http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/

9/30/2011 10:29:42 AM

Also, my coworker definitely showed me this the other day. Favorite line:

Quote :

"Then Laura came to pick me up so we could go to the discount outlet together, and as Victor gave me a kiss goodbye he lovingly whispered, “You are not allowed to bring any more goddam towels in this house or I will strangle you“."

[Edited on September 30, 2011 at 10:36 AM. Reason : MOAR]

9/30/2011 10:32:58 AM

words

9/30/2011 10:34:16 AM

I chuckled.

I tell you what though, if my wife came home with a bigass metal chicken she'd payed 100 bucks for, after being forbidden from buying any goddamned towels, which by the way carries the penalty of strangulation for in itself, I'd SURELY strangle her.

9/30/2011 10:35:52 AM

I want my five minutes back.

9/30/2011 10:36:04 AM

Quote :

"I tell you what though, if my wife came home with a bigass metal chicken she'd payed 100 bucks for, after being forbidden from buying any goddamned towels, which by the way carries the penalty of strangulation for in itself, I'd SURELY strangle her."

9/30/2011 10:38:55 AM

sounds like a bitch complaining about how she is married to a dick...

9/30/2011 10:39:21 AM

well, by the looks of the front door they've got some money, so that mystery is solved

9/30/2011 10:41:11 AM

PEOPLE!

Tetanus does not come from rust.

9/30/2011 10:42:08 AM

oh, i agree...they sound dysfunctional

BOK BOK MOTHERFUCKER.

9/30/2011 10:42:12 AM

AHAHAHAHA! I want one! I actually like the idea of leaving that at someone's front door when they're having a bad day. We use to flamingo front yards and it was always a hit.

9/30/2011 10:43:03 AM

I can't believe this didn't already make it onto tdub before

9/30/2011 10:44:41 AM

Quote :

"AHAHAHAHA! I want one! I actually like the idea of leaving that at someone's front door when they're having a bad day. We use to flamingo front yards and it was always a hit."

It reminds me of Rowdy from Scrubs

9/30/2011 10:46:33 AM

If I ever get married, I imagine my marriage will be just like this

and that. is awesome.

9/30/2011 10:52:00 AM

lol follow ups

http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/i-dont-have-a-title-for-this-because-ive-run-out-of-puns-please-insert-your-own/

http://thebloggess.com/2011/07/knock-knock-motherfucker-giant-metal-chickens-revisited/

http://thebloggess.com/2011/09/victor-refuses-to-open-anything-addressed-to-me-anymore/

9/30/2011 10:55:29 AM

awesome

9/30/2011 11:00:47 AM

9/30/2011 11:04:59 AM

Quote :

" KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERCLUCKER "

9/30/2011 11:07:14 AM

Women approve of this blog, men do not.

Is that what I'm to believe?

9/30/2011 11:07:29 AM

it's not the funniest thing i've ever read, but i laughed a couple of times

9/30/2011 11:08:43 AM

Yes. Just like women love Chelsea Handler.

9/30/2011 11:08:56 AM

^ but so does bighitsunday and he's super badass as fuck, right?

(evidenced in this thread btw message_topic.aspx?topic=618575)

[Edited on September 30, 2011 at 11:17 AM. Reason : link]

9/30/2011 11:16:27 AM

^ But he likes Nancy Grace as well.

9/30/2011 11:17:12 AM

he's also a black republican...and he isn't afraid of snakes

you can't use him as a benchmark for ANYTHING

9/30/2011 11:17:59 AM

^^ no, just her titties

[Edited on September 30, 2011 at 11:18 AM. Reason : .]

9/30/2011 11:17:59 AM

this might be my new fav blog

9/30/2011 11:22:47 AM

I hate this girl.

9/30/2011 11:24:00 AM

How is his swimming?

9/30/2011 11:25:15 AM

Quote :

"I probably wouldn’t have bought it anyway, but I do kind of love the thought of Victor driving up to see a metal chicken peering angrily over the roof of our house from the backyard."

hahaha

9/30/2011 11:27:01 AM

Quote :

"impending acockolypse"

9/30/2011 11:30:13 AM

I personally love random lawn ornaments that make people go wtf. When I have kids they're going to be embarrassed to bring their friends over

9/30/2011 11:31:08 AM

i cluckled.

9/30/2011 12:52:42 PM

pretty hilarious really

9/30/2011 2:32:27 PM

omg

she is cracking me up

Quote :

"Except that I just looked up “jet lag” on Wikipedia and it said that scientists have helped hamsters recover from jet-lag by giving them viagra. Which means that at one point there were a bunch of people flying hamsters with tiny erections to exotic locations in the name of science. Which I think is just proof that scientists are high all the time. Also, I’m pretty sure cancer still exists, right? Meanwhile, people are bringing drugged, involuntarily-aroused hamsters on planes, and I’m not even allowed to bring my diet coke through security. This is exactly the kind of thing I’d take a stand against if it wasn’t for the fact that I don’t even know what the hell I’d write on that picket sign."

9/30/2011 2:59:24 PM

How do you even know a hamster has jet lag in the first place

9/30/2011 3:22:12 PM

I bet this chick is a cunt to be married to

10/1/2011 1:59:53 AM

shit, i just ended up with beer up my nose laughing

10/1/2011 2:10:23 AM

will definitely read again

10/1/2011 2:10:39 AM

^^^





[Edited on October 1, 2011 at 9:55 AM. Reason : .]

10/1/2011 9:53:59 AM

[OLD]

But in all seriousness, I think this is one of my favorite blog posts of all time. Mainly because this will probably be me and Eric one day. I made him read it and his response was, "I wouldn't necessarily be pissed about the chicken itself, just that you would have spent that much money on a giant, useless chicken"

But I actually do want that chicken

10/1/2011 9:56:29 AM

Sam I was coming in here to post [old] too I think you and I read this about the same time and flooded Facebook with it heck I might've seen it on your wall first.

I love the monkey one.

10/1/2011 10:04:25 AM

Nah, you posted it first I bookmarked it and go back to read it again every now and then, haha

10/1/2011 10:05:51 AM

Hahaha excellent!

A friend of mine found a large metal chicken after reading it and it apparently takes up their whole back porch lol

10/1/2011 10:07:04 AM

i must have that giant chicken.

10/1/2011 10:11:03 AM

I, too, must have that giant chicken.

I'd like to think that NeuseRvrRat would appreciate its whimsical poultry qualities.

10/1/2011 10:47:52 AM

Sounds like a couple with money problems to me.
And by money problems I mean she spends it all.
Very Brad Cooperish as smc pointed out.

10/1/2011 11:49:17 AM

I found this metal chicken at the farmer's market in downtown New Bern. He was already named Sylvester by the old man that was selling them.

And I was wrong, NeuseRvrRat does not appreciate his whimsical poultry qualities. In fact, I think he hates Sylvester. Although that could be due to the fact I surprised NRR by putting the chicken in the shower for him to discover half asleep at 5 am in the morning.

10/13/2011 8:47:00 PM

^ that's fantastic

10/13/2011 9:51:51 PM

Dammit, I should have asked for towels for my birthday... and a giant metal chicken

10/13/2011 11:26:37 PM

well played DeeMarie

10/13/2011 11:29:46 PM