Quote :

"I sent one message to one girl. We've been dating for a year."

Well vinylbandit there are always outliers. No offense, but you were probably just really lucky to have messaged the right girl who was a great match for you so it worked out.

One time just out of curiosity I sent a message saying "Hi. You're cute. Just thought you should know." to like 20 girls. Three of them actually responded and one of them I ended up dating for about a month even though I later found out that she had a boyfriend the whole time she was seeing me. Generally I found that keeping an opening message to a maximum of a 3-4 sentences had the best success rate for me. But it's different for each person... depends on your style and how outgoing you are.

8/15/2011 9:08:48 AM

I had a similar experience to VB. I was very selective in replying and reaching out in general to not waste my or anyone elses time. ended up dating a girl for over a year that drastically altered my life for the better except for that it didnt end up working out in the end (one of those "made me a better person for dating them" relationships) and also clarified what i am looking for. now, even moreso, i can be selective with no real pressure or desire to just date to date. also as ive repeatedly said of using this sort of utility, it only works well if it's not your primary source of dates. you still have to be social and engaging in person. this is just a nice supplement of connections i probably wouldn't otherwise make, and also allows me to continue experimenting with different types of girls from what i would normally go after, if i want to.

[Edited on August 15, 2011 at 9:49 AM. Reason : .]

[Edited on August 15, 2011 at 9:50 AM. Reason : .]

8/15/2011 9:49:14 AM

Agent 0 has some good points. The sheer non-committal attitude of online dating creates a different kind of atmosphere. Turning someone down who asks you out in real life is completely different from online, and obviously people have to understand that in order to set expectations.

In this view, I agree with those who claims that online dating commodifies dating significantly. If you want someone who listens to your indy rock band and who's favorite animal is a Zebra you might be able to find such a person. I think the appeal of online dating to many people is the very fact that they can set much narrower selection criteria than they ever could in real life. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, if for no other reason than the fact that it places too much faith in what we want. Sometimes it's good that we don't get exactly what we want.

8/15/2011 10:40:33 AM

Quote :

"I think the appeal of online dating to many people is the very fact that they can set much narrower selection criteria than they ever could in real life. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, if for no other reason than the fact that it places too much faith in what we want. Sometimes it's good that we don't get exactly what we want."

I agree with this. I find that if I have to go and pick out what I want in a female, I come up with a relatively narrow set of criteria. I think it goes with the fact that people are putting a significant amount of information about themselves up front. But when you meet someone new in person they are closer to a blank slate in your mind. They may not be what you thought you wanted/needed, but they turn out to be good for you anyway.

8/15/2011 11:15:02 AM

Oh, btw. Success rate isn't about the content.


It's about what you look like

[Edited on August 15, 2011 at 11:27 AM. Reason : .]

8/15/2011 11:27:03 AM

copied and pasted from OKC



The OKStupid Drinking Game
Rules: Any time you see the following on a profile, take a drink:***

-A public announcement of being a laid back/down to earth/open-minded individual

-or a public announcement that says they are unique

-says that they're an open book

-Claims of being funny/witty/sarcastic without showing that they actually are

-Claims of being a nerd without indication of anything nerdy

-I listen to everything/I like all music. Drink twice if they say "(except rap and country)".

-Music is a huge part of their life. And they're not musicians/have never even picked up an instrument.

-Says that they hate pop music. You so know that they sing along to California Girls in the car, and that this is what they should write in "The most private thing I'm willing to admit" section.

-Tired of games/doesn't want drama

-Wants honesty and respect in a relationship

-Lives life to the fullest

-Is apparently trying to contest the length of Don Quixote with their profile

-"I don't know what to write"

-when either every picture has the same exact expression, and/or there are so many people that you can't figure out which person it is

-when someone whines that chivalry is dead

-is apparently fond of adventures but their profile has no indication that they've ever been to Endor, kidnapped by pirates, been saved by a luckdragon, or been held hostage on a submarine.

-When a love of sports involves sitting in front of the TV with nachos and beer

-Loves the beach/long walks on the beach

-if someone "Works hard and plays harder."

-"I have a kid and he/she is my world!"

-Says that they're a noncomformist

-Someone messages you with "So what brings you to this site? " Oh, I'm just looking to buy a purse!

-says they can be shy at times/has a shy streak. Getting a little nervous around select few persons is totally the same as having trouble speaking to almost anyone!

-The "Favourite Books/Music/Food/etc" section is longer than everything else in the profile combined. Just imagine the conversations!
Person 1: I LIKE PIZZA TOO!
Person 2: YA! PIZZA IS GUD!
Person 1:
Person 2:
Person 1: NOW WHAT?
Actually, take another drink if you have this conversation.

