16

10/8/2008 8:02:34 PM

I almost feel bad posting this, since my grandfather is 75 years old and an otherwise brilliant man, but here goes...

Last month he starts asking me about putting a modem in his computer so he can get dialup. Upon further questioning on why he wants dialup, he tells me that he saw this commercial about VOIP using magicjack and wants to get internet service so he can use that and drop his land line service with the phone company.

10/9/2008 3:45:22 PM

lol does that even count as technically inept? that seems just plain inept. that's pretty good though.

my dad called me the other day and said he won a prize and asked what he should choose between xbox 360, ps3, or wii. i felt bad explaining to him that it was just an ad (it came up along the side of a fantasy baseball site he uses).

10/9/2008 5:15:02 PM

^^To his credit, it's a very good commercial.

10/9/2008 5:47:42 PM

^It's actually a very good product too

10/9/2008 6:03:31 PM

Might be good for him to keep his landline phone service... if the cable reliability in his area is nearly as bad as it is in mine. An old guy really can't afford to be without phone for 3-4 days once a month. 911 calls don't work all that great when TWC cuts your line for the 3rd fucking time by mistake. Sure he could use a cell phone, assuming he had reception where he was in the house and the phone was charged. Also, when the power goes out a lot of the time your landline phone service still works.

10/9/2008 10:01:38 PM

The joke, of course, was that he wanted to use dial-up internet so he could cancel his phone line.

10/9/2008 11:33:32 PM

Quote :

"my dad called me the other day and said he won a prize and asked what he should choose between xbox 360, ps3, or wii"

thats kind of sad you should surprise him with a wii anyway, he'd probably like it

10/9/2008 11:52:16 PM

Quote :

"The joke, of course, was that he wanted to use dial-up internet so he could cancel his phone line."

Despite the idea that joke explanations ruin the joke, i found this pretty funny

10/9/2008 11:53:30 PM

Quote :

"The joke, of course, was that he wanted to use dial-up internet so he could cancel his phone line."

Yes, I believe he got that part across without your help.

10/10/2008 12:15:10 AM

10/13/2008 1:16:27 AM

lol

10/13/2008 3:21:26 PM

^^HAHA

"I'm typing in mjohnsonhornet16 in the user name box, and I can't remember my password"

"yes, this is how I type it each time, I don't know why it won't let me in"

we argued for a good 10 minutes before she took my advice about the last bit being her password and the entire thing wasn't her user name

10/15/2008 10:53:49 AM

10/15/2008 2:16:20 PM

the real wtf is somebody is using IE5

10/15/2008 2:27:22 PM

^it's a news article from 2001 silly

10/15/2008 2:50:42 PM

what, they didn't have firefox in 2001?

10/15/2008 2:51:44 PM

Quote :

"Q. I needed to send a personal business letter, a Word 2002 document, to an attorney. I wanted to e-mail it. I e-mailed it to myself first to make sure that I did the attachment properly. When I opened the attachment, the two-page document looked fine. However, I clicked on File>>Open. I was shocked! My entire computer was accessible via this attachment! YIKES!!! How do I fix this? Also, can I lock the document so recipients can't change it? —Victoria in Atlanta, listening on WSB 750 AM"

10/16/2008 8:37:02 AM

hahaha

10/16/2008 9:34:53 AM

Quote :

"Q. I'm thinking about buying a laptop. However, a friend told me new computers have spy cameras installed. Is this true? Can I get a laptop that doesn't have a spy camera?"

10/21/2008 9:05:49 AM

^And the correct answer to that question is "No, that's why you should never masturbate in front of your computer.

10/21/2008 11:11:34 AM

LOLLERS: message_topic.aspx?topic=546269

10/29/2008 6:21:03 PM

Quote :

"Q. I needed to send a personal business letter, a Word 2002 document, to an attorney. I wanted to e-mail it. I e-mailed it to myself first to make sure that I did the attachment properly. When I opened the attachment, the two-page document looked fine. However, I clicked on File>>Open. I was shocked! My entire computer was accessible via this attachment! YIKES!!! How do I fix this? Also, can I lock the document so recipients can't change it? —Victoria in Atlanta, listening on WSB 750 AM"

my bosses wife did that (office manager). then she called the person she sent it to & asked if they could see all her files.

10/30/2008 5:53:00 PM

these still crack me up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKAq_FNHh0k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZrOmTrXmi-I

10/30/2008 6:07:18 PM

^Wish they made more than 2 seasons, hilarious show

10/30/2008 6:20:18 PM

So i go over to a client who's turned down remote monitoring in the past.



I'm installed SP2 on their SBS2003 box, and notice the last 10 backups have failed.


curious, i dig deeper.


They haven't backed up since 2004. (all errors are "couldn't mount drive")


When I ask what their backup strategy is, she points to the tape drive.


I eject the tape....


it's a cleaning cartridge.

10/31/2008 8:41:12 AM

10/31/2008 8:46:51 AM

message_topic.aspx?topic=546547

ok, so it's not the post itself that's funny, just the title... i had to think for a bit on how you could screw up plugging in a mouse

[Edited on October 31, 2008 at 12:07 PM. Reason : .]

