Hypothetical Situation
You mysteriously acquire 100k in cash. What do you do with the money? Invest? Splurge?

Also, how do you avoid paying taxes on the money (or being audited, for that matter)?

5/2/2011 3:00:28 PM

go to a casino?

5/2/2011 3:01:33 PM

If I were you, I'd give the portion over the taxable limit to me

5/2/2011 3:02:11 PM

But with a casino, don't you have to declare any earnings that you make? Significant gambling winnings are taxed. I wouldn't really know though ... haven't won a significant amount of money at a casino.

^ You would blow it all on sexy clothes, booze and hot men. And if that's correct, I'd want an invite to the party.

[Edited on May 2, 2011 at 3:04 PM. Reason : h]

5/2/2011 3:03:38 PM

100K is not a ton, but enough to raise some eyebrows if your spending habits change significantly right away. If I get the money in cash, I don't invest anything initially. I put random amounts all under 10K into the bank at two or three week intervals, never on the same day or at the same time. I do this with 80 thousand of the money. The rest...strippers and blow.



[Edited on May 2, 2011 at 3:06 PM. Reason : This question becomes infinitely easier if you have off shore accounts.]

5/2/2011 3:03:48 PM

Quote :

"LAUNDERING. TO CLEAN...NO, UH, HERE IT IS. TO CHANNEL MONEY THROUGH A SOURCE OR BY AN INTERMEDIARY."

5/2/2011 3:07:27 PM

I would invest AND splurge.

5/2/2011 3:07:28 PM

tell tww

5/2/2011 3:09:12 PM

Quote :

"^ You would blow it all on sexy clothes, booze and hot men. And if that's correct, I'd want an invite to the party."

I would send you a fancy paper invite...since I could afford it and all

5/2/2011 3:09:15 PM

offshore account with an atm card with at least a $1k/day withdraw capacity

you can pay for everything with money orders, from bills to rent and even online bulk bullion retailers to store in safe deposit boxes (srsly)

money orders dont have to have a name attached to them, at amounts under $1k. buy them at the post office for whatever amount you need. places will take multiple mos if necessary for the transaction. just dont go to the same mo source.

this is all of a few years ago, but would probably still work.

[Edited on May 2, 2011 at 3:10 PM. Reason : save the money you'd otherwise pay your bills with.... over enough time... profit.]

5/2/2011 3:09:40 PM

Can anyone recommend a good offshore bank? What are the downsides to an offshore account?

Also, true or false: hookers > blow ?

[Edited on May 2, 2011 at 3:11 PM. Reason : g]

5/2/2011 3:09:45 PM

mermaids

5/2/2011 3:12:15 PM

They can be expensive to set up and you may not have 24/7 access to your funds. I'd only recommend them if you're particularly liquid or just have lots of money rotting in checking or savings.

5/2/2011 3:12:45 PM

^ What about 100k rotting away under a mattress? Rotting away is an appropriate phrase ... cash stinks. A real money laundering business would be helpful. Any cash dry cleaning services in these parts?


[Edited on May 2, 2011 at 3:15 PM. Reason : j]

5/2/2011 3:13:54 PM

iheartkisses just sold her first born porn to larry flynt

5/2/2011 3:14:46 PM

I'd rent a helicopter and buy my wheelchair-ridden girlfriend a bag of jewels

5/2/2011 3:16:34 PM

I only have a few thousand in cash, mainly for firearms and narcotics. Everything else is tied up. I would never keep more cash on hand than just above the bare minimum for my expenses and any impulse purchases like big screen TVs and Jetskis.

5/2/2011 3:17:48 PM

^^why not a new wheelchair?

[Edited on May 2, 2011 at 3:19 PM. Reason : ad]

5/2/2011 3:19:09 PM

^^ Why wouldn't you purchase big screen TVs and jet-skis with your Amex Black Card? That way you rack up rewards on legit purchases. Save the cash for things that can't be obtained via plastic.

[Edited on May 2, 2011 at 3:20 PM. Reason : u]

5/2/2011 3:20:12 PM

racist.

