How about the lines showing the attitude, from A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas?

I'm not a perfect son-in-law, but I'm the perfect man for ur daughter.

1/29/2013 11:16:16 AM

that's a start

1/29/2013 11:33:55 AM

I am the quality manager for an automotive manufacturing facility.
My FIL is the plant manager. We get along pretty well.
They liked me long before I was married to them though.

1/29/2013 1:22:02 PM

I nearly have no problems with FIL, but how about MIL?

1/29/2013 1:50:44 PM

Marry a girl with shitty parents. We haven't talked to my MIL in almost 2 years because she refuses to seek help for her mental problems and was becoming increasingly abusive (verbal & emotional) to my wife. My FIL divorced my MIL when my wife was 5 and he pretty much has only seen her on holiday's since then.

To honestly answer your question, your spouse will need to put forth just as much, if not more effort in ensuring a good relationship with your ILs.

My wife gets along really well with my parents. I made sure that I listen to her and how she views her relationship with them, and then I do my best to not put her in situations that would create conflict. As time goes on and their relationship grows, the chance of conflict has become rare.

Also I've seen some IL relationships where the SO has what's perceived as a strong parent/child relationship but it's actually a codependent relationship. After marriage happens any conflict the spouse has with the ILs means the SO will side with them, since in his/her mind, mommy/daddy is always right and your the one that stole SO away from them. These are usually the times when ILs can really become problematic.

And (speaking from my wife's experience) if you want to strengthen a relationship with one of your ILs, some one-on-one time can be really helpful. It could be something as formal as taking your MIL out to dinner, a show, shopping, etc. or something simpler like helping around the house, working on a DIY project, doing your taxes together, whatever, as long as your SO and FIL are out of earshot.

1/29/2013 4:17:52 PM

get along fine with my MIL. my FIL is a jackass. whenever he's pissing me off, i just think about what i did to his daughter the night before and i get over it.

1/29/2013 4:18:43 PM

^^, ^ good points, very helpful.
I just need to recognize that everybody is different. Literally speaking, the conflicts with ILs are unavoidable b/c they are just strangers to me if I didn't marry their daughter.

[Edited on January 29, 2013 at 4:54 PM. Reason : add another note]

1/29/2013 4:51:57 PM

Don't be a loser. In laws love winners.

1/29/2013 4:59:46 PM

Women love winners.

1/29/2013 11:14:25 PM

Malfunction indicator lamp

1/29/2013 11:37:36 PM

LOL

1/29/2013 11:45:10 PM

Give the MIL a deep-dickin'

1/29/2013 11:56:11 PM

This is why I only date orphans.

1/29/2013 11:57:13 PM

The MIL once told me that she might die here in US (She is coming from China and living with us now), or she might die together with me.
Creepy.

[Edited on January 30, 2013 at 12:05 PM. Reason : ;]

1/30/2013 12:05:11 PM

My SO listens to all my dad's stories very intently and asks questions during the storytelling, even if he's already heard the story. I think this has really helped.

1/30/2013 12:07:26 PM

^^

1/30/2013 12:18:11 PM

How did shoot's English get so good all of the sudden?

Did the alias forget what name he was signed in as?

[Edited on January 30, 2013 at 12:20 PM. Reason : gimmick accounts always unravel ]

1/30/2013 12:20:37 PM

its weird... it's the same sexs that give you issues.

My father in law was a tough nut to crack but my wife thinks he like's me better then her now lol..

My mom was always a bitch to my wife though... i was constantly battling with her.

My personal opinion is this...

Let the person who's family it is be the jerk... they will be forgiven... the inlaw will just be hated if the case should arise...

Like i have to tell my wife to get her mom to back off sometimes and my wife had to do the same to me.... however if my wife told my mom to back off it was a friggin nuke dropped into our life... and vise versa.

1/30/2013 12:22:20 PM

Noooo!
I can get along with my FIL pretty well. But the MIL is my nightmare. Maybe it's due to her psychological/medical condition.

1/30/2013 12:36:30 PM

Does she roar?

1/30/2013 12:51:09 PM

If you take care of their daughter...the rest will work out just fine

1/30/2013 1:06:39 PM

Oh thats not true at all.

If the ILs are poor white trash they will despise you for improving their daughters situation.

She was supposed to remain with them and wallow in filth.

1/30/2013 1:09:13 PM

There are outliers to everything...thanks for pointing that out

1/30/2013 1:15:50 PM

I should have gotten a few cows and chickens out of the deal.

1/30/2013 1:24:11 PM

^^^Fucking this sir.

The MIL and SFIL are "interesting". He's a pretty hardworking but quite simple guy. Not a bad person though for the most part. He just goes to work (loads trucks), and comes home and drinks and watches sports and TV shows. That is it. The MIL though is a huge bitch. She stays at home and is a Bible thumping self-righteous woman who basically does nothing but try to make her only daughter miserable. She's so much better than everybody else that she won't even go to any church because she finds faults in everyone and everything. She basically hates the world and wanted us to let her homeschool our kids, and then send them to Liberty Online because they might still be too liberal on campus.

Long story short (tl;dr), we don't get along well. We are nice enough in person most of the time, but neither spends time with the other. When we bought a house, they bought a house around the corner from us. When I found a job at UNC and left Bumfuck Eastern NC for a place with much better schools and opportunities for my family, she made my wife feel like absolute shit. Her basica response to us telling her was "Well now what am I supposed to do with my life?" She couldn't believe we would put our kids in this ultra-liberal school district. The kids are flourishing here and she can go fuck herself for all I care.

1/30/2013 1:47:20 PM

That's terrible.
You bought a house, they bought another one near you. You must be mad.

1/30/2013 3:56:32 PM

My inlaws are awesome.

