Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
5 6/26/2009 1:08:49 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware it carries a terrible curse! Homer: Ooh, that's bad. Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free frogurt! Homer: That's good. Shopkeeper: The frogurt is also cursed. Homer: That's bad. Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings. Homer: That's good! Shopkeeper: The toppings contain potassium benzoate. [Homer looks puzzled] Shopkeeper: ...That's bad. Homer: Can I go now? 7/10/2009 4:51:35 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Chief Wiggum: All right, show's over, folks. I'm afraid this horse is going to the dog food factory. Homer: Good luck getting a horse to eat dog food. 7/27/2009 3:23:42 PM |
dbmcknight All American 4030 Posts user info edit post |
"Barney, the call is from heroism. Will you accept the charges?" 7/29/2009 2:33:26 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Homer: Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog. Bart: Your right Homer: Rats, I almost had him eating dog food then 8/7/2009 10:33:05 PM |
jackleg All American 170957 Posts user info edit post |
[Edited on August 7, 2009 at 10:39 PM. Reason : i pick ken griffey jr]
8/7/2009 10:38:06 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Farmer 1: Well, well. Look at the city slicker pulling up in his fancy German car. Homer: This car was made in Guatemala. Farmer 2: Well, pardon us, Mr. Gucci loafers. Homer: I bought these shoes from a hobo. Farmer 1: Well la-de-da, Mr. Park Avenue manicure. Homer: I'm sorry, I believe in good grooming. 8/8/2009 7:49:19 PM |
ndmetcal All American 9012 Posts user info edit post |
Marge: I didn't use to mind it when he'd sneak into the bathroom & snack off
Homer: Le grille, what the hell is that?
Chalmers: Bal-ding, why won't any respect the 'ding? Skinner: I respect the ding, sir 8/8/2009 8:11:35 PM |
ShinAntonio Zinc Saucier 18947 Posts user info edit post |
Yarrrr, I'm not attractive 8/8/2009 8:22:18 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Everything from the episode "Homer and Apu"
James Woods: Well, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to fight aliens on a far away planet. Marge: Oh, that sounds like a good movie! James Woods: Uhh... yes, yes... movie...
Apu: I have come to make amends, sir. At first, I blamed you for squealing, but then I realized, it was I who wronged you. So I have come to work off my debt. I am at your service. Homer: You're... selling what, now? Apu: I am selling only the concept of karmic realignment. Homer: You can't sell that! Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos. [Slams the door] Apu: He's got me there.
Apu: Now this is just between me and you...smashed hat. Hee hee -- 8/12/2009 1:16:44 PM |
nastoute All American 31058 Posts user info edit post |
my favorite is:
Homer: No TV and no beer make Homer go...something...something Marge: Go crazy? Homer: Don’t mind if I do!!! A-woolagoolawoola! 8/12/2009 1:22:10 PM |
thegoodlife3 All American 39304 Posts user info edit post |
[the Be Sharps are performing the Statue of Liberty's 100th anniversary 4th of July concert in New York City in 1986] Homer: This next song is dedicated to a very special lady. She's 100 years old and weighs over 200... tons. Fan: This enormous lady will devour us all! [Screams and jumps into the ocean] Homer: I meant the statue! 8/12/2009 1:22:21 PM |
Republican18 All American 16575 Posts user info edit post |
Lisa: Dad!!!!!!!!! Homer: Huh -- wha -- Lisa! What's up? Lisa: I just had a bad dream! Homer: Oh, sure. You just lie down and tell me all about it. Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the bogeyman was after me, -- Homer: Aaaaaaah! Bogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!
Homer runs into Bart's room:
Homer: "Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a bogeyman or bogeymen in the house!" Bart: Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!
Later, Marge arrives home
Marge: What happened here? Homer: Oh, nothing, Marge. Just a little incident involving the bogeyman! Of course, none of this would have happened if you had been here to keep me from acting stupid.
