Join a fraternity.

6/16/2006 11:56:08 AM

I'm resisting the urge to call. I haven't done it yet, for fear of just going ballistic and setting bridges on fire.


I'll just keep my cell in plain sight for now.





When should I call and ask for my stuff back? I dont want the shit I bought her, I just want my clothes and shit.

6/16/2006 12:01:25 PM

wait a week or so, and find a girl "friend" who will go with you to get your shi.

You dont want to go over there alone, because you are obviously not confident in this, and will probably do some stupid shit. Take a girl with you instead of a guy, it will serve several purposes as rallydurham has pointed out

6/16/2006 12:26:28 PM

^ yes, it would help if she is attractive

[Edited on June 16, 2006 at 12:29 PM. Reason : she = the lady friend you take]

6/16/2006 12:29:25 PM

that sucks man, i feel ya

6/16/2006 12:30:42 PM

I'm telling you folks, despite all the wonderful advice and great commentary, this comment will in the end be most profound

Quote :

"1CYPHER All American 675 Posts user info edit post There isn't anything anyone on this site can say that is going to help you. You are who you are, and you have to learn this shit on your own, the hard way. It's how we learned it."

Six years, first real girlfriend, do any of you honestly think this guy has the "GraniteBalls" to man up and do this shit the right way?

He's going to break down and cry like a little bitch right in front of her as she stands emotionless wondering when he is going to get the hell out of her living room so she can get to the new mans house for the deep dicking she's been waiting for all day.

[Edited on June 16, 2006 at 12:32 PM. Reason : r]

6/16/2006 12:32:14 PM

^ unnecessary dude.

Quote :

" rallydurham...where did you get this stuff? Or are you really that in touch?"

Live & Learn.

6/16/2006 12:42:12 PM

6/16/2006 12:44:52 PM

Quote :

"When should I call and ask for my stuff back? I dont want the shit I bought her, I just want my clothes and shit."

Funny story. My last ex and I got into a fight after Valentines Day...and I said something like, "I wish we could have done this before Valentine's Day so I wouldn't had to waste my money on those fucking presents." So she proceeds to write me a $100 check and mail it to me the next day. We end up "getting back together" in like a day or two, but for some odd reason I never threw away the check. I think I just stuck it in my desk drawer or something.

Well we ended up breaking up for good like a month later....and the first thing I did was cash that check, go to a bar that night, get hammered, and hook up with one of her old high school "friends."

Rule...never write your significant other a check that you don't think they'll cash???

6/16/2006 12:52:28 PM

this reminds me.

last date with a girlfriend a few years ago: she asks me to hold some money for her since her dress doesn't have anywhere to hold it and she doesn't want to carry around a purse. so i do.

she breaks up with me the next morning. never gave her the money back.

i had totally forgotten about this until an old friend asked me about it a while back. i was like "HA! i never did give that shit back."

6/16/2006 12:55:11 PM

best revenge is to just be a pimp and do better without her...

and then use her as a booty call.

6/16/2006 12:55:19 PM

It's not hard to pick out the shitty advice on tdub, that's for sure.

6/16/2006 1:04:18 PM

best revenge is to just be a pimp and do better without her...

That's all there is to it. I've been talking to this girl that just broke up with her boyfriend. She kinda wanted to call him, but that's a bad, bad idea. If YOU are the one who makes the first contact, the terrorists win.

6/16/2006 1:09:06 PM

What if she never calls?


I'll never see my bathing suit and jeans again?

6/16/2006 1:10:23 PM

who cares. it's just jeans and a swimsuit.

6/16/2006 1:11:40 PM

^

Bottom line is that calling her will show her that she has the power, regardless of how YOU mean it. That's just the way it looks.

[Edited on June 16, 2006 at 1:13 PM. Reason : ]

6/16/2006 1:11:54 PM

she'll prolly call and let you know to come pick up "the box"

6/16/2006 1:12:29 PM

And make sure you call her before you go and pick up your shit. Cause it would suck to walk in on her gobblin her new boyfriend's dick.

