I just had my wedding on a Friday two and a half weeks ago. It was a semi-small (60ish person) mostly family and a few close family friends affair with no rehearsal dinner. The only big discount we got for it being not on a Saturday was for the photographer (over 50% discount, yay bargaining) I found in the Carolina Bride magazine because they did a little blurb on an award he won. It caught my eye because it was a similar one to the photographer we found at a bridal show and liked his work (we liked the photojournalistic style best). The one I found in the magazine ended up being the cheapest we found and one we absolutely loved his previous works (including one of a wedding smaller than our own that did not give a dinky impression given the album as some other past works I saw from other photographers). We had gone to see the guy we saw at the show and could not afford him (his price was our entire wedding budget) and we would have to go with one of the "associate" guys under him who did weddings on the side of working for various newspapers in the area. The only other leads either didn't click with us, did not give us any sort of reproduction rights, or when I called to follow up with speaking to them at the show were quite rude to me given my wedding planning time frame of 2-3 months (my husband didn't want a long drawn out planning process). If we had done the reception elsewhere we probably would have saved money (table renting fees, our venue actually charged our caterers a percentage of our food bill which of course ended up being something we had to pay, etc etc).

The Duke Gardens is a pretty ceremony site but if I had it to do over I most likely would find a different reception site (either hotel or restaurant). Its in the contract and we were lucky it didn't happen to us but when we talked to another couple that got married there, the classroom where their caterer could have to prepare the food/work out of/etc got taken over for some gardening class and they were notified a week before the wedding date.

The biggest advice I'd give to people planning is to divide up the responsibilities to people you can trust to do it. My husband's aunt ended up having a friend do the table arrangements. I was not very picky except that I wanted the flowers to be in the wedding colors, potted with the ability to be replanted, and blooming. I was able to give these table arrangements to grandmothers and cousins that helped out (guest book table attendant, greeter, etc). The two potted orchids that went on the buffet tables I gave to our mothers (everytime I talk to my mother she tells me something about it so I'm glad it made her so happy and orchids are my mother-in-law's favorite flowers so I know she appreciated it too). Its very important that its someone you can trust. I let someone who doesn't have their own life in order and who I thought I could trust given their relationship to me help me out with two big things (bridal hair/make-up place for both the portrait and actual day AND hotel arrangements) and I got burnt.

Also just because people are family DOES NOT MEAN THEY WILL NOT BE COMPLETELY THOUGHTLESS ASSHOLES. Some single men also do not know that they are supposed to RSVP (just give them a call, its not a big deal). I had a grandmother try to sabotage my shower and wedding at every opportunity, an uncle who could not RSVP and at the last minute decided he wanted to take his child to Carowinds instead of the wedding (called me to tell me this and that he did not have enough money to both come to my wedding AND take his son there for his birthday-the day after my wedding) who at the last LAST minute decided nevermind he was coming, a completely incompetent mother who I could not rely on for anything at all except to annoy and hurt myself and everyone around her, and a future MIL who wanted to literally bring 50 of her friends to the wedding (granted she was a bit hurt we decided to have it in Raleigh instead of where she lives after she had run around doing wedding stuff to try to help me since she knew my mother could not but it was so much easier planning and meeting with potential venders nearby instead of several hours away).

Sorry for the big wall of text and typos As for the day thing which started this post, people who care will come no matter what with no complaints because they care about you and will love to see you so stupidly happy on your wedding day. I even had workaholics (the kind that brings the sick kid to work instead of taking work off to stay home with the sick kid and they're too young to be alone) take the ENTIRE day off (yay daddy)! Also I probably would not move in together RIGHT before you wedding (July 4th made it so our complex kept pushing back our move in date) because its very stressful on top of all the other last minute wedding things (I ended up breaking half my nails in the process, which for someone who has naturally long nails it was traumatic having to get fake nails for the first time for the wedding).

[Edited on July 29, 2008 at 4:53 PM. Reason : page 4]

7/29/2008 4:47:35 PM

All rude wedding photographers should be shot! With a gun, not a camera!

7/30/2008 10:28:57 AM

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/08/01/wedding.list.quiz/index.html

Good tips on weeding down your guest list....

8/1/2008 12:25:41 PM

Anyone know a good, inexpensive place to get wedding gowns cleaned and preserved?

