Her parents are coming to visit in two weeks and we are supposed to go out to dinner, which she wants me to plan. I'm kinda scared to death. I have never had to do this before. Will her parents pay? I mean I don't know how nice of a restaurant to go to. Like a place where you need a reservation? A hole in the wall mom-and-pop place? An Applebee's type of place? I have met her parents briefly in the past when we were not dating. But this is the first time I'll be meeting them in a bf/gf capacity. I think her dad might be in the russian mafia and drives a GL. I asked her what he does for a living and she honestly didn't know. Some sort of consultant. Do I bring that up in conversation? I don't even know what to talk about. I feel lik I'm gonna barf just thinking about it and it it still two weeks away. I'm fucked.

10/6/2011 1:55:18 PM

Don't go to Applebees. Too loud. Too many kids. You want to be able to hear each other.

Try for a place that's low-key, but still nice ... maybe something unique to the local area. What city are you in? That will help us offer alternatives.



[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:01 PM. Reason : f]

10/6/2011 2:00:58 PM

1. You make the reservation & you pay
2. Make it a nice place, don't take them to McDonald's or Applebee's.
3. Even if her 'rents offer to pay, thank them, say you'll accept next time, and pay. You can go so far as to (away from the table) tell the waiter to hand you the check.
4. Get some damn confidence and man the fuck up.
5. Dress up, not in a tux, but not like a douchebag no confidence having fuckwad.
6. Be polite.

(Seriously, your parents should be able to tell you this, or an older sibling).

I've done this several times, and each time I pay, address them as Sir & Ma'am (or Mr & Mrs), and have never had an issue with the parents.

10/6/2011 2:02:47 PM

Kemp's Seafood

10/6/2011 2:03:31 PM

Why don't you ask your girlfriend? She seems the most likely person to know what kind of restaurant her parents would want to go to. If you're the one choosing the chances of you fucking up are high. What if you choose a place like Caffe Luna and they turn out to be the types that only eat at places like Olive Garden or Applebee's? Or what if you choose Chili's and it turns out they're hipster food snobs that would rather be dead than be caught in a chain restaurant? Or what if they're the sort of people who will only eat Polish food or some crazy shit like that?

Don't leave it up to chance; ask your girlfriend

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:05 PM. Reason : long day]

10/6/2011 2:04:35 PM

Quote :

"Even if her 'rents offer to pay, thank them, say you'll accept next time, and pay. You can go so far as to (away from the table) tell the waiter to hand you the check. "

My dad would get so pissed off if a dude I'm dating tried to pay for dinner. He'd be ok w/ the guy offering to pay but he would never allow the guy to pay. And if the guy pulled the waiter aside and told him to give the bill to him, my dad would be pissed off. And my dad can hold a grudge like you wouldn't believe. So I doubt that guy would get his blessing for marriage in the future

My husband always offers to pay when we are out with him but my dad always refuses. My husband realizes that its just better to let him pay b/c it will keep my family sane.

10/6/2011 2:09:14 PM

^ lol yeah but your dad is also Japanese That's a super duper cultural thing over there.

10/6/2011 2:10:48 PM

^^ ditto. Some fathers would consider it a slap in the face. Attempt to pay, but don't fight for the bill. If the father wants to pay, let him pay.

I've seen a lot of fights over the bill. Not worth it. If the father really wants to pay and you don't let him, it can be emasculating to him.

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:11 PM. Reason : d]

10/6/2011 2:11:04 PM

^^LOL yeah

the best was when we were in Vegas a couple years ago w/ our extended Japanese family

Watching two Japanese men (my father and my father's cousin) fight over the bill....I thought there was going to be a weapon drawn

10/6/2011 2:12:45 PM

and if her father's emasculated by it, realize that he's a dickwad and you're going to have to deal with that for the rest of the time y'all are together

that said, i'd (firmly) offer to pay and you can judge his response from there...if he seems impressed, stick with it...if it looks like he might be annoyed, let him have the bill and be sincere in your thanks to him for it

10/6/2011 2:13:45 PM

Quote :

"My dad would get so pissed off if a dude I'm dating tried to pay for dinner."

Yeah, I'm afraid of pissing him off or offending him.

Quote :

"What city are you in? That will help us offer alternatives."

Philadelphia area

10/6/2011 2:16:52 PM

^^ If he's in the mafia as OP suggested, then perhaps he should respect the father's wishes.

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:17 PM. Reason : f]

10/6/2011 2:17:06 PM

if he's in the mafia, he probably should think twice about fucking the daughter of a mafia boss.

10/6/2011 2:19:25 PM

the last time i had to do this we were hosting her parents in DC, as they were in town visiting her.

while not a steadfast rule for me, since it was my first time meeting them and we were fairly serious at the time, i hosted the entire evening (my town, my treat, etc). had it been in their hometown, (and actually we visited them later on) i would have definitely been deferential to the "who pays" thing. i think the onus is more on who is actually "hosting". then again i was 29 at the time and had a real income. i could see if i was younger being more deferential about it. but in this case it definitely felt natural and appropriate to get the tab.