10/31/2008 12:06:40 PM

Quote :

"Sent you out by mail today the executed NDA. Please confirm upon receipt. Perhaps you could digitally capture and return it to me via email."

Or maybe a fax?

[Edited on December 19, 2008 at 12:04 AM. Reason : s]

12/19/2008 12:02:06 AM

ttt

1/3/2009 3:08:46 PM

Quote :

"Can you please emulate my laptop to the GSO printer. How can I help from this end? I am traveling tomorrow and Wed. Thursday would be a good day. Thx."

From one of the vice presidents at my company

1/6/2009 9:26:34 AM

Build a cardboard laptop and set it next to the printer, tell him his emulation is good to go!

1/6/2009 9:57:00 AM

almost 3 months later, i finally saw the ad banner

1/6/2009 10:18:42 AM

from my topic yesterday

/message_topic.aspx?topic=554240

1/6/2009 10:21:53 AM

At my last job, I worked the On-Call rotation schedule as a DBA. Generally, I was only paged when several Helpdesk employees and supervisors couldn't fix the problem. This call really happened, and the customer was a real MD.

Quote :

"Me: Hello, this is Brian with Allscripts. Customer: Hello Brian, this is Doctor Swift with Digestive Disease of Maryland, Client# xxxx, and my entire server has been down for an hour now, I have hundreds of patients waiting, and no one at Allscripts has been able to help me at all. Me: Alright Dr. Swift, can you boot the server? Customer: No, I push the button and nothing happens. Me: Did your server suddenly turn off or was it shutdown? Customer: We lost power and now it won't come back up. Me: Do you have electricity and internet access? Customer: No, we have neither. Me: Dr. Swift, I would recommend calling the power company. Customer: We already did and they are working on it. I need my server up and running right now. Me: Dr. Swift, I don't think there is anything we can do for you until you have power. I would recommend going back to paper in the meantime. Customer: Unbelievable! [Click] "

1/6/2009 11:05:57 AM

I thought servers worked on Magic?

1/6/2009 11:34:43 AM

Yeah, and people wonder why malpractice insurance is so high?

When Doctors are idiots, people die.

This incident reinforced my long-held belief that some of the most highly educated people on the planet, are in fact, not very smart.

[Edited on January 6, 2009 at 11:41 AM. Reason : -]

1/6/2009 11:40:15 AM

^^^ wow

1/6/2009 11:48:55 AM

I had this similar problem at Cisco with EDS who manages Bank of Americas network. Their first step in troubleshooting anything, even a demolished building (true story), is to submit an RMA to replace the hardware. They used the 3rd party technicians from Cisco to troubleshoot all their branch problems.

I should also mention that when I was working with that group over 40% of the RMA's they submitted resulted in a no trouble found. Just think about how much that is going to increase the contract from pure overhead alone...

1/6/2009 12:46:41 PM

Some moron in the apple store was trying to sell Adobe Lightroom to a customer that was trying to learn about iPhoto.

Good Lord people are fucking stupid.

1/8/2009 12:22:44 AM

^x6 I don't think I would have been able to stop myself from asking him if he graduated from UNC

1/8/2009 12:27:09 AM

Why would it have to be UNC? There are 4 Med schools in the state...

1/8/2009 12:37:48 AM

Because graduates from UNC are more likely to think that their shit don't stink than any other group.

1/8/2009 12:12:37 PM

I have a lot of self-control when it comes to dealing with people, which was exactly why the doctor was handed off to me. Plus, the manager at the time thought it was too hilarious to not share with me. I have a tendency of making fun of people and this was a real gem.

The practice was in Maryland, so I doubt he went to Med school in NC. Regardless, doctors are people too, and sometimes they are very over-paid idiots that don't understand the concept of electricity.

As soon as I hung up the phone, I called the support manager back who was dying laughing as soon as he answered. After we laughed at dumb people, he told me a story of another doctor that left his dog in the car while he went shopping on a hot summer day, and obviously when he came back the dog was dead.

Again, common sense isn't all that common. I don't care how many degrees you have hanging on your wall.

1/8/2009 2:17:00 PM

Me no like doggies dying from being left in cars

1/8/2009 5:16:28 PM

I read this entire thread today, it's hilarious. I started work in IT last November, so I thought I'd share some of my stories with you.

Before I begin, there's a hilarious video about "tech support" helping people make the transition from scrolls to books out there somewhere. I couldn't find it again to post it here so if you find it, please share with everyone. Here goes...

