When I was in 2nd grade, my class would regularly challenge the class next door to spelling bees and multiplication tables races. During one spelling bee, my class had been entirely eliminated except for me. The class next door still had 7 kids left. But I gritted my teeth, and nailed every word until every last one of those other kids had been disqualified.

As our class triumphantly returned to our room, my peers shouted in celebration with me as we savored our victory. One kid gave me a crayon sharpener, another some sheets of tracing paper. The best artist in the class drew me a picture of a TMNT and of course, the girls would sneak notes dotted with hearts to me during class, vying for my attention.

Like all things, glory fades. But, I'll always have the memory of the 2nd grade spelling bee comeback and no one can ever take that away from me.

[Edited on May 11, 2012 at 9:19 PM. Reason : .]

5/11/2012 9:18:46 PM

our class in like kindergarten was acting up(except for me) so the teacher took away our ice cream break after naptime well at the end of naptime i refused to get up and do anything, said to the teacher that it wasn't fair that she was punishing me for their behavior. she said fine i could have some ice cream, but i countered with but that wouldn't be fair to the rest of the class and i so she gave us all back our ice cream break. everybody thought i was the fucking king for the rest of the day and the next day

5/11/2012 9:25:12 PM

5/11/2012 9:25:57 PM

In third grade, we had a multiplication quiz every week to see if we could do a bunch of them in like five minutes. If you completed all the questions correctly, you never had to do it again and got to chill on the couch while all the other kids were taking the quiz. I did it on the second try and was one of the only kids to finish it the entire year. (Georgia Public Schools, holla).

Dramatization of me during the other kids' quiz time:

5/11/2012 9:29:35 PM

In 6th grade, I went from not knowing how to play chess to winning the school tournament. I'll never forget when Jimmy Humphries tipped over his king to signify my dominance across the school.

5/11/2012 9:32:35 PM

i was undefeated in elementary school spelling bees. EAT THAT SHIT.

5/11/2012 9:48:01 PM

in pre-school I was the first to count to 100

in 3rd grade I was the first to complete my multiplication tables (there was a progress thing on the board for everybody for 1s through 9s)

5/11/2012 9:56:03 PM

Won the 2nd grade spelling bee when I was in 1st grade. I won on the 3rd word, which was "canoe." I studied for WEEKS for that thing and it was over in like 10 mins. wtf. I did get a sweet trophy out of the deal!

5/11/2012 9:56:34 PM

Re: OP, sic transit gloria.

5/11/2012 10:09:25 PM

third place in some spelling bee in elementary school

both girls who beat me ended up being doctors

couldn't spell camouflage

joined the Navy

5/11/2012 11:13:22 PM

My little league basketball team (10 and under I think) went 19-0 one year. Our big rivals were Big Al's Pizza who were undefeated until the last tournament where we beat them two times. One of my teammates was a little scrawny kid named Terrence Holt.

5/12/2012 12:18:46 AM

^lol

5/12/2012 12:24:56 AM

In third grade there was this kid that was always making fun of kids, especially me because I had glasses and I was a chubby third grader. One day in the library he was said I was a fat four eye freak, my reply was at least I didn't ride the short bus, and could read without sounding like a retard. He came into punch me, and I held up my left hand, he pulled my arm and I swung my right fist as hard as I could while elbowing him with the left. Dude went down hard and I went down on him too cause I lost my balance. Fool was trying to get up but everyone started chanting my name... so I threw a few more pops on him. I didn't get in trouble, and he stayed away from me for the rest of the year.

It was talked about middle school.

5/12/2012 12:28:15 AM

Quote :

"Dude went down hard and I went down on him too"

5/12/2012 12:49:34 AM

I was the first to spell my counties name correctly (Brunswick) and write a complete sentence in 2nd grade I think.

My teacher, in the mid 90s, had to tell the class their project wouldn't be compared to mine, which was done in HyperStudio (predates PowerPoint and had features still not in PowerPoint) and he thought was super awesome. Little did he know it's way easier to make a presentation on a computer than posters, models, diaramas, etc.

5/12/2012 12:59:57 AM

I was always picked first on teams

5/12/2012 1:06:13 AM

when I was eight I got my neighbor (she was 7 I think) to put my penis in her mouth, I told her it tasted like candy, she didnt like it

when I was in eighth grade this girl asked me if I had a wooden penis, I said "you wanna see it" and pulled it out, I got detention

[Edited on May 12, 2012 at 1:16 AM. Reason : .]

5/12/2012 1:15:22 AM

damn, saps got his duck sicked (technically) at 8 years old??

5/12/2012 1:50:54 AM

Not bad. I have a buddy that started having sex at age 11.

