That one bite in an otherwise already delicious meal that stands head shoulders above the rest. It’s the pure essence of that particular food, epitomized in a salival morsel that encapsulates everything that is good about that particular item. I’ll post some examples so the masses can can follow along.

• A filet mignon cooked on the rare side of medium rare, with char marks and a crust that seals in the juicy goodness. Each bite is bliss, but the one that stands out, the one you’ll remember is the one that lay right next you your baked potato, and a little of the rock salt from the skins rubs off onto the meat. Now, you would never butter your steak intentionally, but if a schmear should happen to fall off your potato and on to your steak, perhaps with a bacon bit in tow, then the ensuing bite of beef, salt, pork, and cream will be the highlight of your evening, and for some of us, our week.

• A roasted turkey sandwich on an artisian focaccia roll. You examine the entire circumference, deciding where to take your first bite, when you see it; the flawless curls of black pepper bacon ensconced between two layers of white breast meat, adorned liberally with a red pepper basil mayo that has just the right amount of heat. The tomato bursts in your mouth, the cool crunch supplementing the creamy avocado that ties everything together. Your eyes close and your knees buckle as the euphoric rush of culinary bliss hits you full force.

• A 45 year old man's asshole. The intoxicating stench nearly stifles you initially, but you soon grow to appreciate it as the crimson flaps beckon. Cheeks parted, puckered brown eye slightly agape. Of course he’s not the greatest wiper in the world, but he gets the job done. You clasp the pockmarked globes of his ass as you spread them even further apart, holding your nose mere inches from his opening as you begin to salivate over the forbidden treasures hidden within those rectal walls. You extend the tip of your tongue ever so slightly until it barely brushes against his Perineum, relishing the moment.

• A bowl of lobster bisque, thick and rich, but not overwhelmingly so. The cream and the sherry aren’t the stars here. They’re mere role players to the succulent lobster meat that dominates the ensemble, almost an entire tails worth. The perfect bite occurs when those crackers you crumbled earlier begin to get just a little bit soft, but still retain enough crunchiness to give you that contrasting mouth feel. You get a lovely spoonful of several chunks of meat, a piece or two of cracker, and just enough broth to saturate everything without being overbearing. When they do it right, its better than almost any main course that will follow.

• Apple pie with ice cream, or a la mode if you want to sound like a douche. The pie should be of the Dutch variety, with the crumbly crust, not the smooth top generic slop they serve at most places. It should be very hot, hot enough to slightly melt the accompanying scoop of French vanilla ice cream atop it without having to resort to the microwave. The perfect bite will contain a 70/30 pie/ice cream mixture, with about 1/3 of the pie part being the crust, with the rest being the creamy spiced apples within. The ice cream should hit your palate first, providing a cooling sensation that pairs nicely with the piping hot pie, then should wash away leaving an after taste almost entirely of apple. The ice cream is there to enhance the pie, and should never dominate under any circumstances.



Now its your turn.

12/1/2011 3:59:28 PM

your mom's clit

12/1/2011 4:00:54 PM

i was going to mention a 47 year old man's asshole

12/1/2011 4:00:59 PM

I thought this thread was about teeth. To which I wouldn't be able to post in it until next August.

12/1/2011 4:03:17 PM

congrats on your reconstructive oral surgery

12/1/2011 4:04:35 PM

Reminds me of the track on that Adam Sandler CD.

12/1/2011 4:06:10 PM

This is what I do now. I've matured, but I still throw in some jokes to show off my playful side, which sounded a lot less gay in my head.

12/1/2011 4:08:30 PM

^^^ Haha. Just braces.

[Edited on December 1, 2011 at 4:08 PM. Reason : .]

12/1/2011 4:08:47 PM

Quote :

"M1: "Hey, it's great to have us all out on a road trip again this is gonna be fun" [all agree] M2: "Whoa,do you smell that skunk" All: "Yeah M2: "You know, even though it stinks it kinda reminds me of growing up" [all agree] M3: "It kinda reminds me of smelling weed" [all agree] M1: "Hey, it reminds me of smelling a pussy" [all agree] M2: "It reminds me of smelling an ass" [all agree] M4: "It reminds me of smelling a 60 year old guys ass" [car screeches, he drops out of the car] M4: "Hey, screw you guys I am who I am deal with it" M1: "I'm glad we got rid of him his was a wierdo" M3: "Oh my God, that was a little out there, hey check out a water slide, man, those things always remind me of my 13th birthday party, remember that" [all agree] M1: "Hey, it reminds me of that girl I met last year who was a lifegaurd at one of those things, she was unbelievable" [all agree] M2: "Hey, it reminds me of that rich girl I went out with and when her dad went out of town we fooled around in his jucuzzi" [all agree] M3: "It also reminds me of the time I saw a 60 year old guy slide down one of those things and he was going so fast his bathing suit fell off, and I just stood there at his big beutiful hairy balls flopping around, holy geez I wanted to lick em'" [car screeches he drops out of it] M3: "I hate you guys, you tricked me into sayin' that" M2: "I always knew that guy was a little wierd" M1: "Hey, there's a pizza place it smells awesome" M2: "It reminds me of the time I used to work in a pizza place" M1: "It reminds me of my first date with this girl named Ginger, I took her to a pizza place" M2: "Hey, it also reminds me of the time I ate a slice of pizza, and then went over to a 60 year old man's house and made him fuck me in the ass in front of his kids" [car screeches, he drops out of it] M2: "Hey don't get all hitey mitey he wanted me to do it" M1: "Man they were all crazy, hey, what's that" Cow: "Moo" M1: "Oh my god, ahhhhhhhhhhh" [car chrashes] "Hey that last skit was written for a reason, if any of your buddy's have fooled around with a 60 year old man, don't throw them out of your car, or you will die, now enjoy the rest of the album.""

12/1/2011 4:13:04 PM

You're not telling anyone anything they don't already know. That album was the bane of summer camp existence. What are you trying to prove?

[Edited on December 1, 2011 at 4:14 PM. Reason : x]

12/1/2011 4:14:20 PM