What sort of chemistry did the two of you have? Was it clear on the first meeting/date that there was something really special between you, or did it take a date/a few dates for the magic to emerge?

I ask because I'm 33 and unmarried, but still dating, and it would be interesting to have some perspective on this question (so that I can shitcan/avoid shitcanning first dates that only go so-so). (who are probably planning to shitcan me regardless.)

4/12/2015 11:13:52 PM

It was pretty obvious to me, and I was 100% certain within a couple of weeks.

4/12/2015 11:22:20 PM

you should know pretty quick imo

it should be obvious they arent just another piece of ass

OEP (for example) knew as soon as he sniffed them

4/13/2015 12:02:40 AM

I was 27 at the time and had just come out of a year long relationship. I was on some dating websites, and I had some horrible dates (knew within the first 30 minutes that they wouldn't work), so when my now-wife contacted me for a date, I was very skeptical that it would work out (based on the other dating website dates). It wasn't an immediate hit for me, but I think my wife felt differently. It took 3-5 dates for me to really start thinking about a serious relationship, and we didn't get engaged for another 2.5 years.

TLDR - it took a few dates for me to take her seriously, but I am glad I did!

4/13/2015 12:30:05 AM

in 7th grade PE class they assigned a particular place to do exercises at beginning of class. my ex wife was a row in front of me and i would try to look up her shorts during push ups or whatever. i knew pretty early on that i like up looking girls shorts

4/13/2015 6:09:33 AM

Not in particular. I've had great chemistry with more than a few girls I've dated...that's the reason that I dated them. But I also never dated any girl longer than 7 or 8 months. Once the initial honeymoon phase wore off, little things would start to annoy me and I would become much more interested in other women. With the wifey, I still wanted to be with her after the initial puppy love phase was over.

So, no...nothing special compared to other girls I dated.

4/13/2015 7:21:32 AM

Organic chemistry... but mostly physics...


Seriously though she's the only girl I've ever been able to completely nerd out with and stays right there with me.

4/13/2015 8:21:49 AM

I knew after the second date. The first date wasnt bad but we were both just kinda trying to feel each other out. I said some stupid things that made her think I may be crazy but luckily she gave me a second date and we really hit it off then and its been great ever since. This is probably why I always advocate for people to go on two dates unless there is just absolutely nothing there, which I had plenty of those dates as well. Sometimes the first date just ends up sorta awkward but people relax more once they realize the other person still has some interest.

4/13/2015 9:04:27 AM

I drank most of a case of southpaw one night after my last exam in the fall of 2000.

Saw her at a party, had briefly met her once. She's south african and has a pretty sexy accent.

I walk up to her and slur out something to the effect of "I like your accent. you should just talk. about anything. I just want to hear it."

It worked and we have the crotch trophies to prove it.

4/13/2015 9:48:21 AM

i was playing foosball at some college party and she walked up to be my partner - at the time i was co-oping at ibm which meant i worked about 3-4 hours and played foosball 4-5 hours a day - i was not happy with her being my partner but she wore me down - later that night i took her to waffle house around 2am and paid - she was basically convinced right then and there


this story may or may not be the same way she tells it

4/13/2015 11:24:33 AM

instant chemistry, we both knew at the time that the other person was who we wanted to marry but it would be another 6 or 8 months until we started dating because of other relationships at the time

4/13/2015 11:41:23 AM

I had a debilitating hangover, we only talked in a group setting for about 5 minutes. I went upstairs and went to sleep while her and her friend hung out with my room mate. So I can give you absolutely no advice on this concept of adult dating you speak of, like dinner dates and such.

If you think someone is legit, take a trip together. That will tell you pretty quick if you are wasting time or not. Traveling can be tons of fun, but stressful at the same time. You have to get to know each other when traveling, make decisions together, you cant just retreat back to your apartment. Also if someone does not like to travel they are probably boring and you should avoid them.

4/13/2015 2:29:00 PM

I never thought my husband was going to become anything more than a boyfriend. If that. We didn't even live in the same city for the first year/year 1/2 we were together. He took me out on his boat a few times. I do remember watching him run a 30 foot sailboat, by himself, and thinking "damn...that's pretty impressive." He'd buy me dinner when he came through RDU here and there. I remember actively not trying to fall for him because I didn't want to be let down. Next thing I knew he was asking me to move to texas with him. I said "EFF IT- sure". And then BAM we got married about a year after living in Texas together. He made me feel like a queen then, and has ever since.


That was the abridged version as it occurred over course of about 3 years.

I think people find someone when they least expect it. And I don't think you'll necessarily know it when you meet them. Sometimes it's best to just let things be and not force them, too. I'm a big believer in "if you love it, let it go. It will come back if it was meant to be."

Also, it is best to be cool with YOU alone first. Nobody has a healthy marriage when they aren't comfortable just being alone first. You can't depend on a wife/husband to make you happy if you can't make yourself happy first. I don't know anyone who can argue that.

I'm not an expert, though. But this is an interesting thread topic. Everyone has their own unique story- and it may look nothing like anyone else's. (Hence the "unique" part.)

4/13/2015 8:26:30 PM

I knew I'd marry him about a month after we started dating, the day we made our relationship official. I almost died and he took care of me instead of being like, hey, let me know when we can have sex again.

4/14/2015 7:39:28 AM

^ you got a good one... i'd marry him too... you know... if it wasn't for the whole matching organs thing...

4/14/2015 8:32:19 AM