[Edited on August 12, 2009 at 7:31 PM. Reason : ,] 8/12/2009 7:27:45 PM |
Fermat All American 47007 Posts user info edit post |
dental plan 8/12/2009 7:30:02 PM |
Bigfirm33 New Recruit 32 Posts user info edit post |
Lisa hands homer a empty suitcase to put on top of the car b/c is planning on running away Homer: "Hmmm thats light" Lisa: "Maybe your just getting stronger Dad" Homer: " Well I have been eating more lately" 8/12/2009 7:53:24 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
[the Red Hot Chili Peppers are performing on Krusty's show] Krusty the Clown: Now, boys, the network has a problem with some of your lyrics. Do you mind changing them for the show? Anthony Kiedis: Forget you, clown. Chad Smith: Yeah, our lyrics are like our children, man. No way. Krusty the Clown: Well, okay, but here where it says, "What I got you gotta get and put it in ya," how about just, "What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss ya." Flea: Wow. That's much better. Arik Marshall: Everyone can enjoy that. 9/21/2009 7:32:42 PM |
Nerdchick All American 37009 Posts user info edit post |
(Bart and Lisa are fighting)
Bart (to Marge): It's your fault for giving birth to my arch enemy! Lisa: At least I was planned! Marge: Stop it! No one was planned! 9/21/2009 8:27:01 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Bart: You lie like a fly with a booger in its eye. Homer: [laughing] The fly was funny, but the booger was the icing on the cake. 10/1/2009 10:36:03 AM |
LRlilDaddy All American 6511 Posts user info edit post |
all of these are good 10/1/2009 10:41:30 AM |
aph319 All American 8570 Posts user info edit post |
i'm sure steamed hams has been mentioned already
http://www.milkandcookies.com/link/54624/detail/
also,
Martin: I drew him (President Eisenhower) with Canadian Prime Minister Louis St. Laurent. Their relationship was frosty at best.
10/1/2009 12:24:18 PM |
lucyinthesky All American 11614 Posts user info edit post |
Ralph: This is my swing set. This is my sandbox. I'm not allowed to go in the deep end. That's where I saw the leprechaun! Bart: Right, a leprechaun. Ralph: He told me to burn things. 10/1/2009 12:28:57 PM |
Restricted All American 15537 Posts user info edit post |
Lisa: I was in the library at the time, but Janey told me that Principal Skinner and Bart's teacher,
Mrs. -- what's her name?
Marge: Krabappel?
Lisa: Yeah, Krabappel. They were naked in the closet together.
Marge: [gasps] Oh, my goodness!
Homer: Wait a minute. Bart's teacher is named Krabappel? I've been calling her Crandall. Why didn't someone tell me? Oh, I've been making an idiot out of myself! 10/1/2009 1:17:32 PM |
Republican18 All American 16575 Posts user info edit post |
Lisa: "Dad, we did something very bad!" Homer: "Did you wreck the car?" Lisa: "No." Homer: "Did you raise the dead?" Bart: "Yes." Homer: "But the car's okay?" Bart N Lisa: "Uh huh." Homer: "Alright then."
[Edited on October 2, 2009 at 1:19 AM. Reason : .] 10/2/2009 1:18:46 AM |
aph319 All American 8570 Posts user info edit post |
Montgomery Burns: Hello, my name is Mr. Snrub. And I come from, uh... someplace far away. Montgomery Burns: [to himself] Yes, that'll do. Montgomery Burns: [back to Mayor Quimby] Anyway, I say we invest that money back in the nuclear plant. Waylon Smithers: I like the way Snrub thinks.
[Edited on October 3, 2009 at 9:26 AM. Reason : ..]
10/3/2009 9:25:23 AM |
hunterb2003 All American 14423 Posts user info edit post |
"I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's"
I use this one all the time 10/3/2009 9:50:31 AM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
"Lisa, people do lots of crazy things in commercials...like eat at Arby's!" 10/3/2009 12:14:30 PM |
Republican18 All American 16575 Posts user info edit post |
Homer: "It seems that the cat burglar has been caught by the very man who was trying to catch him. Skinner: "How ironic"
[Edited on October 3, 2009 at 1:26 PM. Reason : .] 10/3/2009 1:20:00 PM |
zsl All American 979 Posts user info edit post |
Homer to Maggie:
And now I need to leave you where you'll be safe; under the watchful eyes of God. And I'll be watching too in case God is too busy making tornadoes or not existing.
