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5/26/2009 11:59:50 PM

Over there they're rebroadcasting sporting events with implied oral consent, not expressed written consent. Or so the legend goes.

Homer, today Bart's a vampire. Tomorrow he could be smoking.

Bart: "Homer! You Shot the Zombie Flanders!!"
Homer: "He Was a Zombie?"

5/27/2009 12:19:56 AM

"STOP! STOP!!! Hes already dead!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAZ8xwXE5UY&feature=PlayList&p=1985F27CD49B95F7&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=35

5/27/2009 12:24:41 AM

1- Homer: Marge? Since I'm not talking to Lisa, would you please ask her to pass me the syrup?
Marge: Dear, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa.
Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I will only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product.
Bart: You dunkin' your sausages in that syrup homeboy?
Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning.
Marge: Tell him yourself, you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart.
Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out.
Marge: Homer, you're not not-talking to me and secondly I heard what you said.
Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case.
Bart: Uhhh, dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to.
Homer: Bart, go to your room.

2- Homer: Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

3-Lisa: Dad, don't you think you're overreacting?
Homer: Don't you think you're *under*reacting?
Lisa: This conversation is over.
Homer: This conversation is *under*.
Lisa: Goodbye.
Homer: *bad*bye

5/27/2009 12:47:34 AM

glad i read this first, i was gonna post this

Quote :

"Burns: I suggest you leave immediately Homer: Or what? You'll release the dogs or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

5/27/2009 2:04:42 AM

homer:
1. reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol
2. i am not going to lie to you, marge .... well... goodbye.
3. i hope i didn't brain my damage

5/27/2009 2:07:58 AM

UP YOURS, CHILDREN.

5/27/2009 2:12:53 AM

"DAMMIT!"

Context: Homer falls asleep in church and knocks his head against the pew in front of him.

5/27/2009 9:15:46 AM

Trying is the first step towards failure.

5/27/2009 9:29:07 AM

Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all.

Quote :

"STUPID SEXY FLANDERS"

5/27/2009 9:32:08 AM

Lisa: What'd you get?
Bart: Mustache comb. You?
Lisa: Fake mustache...Wanna comb it?

5/27/2009 9:35:22 AM

Homer: Jeebus?...but I don't even believe in Jeebus!

5/27/2009 9:39:37 AM

^ha, I watched that one last night

5/27/2009 9:55:15 AM

Always loved this one :

Homer: Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Post Office Worker: Okay. What's your first name, Mr. Burns?
Homer: ...I.. don't know.

"aww.... the Denver Broncos"

[Edited on May 27, 2009 at 10:16 AM. Reason : .]

5/27/2009 10:16:07 AM

"Just because I don't CARE doesn't mean I don't UNDERSTAND."

5/27/2009 10:20:36 AM

Homer: Just once I'd like someone to call me 'Sir' without adding 'You're making a scene.'

Smithers: Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre.
Mr.Burns: I ought to club them and eat their bones!

Mr. Burns (speaking with Homer on the telephone): What would you like on your pizza pie? Extra cheese! Who do you take me for, Lorenzo di Medici?!

Mr. Burns: Are you daft, woman? I could get stung by a bumbled-bee!

5/27/2009 10:23:17 AM

Homer: Ahhh, dinner. The perfect break between work and drunk!

5/27/2009 10:28:28 AM

"We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. "Give me five bees for a quarter," you'd say.

Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones..."

5/27/2009 10:32:39 AM

Judge: I sentence you to life.
Homer: You moron, I'm already alive!
Judge: In prison!

5/27/2009 11:13:37 AM

Marge: I found a way to stretch the food budget.
Fried chicken night will now be organ meat night.
Ham night will be Spam night.
And pork chop night...
Homer: [whining, fearing the worst] Oh...
Marge: ... will now be chub night.
Homer: Chub!? I don't even know what that is!
Marge: Neither do I, ``Dog of Death''

Marge: Lisa won't be able to get volume 4 of Encyclopedia Generica from the
grocery store (Copernicus to Elephantiasis), and Maggie's baby clothes
will have to last a little longer. (Maggie makes a muscle and her
sleeve rips.)

Homer: Marge, I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer.
Basically, we become a family of traveling acrobats!

5/27/2009 11:16:24 AM

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts!
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services!
Homer: Woo-hoo!

5/27/2009 11:17:25 AM

Chief Wiggum: And let this be a lesson to you....kids never learn!

5/27/2009 11:19:44 AM

Homer: Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!

5/27/2009 11:21:52 AM

Is this chicken, what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna, but it says 'Chicken by the Sea.'

5/27/2009 11:22:25 AM

Homer: Oh Lisa, there's no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield.
Lisa: Yes, but the records only go back to 1978 when the hall of records was mysteriously blown away.

5/27/2009 11:25:56 AM

Woman 1: [to Woman 2] This cross-country flight from the law would be
hell if we didn't stick together.
Woman 2: Hey: friends _stick_ together.
Woman 3: [to Woman 4] It's amazing how through all this adversity, we
managed to stick together.
Woman 4: If there's _one thing_ decent folk do, it's stick together.
Waitress: I hate it when the waffles stick together.
Cook: Stickin' together is what good waffles do.

5/27/2009 11:26:43 AM

this thread is so great. definitely has me lolling at the office

5/27/2009 11:39:02 AM

And what's all this crap about tolerance?