-Claims of being down for anything. You have no idea how disappointing is it when anything doesn't include rollerblading in a Batman mask, cape, and Speedos.

-Requests or claims of being as comfortable in or doing one thing as they are with something completely different. Drink twice if it's actually, "[I am/she should be] as comfortable in a gown as [I am/she is] in jeans. Who wears gowns anymore anyway?

-Finish your drink when someone starts messaging you (usually someone who isn't even remotely local) and acts as though you're a therapist for some issue completely unrelated to dating.

-When they either like to go out or stay in on Fridays. It's like those amazing Christmas lights that you can use both indoors OR outdoors!

-"I'm only here for friends" However, if someone says that they're only here for the quizzes, message them with a new quiz you find interesting. If someone is only here to play a drinking game, then you should join too.

-Also, if you have a drinking game on your profile, take a sip of tea for each person that messages you with "this game will send people to the hospital" assuming that this was all about booze.

8/15/2011 12:37:15 PM

in DC you could die from just the one rule if they mention their passport or how much they love to travel to foreign countries. i swear 65% of the girls on there are on some state department watch list for how much they say they are always traveling out of country.

8/15/2011 1:08:25 PM

If I had a profile, It would probably say something like


I like cookies and have good credit.
I want a woman with sturdy hips and a defective gag reflex.

8/15/2011 1:13:57 PM

^^^ & ^ LOL

8/15/2011 1:27:33 PM

i kind of want to make a few fake profiles and post ALL those things in them for anyone playing the drinking game

8/15/2011 1:29:14 PM

no worries...there's enough profile to get you hammered in less than 30 min

8/15/2011 1:30:07 PM

Quote :

"Music is a huge part of their life. And they're not musicians/have never even picked up an instrument."

my profile probably said something like that, and if you didn't talk to me you wouldn't know that I can play the piano, violin, clarinet, flute, saxophone, and drums.

8/15/2011 2:02:17 PM

^ So that sentence doesn't apply to you.

8/15/2011 2:09:32 PM

yeah, but if you were playing the game and just looking at the profile you would have zero idea that i actually played those instruments.


but I guess the point of the game is to get drunk, not find out about people.

8/15/2011 2:11:09 PM

kind of like if a woman puts she's into wine tastings on her profile.

it means she just gets drunk at the bar

8/15/2011 2:12:17 PM

You're missing the point; it's a stretch for someone to say that music is a huge part of their life, yet they never cared enough about it to attempt to create any.

8/15/2011 2:12:35 PM

*deletes wine tasting out of her profile*

i call BS on the music thing. I've never created any music because i have ZERO talent outside of show choir but music is a huge part of my life. It helps my moods, gets me through the day at work and helps me figure out stuff that i'm feeling.

Plus singing is an easy instrument even if it's singing very badly

[Edited on August 15, 2011 at 2:14 PM. Reason : .]

8/15/2011 2:13:07 PM

my profile says i hate sushi...


i probably get more comments about that than anything

"OMG...HOW CAN YOU HATE SUSHI???? "

8/15/2011 2:17:30 PM

Quote :

"You're missing the point"

and you are missing mine. the only thing my profile said about music was "I love music, it makes me happy, blah blah blah more cosmic bullshit"


you wouldn't know that I played unless you talked to me. so the drinking game is flawed unless you carry on a conversation with every person just to make sure.

8/15/2011 2:17:50 PM

Quote :

"I've never created any music because i have ZERO talent outside of show choir"

So you are/were in a show choir, and therefore created music.

You don't have to make a record or learn to shred on piano...the fact that you made an effort to participate in a musical venture, even without what you might perceive as "talent," is a great leap beyond what's being described by that bit in the drinking game.

8/15/2011 2:17:55 PM

^ classic self effacing

This is not always bad in the dating world, btw. But sometimes it is. Just don't go overboard. Literally bragging about your accomplishments by complaining about what you have failed to accomplish can get annoying. Particularly for those of us who are validly suck at something but don't mind doing it.

8/15/2011 3:18:42 PM

in 2011 we call that a humblebrag.

8/15/2011 3:21:29 PM

Quote :

"When they either like to go out or stay in on Fridays. It's like those amazing Christmas lights that you can use both indoors OR outdoors!"

Seems like every girl's profile says this

8/15/2011 3:36:21 PM

Oh my fucking god

http://personals.theonion.com/

I can't take how hilarious this is.