[Edited on October 3, 2009 at 2:09 PM. Reason : :] 10/3/2009 2:08:41 PM |
jprince11 All American 14181 Posts user info edit post |
homer trying to play some con on a stranger
-(in rediculous voice) hello I am Mr Burns -ok what's your first name -(in same voice) I don't know 10/3/2009 3:53:01 PM |
Republican18 All American 16575 Posts user info edit post |
Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks? Fat Tony: Bart, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family? Bart: No. Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them? Bart: Uh uh. Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like... cigarettes? Bart: I guess that's okay. Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart? Bart: Hell, no! Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift. 10/7/2009 7:25:21 PM |
Republican18 All American 16575 Posts user info edit post |
Homer: "I have three kids and no money, why can't I have no kids and three money". 11/4/2009 1:31:27 AM |
hooksaw All American 16500 Posts user info edit post |
Is it "Let's watch Family Guy"? 11/4/2009 1:40:45 AM |
GrumpyGOP yovo yovo bonsoir 18191 Posts user info edit post |
Homer: What should I do with all my ill-gotten money? Lisa: Well, there's a lot of needy children in the world. Homer: I see what you're saying...I should buy a gun! 11/4/2009 1:45:21 AM |
vinylbandit All American 48079 Posts user info edit post |
Martin Prince: Ah, my plan has come to fruition! Soon I'll be queen of summertime... uh, I mean king, king! 11/4/2009 2:42:51 AM |
red baron 22 All American 2166 Posts user info edit post |
Krusty: "Kent, we have to pay for promotion, shipping, distribution....those limos out front, they aint free. Whatever's left over, we throw down the well." 11/4/2009 2:07:09 PM |
aph319 All American 8570 Posts user info edit post |
Brockman: Thanks, Mr. Simpson. Because of you, we're all taking golden showers. 11/4/2009 3:15:39 PM |
Kelly4NCSt8 All American 1115 Posts user info edit post |
Marge: We're going to school for the Parent/Teacher meetings. We'll bring dinner home. Lisa: What are you going to bring home? Homer: Well it depends. If both of you have been good, pizza. If not, then poison. Lisa: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad? Bart: Poisoned pizza? Homer: Oh no! I'm not making two stops. 11/4/2009 4:38:31 PM |
aph319 All American 8570 Posts user info edit post |
Audience: Boo! Boo! Burns: Smithers...are they booing me? Smithers: Uh, no, they're saying "Boo-urns! Boo-urns!" Burns: Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns"? Audience: Boo! Boo! Hans: I was saying "Boo-urns"... 11/4/2009 5:02:49 PM |
jackleg All American 170957 Posts user info edit post |
dying tickles
i'm idaho!
[Edited on November 4, 2009 at 8:51 PM. Reason : that is so 1991] 11/4/2009 8:50:45 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Lisa: I don't think anyone in this family could be capable of murder. Grampa: You never know what people are capable of. I never thought I could shoot down a German plane. But last year, I proved myself wrong. 11/4/2009 8:53:17 PM |
Republican18 All American 16575 Posts user info edit post |
Gerald Ford: Say, Homer, do you like football? Homer: Do I ever! Gerald Ford: Do you like nachos? Homer: Yes, Mr. Ford. Gerald Ford: Well, why don't you come over and watch the game, and we'll have nachos? And then drink some beer. Homer: Ooh! 11/5/2009 3:28:59 AM |
jbtilley All American 12797 Posts user info edit post |
There are a lot of Arby's quotes. The ones that were already mentioned:
Quote : | "I'm so hungry I could eat at Arby's" |
Quote : | "Lisa, people do lots of crazy things in commercials...like eat at Arby's!" |
And a few others:
Quote : | "If I can keep down Arby's, I can keep down you!" |
Quote : | "Kirk: [excited] Oh, boy, what's going on? Patio party? Man: No, a possum drowned in the pool. You have any garbage bags? Kirk: Just throw it over the fence, let Arby's worry about it." |
[Edited on November 5, 2009 at 7:30 AM. Reason : -]11/5/2009 7:29:56 AM |
vinylbandit All American 48079 Posts user info edit post |
^ same with Raleigh
Quote : | "Raleigh-Durham Skoal Bowl" |
Quote : | "Aah, for the days when aviation was a gentleman's pursuit -- back before every Joe Sweatsock could wedge himself behind a lunch tray and jet off to Raleigh-Durham." |
11/5/2009 7:39:34 AM |
Jader All American 2869 Posts user info edit post |
Quote : | "lisa needs braces" |
Quote : | "lisa needs braces" |
Quote : | "lisa needs braces" |
11/5/2009 7:44:42 AM |
69 Suspended 15861 Posts user info edit post |
11/5/2009 9:41:31 AM |
Republican18 All American 16575 Posts user info edit post |
Dentist: "Why must you turn my office into a house of LIES!!!!!!!!!!!"
and
Dentist: "Lets look at the big book of British smiles" 11/6/2009 2:15:56 AM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
The last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more 'n a few. 11/6/2009 7:44:38 PM |
wdprice3 BinaryBuffonary 45912 Posts user info edit post |
lol@OP 11/6/2009 7:47:47 PM |
Mr. Joshua Swimfanfan 43948 Posts user info edit post |
Milo: Why did Mr. Smith kill everybody? Homer: It was symbolism! He was mad. 11/10/2009 1:16:22 AM |
Republican18 All American 16575 Posts user info edit post |
Homer: And that talking coyote was really just that talking dog. Dog: Hi, Homer. Find your soulmate. Homer: Hey, wait a minute! Dogs can't talk! Dog: [barks] Homer: Damn straight! 11/10/2009 2:56:44 AM |