8/1/2008 3:52:20 PM

^^ That is a HORRIBLE idea for deciding who should be on your wedding list.

If someone had the gall to give me a quiz like that under the pretense of the score determining whether I could go to their wedding or not, I wouldn't go to their wedding.

8/2/2008 10:11:50 AM

my point wasn't necessarily that people should ask these to people specifically, but rather ask those questions to yourself when deciding on who you invite. Like could the people youre inviting answer most of those questions.

8/2/2008 3:45:53 PM

that is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard of.

8/4/2008 12:48:08 AM

Women in general are ridiculous so it works.

8/4/2008 9:57:23 AM

We hired whitebox weddings to do our photography http://www.whiteboxweddings.com

I'm still on the hunt for my dress... unfortunately the one i like the best is out of my price range :/

8/4/2008 4:15:27 PM

Does anyone have a recommendation for a reasonably priced GOOD videographer? None of that cheesy crap with candle and rose pictures please!

8/8/2008 10:36:17 AM

w00t! i can post in here now

alright--how did you ask your bridesmaids to be a bridesmaid? I know I could just come out and say, "yo--wanna be a bridesmaid?" but I was looking for ideas to do something a bit more special.

8/11/2008 11:13:43 AM

message_topic.aspx?topic=537041

kiwi is doing wedding photography now - a++

8/11/2008 11:15:41 AM

Quote :

"that is the most ridiculous thing i have ever heard of."

agreed 100%. regardless, after reading the questions I dont think there is anyone that will be getting invited to my wedding that wouldnt be able to answer all of them except maybe 6 or 10.

8/11/2008 11:18:38 AM

Quote :

"how did you ask your bridesmaids to be a bridesmaid?"

I honestly was going to get real fancy and what not and write out letters telling them why i wanted them to a part of my wedding....didn't really work that way. I was too excited to do that and just called up each and asked them. Most usually know what you're about to ask and they probably don't care how you do it. Geez, two of mine I asked while drinking at jax

8/11/2008 12:10:44 PM

haha, awesome

8/11/2008 12:12:15 PM

^congrats!

I made a card that had an image of a "bridezilla" biting the head off the groom. On the inside it said something along the lines of "I promise not be a bridezilla!" I would honored if you would stand by my side on my wedding day...

I can send you the image if you want

8/11/2008 12:21:15 PM

ooh that's hilarious! yeah send that my way if you don't mind

8/11/2008 1:48:17 PM

my wedding is exactly two months from today in Vegas!

All the big stuff is out of the way (invites, dress, shoes, travel arrangements)

Now its on to the fun stuff! I am going to make "welcome to Vegas" bags to give out at the rehearsal dinner in Vegas.

Some things that I am going to put in the bags:
$10 Starbucks gift card: 1 per couple. If by self, $5. LOWES FOOD GREENPOINTS FTW
Personalized Vegas playing cards w/ my name, fiance's name and date of wedding.
Was thinking about maybe a bottle of water but I can't fly w/ a whole case of water and don't want to have to find a grocery store once in Vegas.

Any other ideas?? It has to be something that I can fit in my checked suitcase or can easily obtain once in Vegas.

8/11/2008 3:56:18 PM

elvis sunglasses

8/11/2008 4:12:29 PM

Quote :

"$10 Starbucks gift card: 1 per couple. If by self, $5. LOWES FOOD GREENPOINTS FTW"

Until I read the greenpoints part, I was going to suggest that you get them GCs to sexxxpresso. It's a coffee shop not too far off the strip with hot chicks in hotpants and fishnets serving coffee that's actually very good.
The drink sizes? A, B, DD.
And the drink names are very corny, and funny, too

8/11/2008 4:19:06 PM

^^^well it looks like you forgot my invite

8/11/2008 6:03:41 PM

Quote :

"Any other ideas?? It has to be something that I can fit in my checked suitcase or can easily obtain once in Vegas."

Asprin/Tylenol/whatever for the hangovers.

8/13/2008 10:44:34 AM

I'm just started the wedding planning

Wedding will probably be late June 2009

I have no clue where to start. I want a wedding in North Carolina at either the Raleigh area, mountains or the beach.

Can anyone suggestion any good books or websites on how to get started?

