affection, and romance!

Quote :

"Before you read my ad I would simply like to state a fact... I am NOT an asshole. I am simply straight forward in what I want and I don't like beating around the bush. So, when you read my ad take that into consideration. My name is Chris and I was born and raised in Portland, Oregon. I currently live in my own place in Beaverton on Murray Hill. I would really like to meet someone special who would like to move in with me and live happily ever after. I own my own business as a professional web designer and graphic designer. I work from home in doing so. I am very successful with my business and it is something I am truly grateful for. I tend to fall extremely fast and extremely hard, so it would also be nice to meet someone who not only understands that but is the same way as well. I'm sick and tired of 'dating'. I hate going on one bad date after another only to start all over again. All I want is someone who will go on a date with me and from the first date spend every single day and night with me from there on and just be inseparable together. I want someone who wants to move in together, settle down, and not be with anyone else, just each other. I don't want to go on dates with hundreds of girls, I just want to settle down with that one special someone and delete this stupid profile once and for all. I am a firm believer that both men and women have 'roles' in this world. I think men are the ones who should work, provide for their families, and protect the woman they are with. I think women should help tend to the house, raise the children, and do other things along those lines. I do not like the whole modern day 'independent woman' mentality because personally I don't want to be an 'independent man', I want a woman by my side and wouldn't have it any other way. I understand the need to have a job, especially when you're single and do not have a combined income. However, if I am dating someone I do not think they need to be working all the time or paying for things as that is my job as the man of the house. I am only putting this out here in the open because I am so tired of dating these independent women who want to be treated exactly like a man. I want a women who is feminine, not a woman who wants to act and be treated like a man. A woman who wants a real man to take care of her. Face it, men and women are both different and we both have different roles. If you disagree with me on this do not bother wasting your time contacting me. Health and fitness are by far my biggest hobby and a huge part of my life. I have been bodybuilding for the past 8 years now and I have made amazing accomplishments in regards to my progress and physique. I live a very healthy and active lifestyle and I love eating healthy and working out. I am looking for a girl who also likes to take care of herself and someone who as my girlfriend would go to the gym with me every day that I go and not be afraid to lift weights with me as well. I'm not going to post pictures on here of me shirtless or flexing because that is just a douche bag thing to do. I will tell you that I am in extremely good shape though and I am a very big and muscular guy at 220 Lbs. If you don't like built guys I suggest you look elsewhere. I don't expect any girl to be in as good of shape as I am, however, I do want to date someone who at least takes care of themselves. My other hobby is sport bikes. I am a huge fan of Italian motorcycles, namely Aprilia. I currently own an Aprilia RSV Mille R, and let me tell you, this thing is easily the most fun and amazing bike I've ever owned. I believe I have 1 of only 5 Milles in the entire state of Oregon! I ride almost every single day and I also love racing my bike at track days as well. Nothing is more exciting to me than dragging my knee through those corners! I grew up rebuilding motors, fixing cars, motorcycles, etc. There isn't anything I can't fix. Give me a broken car or motorcycle and I'll fix it even if the entire motor has to be rebuilt. That goes for household stuff as well. I can do anything from installing a toilet to putting in new floor. I grew up fixing and building computers as well so electronics are not a problem either. You name it and I can fix it, literally! I'm probably the only guy (especially around here) you'll ever meet who does not drink (not even on occasion), smoke, or do drugs. I also am not the kind of guy who goes to bars, parties, or clubs. Personally I don't see how spending tons of money on alcohol, getting wasted, and then waking up the next morning feeling like crap can be any fun at all. I'm not religious at all, these are just personal choices I've made. I come from a very good family and had a wonderful childhood and upbringing. My family is the most amazing family in the world and I care for them very much (especially my mother). I can tell you for a fact that love and family are the most important things in life to me. DEAL BREAKERS 1) If you drink alcohol (even if it's just a glass of wine on occasion) 2) If you smoke or do drugs 3) If you go out to clubs or bars 4) If you have friends who are guys. I don't have a single friend who is a girl, period. So obviously I don't want to date any girl who has friends that are guys, period! I don't want you to drop your guy friends for me, I am just looking for a girl who doesn't have guy friends to begin with. 5) If you're still in school. I'm almost 29 years old so I prefer not to date anyone who is still in college. I have nothing against school but I'm ready to settle down and I'd like to be with someone who is past that point in their life. 6) If you have kids (I don't want kids ever, I'm just putting this out there as to not get anyone's hopes up) I will not make ANY exceptions whatsoever for any of these deal breakers, if you message me and you don't meet them, I'll simply delete your email. My perfect first date would be to meet a girl who would come over and hangout with me but bring an 'overnight' bag in the process. From the moment we first meet it would be love at first sight. She would stay the night and we would cuddle together all night long getting lost in each others eyes. It basically ends up with us moving in together! You can call me crazy, call me insane, call me whatever you want! But I know this is exists because I've had it before. If it's not your cup of tea move on to the next guy because I don't want to waste my time or yours! I want to meet a girl who like myself, lives and breathes true romance and passion, literally. I want someone who will shower me with affection and attention just as I will do for her. I want a girl who has the kind of uncontrollable passion flowing through her body that will just make her want to hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, and cuddle with me everywhere we go. I want someone who can look me in the eyes and spill their entire heart to me just like something you'd see out of a movie. That is the way I am and I want someone who is that way in return. It would be amazing to have someone who sends me sweet little text messages while they're away, and calls me every chance they get. Someone who would promise to fall asleep every single night in my arms with her head lightly pressed against my chest as I gently run my fingers through her hair and kiss her forehead while I softly whisper sweet things in her ear and tell her how much I love her until she falls asleep in my arms where she belongs. Every morning we would wake up, shower together, and do everything together including going to the gym, grocery shopping, etc. We'd plan the perfect wedding (hopefully on a beach in Maui!) and she'd do sweet things like cook for us in the kitchen so I could sneak up behind her, wrap my arms around her waist, pull her body closely against mine and trace soft little kisses from her shoulder blade up to her neck and then to her ear where I would whisper how much I love her and how much she means to me as I kiss the side of her neck and hold her so close from behind. We would hold hands everywhere we went (even in the car!) and give each other endless amounts of PDA and affection. I would choose her over my friends because to me she would be my best friend and more. I would need her like I need air to breathe. She would be my entire world, my everything. I would love her with all of my heart and give her enough love to last 10 lifetimes. I want a girl who will ALWAYS make me a first priority and never leave me to spend a night alone by myself. I want someone who will not only be the love of my life and my soulmate, I want someone who will also be my best friend as well. I want to be with someone who is passionate, affectionate, loving, and romantic. From the moment we first meet we won't spend a single night apart (yep, that includes the first date). DISCLAIMER: Of course I come with a disclaimer! I must warn you, aside from my hopeless romantic side I also have a very kinky/naughty side. I very much enjoy sex (especially when it's with someone I love) and I consider myself very adventurous and kinky in the bedroom (it is a form of affection after all). I feel that an amazing sex life is part of the foundation for a lasting relationship. I ALSO HAVE A HUGE FETISH FOR DOUBLE PENETRATION OR 'DP' for short. Part of DP obviously includes anal sex, as well as involving another guy. I've found some womans are REALLY into it, while other womans aren't. If you aren't into every aspect of DP, or you're prude, boring, or vanilla in the bedroom, I promise I am not the guy for you. I realize this is very blunt and forward of me to put out there, and probably even makes me come across as an ass, but honestly, I am simply tired of getting stuck in relationships with really boring sex, that's all. I want someone who has the same 'fetish' as me. "

