let me tell you a story, tww.

i just moved, and am looking for people to play tennis w/, b/c it's the only form of exercise that i'll voluntarily engage in. i went on craigslist and found two people, one was a guy in my skill range, and one was an older guy that was "looking to get back into tennis". i figured that'd be fine, especially since i had no one to play w/, and i could go out and work on placement or something.

it took about 16 emails to find a time that this guy could play, so it was ridiculous right out of the gate. then when it was time to play he said that it'd be easy to spot him b/c he wears an eye patch. i figured it'd be hard to play tennis w/ an eye patch, but i remembered that dude in college that was shooting like 40% from behind the arc with one eye legally blind, so i thought it might be okay. we scheduled to play at 10:30 on monday. to my fault, i was late and got there at 10:37, and didn't see anyone with an eye patch. i was already feeling weird about it, but i texted him and asked if he was there, to which he said that he was and asked if i was there. i told him that i was, but made it a point to let him know that if he had already moved onto other things that it was fine. i got no response from him for about 20 minutes, and then spotted a guy walking up to the court that had an 80% chance of being a pedophile and a 100% chance of being drunk, wearing an eye patch.

so this dude rolls up and right away it's clear that this guy is in no shape to play tennis, either in the specific day or in his life in general. i wasn't even hoping that he was some deceptively good tennis player at this point, he just had no chance. with that said, i was still a bit surprised when he pulled his tennis racquet out of its cover and the fucking plastic was still on it. he then said that he had to leave at 11:20, which at this point was in about 25 minutes. normally i would be upset that someone made an appointment days ahead of time for less than an hour of tennis, but i didn't mind in this case.

no surprises once we start playing; this guy is horrible, drunk and probably has never played tennis before. he was swinging at balls that were 10' away from him, with his racquet not even facing the right direction. he was taking a solid 10 seconds to bend over and pick up a ball. i thought he was going to die when he almost broke his neck stumbling around after kicking a ball that he was trying to pick up. it was so bad that i was embarrassed to be out there w/ him, which has never happened to me playing tennis before. i put up with this for about 15 minutes before i told him that i had to go. i felt pretty bad about it, and said "sure" when he asked if i would be willing to play w/ him again, but i immediately went home and set a filter on my email to autodelete anything from him so that i won't feel bad when i ignore his emails. i felt especially bad b/c at the end he asked me if i would wear an eyepatch next time if he brought one, which i thought was a pretty good joke. and that's the end of the story. if anyone knows a better way to meet people to play tennis w/ (other than tennisopolis), i'd love to hear it.

8/18/2011 4:06:25 PM

lol

8/18/2011 4:07:42 PM

craigslist

8/18/2011 4:08:57 PM

laughing at picturing it all in my head

8/18/2011 4:10:49 PM

Hes like slicker than the guy with the thing on his eye

8/18/2011 4:12:23 PM

Quote :

"if anyone knows a better way to meet people to play tennis w/ (other than tennisopolis"

the real questions is, if anyone knows of a *worst* way to meet people to play tennis with

http://tennis.meetup.com/

8/18/2011 4:13:13 PM

Sounds like that time I saw dweedle play tennis.

8/18/2011 4:13:29 PM

^^ hahah, very true. my only experience w/ tennis "meetups" is getting kicked off of the pullen courts so that a bunch of old people could play doubles. i could stay home and play wii tennis and get the same exercise that i'd get playing doubles.

8/18/2011 4:15:23 PM

I used to try to hit Little Miss Wrobel with a tennis ball every time she ran near the courts while running track lol

8/18/2011 4:15:26 PM

if you were any better you wouldnt get kicked off the court

8/18/2011 4:16:38 PM

Quote :

" i felt especially bad b/c at the end he asked me if i would wear an eyepatch next time if he brought one, which i thought was a pretty good joke."

LOL

wtf.

Where do you live?

8/18/2011 4:18:49 PM

Quote :

"my only experience w/ tennis "meetups" is getting kicked off of the pullen courts so that a bunch of old people could play doubles. i could stay home and play wii tennis and get the same exercise that i'd get playing doubles."

Naw try again. When I want to get more tennis in I play with an "Advanced Doubles" meetup group. It's mostly 3.5 - 4.5 players...mostly 35 and under. They have singles meetups too if you prefer that. True enough you might run into some odd people every now , but not fat, drunk, eye patch wearing odd. And they're pretty few and far between, at least here in Raleigh

Also check into your city tennis program (where did you move?). Here in Raleigh theres something a ladder set up with is unlimited singles matches for $20...and competitive if you're into that.

8/18/2011 4:20:53 PM

Quote :

"if you were any better you wouldnt get kicked off the court"

i mean, they had them reserved. i didn't play them for the court and lose. i suppose if i were a lot better i wouldn't get kicked off, b/c i'd be so good people wouldn't kick me off, but being any better wouldn't have helped me that fateful day at pullen.

^ honestly i don't want to play any doubles, regardless of how competitive they are. i just want to get out and run and have fun, and in my opinion doubles doesn't serve either of those. maybe i'll use it to meet people to play singles though.

^,^^ i live in berkeley, ca.

[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 4:25 PM. Reason : .]

8/18/2011 4:21:08 PM

I think I speak on behalf of the entire wolfweb when I say this is the best thread ever.

8/18/2011 4:29:45 PM

You sure this wasn't a prank that is going to end up on YouTube?

8/18/2011 4:37:25 PM

about halfway through i started to sincerely look for hidden cameras.

^ lol, typed this out before i saw that.

[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 4:38 PM. Reason : ^]

8/18/2011 4:37:27 PM

lol like that "what would you do?" show on whatever network channel it's on

not the nickelodeon show from yestermillennium

8/18/2011 4:38:52 PM

Quote :

"honestly i don't want to play any doubles, regardless of how competitive they are. i just want to get out and run and have fun, and in my opinion doubles doesn't serve either of those. maybe i'll use it to meet people to play singles though."

At least you can see people's pictures here first
http://www.meetup.com/The-San-Francisco-Tennis-Party/
http://www.meetup.com/Russian-Hill-Mixed-Doubles-Tennis-Meetup/

8/18/2011 4:41:37 PM

i hated playing doubles, it was boring and if i lose i want it to be 100% my own fault

8/18/2011 4:43:14 PM

^ yeah, basically. it goes both ways too, i don't want to be the reason that someone else lost.

[Edited on August 18, 2011 at 4:49 PM. Reason : .]

8/18/2011 4:48:50 PM

AHA, this guy may be bad to play tennis with, but he sounds like he's got the makings of a best friend in him.

8/18/2011 4:50:17 PM

Hope it wasn't on clay

8/18/2011 6:32:07 PM

Lol what in the world.

8/18/2011 6:36:28 PM

this is relevant to my interests

i wanna get back on the courts soon

8/18/2011 6:36:43 PM

This reminds me of the time that I got rear-ended at a stoplight on Hillsborough St...while trying to sort things out, it quickly became apparent that the dude who hit me was deaf and mute. I figured, "Uhhh, OK...I'll just go get something to write on and we'll communicate that way." Wrong fucking answer, dude...turns out he was also illiterate.



Of course, it also reminds me (in a sort of opposite way) about how saps852 used to just beat my ass in foosball with one hand and a nub.

8/18/2011 6:39:51 PM