5/2/2011 3:20:50 PM

^^^cause she's already working on her own rocket-powered wheelchair

5/2/2011 3:21:50 PM

once you go black card, you never go backward

5/2/2011 3:23:06 PM

classic SF posting ITT.


i have a lot of money rotting away in checking and savings at the moment

5/2/2011 3:26:17 PM

roll around naked in it

5/2/2011 3:26:22 PM

Maybe exchange it for a bunch of singles and shoot a rap video about making it rain.

5/2/2011 3:27:52 PM

Say you have 50K of money that is not tied up in real estate, loans, mortage, etc. If you have more than 5K of that money in cash, you're costing yourself hundreds of dollars a month. Even a simple fund with a 20/2 structure should net you 8% minimum. A person with minimal knowledge of finances should be able to double their investment within 7 years.

You're lucky. I usually charge for that kind of information.

5/2/2011 3:32:28 PM

keep talkin like that SF

5/2/2011 3:33:49 PM

two chicks at the same time?

5/2/2011 3:34:08 PM

Yeah, SF, but how do you get all of that money into the bank without tipping off the IRS? Obviously, deposits under 10k are key, but how long should it take to get all of the money into the bank?

Also, how much should one set aside for emergency hush money?

5/2/2011 3:35:05 PM

In small chunks. For years I've gotten around the moronic US laws regarding online gambling by buying phone cards in foreign currency and reselling them in USD within domestic channels. This way, I have my money in these accounts without either clear paper trail leading back to me or risking the proprietors of these sites having even a semblance of access to my financial data. I can place exotic wagers on anything from the Royal Wedding to Raquetball without compromising myself or my money in the slightest.

For non-gambling interests, I'd advise a more reputable bank such as RBC or Barclay's who specializes in conversion. Let me know if you're looking for anything in the import/export sector specifically, as this is my specialty.

5/2/2011 3:43:44 PM

Could you help me place bets on the Royal Divorce? Obviously, this is a much more long-term investment than most, but I feel that it could pay off significantly with the right advising.

5/2/2011 3:47:21 PM

[Edited on May 2, 2011 at 3:49 PM. Reason : holla@me]

5/2/2011 3:48:51 PM

I fear I wouldn't be much help to you. I focus more on wagers in jai alai, ski jumping and various Gordon Ramsey programs.

5/2/2011 3:49:40 PM

Put half on red and use the other half on blow and strippers

5/2/2011 4:09:47 PM

pay off my ridiculous school loans I'm building up.

5/2/2011 4:12:18 PM

^ That option does not sound like fun. Pick another one!

5/2/2011 4:19:42 PM

Yea I'd pay off all my student loans and put the remaining as a downpayment on a pretty nice house. Something in the 2000 ft^2 range on maybe 5-10 acres would be primo.

5/2/2011 4:22:19 PM

pay off my student loans and credit card debt

invest the remaining $6000 in film making equipment

5/2/2011 4:22:41 PM

iheartkisses: you realize of course you have voided certain terms of our indecent proposal contract by airing this and only get 1/5th that amount now, right?

5/2/2011 4:25:48 PM

Invest in a gas station.

5/2/2011 4:26:59 PM

It may not sound fun at first, but in the end it would be the most fun because then once I have my job I could be all " YAY I can use my hard earned money to save up for a nice vacay, or a few of them" instead of

".... another payment "

5/2/2011 4:27:40 PM

Invest 20k
Donate 20k to Church/Charity.
Split 20k among family/friends.
Put 20k down on a house.
Use the remaining 20k to pay off debt and to buy some nice stuff for me.

5/2/2011 4:28:47 PM

What's the best low-overhead, high-return company? How does one start a Ponzi Scheme? Would anyone be interested in an investment opportunity?

5/2/2011 4:34:05 PM

There is some startup in India injecting plastic into testicles to act as a contraceptive, that seems like a good investment opportunity

5/2/2011 4:36:29 PM

i'd probably buy a bunch of lottery tickets, since you have to use cash anyways. then when you win like $170 mil they can tax the 40% or whatever

5/2/2011 4:52:06 PM

coke and hookers

5/2/2011 4:56:00 PM

Invest in the coke and the hookers will come to you.


Bam.

5/2/2011 5:16:09 PM

funnel that shit into a Swiss or Cayman bank account

5/2/2011 6:02:39 PM

Tiger chariot

5/2/2011 6:16:04 PM

2 chicks at the same time.

5/2/2011 6:58:33 PM