6/16/2006 1:13:04 PM

i dont think theres anything wrong with calling her and saying you'll be by in an hour to come get your stuff.

Dump off a couple of her things and maybe 1-2 sentimental type things that you have no real use for while you're at it, it makes her feel like you're really comfortable removing her from your life.

Dont bitch at her or cry or anything but be cold and detached. Use short statements and responses. Examples: "Here." "No." "Maybe." "Later."

6/16/2006 1:15:15 PM

I'd say wait on getting your shit until you're composed enough to be able to do it without breaking down when you see her.

6/16/2006 1:16:24 PM

jk

sorry

6/16/2006 1:20:25 PM

^^ agreed, dont dare go over there until you're ready.

i forgot you're a first-timer so its gonna take a lot longer.

Bathing suits & jeans arent worth botching everything further.

[Edited on June 16, 2006 at 1:21 PM. Reason : a]

6/16/2006 1:20:43 PM

hence my advice:

Quote :

"wait a week or so, and find a girl "friend" who will go with you to get your shi. You dont want to go over there alone, because you are obviously not confident in this, and will probably do some stupid shit. Take a girl with you instead of a guy, it will serve several purposes as rallydurham has pointed out "

6/16/2006 1:30:30 PM

I'd say find the closest trash can you can and ditch her stuff...and write off yours. Shit like that is easy to replace.

My dear god, I've had an epiphany of sorts myself. My ex-wife pretty much bailed on me for another guy. It was like a light switch. One day on. The next day off. She found somebody who "understood her" more than I did. She lets him move in right after I move out. That guy turned out to be a total dirtbag. Eight months later (and after countless times and folks telling her to get rid of this dude), she throws him out. Come to find out, she has already gotten together with yet somebody else. I honestly don't think she woulda thrown the first guy out if she hadn't.

The more I think about it, the more I've come to the conclusion that she is a parasite of sorts...emotionally and otherwise. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that I am where I am now.

6/16/2006 1:34:05 PM

^^advice is on the fucking point

[Edited on June 16, 2006 at 1:35 PM. Reason : aasdfljk]

6/16/2006 1:35:24 PM

Remove her number from your cell phone's memory. That will remove a lot of the temptation to maake stupid calls.

6/16/2006 1:40:37 PM

and take her off your aim buddy list. seeing when that shit goes idle for 20 hours at a time can really do a number.

6/16/2006 1:41:14 PM

^ & ^^ very good points... do this immediatly

6/16/2006 1:44:13 PM

she doesnt use AIM.

And I think I can resist the urge to call. I was pretty drunk last night and I didn't do it.

6/16/2006 1:45:12 PM

YOU WILL FAIL... delete the number.. the more steps you have to go through to contact her is better...


you might be ok now but if you dont immediatly get tail then you will start to get even more tempted as days pass.. GET RID OF THE NUMBER.. the goal is to have her call you, the second you call, you lose all the power...

6/16/2006 1:47:42 PM

remove the number anyway... it's not your most cognitive moments you have to worry about

6/16/2006 1:48:21 PM

6/16/2006 2:41:37 PM

If you're set on keeping her number, just in case you need it for something, then write it on a piece of paper and put it somewhere that you know you will NEVER find it while drunk...then delete it from your cellphone so you wont see it every time you scan through your phone book.

6/16/2006 2:53:00 PM

I like how no one has mentioned the possibility of him having the number memorized

6/16/2006 2:54:52 PM

thats way way middle school.. i barely know my house number...

6/16/2006 2:55:31 PM

yeah, but at least it still wont be visually there...of course he could still call, but it removes one chance at least.

6/16/2006 2:55:35 PM

Quote :

"I like how no one has mentioned the possibility of him having the number memorized "

This is 2006. Our brains are occupied with far greater things now.

6/16/2006 3:11:53 PM

haha, I guess i'm just old school then

I know a handful of people's numbers who I haven't called in years, but for some reason they're stuck in my brain

6/16/2006 3:14:28 PM

Quote :

"Do not play the role of the "puppy dog". Dont let her think you're scratching at the door and when she puts the key in the door you're gonna jump into her arms. Girls do not fuck puppy dogs."

