LET ME TELL YOU WHY




First of all this shit is like $80 a pound unless you get some wimpy shit thats like the size of a god damn tarantula. So you finally get this shit home and boil it or bake it or some shit which of course takes forever. Grab a book. By now your friends are over and you're ready to do this shit. BUT WAIT, you have to crack all that shit open from deep within its red fortresses. Boy oh boy... its like if you wanted to crack 30 tiny little eggs, which you wouldn't want to do because that is retarded. To make matters someone unexpected always shows up and for some fucking reason you never have enough crackers, always one short. Well since its you've done basically 3 hours of work, paid $200 and acquired like 9 ounces of meat you're ready for the delicious treat. WAIT A SECOND. This shit doesn't taste like anything at all. "Oh you need the seasoning and dipping sauce" one might say. Bull shit. Don't need that shit for a good steak. I might as well just ball up pieces of paper and dip them in some sauce. I don't eat crab unless someone else does all the shit for it. I'll be damned if i'm about to hunt in that cauliflower bullshit for the gram of shit that isn't plastic crab bones.

Seriously someone prove me wrong. Why do people eat crab? I mean the sauce can be good but i have never had crab that noticeably tasted like anything at all on its own. Know what i tastes like actually?


Water. Its almost like someone is trolling us. People die, ships wreck, shits overpriced, takes a fuck load of work, hide tiny amounts of meat in tiny ass little end pieces that are impossible to get out, then the shit doesn't taste like anything at all. Better not be none of that imitation crab shit either. If i could pick an item from JoAnne's to describe the taste of imitation crab it would be confetti, because confetti is awesome surprise when you first see it, but then you think about it and it sucks. You smell imitation crab and you're like oh shit sea food yum, then you taste it and that shit tastes like melting plastic. Most seafood sucks actually. Deviled Crab is alright though, but i think its just because of all the other shit that us common folk call "flavor" that you have to add to make that shit. Fuck crab, fuck seafood, fuck tww and fuck you

This has been an AstralAdvent presentation.

[Edited on May 23, 2011 at 3:10 AM. Reason : sorry this shit took so long, battery died had to find my charger]

5/23/2011 3:09:31 AM

old bay

5/23/2011 3:11:50 AM

I put at least some quantity old bay LITERALLY on everything i cook. Spaghetti? fuck it old bay that shit. Mac & Cheese? fuck it old bay that shit Cereal? fuck it old bay that shit

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

5/23/2011 3:13:16 AM

You's crazy.

5/23/2011 3:20:21 AM

Yous crazy. Maybe i was born without the olfactory sensors for CRAB

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

5/23/2011 3:21:43 AM

old bay is designed for crab, b

you've got the old bay but not the crab, g

5/23/2011 3:24:45 AM

ibtcrabsfuckingsuck

5/23/2011 3:28:56 AM

5/23/2011 3:28:58 AM

"Designed for crab" haha i like when people say that kinda shit, like they built that shit in CAD or some shit

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

5/23/2011 3:32:26 AM

shit was invented to make motherfuckers thirsty

back when crab was free in balmer

or so said the cranky old lady at faidley's

5/23/2011 3:45:31 AM

i had crab as part of a ginormous seafood platter in mauritius...

goddamn the crab meat tasted fucking awesome. it was juicy and sweet and tender.

probably the best seafood i have ever had.

5/23/2011 4:09:18 AM

I put at least some quantity old bay LITERALLY on everything i cook. Spaghetti? fuck it old bay that shit. Mac & Cheese? fuck it old bay that shit Cereal? fuck it old bay that shit

5/23/2011 4:11:46 AM

Crab is one of my three favorite foods.

5/23/2011 6:50:53 AM

OP is a faggot.

5/23/2011 6:53:11 AM

crab is delicious

5/23/2011 8:08:55 AM

obvious troll is obvious

5/23/2011 8:13:11 AM

God I love crab meat. I'd personally eat crabs into extinction if given the ability.

5/23/2011 8:17:38 AM

Quote :

" i am able to buy a coke every day"

Hahaha I read that as coke, not a coke and my eyes went lol

5/23/2011 8:25:09 AM

where is that in this thread?

5/23/2011 8:35:03 AM

Imitation crab meat is delicious

5/23/2011 8:43:38 AM

imitation crab meat is no bueno.
Real crab, on the other hand, is delicious.

5/23/2011 8:46:33 AM

Oops meant to post that in the Ladies Let's Talk Shop thread lololol.

5/23/2011 8:48:55 AM

Youre crazy. Crabs are great. It's the whole experience. Throw your pot out in the sound and wait overnight. Or you can hangout at the pier for a few hours and fish and drink beer. Then you retrieve your pot dump the crabs in your cooler. Go home.
Now it's time to steam them. Take a pot and put a rack in the bottom. Put some vinegar in the bottom. Now throw the live crabs inthe pot. One you have a new layer on there you sprinkle old bay. Put the lid on the pot and tie it shut.
Put them on the stove. Open a beer. Depending how many crabs you have it's not gonna take super long.