5/12/2012 2:27:13 AM

1 -In third grade there was a really large girl named Carmella that would terrorize just about everyone in the class. One day she was tormenting me, so at recess I waited until she went over to the water fountain. As she drank, I came up behind her and slammed down on her head with all my might.... most of her front teeth shattered, and there was blood everyone. Everyone cheered.

2- In 6th grade we had this extremely mean teacher (she would belittle the students in front of everyone) that, for some inexplicable reason, would climb down from her evil mount and let us have a paper-ball fight the day before spring break. During the melee, I wrapped up a D-sized battery in a piece of paper and hit her square in the head. She couldn't prove who had done it, but rumor spread of my act and the praise soon followed.

3- After my dad died during seventh grade, I discovered his massive playboy collection in the attic. I cut all of the photos out of each one, and started selling them to all the boys at school. After about a week of sales, another student was confronted by a teacher and he had to rat me out. When I went before the vice principal I had over seven hundred dollars rolled up in my pocket. The VP was actually really cool about everything (although he had to suspend me for a day). Best part, my mom let me keep the money. I bought a NEO-GEO....

5/12/2012 8:50:15 AM

how do you people remember any of this?

5/12/2012 8:53:03 AM

Re: spöokyjon, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3YVKTxTOgU

[Edited on May 12, 2012 at 9:00 AM. Reason : Die young and save yourself!

5/12/2012 8:59:07 AM

Quote :

" After about a week of sales, another student was confronted by a teacher and he had to rat me out."

Ugh....fucking snitches. In middle school years, I would purchase a bag of balloons, some kool aid, and sugar from the store. I would fill the balloons up with this kool aid/sugar mixture, and sell them for like $0.50. The kids would bite a small hole in the bottom of the balloon and eat it that way. Anyway, I sold this kid a cherry flavored balloon... After biting a hole in it and discovering it wasn't grape, he wanted his money back. The product was damaged, so of course I couldn't refund his money or swap out his balloon. So what did he do? He fucking snitched on me to an administrator.... Got me thrown in In School Suspension...the dreaded ISS.

5/12/2012 9:39:01 AM

Playing baseball the summer after 3rd grade, it was the first year they let kids pitch. Well two of our pitchers were brothers that were out on vacation. A couple of others had already pitched their limit for that week. So that left us with one pitcher for this particular game. Very first batter of the game hits a line-drive hitting the pitcher and taking him out of the game. So the coach just asks for volunteers if anyone wants to try pitching and I raise my hand. Pitched the rest of the game and ended up with a 2 or 3 hit shutout. The umps were impressed by my performance that they gave me the game ball. And thats how my pitching "career" started.

My parents still have that ball

5/12/2012 9:41:39 AM

in 7th grade i made the baseball team. it was the middle school's first year and we were awful at every sport. i was the winning pitcher in the school's first ever baseball win. it was also our only win that season.

^i had a similar experience when i was maybe 10. our "ace" pitcher got pulled after one inning. i had pitched in the past before, but never for this team/coach. i went in and finished the game, allowing only one hit and striking out 8 or 9. i also have the game ball...my dad wrote my pitching line on the ball.

[Edited on May 12, 2012 at 9:50 AM. Reason : g]

5/12/2012 9:47:32 AM

in 1994, i participated in the blockbuster video game championship (the matthews store location near windsor square). i was 11 and this was before they separated by age so i was competing against teenagers. i came in 2nd, lost by ~1000 points. the next closest person was ~20000 back. if only i were better at nba jam...

http://crazdgamer.com/2007/01/1994-blockbuster-video-world-game-championship-the-intro/

(i got the perfect in sonic 3, but then so did the other guy)

5/12/2012 9:58:08 AM

In 7th grade I remember us all speculating about someone in kickball getting the ball in the basketball hoop, on the complete other side of the gym from the kicking plate. I never even bothered kicking the ball up, and I would just try to kick a grounder between 2nd and 3rd. The summer before 8th grade started I decided I wanted to try to be less closed an introverted.

First kick of the year. Went in.

5/12/2012 9:58:41 AM

Fifth Grade Erwin Elementary School spelling champion.

5/12/2012 10:01:41 AM

I snapped and beat up the class bully one day in fifth grade. Didn't get any sort of punishment for it. I think because the administrators and teacher hated this chick too and this was before the days of zero tolerance bullshit. After that day the bully decided we were bffs and everyone else in class treated me like I was a superhero.

5/12/2012 10:08:13 AM

Fifth Grade, I was assigned Miss Cranmill, aka "Crabby Cranmill," the teacher that was notorious for never giving anyone straight A's in her 20+ years of teaching.