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:20 PM. Reason : .]

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:22 PM. Reason : .]

10/6/2011 2:19:27 PM

My now in-laws are exactly the same way about paying for stuff. I've offended them on more than one occasion by not accepting their charity and I don't argue about paying for stuff any more. Ask your girlfriend.

10/6/2011 2:19:56 PM

In every adult relationship, you have to learn to pick your battles. So you really have to determine how much of your own pride rests on paying the bill.

The bill is a pride issue.

10/6/2011 2:22:20 PM

If you offer to pay then absolutely decline their first offer to pay. If they persist then they're obviously of the mentality that "the family elder pays at dinner" and you shouldn't decline them more than once.

Don't be sneaky or clever in grabbing the check from the waitress. That only works after developing a more casual relationship with them.

Odds are you aren't the first guy she's dated who has met her parents, and odds are solid that you won't be the worst. Keep that in mind. Also, hopefully, they'll remember what it was like when they were younger and will understand that you're nervous.

Remember that small goof-ups can actually be endearing. Also, if there's a preferred sport you share a fandom in then talking about it can be fun (as long as your favorite team and their favorite team aren't heated rivals, and even then don't assume that they're judging you for that).

10/6/2011 2:22:54 PM

Applebees?

You barely deserve to exist let alone have a girlfriend.

10/6/2011 2:22:54 PM

Quote :

"If he's in the mafia as OP suggested, then perhaps he should respect the father's wishes."

i didn't say he shouldn't respect his wishes...exactly the opposite

being in the russian mafia doesn't preclude him from being a dickwad who is so insecure in his masculinity that he would get upset by someone else paying the bill

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:23 PM. Reason : seriously, though, i don't care...let someone else pay if they want to]

10/6/2011 2:22:56 PM

Based on everything you've posted about this "relationship", it sounds like you've been indecisive every step of the way. You never man up and say/do what you want...you defer to others. Is that the kind of image you want to convey to the parents of your "dream girl"?

I would choose a local restaurant that has character and isn't outrageously expensive. I would not offer to pay for the whole family, just you and your girl. Dress like an adult, but don't dress like you're going in for a job interview.

I'd just try to not come across like a bitch. Given the history here and how scared you seem to be about holding a conversation, that's gonna be tough. You're too worried about the possibility of messing things up with this chick, which means you're likely to come across as weak and lacking confidence.

10/6/2011 2:23:41 PM

Quote :

"I would not offer to pay for the whole family, just you and your girl."

haha that is some half-steppin' shit right there. pay or accept their offer to pay. anything in between makes you look petty and ridiculous.

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:25 PM. Reason : .]

10/6/2011 2:24:38 PM

My dad has definitely given the "thank you, but never do that again" when the date paid for food/drinks on the sly.

Why exactly is she making you arrange the dinner with her parents? I find it weird she doesn't put the meet and greet together... PRE-SSURE

10/6/2011 2:24:39 PM

Oh yeah, and pick some place she likes. Her enthusiasm for the restaurant can easily help carry over to the parents, and will help make her more of your advocate.

10/6/2011 2:25:53 PM

Wait, we're all clear that this thread is just made-up Pikey bullshit right?

10/6/2011 2:27:39 PM

I know this is you meeting her parents, but when our parents met each other for the first time we chose Hayes Barton. Good food, not too extravagant prices, and if it's not going well or convo is kinda meh you can at least talk about the decor.

Nvm...read further and you aren't in Raleigh

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:31 PM. Reason : ]

10/6/2011 2:29:51 PM

Quote :

"haha that is some half-steppin' shit right there. pay or accept their offer to pay. anything in between makes you look petty and ridiculous."

Are you kidding me? Two couples, two bills. That should be the default. If the parents offer to pick up the whole bill, then accept. I would not offer to pay for the whole dinner. That just doesn't jive with the social dynamic that should exist between parents and daughter/boyfriend.

10/6/2011 2:30:59 PM

he said Philadelphia

10/6/2011 2:31:11 PM

I didn't read the whole thread til after I posted. I tend to do that.

10/6/2011 2:31:54 PM

^^^ It does if this is an explicit invitation from him to them.

Of course, since it isn't then that's kinda thrown out.

Be prepared to offer to pay. You might get cut off quickly anyway.

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:32 PM. Reason : .]

10/6/2011 2:32:35 PM

First time i met my wife's dad he put a beer in my hand and we shot the shit and got along fine.

10/6/2011 2:32:57 PM

Regardless, you should always OFFER and be prepared to pay.

10/6/2011 2:34:32 PM

Quote :

"you kidding me? Two couples, two bills. That should be the default. If the parents offer to pick up the whole bill, then accept. I would not offer to pay for the whole dinner. That just doesn't jive with the social dynamic that should exist between parents and daughter/boyfriend. "

No, it's not a 2-couple situation. It's basically a family situation.

You either consider yourself a separate couple, or an extension of the family.

