There I stood in the hallway of my building...my home... waiting for the elevator to come. It's not that late at night. Only 9:00pm - there shouldn't be too many people using the elevator right now. And they're speedy, so it should be here s...

*DING*

Nice! A quick tug on the leash I was holding, steadfastly attached to my dog, and we were off to our nightly walk. We hustled into the elevator, and then it hit us. This odor. It smelled like some concoction of not-fresh raw fish, foot, zebra droppings, genitals, and hate. Worst yet, it shot directly up my nostril and into the "GOOOODDAAAMN!" center of my brain. As I heard the elevator door close behind me, the unsettling thought occurred to me, which was that I had to endure this offense on my olfactory senses for several floors.

After the 12th floor, I started to taste what I smelled. If my dog's face is composed mostly of snout/nose, I can only imagine what ring of hell he must have been in.


Never was I so happy that I plummeted towards the earth, as when the doors sprang open into the lobby. Finally, freedom...

We burst out of the elevator, almost running into the tiny white woman standing directly in front of the door . I was going to warn her about the stink elevator, but she seemed a bit snooty. So, I just let it be. Then the thought occurred to me.... she will probably think I was the cause of the stink elevator.

10/6/2015 9:43:42 PM

^I forgot about that book!

Dude, those illustrations...!

10/6/2015 9:46:00 PM

^ Seriously...they still haunt my dreams.

10/7/2015 7:43:28 AM

To your dog, that elevator ride is what he thinks heaven will smell like.

10/7/2015 8:14:41 AM

^ This.

Also, whoever illustrated those books—Stephen, it appears—is seriously disturbed.

10/7/2015 8:33:56 AM