http://gawker.com/5994974/the-most-deranged-sorority-girl-email-you-will-ever-read

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you're sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I've been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you're reading this right now and saying to yourself "But oh em gee Julia, I've been having so much fun with my sisters this week!", then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don't have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.

I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that's not fucking possible if you're going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON'T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you're an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That's not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you're mentally slow so I can make sure you don't go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said "Yeah we're gonna invite Zeta over", would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn't, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN'T be post gaming at other frats, I don't give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON'T GO. YOU. DON'T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.

"But Julia!", you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, "I've been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn't that count for something?" NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN'T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN'T COUNT BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I've not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like "durr what's kickball?" is not fucking funny), but I've gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don't give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it's time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.

"Ohhh Julia, I'm now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad". Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you're a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:

DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT'S EVENT.

I'm not fucking kidding. Don't go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I've mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you're unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking faggots. If you are one of the people that have told me "Oh nooo boo hoo I can't talk to boys I'm too sober", then I pity you because I don't know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don't fucking show up unless you're going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight's event, I will tell you to leave even if you're sober. I'm not even kidding. Try me.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don't give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.

4/18/2013 1:17:01 PM

nope, not reading all that

4/18/2013 1:17:46 PM

anybody who writes something that long is crazy.

4/18/2013 1:20:20 PM

Quote :

"Delta Gamma "

4/18/2013 1:20:33 PM

and that man's name, was Albert Einstein!

4/18/2013 1:23:58 PM

Quote :

"nope, not reading all that"

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

4/18/2013 1:25:33 PM

I'm amused.

4/18/2013 1:28:45 PM

lol, that was actually worth the read. Some valid points in there as well. Still crazy though.

4/18/2013 1:29:52 PM

Quote :

"with the author's name changed"

That's the part where you fucked up

4/18/2013 1:31:11 PM

http://dgumd.moonfruit.com/#/sisters/4551338047

one of these girls.

4/18/2013 1:31:47 PM

Quote :

"i'm amused."

greek life

serious business

[Edited on April 18, 2013 at 1:33 PM. Reason : .]

4/18/2013 1:32:33 PM

It's gotta be Jess Riddel...she's in charge of "Social Standards".

And FUCK...take that horrible song of the webpage.

4/18/2013 1:33:20 PM

Full res http://dgumd.moonfruit.com/communities/4/004/008/976/674/images/4584466477.jpg

4/18/2013 1:33:35 PM

^^ Or Erin, Director of Social Events

4/18/2013 1:35:34 PM

The only good thing to possible come of this is a new season of greek

4/18/2013 1:35:42 PM

Can someone post a heavily abridged version?

4/18/2013 1:35:55 PM

^^^^Holy shit what a sad bunch. Literally the cheerleader effect isn't even working

bottom right two confirmed for least not bangable?


^^^Or its any of the other random girls who is mad about something and decided it was now her job to bitch about it. Its really 50/50 on me or you guys being right.

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

4/18/2013 1:36:35 PM

i could have sworn I read this a few years ago

4/18/2013 1:36:41 PM

As if you wouldn't get that pissed if you had to deal with braindead ditzy whores all the time.

[Edited on April 18, 2013 at 1:40 PM. Reason : ]

4/18/2013 1:40:42 PM

front row, 3rd from the left, white shirt = the hottest.

front row, far left, green shirt = close 2nd.

otherwise they look like a bunch of dogs.

4/18/2013 1:42:57 PM

TEXTS

ON

TEXTS


WORDS

ON

WORDS

4/18/2013 1:43:00 PM

Quote :

"front row, 3rd from the left, white shirt = the hottest."

You have the worst taste in the world.

4/18/2013 1:44:59 PM

^

4/18/2013 1:47:42 PM

Jesus Christ, reading that post is like looking into a mirror. It's like the sorority girl version of me.

4/18/2013 1:58:24 PM

Cunt punt

1st comment on gawker calls her a "slutty Ari Gold"--yes!

[Edited on April 18, 2013 at 2:01 PM. Reason : ]

4/18/2013 1:58:38 PM

so, how long until this turns into another TKE bashing thread?

4/18/2013 2:08:47 PM

cot dammet, bo, now that's how you take a bull by the horns

this chick is boss

4/18/2013 2:10:41 PM

Quote :

"1st comment on gawker calls her a "slutty Ari Gold"--yes! "

What makes her slutty?

4/18/2013 2:13:40 PM

we should all be so lucky as to have a real honest friend like that

4/18/2013 2:18:40 PM

I'd fuck em all.