So, it's just a matter of how close the girl is to her folks.

10/6/2011 2:35:16 PM

^^^ Always a possibility.

That reminds me, don't order alcohol before them. You never know when it'll be a touchy issue.

Feel free to peruse the alcohol menu, but put it down and give them a chance as well. Perusing the menu is a way to crack the door open there, but they need to walk through (order) first.

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:36 PM. Reason : .]

10/6/2011 2:35:18 PM

This is your chance to show them all you're a man.

10/6/2011 2:36:20 PM

Quote :

"I think her dad might be in the russian mafia and drives a GL"

For what it's worth, tons of Eastern Europeans like to maintain the appearance of being in the mafia, while in reality being just regular ole blue collar workers whose car is worth more than all their other posessions put together and multiplied by two.

If he is the real deal that you will still be fine as long as you stay respectful. Pick a restaurant your GF likes. Talk about yourself and your girl and what you've been up to together, keep it PG-13, stay out of politics, don't ask too many questions, and be prepared to take a few shots of vodka (do NOT politely refuse to take them if they are offered).


[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 2:42 PM. Reason : oh yeah and "try to not come across like a bitch"]

10/6/2011 2:41:14 PM

Quote :

"Wait, we're all clear that this thread is just made-up Pikey bullshit right? "

10/6/2011 2:44:11 PM

Dude, just relax, and go for a place that suits you and your girlfriend. If you guys are fun-loving types, a family-style restaurant is fine. If they're more of the uppity, higher-class type, then sure, reservations are appropriate.

If her parents are blue-collar, hard-working types, then they may be uncomfortable at Ruth's Chris (or whatever). However, if her parents are more reserved suit-types, they may be uncomfortable at a Texas Roadhouse (or whatever).

Here's an idea: Ask your girlfriend. It doesn't hurt to say "hey, what do you your parents want for dinner?"


Just remember that in the end, it's not her parents you're dating, but her. Show them you care about their daughter, and you're not a dirtbag, and they'll like you regardless of where you eat.

Also, offer to pay, but if the Father objects, let him pay. He's her Dad, show him respect.

10/6/2011 2:49:08 PM

every post is exactly the same

10/6/2011 2:53:16 PM

mostly, except for d357r0y3r finally coming to terms with being a total dirtbag.

10/6/2011 2:55:49 PM

You're an idiot.

10/6/2011 2:56:31 PM

Super important for the bill:

Have 4 ones, 1 five, 1 ten, and several 20s in your wallet, in addition to your CC, and have it organized.

It is best to "insist" to pay your share, or for you and the gf. Do it once. It is very likely that they will still pay. If they insist after you insist, your insistence is trumped. Don't "ask" if they'd like you to pay your share, and don't insist more than once. You don't know what situation you'll be in. The waiter could take out a single check with everything on it. This is why you need the cash. If you offer to pay, there should not be a transaction cost associated with doing so.

The point is to avoid it becoming an issue, not to make it an issue.

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 3:04 PM. Reason : ]

10/6/2011 3:03:29 PM

Philadelphia? Go to D&B's. There will never be an awkward silence.

[Edited on October 6, 2011 at 4:11 PM. Reason : i]

10/6/2011 4:11:18 PM

Quote :

"Wait, we're all clear that this thread is just made-up Pikey bullshit right?"

Glad I'm not the only one seeing it. Agent 0 and Doss2k know what's up.

10/6/2011 4:32:10 PM

+1 wraith....

For christ sakes he asked about applebees

10/6/2011 4:48:35 PM

lol, I never expect my boyfriend to pay for meals when I'm out with my parents. I don't think he ever offers either, but nobody expects him to pay and I find it annoying to put on the whole show of "OMG I TOATLLY WANT TO PAY" when we all know how it will end. But then again, I'm not the best with those social things.

10/6/2011 5:01:40 PM

I usually just treat the parents like people. It's no different than meeting anyone else.

10/6/2011 5:09:42 PM

as already advised, you can try to pay/offer and it is likely the parents will decline and pay the whole bill

so in turn, you could suggest going for ice cream or dessert somewhere else, your treat

ive never had this situation where it was an issue. my parents almost always pay when my bf and i go out with them but i have picked up the bill at times and so has my bf. its never been a problem and has always just been a natural situation. i find that while my parents are very generous people, they appreciate being taken out too and don't view it as a status thing.

10/6/2011 6:51:57 PM

So I talked to her tonight. She spoke with her parents. We decided on Fogo De Chao. I am fully prepared to pick up the bill.

They are coming down early on a Saturday. She told her dad that I golf a lot and he wants to play with me while she and her mother go shopping in DE. So an hour after we meet, he wants to spend 4 hours alone with me. She said to make sure I tone down my golf game. So that makes me think he is a sore loser.

10/6/2011 7:06:47 PM

I have to admit the opening post would be adorable if it were coming from a 16 year old.

10/6/2011 7:09:58 PM

set em up

10/6/2011 8:02:08 PM