my wonderful gf: "Why do they call it diarrhea? Is it 'cause you're dying out of your rear-a?"

7/9/2011 12:08:28 AM

7/9/2011 12:09:00 AM

welcome to third grade, where this joke was told quite frequently

7/9/2011 12:10:06 AM

really? she came up with it candidly...at least I hadn't heard it before


in a long ride back to Raleigh, after about a half-hour of silence "...I...I don't like toast." As if she'd been struggling with it for some time and was admitting it to herself as much as she was to me. "It's messy and it tears up the roof of my mouth "

7/9/2011 12:16:30 AM

ya its an old joke, I've done that before too

7/9/2011 12:18:08 AM

ah...well in our little bubble it was novel and childishly hilarious

7/9/2011 12:19:10 AM

*like*

7/9/2011 12:21:54 AM

7/9/2011 1:07:26 AM

stuff like this happens to cod and i quite frequently.


i liked it

7/9/2011 7:32:19 AM

Bf and I on recent roadtrip laced with far too much sugar

Bf "Damn, that's a big splat!"
Me: "i wonder what bug has red blood like that!"
Bf :I heard horseflies have red blood cause they suck blood from horses & cows"
Me dead serious: "Duh! Why do you think they call them horsecows????"

We laughed hysterically for 30 minutes though it was probably the sugar. This shit happens a lot and I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove it.

7/9/2011 7:46:20 AM

...

[Edited on July 9, 2011 at 8:49 AM. Reason : ... reading comprehension fail]

7/9/2011 8:48:46 AM

I think we can conclude that your girlfriend is likely extremely annoying.

7/9/2011 9:04:17 AM

I lol'd

Most of the shit I say could probably be posted here

7/9/2011 9:48:08 AM

"Now you know what a real man fart sounds like."

7/9/2011 9:52:19 AM

Peter: "I wonder where rain comes from.... and dont' say the sky!"
Me: whispers "God"

7/9/2011 10:03:44 AM

I think we can conclude that your girlfriend is likely extremely annoying.

7/9/2011 10:36:02 AM

I think we can conclude that your girlfriend is likely extremely annoying.

7/9/2011 10:52:42 AM

cool story bro

7/9/2011 10:55:33 AM

Lol at horsecow


One of my exes said, completely seriously, "...do you smell that burning noise?!"

7/9/2011 10:56:41 AM

Eric and I now have a joke about "those who live in glass houses".....

mainly because one day I said the phrase and then followed it up with, "look it up, it's in the bible"

then there was silence


and yeah, definitely realized that's not a proverb or anything


one of the most things I remember coming out of Eric's mouth was when we went to see the A-Team movie and Eric tried telling me how awesome of an idea the movie was, etc, acting like it was new.. -.o

7/9/2011 11:13:42 AM

ITT we learn things that are cute to you and yours, are pretty lame to the rest of us. Guess you have to be there.

7/9/2011 11:20:39 AM

^ I almost wrote "guess you had to be there" at the end but instead thought it and was a little

7/9/2011 11:24:26 AM

yup

****Official Cool Story Bro Thread****

7/9/2011 11:25:04 AM

I would think "guess you had to be there" would be implicit in the thread title

I mean what did you think you were gonna get out of this thread? ISS cosmonaut porn? If you're angry about being single there are threads for that too

7/9/2011 11:40:21 AM

cool assumption bro

thread still boring

7/9/2011 11:44:14 AM

you right

7/9/2011 11:54:38 AM

I wasn't hating. In fact I had typed out a submission of my own, then I realized how it probably wouldn't be interesting to anyone but my wife and I. I wasn't directing my post at anyone.

7/9/2011 12:44:42 PM

Dead serious, while making a sandwich for lunch, she asked me "baby can we eat cheese while we do it?"

7/9/2011 1:22:22 PM

do it do it?

[Edited on July 9, 2011 at 1:25 PM. Reason : ^^ oh yeah my post wasn't directed at you]

7/9/2011 1:25:20 PM

Just a half hr ago: "I would do things with pork to your body.."

7/9/2011 5:23:03 PM

News to me: egyeyes has a boyfran

7/9/2011 5:38:40 PM

duh, its me. we arent very happy together. itll be over soon

7/9/2011 5:40:26 PM

^^We've been dating since the end of April

^

Also, I apparently got the quote wrong... it's actually "I would do incredible things with pork to your body.."

It was not in a sexual context at all.. I had just finished eating my first full pulled pork and shredded pork sandwiches EVER (I'm not a pork fanatic at all)

7/9/2011 9:55:05 PM

her: "where do they get noodles from? is there like a pasta tree or something?"

me: "um." (carlface in my head)

7/9/2011 10:15:31 PM

Another one on same roadtrip

We love deciphering license plates and one said "ILUVUNY"

I was like "I love you, NY"

and bf goes: "yeah, urerite, wouldnt be i love univ of ny at all"

I replied "ITS MISSING A COMA, GEESH"


lols

/cool story bra

7/9/2011 10:23:59 PM

Girlfriend gets home from hot yoga, proceeds to walk around while peeling off her soaked clothing and yammering on about something

She walks up to me and dangles her panties in my face, saying "omg feel these!" in an innocent attempt to make me aware of how wet they are, presumably a function of class intensity

I give her a "wtf are you smoking" face, not exactly thinking I'm out of line

She says "oh come on you eat my vagina. just feel them."

11/10/2011 8:01:16 PM

mine always tells me my farts stink, and I know she is lying

11/10/2011 8:06:07 PM

****Official Cool Story Bro Thread****

11/10/2011 8:13:16 PM

lolz

11/10/2011 9:04:07 PM

her favorite pizza crust is ham-tossed?

11/10/2011 9:05:36 PM

always has strange nicknames for me, like "schookums" or "mandingo".

11/10/2011 9:57:20 PM

11/10/2011 11:11:43 PM

says he is going to make breakfast, then sits down with his laptop to look at tww. all hopes of breakfast before 9am are dashed.

11/11/2011 9:00:06 AM

^ lol that sounds like something I would do

11/11/2011 9:01:34 AM

I still don't get what "Get to the Choppa!!!!" means?

11/11/2011 9:17:29 AM

We talk like gay lovers to each other. Our lisp is super sweet.

11/11/2011 9:18:29 AM

11/11/2011 9:20:07 AM

yep still not getting it, but I'm thinking now that's my fault

11/11/2011 9:30:04 AM

11/11/2011 9:31:04 AM

oh lawd

Now the whole text message exchange makes so much sense now!!! lol

11/11/2011 9:35:24 AM