ok, this needed its own thread. sorry for taking over your thread (message_topic.aspx?topic=526881), evan!


so, this is the email i got last thursday where a guy i went out on a date with (first date, btw) wrote a theoretical java program to determine who i should end up with (read: him)

Quote :

"Jessica, Had a great time meeting you last night- although I don't remember getting a thank you for the drinks :-). Let me know if your "dating algorithm", after all inputs from inheritance class (source file) "MalesArousedByJessica" returns the correct object "david" from class "UltimateSexMachineJessicaCantLiveWithout" so I can take you out on a formal date. I could write a song or a poem, but just this time, for your highly intelligent left hemisphere, I constructed a Java Applet- just for you- called ManSorter.java. Using this application, you can clearly see why you should allow me to ask you out again. import objectdraw.*; import java.awt.*; /** * This program uses a novel algorithm to quantitatively analyze and assess characteristics of Jessica's male suitors (includes real-time objective quantitative data on charisma and personality, goals-set/goals-attained ratios, penis size [and associated wielding skills], potential for a happy and successful future, probability of divorce, various dating statistics among 768 other int value data inputs). The compiled algorithm yields object [name] of Jessica's best match, saving much valuable time and opening up a world of unprecedented happiness. */ public class ManSorter extends WindowController { { // Variables of qualities and ratings of suitors private MalesArousedByJessica everyone; private RealtimeSuitorStats dontDateLosers; private ScheduledDatesWithRandomBoys notNecessary; } public void begin() { public everyone statSort () { return: list) } public void realTimeSuitorStats.arrage () { return: list.sort(){ } } public void computeGuyJessicaShouldHangOutWithAndLetHelpWithHerNewApertment (){ return.topMan (){ { Public void addToCanvas.topMan() { { { topMan = DAVID. rank #1 of 5,301,000) { topMan.showStats(){ Mature Successful VERY well-endowed… Can fix up your apartment in one day Wont rush things Think we have a chance If you want more dating "experience" be my guest, but lets go out tomorrow night unless you have another date public void manSorterSuggestions () { Go out with David again. Unless you're actually seriously dating someone else right now and not telling me (totally possible for all I know), there's nothing wrong with going on a date tomorrow night and hanging out at my apt. But, again, if you have something to hide or can't break your dating rules, at least let me know if I can take you out tomorrow night, or in a few weeks… ScheduledDatesWithRandomBoys = dull conversations and feeling of dissatisfaction; } } }}"

and, btw, i did say thank you for the drinks

i was pretty much in a state of shock by the time i got to "public void begin() {

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 12:52 PM. Reason : link]

5/20/2008 12:49:48 PM

you already made a thread about this.

Quote :

"Had a great time meeting you last night- although I don't remember getting a thank you for the drinks :-)"

now that is quality

5/20/2008 12:51:03 PM

that guy is stealing all my best moves

5/20/2008 12:51:49 PM

what a geek.

5/20/2008 12:51:52 PM

no, i posted this in someone else's thread


its psycho enough that it deserved its own thread

5/20/2008 12:52:08 PM

the real question is

will there be a second date

5/20/2008 12:55:05 PM

oh HELL no

5/20/2008 12:55:29 PM

so much -lol- potential in this thread. somebody bring the funnies

5/20/2008 12:56:24 PM

this is quality internets

5/20/2008 12:56:52 PM

i bet he uses this on every girl.

5/20/2008 12:58:29 PM

i bet that he has had this written long before now, and actually just replaced "girlX" with your name. He could have used this shit hundreds of times before!

5/20/2008 12:58:46 PM

maybe so, but I can't imagine that any other girls would react any better to this than I did. esp if they were girls who didn't know any programming languages...

5/20/2008 12:59:26 PM

he probably scored a hot supermodel that had no clue what it meant and now sends out mass emails of this.


lol. this is gold.

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:16 PM. Reason : .]

5/20/2008 1:15:53 PM

eh - its a little weird, but also kinda cute

i'd give him a second date

5/20/2008 1:16:56 PM

it would be cute if it was after a few dates, w/o all the penis references

i mean, it was a kinda cute idea
but just not fully thought out


and if this was the only thing that made me go *whoa* then i might go out with him again, but it wasnt

5/20/2008 1:18:28 PM

yeah - i probably should have qualified that with a "if the first date went ok"

5/20/2008 1:19:16 PM

you're probably going to end up marrying this guy anyways, so stop complaining.

5/20/2008 1:20:10 PM

now, if the guy i went out with last night had sent that to me, i probably would have thought it was cute. quirky, but cute.

but hes actually a software engineer, so he'd be more justified than that guy was


*actually, if the guy last night had sent it, i'd know it was to be funny, so it wouldnt have come of creepy = why it would have been cute

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:23 PM. Reason : .]

5/20/2008 1:20:10 PM

that is not at all cute.

