Quote :

"You have to send out at least 5 messages a day if you're a guy and of those, maybe 1 in 15 will reply. Although it probably isn't a problem for users of TWW but correct grammar and spelling are absolutely imperative... most guys on these dating sites send messages like "hey how u doin u lok fine gurl want 2 hang out?""

Man, I only messaged like 3-4 girls a week.

But it all worked out in the end for me, so your mileage may vary.

8/14/2011 4:45:22 PM

I've sent 0 for serious messages

8/14/2011 4:46:09 PM

Quote :

"okcupid has been pretty representative of my real life judging by the people who have contacted me... it's only fat, ugly and/or old dudes who message me... or if it's a good looking guy he's messaging me to ask me to hook him up with "one of the hot girls" in my pictures since at one time all my pictures are were of me with various friends... this is pretty much how real life goes for me as well...it's also why i'm single...and why i never reply to messages on okcupid "

my thoughts exactly

I should probably change my standards and start dating down....but that would be dumb lol

8/14/2011 4:48:53 PM

On okcupid I was talking to this one really pretty girl back and forth and it sounded like we were going to meet up, and then all of a sudden I get the 'ya i just met someone else and i want to see where it goes' email, and she follows up with 'it's actually one of your friends' cause she saw us in pics together on facebook. lolz. Damn him for being more attractive and smoother than me.

8/14/2011 5:22:16 PM

Here's a good one. So this one girl on okcupid that I liked was saying in her profile about how she loved 80's music and stuff, and her last line in that one 'message me if' section said something like 'if you were to actually approach me in real life' so i sent her this

Quote :

"Wow, so if I were to approach you in real-live life, I’d probably be thinking to myself ‘Alright Dave, you’re under pressure, but just look cool and walk this way so she won’t think ur like a virgin and tell you to beat it. I’d walk right up to you like an Egyptian, livin on a prayer and say’ “Girl, I can’t hide this feeling anymore, I’ve got hungry eyes and I’m not too shy to say I need you tonight. Time after time I’ve seen you eyeing me, there’s something in the air tonight that makes me wanna jump (for your love), and even if that love is tainted, I won’t stop believing that every breath you take makes me happy to be stuck with you.” Don’t you forget about me Dave "

she replied in like 10 minutes and i felt pretty awesome.


she was also a 'one and done' responder. Never heard from her again and her profile is gone


I thought that was a pretty awesome ice-breaker email. Can't catch a break

8/14/2011 5:26:23 PM

bunch of you dude homos are checking out my profile right now.

8/14/2011 6:44:38 PM

I should prob sign on and see what's up

I need to write my profile again...I'm bored with it

8/14/2011 6:46:19 PM

Quote :

"QFT You have to send out at least 5 messages a day if you're a guy and of those, maybe 1 in 15 will reply. Although it probably isn't a problem for users of TWW but correct grammar and spelling are absolutely imperative... most guys on these dating sites send messages like "hey how u doin u lok fine gurl want 2 hang out?""

It's a 27% total reply rate for males messaging females.

Now let's take a minute to appreciate how pathetic you are.

8/14/2011 7:00:23 PM

where did you get that number from?

8/14/2011 7:06:54 PM

total reply rate?

It's not clear by what you said whether or not that is only counting "first time" messages or not.. it's not very surprising that the rate of replies from women would jump quite a bit if you include replies made to all messages and not just the first attempt a man makes to contact a woman.

8/14/2011 7:07:36 PM

when i was on match a few years ago i'd say i was around 10-15% replies

this summer i signed up again and i'm prob getting closer to 20-25% replies.


i think it's a combo of

1.) more people are on there
2.) i'm better looking
3.) i'm older, so wider range of chicks to message (i wasn't messaging 30yo's when i was 26)

8/14/2011 7:10:17 PM

Yeah I wouldn't be surprised if 27% is the true figure and it's clear he implied it was responses to first messages, but I'm still curious.

8/14/2011 7:12:53 PM

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/online-dating-advice-exactly-what-to-say-in-a-first-message/

You can do plenty of things to get a lower reply rate.

8/14/2011 7:15:28 PM

interesting article, thx.


being specific about the person's profile is def important. If it sounds generic or like u sent out mass messages, total fail imo. You gotta read what they have to say and respond with something that's going to make you stand out from everyone else.

also, being good looking really helps. Do some situps

8/14/2011 7:21:49 PM

I have a mass email that works....

8/14/2011 7:46:28 PM

Quote :

"being specific about the person's profile is def important. If it sounds generic or like u sent out mass messages, total fail imo. You gotta read what they have to say and respond with something that's going to make you stand out from everyone else."

There was an OKTrends blog post that talked about this issue, but it was doing so in the context of dissing pay dating websites.

They got bought out so they deleted it. But basically, people, or at least men, use dating sites with the assumption that men need to send out the messages.

Ultimately, the combination of all the statistics for a site like Match.com lead to a 90% or upwards of (actual quotation) "flirting into the abyss".

After that it's just pure selective pressures. If I need to send 10 messages to get one person who even takes it seriously then a couple of things:
- I will only keep trying if I'm desperate
- Every message I send will be complete shit

That said, there are effective counter measures. This is why it's important to be able to see how often someone replies and how lately they've logged in. People who don't use it much and don't reply just see their account go defunct. Now, there are still selective pressures at work, like a woman could reply "I think you're creepy and discussing but I'm replying to boost my reply rate". Frankly I would find that one worth it just for the lols.

8/14/2011 8:06:18 PM

u lost me dude. I just message girls who I think are cute or sound pretty cool to hang out with and hope for the best

8/14/2011 8:14:09 PM

lol, and may you find plenty of matches who also care nothing of selective pressures good sir.