Now dump the crabs out on news paper on the table. Get you some paper towels some friends (if they weren't already there) and beer. Then sit around the table and have some social time while you're picking and eating crab.

In my family, the only time you were allowed to drink beer underage was when you were eating crabs. My great grandmother, in fact, would tell us that we would get sick if we drank anything other than beer while eating crabs.

5/23/2011 8:51:23 AM

I'm not a huge fan of crab, but imitation crab in sushi is nom nom

5/23/2011 8:52:16 AM

A few things for OP


1. I noticed you said you boil your crab. This is why it tastes like water. All the flavor goes into the broth when you boil them. Crab should never be boiled. Buy a steam rack or simply place your crabs in a bowl and then place the bowl into a shallow pot of water. Make sure the crabs are never submerged in water.

2.Are you talking whole crabs? I think you should try crab legs. They are easy to get the meat out of, you don't need crackers and the meet is delicious if you cook it right. With crab legs you gently break a leg in half and remove the exoskeleton from the long thick strip of meat.

5/23/2011 8:53:30 AM

I too never get the hype of crabs

5/23/2011 8:59:45 AM

[Edited on May 23, 2011 at 9:10 AM. Reason : ]

5/23/2011 9:05:54 AM

Blue crabs can be a PITA. Pony up some cash and buy king crab or snow crab. IDK if you can buy it in a store, but when I'm diving I collect stone grab claws. OMFG good!

5/23/2011 9:12:32 AM

Yeah...but blue crabs are also free...all you gotta do it buy a crab pot....you don't even have to buy bait...just go fishing and the first fish you get cut up and put it in the net.

5/23/2011 9:14:57 AM

<--- severely allergic to shellfish.

5/23/2011 9:48:50 AM

lobster

5/23/2011 11:20:16 AM

yeah, lobster is cheap here right now, $5/lb. thinkin bout doin one tonight. I tend to go for that more than crabs, but sometime i want to order some monster snow crab legs.

[Edited on May 23, 2011 at 11:24 AM. Reason : ]

5/23/2011 11:23:58 AM

ROBSTAH CRAW


I miss living on the Pamlico. We had a couple of pots we used to throw out. And if we got a softshell...oh joy!

I love blue crab. OP is a pussy.

5/23/2011 12:10:05 PM

I think i have only ever had king crab and whatever it's pussy little brother crab is.

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

5/23/2011 12:11:03 PM

Question: Why are crabs and lobsters cooked alive? Why don't people just kill them quickly before cooking them? I know I'm a huge pussy but it makes me when lobsters start screaming when you put them in the hot water.

5/23/2011 12:12:31 PM

2^ Then you should really shut the fuck up about it then.







[Edited on May 23, 2011 at 12:14 PM. Reason : QQ]

5/23/2011 12:12:45 PM

Boiled alive = freshest seafood you can get. Also that screaming is the liquid in them boiling and steaming.

Shellfish is great. There is a difference between King Crab and Blue Crabs, though. King Crab is all meaty, but meat has a briny sea taste compared to most freshwater blue crabs which is sweeter in taste.

Sorry for those who are allergic. If you want, you can pay me to eat some in front of you and describe how delicious it is.

5/23/2011 12:19:17 PM

freshwater blue crabs?

5/23/2011 12:21:23 PM

Most blue crabs breed in estuaries at the mouths of rivers and bays where the salinity is low and the mud is soft. IE Chesapeake and Louisiana.

5/23/2011 12:23:51 PM

^ Also Albermarle Sound.

5/23/2011 12:33:10 PM

that crab looked sad as hell

5/23/2011 12:34:58 PM

^Yeah the one with the scissors

5/23/2011 12:38:01 PM

Quote :

"Most blue crabs breed in estuaries at the mouths of rivers and bays where the salinity is low and the mud is soft. IE Chesapeake and Louisiana. "

i don't consider that freshwater but whatever

5/23/2011 12:39:24 PM

I'm not reading all this garbage

5/23/2011 12:40:54 PM

I love crabs and all things shellfish.

Softshell crabs are in season down here now and I pretty much order them any chance I get at restaurants. Yum.

5/23/2011 12:47:37 PM

Sorry when i said "i've only had" i meant i've only ever cooked.

I'm AstralAdvent and i approved this message.

5/23/2011 12:50:26 PM

poor little crabby crab... so sad

5/23/2011 12:50:31 PM

i thought this thread was about the crips.

5/23/2011 12:51:01 PM

I need to learn how to do this Blue Crab trap thing...'cause now I'm hongry

5/23/2011 12:58:05 PM

it's just a crab pot. easy to find at the coast. i saw a bunch at the piggly wiggly in grantsboro this past weekend, for example.

5/23/2011 1:22:05 PM