I was the first.

I even beat out Hiroshi Peters, the cocky intelligent asian who had skipped 4th grade and went straight to 5th.

[Edited on May 12, 2012 at 10:15 AM. Reason : .]

5/12/2012 10:14:45 AM

In 3rd grade my buddy and I beat the shit out of the school bus bully. He taunted my girl next door neighbor so badly she cried every day on the bus ride home. One day he called her a bitch and the whole bus did the "oooooohhh" because that was such a bad word.

Buddy and I were like fuck this, got off at his bus stop and told him to stop being a bully. He cursed at us and kept walking. I pulled his own belt off his pants and beat him with it. He ran home crying.

That night I'm playing video games, doorbell rings. It's his parents cursing out my parents for attacking his son. They call me down and I calmly explain everything. His parents tell mine that I'm a liar and their son would never do such a thing, and if I touched him again they would have me arrested.

Then my parents took me out for ice cream.

--------------------------------------

My elementary school was right next to the middle school, separated by a shitty old fence. It was also in a bad section of town. So several days a week during recess the middle schoolers would come over and take over our basketball court, of course taking our balls and theatening us.

One day I was pissed because I actually got the basketball to play with (it was a signup list each day for who wanted to do what) and on my day, this guy came over, took my ball and started shooting hoops. I walked inside, grabbed a wooden baseball bat, walked back out and started beating him with it. He grabbed it from me, and I ran. He caught me right at the school entrance and beat my face in. I ran inside to the teacher (who was inside grading papers), face bleeding, and told her what happened.

Kid apparently got suspended, rumored he got arrested, teacher got fired for not ever supervising us, and I got off with a bruised face.

---------------------------

In 7th grade I was part of a little shoplifting gang. We probably stole $10,000 worth of stuff over the course of a summer. I was the only one who never got caught. When the last of the other kids got pinched, he ratted me out to his mother. My parents asked me if I was involved. At first I said no, but decided to fess up soon after. I had to go to the store and turn myself in and return what I still had that I'd stolen. I did, and was banned for two years.

Security guy showed me tapes of all my friends getting caught, but said he didn't have any record of me in their system. Made me feel good to know I would have gotten away with it, also made me feel good that I didn't lie to my parents. And as an adult it makes me feel good knowing I stole from such a shitty shitty company.

-------------------

I got into Level 3 AG in 5th grade, but almost everyone else in my class had tested into it in 4th grade. So I was the only one still in 5th grade math class. Made me feel like the stupid kid. So I asked the math teacher what it would take for me to finish her class. I completed 5th grade math in 5 weeks and moved into Pre-Algebra. So long suckers.

---------------------

As a high school freshman we had a computer lab in the library running Windows 95. All the computers were brand new, connected to the internet and really high end. They were also completely worthless because they were locked down to hell by the school system IT people. I broke the protection scheme in 3 days and proceeded to load everything I could find on the computers, then wrote out how to do it, printed it and gave it to the other kids in the class.

--------------------

When I was 5 I refused to tie my own shoes. My parents of course wanted me to learn. So they made sure I only wore laced shoes and I would leave for kindergarten each day with them untied. One day I came home with them tied and they thought I'd learned so they stopped bothering me about it. Some time later they learned that actually I was just getting this girl in my class to do it for me so I wouldn't have to.

---------------------

In 1st grade we went on a field trip to the science center. For some reason they had a dentist talking to us about brushing our teeth. He asked us how often we should brush. He told us we needed to brush 3 times a day, when we wake up, after school and before bed. I raised my hand and said "I brush my teeth once a day right before bed, so I just get all the gunk off all at once instead of wasting time brushing multiple times". He looked at me in horror and told me I was wrong.

I am now 30, never had a cavity, never had braces, and still have my wisdom teeth. Fuck you dentist guy. (I do floss and use mouthwash though)

[Edited on May 13, 2012 at 4:07 PM. Reason : .]

5/13/2012 4:06:41 PM

i was bullied in middle school bc i had boobs. most of it wasn't that bad & i sucked it up, except this one girl who rode my bus and got off at a stop or two after mine. she was like 16 (no joke, failed a lot) & had some issue with me. i think the problem was that some boy at school was talking to me & not her. she decided she was going to get off at my stop & kick my ass... and made sure to talk it up the whole ride home so everyone got off at my stop to see the fight.

so she gets off at my stop & i'm sweating bullets because i have no idea how to fight. instead, i talk her out of it & convince her that it's a really stupid idea & walk away like a motherfuckin boss. somehow it worked & while the entire bus was mad they didn't get to see a fight, this chick was never mean to me again & actually tried to be my friend later on.

