Having a hard time learning this art. I would think that if everyone would speak their minds plainly, communication would be more effective. In other words, if you mean what you say, then there can be no doubt about what you mean when you say it.

Now I'm told I'm too blunt... and I'm thinking they are too sensitive. I guess starting a sentence with "With all due respect," is not an acceptable form of permission to speak freely. I don't think the office environment is the best fit.

Still, I'm working on it...

5/12/2011 11:55:29 AM

I think I'd struggle with this too. Thankfully, our set up here is pretty clear cut. Three partners, and then fourteen of us on equal footing. What the partners say goes. Anyone else's input is subject to scrutiny and ridicule.

Works for us.

5/12/2011 12:04:24 PM

awkward people up in here.

5/12/2011 12:15:51 PM

.

[Edited on May 12, 2011 at 12:32 PM. Reason : didn't realize this was in the lounge at first.]

5/12/2011 12:31:15 PM

Just put on a facade in the workplace.

5/12/2011 3:49:59 PM

You just gotta know who your dealing with...No blanket communication style is going to work in every situation.

Quote :

"you mean what you say"

/= saying everything you think when you think it

5/12/2011 3:54:40 PM

I'd prefer blunt coworkers.

5/12/2011 4:09:13 PM

I first thought this thread was about:

5/12/2011 8:53:28 PM

^

5/12/2011 9:11:47 PM

I learned early in my career that no matter how obviously shitty a process or (in my case) a piece of software was, to speak to how bad it is in anything approaching a negative tone meant pissing off the people who had either a vested interest in using it or were one of the ones that developed it.

I fired off several emails outlining problem after problem after problem with the status quo and to me I saw this as me doing people a favor by getting these issues out in the open so we could then discuss them...and it came off as inflammatory and the entirely wrong way to go about trying to effect change in the organization.

In my case, it was just better to not point out that something was a problem and only say that we'd made some changes to better suit our organization and make us more effective. This way, the person on the other end doesn't feel like you dissed their stuff and that you had to change it because whatever it was you were doing was unique to you.

5/12/2011 9:46:00 PM

i struggle with this...

for some people my communication style works and for some it doesnt. im constantly adjusting for my audience and its exhausting for me at times.

in the end you'll go much futher if you ask other people for feedback on yourself. that will invite people to be comfortable saying "well, you can be a little blunt sometimes and that makes people shut down"

most times you will hear things you either knew you were doing and didn't want to admit to or you'll realize you were living on the moon and had no idea you were coming off that way

you will also show people that you value their opinion and look to improve and you will become a better person to work with

just my 2 cents

5/12/2011 10:59:31 PM

My unemployed friend also disliked diplomacy in the workplace.

5/12/2011 11:01:28 PM

The living on the moon thing sounds like one of my supervisors.

He's one of those guys who set up mechanisms before you arrived so if you try anything, you'll get snagged. Not that I'm trying anything... but the guy is lazy as shit and puts on a pretty good show when people start asking questions. I've also learned that I've got a pretty good reputation, but recently, he's been throwing me under the bus by dropping my name when something doesn't work out whether I had a hand in it or not.

Luckily, I've worked with these people before and they know my ethic and that if I've done something wrong, I'd sooner admit it than shift blame to some unsuspecting soul. I think we're in a stalemate at this point.

I'd really love to do it the old fashioned way and go George McFly on his face, but this is something I have to learn and deal with. It just sucks...

5/13/2011 4:19:07 AM

I had someone come in behind me on shared folders and delete the work that I did because I was outdoing him. I always carried a backup file and also made copies in hidden folders. After a while he realized that I was making him look stupid by almost preemptively setting him up to announce that files were missing when they weren't.
He eventually stopped trying that shit with me.
Welcome to the real world folks, and diplomacy dictates that you can't tell people like that to fuck-off to their faces. And remember, it's always the ones who are a little too old to be in the job and the ones who are a little too nice in the job or want to know a little too much about you who are the biggest threats.

5/13/2011 8:00:51 PM

Something my sister said when she was an officer in the army always stuck in my mind; if you have a complaint then give a solution, otherwise you're just whining.

I don't want to make it sound like a catch-all phrase but I've found if you apply it in some way, shape, or form then it's another tool in your diplomacy toolbox to not heighten the tension. Of course like others have said you can't apply a blanket approach to people of different mindsets or job tasks.

5/13/2011 8:45:44 PM

The last two posts have been incredibly insightful.

stategrad100, I could have used your form of caution sooner had I known what to look for.

Chief, thanks for the advice! Trying to think how I can apply that in this situation without heightening tension. It's definitely something I need to give some thought.

5/14/2011 4:36:11 AM