My stepdad told me that writing spiders would write your name in their web if you showed your teeth to them. Then later that night they would find you and bite you.

12/17/2013 12:53:11 PM

If you eat more than 10 hot dogs in one week, you get Leukemia.

12/17/2013 12:55:16 PM

that santa was real.

12/17/2013 12:59:59 PM

"Work hard & you can do anything!" or something like that

[Edited on December 17, 2013 at 1:16 PM. Reason : blah i can't type]

12/17/2013 1:10:37 PM

OP makes no sense. OP must have been a dumb child.

12/17/2013 1:33:40 PM

"if your hand is bigger than your face you will get cancer sometimes in your life."








I hate my parents

[Edited on December 17, 2013 at 1:35 PM. Reason : .]

12/17/2013 1:34:33 PM

OP was 5.

12/17/2013 1:36:19 PM

Quote :

"My stepdad told me that writing spiders would write your name in their web if you showed your teeth to them. Then later that night they would find you and bite you."

why do parents tell their kids fucked up things like this

12/17/2013 1:36:50 PM

My friends dad taught him that apples were banana's and cows were dogs

He got in trouble in kindergarten for arguing with the teacher

[Edited on December 17, 2013 at 1:37 PM. Reason : ]

12/17/2013 1:37:36 PM

When I was 6 my mom would say that her debit card didn't work on days that ended in Y whenever I wanted a toy/soda/etc

So I was like "Ok we'll come later then"

12/17/2013 1:38:21 PM

OP was a dumb 5 year old.

12/17/2013 1:46:35 PM

12/17/2013 1:48:11 PM

OP still acts like a 5 year old.

12/17/2013 1:49:27 PM

You need to get laid.

12/17/2013 1:51:33 PM

Back off, you nymphomaniac kid

12/17/2013 1:52:43 PM

12/17/2013 1:53:07 PM

That I wouldn't be happy/grown up without getting married and having kids.

12/17/2013 1:56:39 PM

That Santa was real, and that popping/cracking your knuckles would cause arthritis.

Etc.....

12/17/2013 1:59:12 PM

OP, my dad said the same thing

Also: "If you keep making that face, it'll freeze like that"

About any foods I hated, "It's all in your head; you're making yourself sick." No, idiot, mac n cheese is nauseating.

12/17/2013 5:10:34 PM

If I ate watermelon seeds, one would sprout out of my belly button.

Jesus loves me.

12/17/2013 5:22:43 PM

If I ate powdered jello it would gel in my stomach and I would have to go to the hospital.

12/17/2013 5:23:57 PM

My friends mom taught her how to sing happy birthday in sign language. So she went to school to sing it to her friend in front if the class. The motion for the word birthday was her hands falling out of her vagina as she did a ballet squat. She was 9.

12/17/2013 6:25:19 PM

If I don't brush my teeth then all the seeds from whatever fruits/vegetables/whatever would sprout overnight and I'd wake up to a bunch of plants in my mouth.

12/18/2013 11:53:13 AM

That they were paying for college. Imagine my shock the month after graduation when I got an $8k bill from CFNC.

Although, come to think of it, I'm not sure they ever actually told me they were paying for it. I guess I just assumed it.

12/18/2013 11:55:50 AM

seems like that would make you want to stop eating fruits/vegetables

12/18/2013 11:56:29 AM

Playing with the fire in the fireplace at night would make me wet the bed.

Swallowing watermelon seeds would make watermelons grow in my stomach.

12/18/2013 12:01:07 PM