4/18/2013 2:22:58 PM

Quote :

"i could have sworn I read this a few years ago"

you're thinking about this

Quote :

"As the rumors have said - I am taking Kendall Marshall, Harrison Barnes, and John Henson with [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] for Formal. I have told the boys that there is a band and a lot of fun so I expect it to be but I do not want to see celebrity shocked drunkies because they are never fun. To honor each of our guests that are attending, please respect your dates, respect yourselves, and respect Chi Omega's efforts to pull this off tomorrow night. Please respect the following list of things that are important to me: - Please DON'T Take a picture of them with ALCOHOL nearby or in the photo - I will be placing my drinks down when I am photographed next to them. We ALL have brilliant FUTURES so try to nip the the Life-Ruining photos in the bud. We are a family, not a tabloid magazine. Just keep in mind that Coach Williams/all Carolina fans worldwide will not be happy if we screw up their reputations andsink Chi O as a sorority. - Please DON'T Ask them if they are going to the NBA - PLEASE TELL YOUR DATES NOT TO ASK THEM THIS EITHER - Boys are just as much jock sniffers as we are jersey chasers. Just play cool... - Please don't leave your dates to ask mine annoying questions, they are human and actually quite young in age - no need to scare them. They will probably take pictures but be kind but I will be posing in all the pictures. I will welcome all high fives. - PLEASE DO NOT Force drinks on them (they should not be drinking as they are UNDER 21!!!! and FULL OF POTENTIAL!! maybe you are in that category too...passionate and full of potential is way hotter than illegally boozy) - Don't stare too hard at them - have fun it's a party let's not make them feel too godlike I mean after all they were lucky enough to get asked to this function! I want these boys to see how awesome Chi O is and thus we will be rising to the top of the cool charts. They are going to "other" formals Saturday and I dont want to hear that Chi O's were too crazy and the "others" were better. No sir - Chi O will be #1 in their hearts. Sooo please use your manners, your swagger, and your grace to have an excellent time tomorrow night! X and a Horseshoe and social media for life!"

4/18/2013 2:53:36 PM

Well the sorority's first problem is hanging out with Sigma Nu.....

4/18/2013 3:05:16 PM

Quote :

"My name is Rachel Norris and I am the current president of Delta Gamma at the University of Maryland. It has been brought to my attention that you recently published an unsavory email that was sent out over my chapter's list-serve. Is it possible for you to either remove the article or just remove the names "Delta Gamma" and "Sigma Nu" from your article? This email absolutely does not reflect our chapter's values nor Sigma Nu's and any assistance you can give us is greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Rachel Norris"

4/18/2013 3:07:55 PM

Quote :

"- Please DON'T Ask them if they are going to the NBA - PLEASE TELL YOUR DATES NOT TO ASK THEM THIS EITHER - Boys are just as much jock sniffers as we are jersey chasers. Just play cool... "

stay classy

4/18/2013 3:17:56 PM

sororities...classy?

i don't think that's ever been the idea...

4/18/2013 3:19:50 PM

lol they all have riding boots

4/18/2013 3:19:55 PM

Quote :

"sorority girls are fucking crazy"

and someone got robbed in fayetteville

Story at 6

I'm Krallum and I approved this message.

4/18/2013 3:20:12 PM

lmao, they edited the website to take off the "leadership" bitches names/contacts

[Edited on April 18, 2013 at 3:43 PM. Reason : ]

4/18/2013 3:43:01 PM

^ haha nice

4/18/2013 3:58:55 PM

took down twitter and their facebook page too

4/18/2013 4:16:03 PM

according to a poster on the national organizations facebook page, this is the email author's twitter:
http://imgur.com/a/bAJhA

4/18/2013 4:20:35 PM

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable email and request to me.

4/18/2013 4:28:55 PM

ahh... sociopaths

always nice to see what's working behind the wheel

4/18/2013 4:34:47 PM

Julia FUCKING rocks.

4/18/2013 4:36:12 PM

this is terrible

4/18/2013 4:46:41 PM

i disagree

i think it's wonderful

4/18/2013 4:50:00 PM

^

4/18/2013 4:53:26 PM

ha some of those tweets are kinda funny

4/18/2013 4:57:50 PM

It sounds like this was a private email. This makes Gawker look worse than what it makes sororities look.

4/18/2013 4:58:48 PM

Quote :

"Jesus Christ, reading that post is like looking into a mirror. It's like the sorority girl version of me. "

lol, it's so true

Which is why I want to fuck her, too.

[Edited on April 18, 2013 at 4:59 PM. Reason : ]

4/18/2013 4:59:44 PM