TRUE.

Quote :

"Do NOT put up sappy song lyrics as your away message or in your profile. You should go ahead and kick your own ass right now if you were even considering this."

HAHAHA. I can't stand that.

6/16/2006 3:58:25 PM

Delete the number and let things cool for at least several weeks.

In fact, if you don't think about it, it won't bother you. I know you've got shit you need to get done tonight(hobbies, work, self-improvement). Or hell, just exercise. Keep some nyquil or benadryl(something mild) around in case you can't sleep(I couldn't for a while after a 3-year relationship, go figure.)

Also, make sure you schedule something with friends at least once a week. Avoid alcohol for a while.

Basically, don't put yourself in situations where your brain can fuck with you.

6/16/2006 7:22:47 PM

let it go.

otherwise, you will lose several years of your life, trying desperately to get her back, until you find yourself without a job, maxed out credit cards, bounced checks, sitting in a motel room smoking crack and avoiding the warrant out on you for domestic assault.

trust me. i been there

6/17/2006 6:02:35 AM

6/17/2006 9:08:38 AM

Quote :

"delete the number"

6/17/2006 6:31:56 PM

Ten dolla says he has talked to her by now...and he initiated it.

6/17/2006 7:03:53 PM

Find a good friend who you can call when you are feeling the urge to call her. Call the friend instead and have them talk you out of it.

Don't ask for your stuff back. Usually a girl will find a way to return it because we are thrifty. That and it does no good.

My ex still has my NCSU blanket I lent him. Point is, your dignity costs more than jeans and swimsuits. Also, if you leave them with her, she will think of you each time she sees them. Best of luck.

6/17/2006 9:24:25 PM

Quote :

"Find a good friend who you can call when you are feeling the urge to call her."

Like drunks do!

6/17/2006 11:24:37 PM

don't call her. period. just let her find out on her own that you're living well without her. if she doesn't come crawling back she's not worth it anyways.

"it's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything."

6/18/2006 12:17:10 AM

I've talked to her twice.

First time. I called her and said "We should meet up for lunch some time. I feel like there were a lot of things that didnt get said. If you want to meet, give me a call next week and we'll set something up."


She called me today and suggested we meet thursday. So I just told her "I'll see what I can do."


I got the time off, and I'm mulling over what exactly I'll be saying (and in what tones).



I know you all suggested that I not call her first, and you may have been right, but I just couldn't stand not being able to call her. We've dated for so long, and we've talked almost every day of that time. Sure, I've gone longer than 2 days without talking to her, but the fact that I WASNT SUPPOSED TO TALK TO HER, made that time seem like forever.

I dunno, I feel like this is all somehow my fault. You guys don't know her, but all this seems so out of character that it's bizarre. She was always the one hinting at marriage, I couldn't get her to stop talking about having kids, she was the one that always talked about getting old together.

I feel like it was my attitude that pushed her away. I always joke around about marriage in front of people, and dismiss the idea of children. It was all in jest, but I never took the time to tell her I was just as excited as she was, behind closed doors.


....that's enough, I need to stop venting here.


Anyone have any tips on what I should NOT say at this lunch break? (Other than "Are you seeing someone?") I understand that I asking that wont do any good, cause chances are she's either lying or gonna give me an answer I don't want to hear.)

[Edited on June 19, 2006 at 10:22 AM. Reason : marraige marriage]

6/19/2006 10:20:08 AM

Quote :

"I dunno, I feel like this is all somehow my fault."

You've already started down the path of a mentality that's going to ultimately only cause you more pain. Even if it was "your fault" it took her to a point where she was able to terminate a 6 year relationship. There's no going back now.

Two things to keep in mind:

1) This girl broke up with you. Why would you want to be with someone who does not want to be with you?

2) There is a 100% chance that there are droves of other girls that you can have as deep or deeper of a connection with than this girl at some point in the future.

Cancel this meeting. No good can come out of it.

6/19/2006 10:26:25 AM

on the other hand...this lunch would be a good time to get your stuff back

6/19/2006 10:35:02 AM