http://portland.craigslist.org/wsc/m4w/2967344287.html

4/20/2012 2:37:47 PM

Quote :

"I don't like beating around the bush"

well this is your first problem

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

4/20/2012 2:39:23 PM

Quote :

"My perfect first date would be to meet a girl who would come over and hangout with me but bring an 'overnight' bag in the process. From the moment we first meet it would be love at first sight. She would stay the night and we would cuddle together all night long getting lost in each others eyes. It basically ends up with us moving in together! You can call me crazy, call me insane, call me whatever you want! But I know this is exists because I've had it before. If it's not your cup of tea move on to the next guy because I don't want to waste my time or yours!"

I know the perfect girl for him!

4/20/2012 2:42:31 PM

4/20/2012 2:44:15 PM

considering his desire for monogamous, constant 1-on-1 affection, i find his little caveat at the end about sex to be pretty

4/20/2012 2:48:29 PM

so he is advertising to be trophy husband?


this guy is a tool.

4/20/2012 2:48:29 PM

I'm a little that op is lurking around the portland m4w section


[Edited on April 20, 2012 at 2:50 PM. Reason : ]

4/20/2012 2:49:26 PM

Why did you post this?

And why were you browsing the Portland m4w board in the first place?

4/20/2012 2:51:22 PM

CL ads like this spread like wildfire through facebook and other social sites... this one is a gem.

4/20/2012 2:52:27 PM

yo holmes, to bell-aire

4/20/2012 2:53:25 PM

odds are you'll find some w->m trannies in portland. good odds she'll still have a gooch. good luck on your search synapse

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

4/20/2012 2:53:55 PM

I was hoping for a picture!

Also, lol at his demands. No guy friends at all.

And he has no girl friends. No wonder he is lonely.