1/30/2013 4:09:46 PM

Lol at the people ITT making vague and generalized statements as catch all solutions to someones in-law problem, as if every situation is the same.

1/30/2013 4:12:05 PM

My point was, don't ask me. Lol. I am civil and try to be polite to them in person, but I know she talks bad about me, and everybody else, when I'm not around. For example, when we moved, we were unable to sell our house, so we rented it. When this happened a year ago, the MIL decided she wanted to sell our house. She has fancied herself a rental agent, but she has never actually done a bit of work towards getting a license. She has told us in the past that she did not want us to sell the house, because if we have it and I lost my job, we would be forced to come back. So with that, would you trust a woman with no experience, website, license or motivation to actually be your agent??? Hell no. I have a lady that wants to look at renting or buying our place, so I asked my grandparents to show it to her. My wife left her FB up on my PC and had a long diatribe from her mom message bombing her because she did not ask her to show the house or even let her know somebody wanted to look at it, and how she thought if the BSA changes their position on homosexuals, we should pull our kids out and I should return my Eagle Scout badge. OMGWTF.

[Edited on January 30, 2013 at 4:40 PM. Reason : ]

1/30/2013 4:38:45 PM

there are some really backwards-ass folks in ENC

1/30/2013 5:57:50 PM

there are some really backwards-ass folks in ENC everywhere

1/30/2013 6:01:18 PM

^True, but there is a lot more of them in ENC.

1/30/2013 8:15:53 PM

I think it is a good idea to not ever use your parents to vent about your spouse or SO, because after the fight/conflict was resolved between you and your SO, your parents weren't present for that. Nor were they privy to all the backstory, or to the other side(s) of the story. so even if you explain that you're just venting, or update them with the resolution, you have already painted your SO in a negative light, someone that could do THAT to their little suzy creamcheese, and I think that stuff just lingers a lot longer (even subconsciously) than it would if it were a fight between the two of you.

I wouldn't ever want to be in a position where I was constantly defending my significant other, and I think the venting should be left to friends/more neutral sounding boards.

1/31/2013 12:14:50 PM

^Totally agree. I've been married 10 years, but my wife and I have obviously gotten into fights and stuff before. I try to never throw her under the bus to anybody but my closest couple of friends. Sadly she really doesn't have any. In the early years I think she did this once or twice to her mom and that probably didn't help things between myself and the MIL. Esp. when you only get one side of the story. Whatever, it is what it is and I am resigned to deal with it for her. Lot easier dealing with it when they are two hours away though, instead of a block away.

1/31/2013 12:50:04 PM

Many conflicts happen when the ILs come to help us raising the kid. i mean "help". Sometimes they are not really helping at all as there are certainly disagreement between the seniors and ourselves on this issue.
So raising kid on our own is a better option i think.

2/1/2013 9:32:13 AM

Quote :

"I think it is a good idea to not ever use your parents to vent about your spouse or SO, because after the fight/conflict was resolved between you and your SO, your parents weren't present for that. Nor were they privy to all the backstory, or to the other side(s) of the story. so even if you explain that you're just venting, or update them with the resolution, you have already painted your SO in a negative light, someone that could do THAT to their little suzy creamcheese, and I think that stuff just lingers a lot longer (even subconsciously) than it would if it were a fight between the two of you. I wouldn't ever want to be in a position where I was constantly defending my significant other, and I think the venting should be left to friends/more neutral sounding boards."

+1000

All you accomplish by venting to your parents/family is skewing their perception of your spouse, in-laws or whomever. It's always better if everyone gets along than not. I'm not particularly fond of my FIL, and i'll post about that here or maybe vent co-workers or certain friends... people who will never have to meet the guy. It's not a huge deal b/c even my wife can only handle him in small doses, so it's rare that i have to interact with him.

but people need to keep in mind that when you marry a person, you're also marrying his or her family (whatever that may be). If you are surprised that your MIL is highly intrusive, then you didn't really do your homework before getting married. But this is America, and people here fall into that "love is enough" bullshit fairy tale trap.. so yeah.

2/1/2013 1:27:56 PM

i, too love my in laws. We have NOTHING in common but the love we share for their only daughter. They took an act of interest in me and made an effort to keep up with what's important to me and not to "butt in" to our relationship. They actually moved down from the midwest to be closer to us and i couldn't be happier.

My advice: take mom out for lunch one day without even talking to your wife about it. find a small around-the-house project to tag team with dad. keep up with his favorite sports team like it's your own father's. Buy your wife flowers for the hell of it. (it will get back to mom)

2/1/2013 3:56:38 PM

I've understood the ILs better now. They are all from poor countryside in China. Why should I waste my energy and time to be angry about what they did to me? Why can't I get along with rural farmers? We are not in the same level of society. It's not good to my health at least.
They say I disrespect them. All right, I'm gonna just be more respectful with them. It just shows how foolish they really are.

2/1/2013 8:22:44 PM

I get along with the in-laws well I think. My husband is the youngest of 4, so they've had practice dealing with a few other son-in-laws already before I entered the picture.

2/1/2013 8:33:17 PM

shoot, buy your MIL a nice gift. Like a rake or something. She learn then respect for you and versa vice.

2/1/2013 10:30:02 PM

Rake? Nice gift for her huh.

[Edited on February 1, 2013 at 11:01 PM. Reason : ;]

2/1/2013 11:00:34 PM

I now know the real reason: They are coming to US in the name of taking care of baby. So their confidences are easy to inflate and cross the line to interfere my family issue.
I need to let them know these are none of their business.

2/2/2013 6:30:59 PM

The ILs have decided to leave US earlier for the medical/psycho issues of MIL. That's good for every family member.
But i also need to do something to get her better. if her situation is bad, it's not good for me either.

2/5/2013 6:06:01 PM