8/14/2011 8:35:53 PM

haha so wait, i shouldn't send 'HEY BABY GIRL, U WANT SOME OF THIS?'

8/14/2011 8:40:00 PM

CREEPY

AND

DISCUSSING

8/14/2011 8:42:46 PM

^^ that's what im gonna start doing

8/14/2011 8:46:56 PM

hahaha let me know how that works out.

8/14/2011 9:22:36 PM

I have a love/hate relationship with the term baby girl lol

So as a girl, how would you suggest mailing people you don't necessarily wanna date, but actually seem coo to hang with from time to time?

they all assume I wanna be wifey when I really just want new franns to do things with (even after I state this)

8/14/2011 9:30:34 PM

Quote :

"how would you suggest mailing people you don't necessarily wanna date, but actually seem coo to hang with from time to time?"

http://badoo.com/

8/14/2011 9:33:13 PM

Guys already have enough girls they are friends with that they are patiently waiting to be noticed by

8/14/2011 9:33:44 PM

cool* damn I just fucked up and I was about to post this chart from that article hahaha

^good point




[Edited on August 14, 2011 at 9:35 PM. Reason : oh neat badoo]

8/14/2011 9:35:04 PM

Quote :

"So as a girl, how would you suggest mailing people you don't necessarily wanna date, but actually seem coo to hang with from time to time?"

Perhaps begin by travelling to an alternate dimension where platonic friendships are actually feasible

8/14/2011 9:40:50 PM

LOL

I'm retarded huh?

8/14/2011 9:43:27 PM

Quote :

"So as a girl, how would you suggest mailing people you don't necessarily wanna date, but actually seem coo to hang with from time to time?"

?? It's a dating website, not a "friend zone" website. If you're talking or hanging out with a dude from a dating site and you never had any intention of being more than friends, you are just wasting the guy's time.

8/14/2011 10:15:48 PM

You can put exactly that on your profile, that you're only looking for friends. And you can even put girl looking for guy, only looking for friend / activity partner, however incomprehensible it may be.

Searching and stuff is generally filtered along those lines too. All the guys who put they they're only looking for LTR or whatever won't see you. The guy who put that he's looking for friends deserves every wasted message he sends you.

I think a part of the site's logic is that if the service works (in hypothetical land), there will be lots of profiles that have already been matched and are now together, so they're not going to tell those people to not use the service anymore, they just create preferences to express it.

8/14/2011 10:26:03 PM

There is no guy on any of these sites looking for a girl to just be friends. That's a completely pointless use of the sites

8/14/2011 10:40:19 PM

I actually had a guy message me out of the blue saying he didnt want to date me but he really wanted to hang out because he thought wed get along. I had not messaged him or winked or whatever previously.

8/14/2011 10:42:43 PM

haters

why does ok cupid ask if you're looking for long term dating, short term dating, activity partners (haha I figured that meant hook-ups), new friends, etc?

just curious...I see people I'd date and I see people I'd chill with...I can't holler at someone for either reason?

8/14/2011 10:45:25 PM

It'd be one thing if OKCupid didn't call itself "the best dating site on Earth".

But if you really want to make friends with a guy on there, here's what you do:

In the little dropdown set it to "Male Seeking Male".

Quote :

"That said, there are effective counter measures. This is why it's important to be able to see how often someone replies and how lately they've logged in. People who don't use it much and don't reply just see their account go defunct."

People like you are why the reply rate is so low.

[Edited on August 14, 2011 at 11:16 PM. Reason : .]

8/14/2011 11:13:51 PM

ew


lol

8/14/2011 11:14:53 PM

Don't act like you don't have gay friends as I'm like 99% sure I saw you last night talking to a gay guy!!!!1

8/14/2011 11:17:19 PM

I have lots of gay friends....stalker

just made me laugh when you said male for male

8/14/2011 11:18:07 PM

There's a weird amount of guys on there who have their profiles set just to "looking for women", but then try and sleep with other guys.

Online dating is an interesting world.

8/14/2011 11:26:24 PM

indeed

8/14/2011 11:32:30 PM

maybe they don't know how to change it.

because there are stupid people out there.

8/15/2011 12:08:54 AM

Quote :

""You have to send out at least 5 messages a day if you're a guy and of those, maybe 1 in 15 will reply. Although it probably isn't a problem for users of TWW but correct grammar and spelling are absolutely imperative... most guys on these dating sites send messages like "hey how u doin u lok fine gurl want 2 hang out?"

I sent one message to one girl.

We've been dating for a year.

8/15/2011 12:18:51 AM

I guess you win

8/15/2011 12:22:23 AM

How long was the message?

8/15/2011 12:22:41 AM

lucky man. i made an account the other day for the fuck of it, and it seems 90% of the community is fat chicks

8/15/2011 12:23:35 AM

I want to win. Probably won't bat 1.000 tho.

8/15/2011 12:28:13 AM

It just takes one to make it worthwhile, doesn't matter your average

[/sap]

8/15/2011 12:33:40 AM

yeah. i'm not on okcupid. but i've been murried since almost as long as it has existed.

8/15/2011 12:39:41 AM

Quote :

"How long was the message?"

Don't really remember. A couple paragraphs? Not "HAY GURL," but not so long that it seemed desperate or too involved.

Anyway, not trying to win, just saying that the "message five girls a day" strategy is not the only one that works.

8/15/2011 2:17:49 AM

Quote :

"^u dont play the waiting game if you are a dude. have to send the PM's"

Meh, not necessarily true. I put up a profile and answered some questions, was getting at least 10 messages a week of which one or two would be attractive. I never sent out messages. I was on there for about 3 weeks and talked to several girls extensively and found one i got along with. Been dating her for a few months and it couldnt have worked better.

8/15/2011 7:54:06 AM

set em up

8/15/2011 9:02:01 AM