It would have been cute if he had left out all the overt sexual references. Also it reeks of suspicion and social awkwardness. Didn't thank him for the drinks, who fucking cares? And the part about "are you dating anyone else" is a big warning sign, also WHO CARES.

God I feel bad for this guy. There is no way this is sweet or cute for a first date or a 30th date.

5/20/2008 1:22:30 PM

yea, sorry, i meant without the sexual references. cause that makes it creepy no matter how well we got along

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:25 PM. Reason : basically, from the right person, it was a kinda cute idea. but poorly executed in this case]

5/20/2008 1:24:01 PM

You know how to find the winners Jess.

5/20/2008 1:25:36 PM

5/20/2008 1:25:48 PM

wait. i'm confused....

why did he use import objectdraw.*;

5/20/2008 1:27:30 PM

this guy should win some nerd award or something.


i am guessing that he hasn't had pussy since pussy had him

5/20/2008 1:28:11 PM

shoulda emailed back

public static void main(String args[]) {
        while(1) {
                System.out.println("WTF NO");
        }
}

5/20/2008 1:29:21 PM

wow, that is pretty damn scary

Quote :

"Mature Successful VERY well-endowed… Can fix up your apartment in one day Wont rush things Think we have a chance If you want more dating "experience" be my guest, but lets go out tomorrow night unless you have another date "

W.T.F.

5/20/2008 1:29:39 PM

hoarz. lol

5/20/2008 1:30:44 PM

well this thread was pretty much a let down

however, if this guy is a real software engineer

lord help us all

5/20/2008 1:30:52 PM

Also there are tons of errors in the code.

I mean if you are going to go NERD, go all out

5/20/2008 1:31:34 PM

Quote :

"this guy should win some nerd award or something. i am guessing that he hasn't had pussy since pussy had him"

in Soviet Russia?

5/20/2008 1:32:10 PM

well i for one hope he lied about his job.

that's embarassing

5/20/2008 1:32:18 PM

no, the guy i went out with last night is a software engineer.

the guy that sent me this email does some sort of research.

5/20/2008 1:36:00 PM

Wow Jess, hahaha.

This is some crazy stuff

5/20/2008 1:37:02 PM

Where did you meet this guy?

5/20/2008 1:37:41 PM

^^ well thank god

i've got an idea

i'm gonna poke you on fb, then ill write you a terrible applet and talk about my junk a lot

5/20/2008 1:37:49 PM

haha she prolly met this guy on craigslist

5/20/2008 1:40:00 PM

no, not CL. at least match is a littttle more reputable.


dude, Pat, I know! and then he was like really confused and unhappy that I said we werent gonna go out again. like he didn't understand that that was just a little too creep-tastic

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:48 PM. Reason : .]

5/20/2008 1:47:32 PM

i hope i never have to use those online sites to get a date...i swear to god if i have to i might as well get a vasectomy

5/20/2008 1:49:54 PM

i don't think i could do the internet dating scene

5/20/2008 1:50:42 PM

welp, if you get out of college and all your friends are 1. in relationships and 2. are your coworkers, and one of those friends is an ex bf - you will then realize how hard it is to meet people outside of that social circle

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:52 PM. Reason : ^it kinda sucks. sometimes you get lucky but mostly its a lot of misses]

5/20/2008 1:51:10 PM

Quote :

"i hope i never have to use those online sites to get a date...i swear to god if i have to i might as well get a vasectomy"

well you first have to start dating, dnl.

^bingo. I haven't done the online thing but I generally like to meet girls that are friends of a friend. Too many crazy girls out there to leave it up to 'fate' and meeting them in bars.

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:53 PM. Reason : .]

5/20/2008 1:52:25 PM

^^well plus i dont always have to have a SO around

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:53 PM. Reason : .]

5/20/2008 1:52:50 PM

^^^very true- I have found that my interaction with new/single ladies has diminished alot since I got out of college

[Edited on May 20, 2008 at 1:53 PM. Reason : h]

5/20/2008 1:53:11 PM

^

well, refined to ones i'd like to date

there are more waitresses/bartenders/and assorted scallywags that want a free ride though, now that you've got coin

5/20/2008 2:01:35 PM

scallywags is a very underated word

5/20/2008 2:03:02 PM

i havent read the thread



but is he getting another date with all this work?

5/20/2008 2:03:16 PM

Yeah it can really suck. I've gone on a million Match dates it seems, and for the most part they're a waste of time & money.

I'm hoping it'll be better back in Raleigh when I get back there, NYC is tough for dating.

5/20/2008 2:03:18 PM

^^no, i'm not seeing him again

5/20/2008 2:03:50 PM

geeks get no love.

5/20/2008 2:04:59 PM

the not having class thing hasnt hit me yet


but theres a core group of 6 broadmates that i'm really gonna miss

5/20/2008 2:05:03 PM