Our wedding won't be a huge production and I would like to keep the cost well under $10,000. There will only be about 60 people there at most (I have a really really small family) so I think I'll be able to keep the cost down.

8/13/2008 5:22:51 PM

start with the church (or wedding site) and reception site.

everything else will fall into place.

theknot.com is the classic site... a lot of junk on there that is overpriced though.

8/13/2008 6:30:47 PM

Quote :

"Any other ideas?? It has to be something that I can fit in my checked suitcase or can easily obtain once in Vegas"

http://www.sincitysuckers.com

(it's suckers in the shape of dice, nothing vulgar)

8/13/2008 10:53:29 PM

^^^

Quote :

"start with the church (or wedding site) and reception site. everything else will fall into place."

we're just starting out too, and we got those booked yesterday

my mom and i are going the wedding site on saturday, and they apparently have a list of vendors they work with a lot that they are going to give us.

i've been looking on theknot.com as well. i've also been asking other brides that have gotten married recently who they've used. my coworker, who's directed weddings, gave me a few people as well. all has been very helpful.

there's also the triangle bridal shows, and there is one on Sunday actually (i believe the fair grounds). the next one is in Durham, and that's in October.

8/14/2008 8:59:46 AM

Especially for those starting out, I recommend getting (or just reading at Barnes & Noble) Bridal Bargains by Denise and Alan Fields. It talk through how topick vendors and ways to reduce costs. I think its around $16.

8/15/2008 8:01:21 AM

Momzilla question:

How do I tactfully tell my mom she's getting out of hand with the control, and that I really need her to let my fiance and I plan OUR wedding?? We haven't even been engaged a week, and I'm already feeling the pressure. Yes, her and my dad are footing the bill...but everything I've sent her so far she hasn't liked. She's getting way ahead of herself with the little details. I'm still thinking "main vendors" and she's thinking "what the tablecloths will look like." The one little thing we are working on right now (save the date cards), she didn't like a single one I picked out.

Sad thing is, I know she totally stressed out my s-i-l when they were planning her wedding and 4 yrs later my s-i-l is still sore about it. I don't want that to happen to me.

I think my mom's main problem is she's trying to keep up with the Joneses, and make this some kind of fabulous to do...but that's not what we want at all.

8/15/2008 9:11:48 AM

It's your mother. Only you know the best tact with which to approach her.

8/15/2008 9:33:52 AM

Elope, it's your only sane option.

8/15/2008 11:44:04 AM

If anyone wants help getting a good deal on a ring or any jewelry, I am a Graduate Gemologist (rock(diamonds and gems) nerd)

8/15/2008 2:24:02 PM

anybody have any recommendations for a nice honeymoon suite in Raleigh, preferably with a hot tub? i'm looking for a place to stay after the reception and before we leave for our honeymoon in costa rica.

8/15/2008 3:58:26 PM

Costa Rica is the shit, where do you plan to go while there?

8/15/2008 5:00:28 PM

Quote :

"I made a card that had an image of a "bridezilla" biting the head off the groom. On the inside it said something along the lines of "I promise not be a bridezilla!" I would honored if you would stand by my side on my wedding day... I can send you the image if you want"

I wanna see

8/17/2008 10:54:21 PM

Quote :

"anybody have any recommendations for a nice honeymoon suite in Raleigh, preferably with a hot tub? i'm looking for a place to stay after the reception and before we leave for our honeymoon in costa rica."

I would try the Umstead.

8/18/2008 2:25:40 PM

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/wedding-guests/articles/our-13-top-wedding-guests-tips.aspx


article about cutting down guest lists

8/18/2008 4:35:09 PM

heh...yeah i've read that and some "Ask Carly" guest list advice today

8/18/2008 4:55:30 PM

Check out my wedding slideshow!


http://www.gwinnettdailypost.com/ftp/multimedia/waffleweddingx/publish_to_web/

8/21/2008 8:22:30 AM

^ oh my...

8/21/2008 8:59:49 AM

Been skimming around just researching ideas for our wedding, and I came across one that I have no idea where to start if we did something--wedding customs.

We're not having a religious ceremony and we've never liked the sand ceremony. Wondering what else is out there to do?

So far, the only thing I've seen that sounds kind of cool if we decided to do something is a handfasting ceremony which is a celtic wedding ritual where you literally bind the hands of the bride and groom together.

