts user info edit post |
i'm not good at being an asshole for fun
i usually laugh and give it away 12/10/2010 3:44:13 PM |
qntmfred retired 40598 Posts user info edit post |
when we're walking together in public, i'll slightly veer her into poles, people walking by, etc 12/10/2010 3:48:55 PM |
dharney All American 4445 Posts user info edit post |
i used to date a girl 3 years older than me (i was born in 82) she brought it up and i was like 'ya, its too bad cause we can't have conversations like 'hey, remember the 70's?')
she laughed though 12/10/2010 3:50:12 PM |
dswillia Q(o.oQ) 2190 Posts user info edit post |
I usually introduce her as my first wife. Always gets me that look where she's pretending to be Superwoman and burning a hole through me with her look. In fact, I'm getting that feeling right now. Shit...where is she...I'm just playing honey! 12/10/2010 3:50:26 PM |
qntmfred retired 40598 Posts user info edit post |
oh man, i'd be a dead man if i tried that 12/10/2010 3:52:14 PM |
elkaybie All American 39626 Posts user info edit post |
I guess I make fun of my husband daily for his chronic ability to lose everything as I had "don't worry...I'll find it" engraved on his wedding band
But I'm moreso giving myself props for having radar for his items 12/10/2010 3:53:55 PM |
qntmfred retired 40598 Posts user info edit post |
props well deserved. that's pretty lollable 12/10/2010 3:55:20 PM |
LunaK LOSER :( 23634 Posts user info edit post |
Quote : | "when we're walking together in public, i'll slightly veer her into poles, people walking by, etc" |
I hope not when she's pregnant 12/10/2010 3:55:57 PM |
qntmfred retired 40598 Posts user info edit post |
oh she's used to it enough by now that she can recognize when i'm about to do it.
i need new material
[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 3:58 PM. Reason : i guess maya's old enough now i can do it to her instead ] 12/10/2010 3:57:42 PM |
Exiled Eyes up here ^^ 5918 Posts user info edit post |
I too make fun of her age (8mo older than me)...she really doesn't appreciate that..
I am also a fan of memory banking something silly/stupid that she did and bringing it up randomly later down the road. 12/10/2010 3:58:54 PM |
Skwinkle burritotomyface 19447 Posts user info edit post |
I just pictured him not gently veering her in that direction but all-out shoving her into things.
I laughed, but only because that's not really true. 12/10/2010 3:58:55 PM |
mcfluffle All American 11291 Posts user info edit post |
^^^haha 12/10/2010 4:00:07 PM |
pttyndal WINGS!!!!! 35217 Posts user info edit post |
punchmonk and qntmmonk- you don't have to take that. You can move to raleigh.
[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 4:00 PM. Reason : ] 12/10/2010 4:00:30 PM |
toyotafj40s All American 8649 Posts user info edit post |
I slowly degrade my relationships with the ladies. Without knowing that I'm doing it. What significant other 12/10/2010 4:15:31 PM |
Dirtay Veteran 497 Posts user info edit post |
It wasn't planned, but while making sweet, sweet love to my last girlfriend I drooled on her face.
She was also 7 years older than me, so I'd do stuff like bring home Depends and Centrum Silver when I'd go to the store. But it would go both ways, so she would bring Flintstones chewable vitamins home.
Most of my assholisness revolves around trying to embarrass them in public, so I like to order the Fuh-Ji-Tahs real loud at a Mexican restaurants. 12/10/2010 4:25:17 PM |
LivinProof78 All American 49373 Posts user info edit post |
I don't have a s/o but I do have a "friend"....
he's Turkish...
The terrorist/Subway/cab driver comments really piss him off but that's ok because he's generally a jackass anyway so it makes me laugh
[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 4:49 PM. Reason : i also thump him in the nose when he's sleeping] 12/10/2010 4:40:13 PM |
NCSUWolfy All American 12966 Posts user info edit post |
Quote : | "Nothing creative...but I like to hide behind doors, walls, etc. and just jump out and scare the shit out of her.
I keep thinking it's going to get old, but I laugh my ass off every time she screams and drops something." |
haha i totally do this. i almost got knocked out for it the first time i did it!12/10/2010 6:17:27 PM |
Samwise16 All American 12710 Posts user info edit post |
He really hates it when I'm right about some movie and he's wrong... so sometimes just to piss him off I'll bring up the fact that Beowulf was not a live-action movie 12/10/2010 6:23:00 PM |
EMCE balls deep 89740 Posts user info edit post |
I'm down with Jermajestucy
also
Quote : | "i guess maya's old enough now i can do it to her instead " |
hahahaha, I can just see her giving you a look like "why would you do that to me?!"
[Edited on December 10, 2010 at 6:27 PM. Reason : MOAR ]12/10/2010 6:24:48 PM |
Netstorm All American 7547 Posts user info edit post |
My girlfriend is half Japanese so I get a lot of mileage out of that.
I like to "speak for her" in public and then act like it's really hard for her to follow what I'm saying.
She likes to point out that I'm a worse driver than my ASIAN GIRLfriend. 12/10/2010 6:26:09 PM |
ClassicMixup All American 3877 Posts user info edit post |
If we're walking in public and I have my arm around her, I'll reach up and tickle her side...her arm pops up in a t-rex manner so I'll say something like now where did you put your helmet derka derka derka?
I can't stand sleeping at her place when they've got the heat cranked, so I'll open a window when she's not paying attention (and forget about it). It goes unnoticed because the blinds are down (she's usually gone from the wee hours in the morning until after dark)...then she'll be freezing for days and cranking the heat even higher... vicious circle
She zones out easily when people are talking, especially if I'm going on about something lol. Then she'll refocus just in time for me to say something like "and the dog died, it was awful" or "and that's why I have that crazy rash"...not usually appreciated in a group or public setting 12/10/2010 6:57:43 PM |
eleusis All American 24527 Posts user info edit post |
I put roofies and sleeping pills in her drink when we're at the house. After she passes out, I get to watch whatever I want on TV and then have the entire bed to sprawl out on. When she wakes up sore the next day from sleeping on the couch, I poke fun at her for getting too drunk. 12/10/2010 8:13:10 PM |
ClassicMixup All American 3877 Posts user info edit post |
^Sad thing is you've considered it 12/10/2010 8:13:52 PM |
merbig Suspended 13178 Posts user info edit post |
I see nothing about doing anything with your s/o's asshole. 12/10/2010 8:15:35 PM |