4/20/2012 2:57:17 PM

person in pics isnt him? i just assumed

4/20/2012 2:59:00 PM

if you follow the link those are the pictures that were posted, who knows if it is actually him. I think someone needs to do some espionage and get to the bottom of this.

4/20/2012 3:00:21 PM

Quote :

"Why did you post this? And why were you browsing the Portland m4w board in the first place?"

Busted. I was prowling the Portland M4W section.

or one of my FB friends posted it. Whichever one works for you.

^ are you volunteering?

4/20/2012 3:00:50 PM

Quote :

"Why did you post this? And why were you browsing the Portland m4w board in the first place? "

He stole it from my Facebook. I stole it from someone else.

4/20/2012 3:04:08 PM

nice job slipping in double penetration at the end

4/20/2012 3:04:37 PM

Quote :

"person in pics isnt him? i just assumed"

Aah, I can't get craigslist at work, so that's probably why I don't see pictures.

4/20/2012 3:05:16 PM

^^More like driving the point home

[Edited on April 20, 2012 at 3:06 PM. Reason : N]

4/20/2012 3:05:30 PM

he doesn't seem like the type who would have trouble at least getting laid

...if he weren't clearly a raging psycho

4/20/2012 3:06:46 PM

And parts of it seem reasonable and normal. Then a little bit of crazy jumps out and waves at you in between two seemingly reasonable sentences.

4/20/2012 3:08:13 PM

I think you have that backwards

4/20/2012 3:12:32 PM

i think this guy has serious mother issues

4/20/2012 3:14:22 PM

Oh yeah. He got raped by his mom, grandmother, all of his sisters, and all of their dogs.

4/20/2012 3:16:45 PM

and they never cuddled with him, hence why he never wants to spend a night by himself

4/20/2012 3:17:52 PM

Didn't Tosh post this on FB too?

[Edited on April 20, 2012 at 3:23 PM. Reason : Nm it was someone posting it to o&a]

4/20/2012 3:21:26 PM

lol I read that as Oh yeah. He got raped by his mom, grandmother, all of his sisters, and all of their dongs.

4/20/2012 3:23:30 PM

^^ dunno I didn't see it: https://www.facebook.com/toshpoint0...unless it was months ago or something.

4/20/2012 3:23:32 PM

Quote :

"I think you have that backwards"

I was referring mostly to his list of demands. And the first three paragraphs weren't that bad. And then this sentence pops up: "from the first date spend every single day and night with me from there on and just be inseparable together" and it's crazy from there on out.

4/20/2012 3:23:39 PM

fucker deleted it

can anyone find a cached copy?

4/20/2012 4:37:09 PM

tl;dr OP is gay

4/20/2012 4:38:07 PM

Quote :

"I want to meet a girl who like myself, lives and breathes true romance and passion, literally."

[Edited on April 20, 2012 at 5:07 PM. Reason : wat]

4/20/2012 5:07:31 PM

damn that dude is cray-cray to the max.

4/20/2012 5:08:10 PM

pass

4/20/2012 5:20:05 PM

he is going to have to get over his problem with women who drink. i don't know anyone who would do that stuff at the end while sober. (or maybe i do, i just don't know about it)

4/20/2012 5:25:37 PM

sounds like a clinger to me

4/20/2012 5:27:11 PM

wtf

[Edited on April 20, 2012 at 5:29 PM. Reason : ....]

4/20/2012 5:28:09 PM

^^^ I'll bet you do, but I doubt there are any who will do that, yet never, ever consume a drop of alcohol.

4/20/2012 5:53:47 PM

^

4/20/2012 5:59:06 PM

oh, look. there she is

4/20/2012 6:02:05 PM

dammit, you guyz found my ad

except for the whole deal breakers line by line / I'm clingy / posting a profile online kind of thing.

4/20/2012 6:10:52 PM

Attractive, fit male searching for cuddling, affection, and double penetration!

4/21/2012 6:51:09 AM

So he wants an Amish girl who is into group sex and DP?

4/21/2012 8:51:34 AM

In two of those pics he looks cute. In the other three he looks like a typical Affliction douche.

4/21/2012 8:54:21 AM

Quote :

"I ALSO HAVE A HUGE FETISH FOR DOUBLE PENETRATION OR 'DP' for short. Part of DP obviously includes anal sex, as well as involving another guy. I've found some womans are REALLY into it, while other womans aren't. If you aren't into every aspect of DP, or you're prude, boring, or vanilla in the bedroom, I promise I am not the guy for you."

this is why he's single.

he wants to marry a clingy whore - unicorn who will take it in the ass from a 3rd during regular sex.

4/21/2012 10:30:38 AM

Some womans

4/21/2012 11:36:17 AM