5/27/2009 11:42:56 AM

Mr.Burns: (To Homer)One more thing...You must find the Jade Monkey before the next full moon!
Smithers: Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr.Burns: And the road maps, and the driving gloves?!
Smithers: Yes, sir.
Mr.Burns:Then its all falling into place!

5/27/2009 11:45:41 AM

Burns in a plane over the Caribbean: Any of these islands would make a fine new country.
Homer: I call president!
Burns: Vice president!
Smithers (disappointedly): Oooh...
Burns: Ooh... There's a big one, and it has freedom written all over it!
Smithers: Sir, that's Cuba.
Mr. Burns: Cuba, eh? Take her down, Smithers!
Smithers: Uh... You're flying the plane, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.

5/27/2009 11:47:01 AM

5/27/2009 11:47:02 AM

Judge: Mr. Hutz, are you aware you're not wearing any pants?
Lionel Hutz: Uh, your Honor, can I call for one of those bad trial thingys?
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Lionel Hutz: Yeah ... that's why you're the judge, and I am the law ... talkin' ... guy.

5/27/2009 11:51:24 AM

[Burns gets shot]
Marge: I don't think we'll ever know who did this. Everyone in town's a suspect.
Hibbert: Heh heh heh. Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can you? [points at camera, which pulls back so that he is actually pointing at Wiggum]
Wiggum: Yeah, I'll give it a shot, I mean, you know, it's my job, right?

5/27/2009 11:52:01 AM

Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer, Junior? The kids can call you HoJu!

Can't sleep, clown will eat me

Boy, the way the Bee Gees played
Movies John Travolta made
Guessing how much Elvis weighed
Those were the days
And you knew where you were then
Watching shows like Gentle Ben
Mister, we could use a man like Sheriff Lobo again
"Disco Duck" and Fleetwood Mac
Coming out of my eight-track
Michael Jackson still was black
Those were the days


Bart was feeling mighty blue
It's a shame what school can do
For no reason, here's Apu
Those were the days

5/27/2009 11:58:04 AM

If Bart can be El Barto, then I can be El Homo!


Muahahahahaha! Death by Chocolate! ...and poison. There's poison in there, too.

5/27/2009 12:12:39 PM

Homer talking in his sleep: Huh? A canoe made out of country ham? You know I'll eat it!

5/27/2009 12:12:58 PM

Rainier: My new movie is me, standing in front of a brick wall for 90 minutes. It cost 80 million dollars to make.
Jay Sherman: how do you sleep at night?
Rainier: on top of a pile of money, with many beautiful women.


Also a fan of, "Expand my brain, learning juice!"

[Edited on May 27, 2009 at 12:29 PM. Reason : .]

5/27/2009 12:29:02 PM

get to work, mr. mcknight

5/27/2009 12:30:50 PM

5/27/2009 12:31:54 PM

Lisa: Dad, what's a Muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop and it's not quite a puppet, but MAN haha heh heh. So to answer your question, I don't know.

5/27/2009 12:42:49 PM

Burns: I see that the caterpillar has emerged from his cocoon as a shark with a gun for a mouth.

5/27/2009 12:50:34 PM

Marge: "Homer, it's really coming down! Could you check on the boys?"
Homer: "They're fine."

==============================
Marge: "Ew, Homer, where did you get that ugly thing?"
Homer: "Why, at that little shop right over... there... Oh, no, wait, it was over there."

[Edited on May 27, 2009 at 2:14 PM. Reason : -]

5/27/2009 2:14:35 PM

Your superior intellect is no match for our puny weapons.

5/27/2009 2:21:18 PM

Homer: And what if I refuse to lose?
Jockey: We'll eat your brain!
Homer: My horse must looooooooooooose!


Homer: Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

[Edited on May 27, 2009 at 2:25 PM. Reason : kodos]

5/27/2009 2:24:52 PM

Quote :

" Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all. Nothing at all. Nothing at all. "STUPID SEXY FLANDERS""

This.

5/27/2009 3:35:12 PM

Marge: I'm worried about the kids, Homey. Lisa's becoming very obsessive. This morning I caught her trying to dissect her own raincoat.
Homer: I know. And this perpetual-motion machine she made today is a joke. It just keeps going faster and faster.
Marge: And Bart isn't doing very well either. He needs boundaries and structure. There's something about flying a kite at night that's so unwholesome.
[Looks out window]
Bart: [creepily] Hello, mother dear.
Marge: That's it, we have to get them back to school.
Homer: I'm with you, Marge. Lisa. Get in here.
[Lisa walks in]
Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics.

5/27/2009 3:58:51 PM

Homer: He's not just some guy, Marge. He's a carny and part of a noble tradition. Carnies built this country. The carnival part of it anyway ... and though they may be rat-like in appearance, they are truly kings among men!

5/27/2009 5:12:58 PM

Homer in the infirmary after being injured at a prison rodeo, comments on a painting
Warden: He drew a unicorn in space! What's it breathin'?
Homer: Air?
Warden: Aint now air in space!
Homer: There's an Air in Space museum!
*Shot of homer being thrown out of the prison onto his face*

5/27/2009 5:19:58 PM

Quote :

"Homer: In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics."

Oh man, I can't believe I forgot this one. gg.

5/27/2009 6:04:11 PM

Krusty=Here is the last Ribwich, the animal we make it from is now extinct.
Guy 1 =The Cow?
Guy 2 =The Pig?
Krusty=You're waaaay off, think smaller, think more legs

5/27/2009 6:15:27 PM