(Keep in mind she does all of these instructions in suuuuuuppeeeer slooooooooow mooootiooon)
I was running around one day installing new stuff on people's computers when I get stopped by the accountant in the building:
her:"Hey, D, I need to send myself some pictures in an email so I can send them to my sister and look at them, how do I do that?"
Me:"It's easy, I'll show you. Open up the page with the pictures" (She does)
"Now you just right click on the picture and click copy..." (she does, incredibly slowly)
"And then you open up your email client"
her:"How do you do that?"
Me:"The same way you always open your email, which client do you want to use?"
her:"gmail"
Me:"Ok, so then go to gmail.com"
Her:"How do you do that?"
(This woman works on her computer every day surfing the web and whatnot, a different story)
Me:"You click in your url, up there where website addresses go" (I point it out and she goes)
(She opens up gmail and logs in, and begins to compose new mail)
Me:"alright, click in the body of the email, where you type the message"
(she clicks in the subject bar)
her:"here?"
Me:"No, down there"
Me:"Alright, and you just paste the picture there. Right click->paste" (she does it, slowly)
Me:"And you just do that with the rest of the pictures" (and I leave to do more IT stuff)
(Ten minutes goes by and she comes over to me in my office, I think it was at one time a closet)
Her:"I can't get the other two pictures there"
Me:"What's happening?"
Her:"I don't know, but only the one picture is there"
(So I go to her office, where she hasn't posted any more pictures than the one I walked her through. I am pretty busy, so I decide to just sit down and do it for her. I copy and use the ctrl+v button to paste them in the email, which just blows her mind. I then save the email as a draft and go back to my office...Ten minutes goes by and she shows up again)
Her:"You are going to kill me"
(oh crap...)
Me:"What's up?"
Her:"I accidentally deleted that email"
Me:"It's ok, it should still be around"
(I go to her office... Unless it's somewhere I'm unaware of, gmail doesn't save trashed drafts in the trash folder. It's gone. I sit down and paste all those pictures into a new email. I am fairly intelligent, I thought, I'll just have her email them to herself and then she'll always have a copy for me to save in her trash regardless of what stupid stuff she does. I leave for my office... and about three minutes goes by... and she's back at my office)
Her: "It didn't work"
Me:"Huh?"
Her:"I sent the email to myself, but there are no pictures in it"
(So... I trek back to her office to see that she has misspelled her own email address and gotten a mailerdaemon reply. Again, unless gmail puts it somewhere else, there's no copy of the original in her sent folder... So I do them AGAIN. I send them to her MYSELF and go back to my office)

This lady emails millions of people a day, and I can see that she's no noob at surfing the web for completely unrelated work content. It killed me that she couldn't figure my instructions out.









Medical records is using an electronic records system built and supported by an unnamed third party. So they scan in a lot of paper records like immunizations and stuff. Sometimes these records need to be printed out, adjusted or changed in some way, and rescanned. Well this program they use shrinks the scanned document by something like 20% and surrounds it in a header and footer. So by the time a document has been scanned, printed out and adjusted, and scanned again, there's pratically unreadably small text on the image. Well the nurses complain about this and tell med records to scan all the stuff again. So they do, managing to shrink the documents further in the process. Then the blame game begins. The nurses blame med records for their scans being to small. The scanning people in med records are blaming people that don't even work there anymore and somehow it trickled down to IT not training them well enough on how to use the scanners. Now the manager of med records is demanding that I teach all the med records people how to up the resolution on the images, because she is certain that will fix the problem. Well it won't, and now I have to come up with something to tell 6 people for an hour about how there's nothing they can do until the company fixes their program... But they just won't get it.







Once a nurse managed to open 75 copies of the same window on her desktop. After clicking the x button once or twice to get rid of what she thought was one screen she called me up to fix it. I right clicked the group of what was 60-something windows and closed group. she thought I was a genius.



This place is a gold mine... to be continued I'm sure

1/8/2009 9:48:29 PM

it would take me approximately 30 minutes to get fired from a tech support job


it sounds like you should take the initiative to find a workaround for that med records problem (original sw not scanning it correctly) instead of letting them jerk you around doing stupid shit.


[Edited on January 9, 2009 at 1:04 AM. Reason : .]

1/9/2009 1:00:12 AM

The best I can do (and have done) is email the supplier and tell them it's an urgent problem I need a patch to fix. I've also told them not to scan things in until they are absolutely sure they're done for now, because there won't be any good (quick/easy) way to fix the ones they've messed up already.



So, I'm at work this morning in Physical Therapy who is looking to get some training equipment real cheap. One trainer says to another, "I wonder if Dick's would have it cheap. We should check their website and see." This statement is followed immediately by trainer 2 sitting down at her computer, opening a web browser and typing dicks.com into the url.... LOL she did not get what she was expecting.

1/9/2009 10:33:57 AM

^dicks.com...haha!

Not really "inept" but web address typos can also be funny. One of the director-level employees in my former workplace originally came from China, so he was trying to access sina.com, a Chinese news/info site, and I was in his office trying to load the Chinese character set for Windows so it would display properly. While trying to test if it worked, he missed the 'a' and accidentally typed sin.com...again, *not* what he was expecting. His reaction was pretty funny too...



[Edited on January 9, 2009 at 11:58 AM. Reason : nolink]

1/9/2009 11:56:37 AM

I've got a guy right now who is absolutely adamant that his switch is unicast flooding because ARP is broken.

1/9/2009 12:10:28 PM