9/2/2008 2:33:35 PM

tara found something pretty unique that i hadn't seen done before....a couple of our friends actually took the idea and used it in their wedding as well.

Get a nice wooden lock box, big enough to hold two nice bottles of wine. Then you each write letters to each other about what you like about the other person, how you fell in love, how happy you are to have each other, etc. You keep your letters and then during the ceremony, you each place your letter in the box along with the bottle of wine and lock it.

The idea is that if there is ever a point in your marriage when things turn south and look grim, you are supposed to open up the box, each take a bottle of wine, and go off and read each others letter to remember how things should be. If you are never in that situation, then you open the box up on your 25th wedding anniversary and drink the wine together in celebration.

edit: i dont know if thats the kind of thing you're looking for, but i know we looked at the sand ritual/candle ritual etc. and they seemed a little played out.

[Edited on September 2, 2008 at 2:51 PM. Reason : d]

9/2/2008 2:45:41 PM

i'm glad i didn't have to explain to my family that the girl i chose to marry wants to do some crazy random ceremony that has no bearing on her family's culture or religion

9/2/2008 2:48:08 PM

^^aha! hadn't seen that either.

^I'm glad you're glad...this would be on top of the traditional exchange of the rings though. I'm just exploring ideas if we were to decide to do something since we don't have any strong family culture nor do we practice any religion.

[Edited on September 2, 2008 at 3:00 PM. Reason : ]

9/2/2008 2:56:31 PM

im glad i didnt have to explain anything to my family since it was my wedding and not theirs.

9/2/2008 2:58:16 PM

^^^^ Here's another cool thing you can do at the reception. This is really popular in Japan right now.

At everyone's seat at the reception there is a slip of paper and a pen. On the paper the guest writes well wishes or predictions of where the couple will be in 10 years, etc etc. On the table where the bride and groom sit is a big ass candle. The top of the candle is removed and the center of the candle hollowed out. At some point during the reception, before everyone is drunk preferably , someone goes around the collects the papers. The papers are inserted into the candle. Then the bride and groom put the top back in the candle and light the wick. They let it burn down enough to seal the candle.

10 years later (or maybe it was 25, I don't really remember) you're supposed to relight the candle and then read what everyone wrote.

http://www.candles.co.jp/time_capsule.html


Step 1: People write stuff


Step 2: You put the papers in the candle


Step 3: You fill in the remaining space with sand (forgot about that lol).


Step 4: Light that bad boy.

[Edited on September 2, 2008 at 8:57 PM. Reason : link]

9/2/2008 8:51:23 PM

^i could see us messing that up

[user]sober46and3[/user]--looking through a bridal magazine last night, i saw the love letter box you're talking about

9/4/2008 7:19:24 AM

Ladies, when you hire a photographer make sure you find out what things you should do to help the photographer record one of the best days of your life a little better. Little tricks I'm finding make a huge difference in the outcome.

Also make sure they are aware of what shots are important to you besides the obvious (ie ring shot, vows, kiss, first dance, etc)

9/7/2008 1:14:12 AM

^ Just a suggestion, but it might be a good idea to ask these sorts of things when initially talking to the couple about the package they're buying. It shows the couple that you're dedicated and can potentially avoid the "omg you asshole you didn't take a picture of (insert some random ass thing you probably wouldn't take a picture of usually)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Plus sometimes you just don't think of these things unless someone asks to refresh your memory.

I know that if I were shopping around for a photographer, I would pick the one that asked over the one that didn't probably.

9/7/2008 8:38:51 AM

^Agreed. My photographer (Abigail Seymour, she is AWESOME!) gave me a wedding worksheet so I could list the names of all family that was attending as well as which shots were important to me. She really is fantastic and I would recommend her to anyone!

Contrarily, my best friend got married last November and her wedding photographer didn't take ANY pictures of her and her husband together after the ceremony. Well, there were some shots of them dancing, but nothing other than that. She was devastated. He didn't do the ring picture either. He was a new photographer and inexperienced (therefore quite inexpensive), but I don't think she thought to explicitly tell him these things. I felt so bad for her- but sometimes you get what you pay for!

9/7/2008 9:38:10 AM

A good photographer will go over those things with you but just in case have a list in mind, especially if it's something particular and unique the photographer may not generally think of.

9/7/2008 12:43:25 PM