5/13/2012 5:13:35 PM

Quote :

"In 7th grade I was part of a little shoplifting gang. We probably stole $10,000 worth of stuff over the course of a summer. I was the only one who never got caught. When the last of the other kids got pinched, he ratted me out to his mother. My parents asked me if I was involved. At first I said no, but decided to fess up soon after. I had to go to the store and turn myself in and return what I still had that I'd stolen. I did, and was banned for two years. Security guy showed me tapes of all my friends getting caught, but said he didn't have any record of me in their system. Made me feel good to know I would have gotten away with it, also made me feel good that I didn't lie to my parents. And as an adult it makes me feel good knowing I stole from such a shitty shitty company."

yet you have a problem with people downloading an mp3?

5/13/2012 5:17:57 PM

^^the real story is she beat the shit out of you and everyone laughed....

[Edited on May 13, 2012 at 5:22 PM. Reason : w]

5/13/2012 5:22:42 PM

Quote :

" That night I'm playing video games, doorbell rings. It's his parents cursing out my parents for attacking his son. They call me down and I calmly explain everything. His parents tell mine that I'm a liar and their son would never do such a thing, and if I touched him again they would have me arrested. "

Fucking bully parents are always like this. When I was teaching 99.9% of the time the parents would whine, scream, and pout that their special snowflake would never bully. The thing I wondered was, what motivation did the parents think others had for calling their kid a bully? We certainly weren't doing it for shits and giggles.

5/13/2012 5:46:13 PM

^^^^I had a similar situation. The high school bully wanted to beat up my friend for pretty much no reason. I told my friend that he was looking for him. Bully found out I warned him so he was basically like "you'll do instead". I told him I had no reason to fight him and wouldn't show up and if he wanted to beat me up he had better do it in school and get suspended. Two years later a different friend came up to me in the hall and jokingly pushed me. the bully saw this and pushed the kid into the locker and was about to beat his ass when I said that he was just joking, and the bully asked me if I was straight. He actually got my back, was very interesting.

[Edited on May 13, 2012 at 6:27 PM. Reason : .]

5/13/2012 6:26:50 PM

Class spelling bee champ. Grades 2 and 3.

5/13/2012 6:38:36 PM

I was a bully in Elementary, Middle and High School. Every day was a victory!

Suck it losers.

5/13/2012 6:47:53 PM

I had my first orgasm when I was seven years old.

I win.

5/13/2012 7:02:38 PM

^^, ^ ewww

5/13/2012 7:07:19 PM

I don't know about you, but I like orgasming.

5/13/2012 7:08:08 PM

shawnac got molestered?

5/13/2012 8:44:27 PM

Quote :

"1 -In third grade there was a really large girl named Carmella that would terrorize just about everyone in the class. One day she was tormenting me, so at recess I waited until she went over to the water fountain. As she drank, I came up behind her and slammed down on her head with all my might.... most of her front teeth shattered, and there was blood everyone. Everyone cheered."

......and then you woke up from the dream......

5/13/2012 8:52:03 PM

this whole thread reminds me of

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yzn5d0dBLIU

5/13/2012 9:00:02 PM

Noen is the Tucker Max of childhood victory stories

5/13/2012 9:03:19 PM

When I was in 6th grade no one wanted me on their team in gym class. I was the fatty.
During dodge ball I was the last one on my team I single handily took down the other team...give they only had 7 people left.

Still I was able to get that fucker who didn't want to choose me out of the game. I was cheered in the locker room.

============================

Later on that year we started to play floor hockey. I was the goalie and once again I was chosen last. We played the game with 3 pucks, and the entire gym floor. So I found out the best idea was to gather 2 pucks send one into one corner of the gym, and the other just wait until the goalie wasn't looking, and I could send it from one goal to the other side.

We would win the game all that week.

The gym teacher said I was undervalued played in most sports, and told me to stay off the computer more I might enjoy life. After that the teacher made me one of the captain for teams, and the teacher made me run a lot...I guess to show me it wasn't easy to do it fat.

5/13/2012 9:14:34 PM

Quote :

"Noen is the Tucker Max of childhood victory stories"

and just like tucker max, half the stories he thinks will make him look cool actually make him look like a jerk

5/13/2012 9:40:54 PM

Quote :

"shawnac got molestered?"

why the heck would that be a victory?

I discovered masturbation early. That's a victory.

5/13/2012 9:55:12 PM

^^ and just like Tucker Max they're mostly fake/exaggerated

5/14/2012 7:57:41 AM

skips ahead in classes due to intelligence

unable and unwilling to tie own shoes

5/14/2012 8:10:07 AM