8/15/2011 4:50:39 PM

There should be a feature to weed dudes out by height


it so annoying to see a profile picture and think, "wow...he's cute...let's click on this...on wait...he's 5'8" "

8/15/2011 10:42:03 PM

nevermind...i found it...

woo hoo

8/15/2011 11:20:33 PM

didnt you bang westd? you can't be that picky

8/15/2011 11:21:59 PM

hell no

8/15/2011 11:28:27 PM

Oh, you just made my week, Frog.

8/15/2011 11:28:42 PM

Livingproof78 and westd? You are KIDDING ME.

I have no idea who either one of them are and I could really use some laughter right now. Got OkCupid profiles?

8/15/2011 11:29:46 PM

look...

i merely made out with him at a party when i was totally hammered...because i don't even remember it and was told about several days later...

i also made out with a dude who could very well be gay at the same party about an hour afterwards...


granted...that was before he started bathing with rocks and carrying around a beard comb

8/15/2011 11:33:06 PM

Did you get to touch his beard comb? And was this an OKCupid hookup or just a random guy you picked up when you went to get a slice of pepperoni at 3am?

8/15/2011 11:34:22 PM

he didn't have the beard comb at the time...

and he's a friend...

granted, it was extremely random...

but a friend, none the less...

and i'm pretty sure i was just trying to get a beer off the keg...and he just happened to walk up when i wanted to make out with somebody...

[Edited on August 15, 2011 at 11:38 PM. Reason : this is not the first time something of this nature has happened ]

8/15/2011 11:35:58 PM

ahhh, so, it WAS the beard comb....

8/15/2011 11:42:49 PM

totally

8/15/2011 11:43:31 PM

Hell, Lumbergh fucked her

8/15/2011 11:46:50 PM

i got this message a few minutes ago from a very smooth operator on okcupid...

" hey how u doin ! "


i mean...how can i not want to get up with a grown man who sends a message like that

8/15/2011 11:49:51 PM

i was gonna look up LP78's profile and send her fucked up messages but i gave up FAST.

8/16/2011 2:42:55 AM

Quote :

"i got this message a few minutes ago from a very smooth operator on okcupid... " hey how u doin ! " i mean...how can i not want to get up with a grown man who sends a message like that"

Why don't you post examples that DO work. It would be much more effective since everyone already knows what doesn't work.

8/16/2011 2:47:34 AM

i don't really know what works because i've never actually tried to meet anybody from the okcupid

8/16/2011 6:52:25 AM

Bullshit.

8/16/2011 7:25:58 AM

She'd never live it down if she did the way she talks about people on there.

Quote :

"this is not the first time something of this nature has happened"

ha there's a definite pattern there.

8/16/2011 7:36:02 AM

Quote :

"Why don't you post examples that DO work. It would be much more effective since everyone already knows what doesn't work."

The post from OKTrends paints somewhat of a good picture. The ideal message goes something like

How's it going? I noticed that you liked kittens ... rabble rabble rabble rabble

Sorry to message you out of the blue. It's cool and fascinating to see another atheist. That's pretty much awesome. You mentioned a zombie metal band that I also like, that's good taste. I apologize for being awkward.

BAM! Your inbox shall overfloweth.

8/16/2011 10:27:21 AM

Lol at the direction this thread went..

8/16/2011 10:41:06 AM

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/nubbynubby

this is fucking amazing

i sent it a message. i think we're gonna be penpals

8/19/2011 1:31:52 AM

Quote :

"i merely made out with him at a party when i was totally hammered...because i don't even remember it and was told about several days later... i also made out with a dude who could very well be gay at the same party about an hour afterwards..."

One of my most enetertaining moments of that summer.

8/19/2011 8:33:23 AM

WHAT....THE....FUCK...

so this dude messages me yesterday and we talked pretty much all day on gchat....just good conversation...not too crazy but probably the first actual person I would consider meeting up with IRL...today he is in super shit talking mode then out of nowhere sends me this message...

Quote :

"so in full disclosure, i created that OKC profile for shits and giggles to find people to chat with online like we're doing right now. never met anyone off there...probably never will... i'm actually happily married and not looking for anything POW!!! what was that? That was the bomb i just dropped."

[Edited on August 19, 2011 at 1:51 PM. Reason : and this is, yet another, reason why i don't internet date....fuck that place]

8/19/2011 1:50:04 PM

Clearly, you need to link his name/profile for some good ol' TWW action

[Edited on August 19, 2011 at 1:54 PM. Reason : I am not on OKCupid btw bmel]

8/19/2011 1:54:44 PM

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt.

8/19/2011 1:54:46 PM

i mean...i pretty much joined for my own personal entertainment as well and not to actually meet anybody...

but i'm also not married and pretending to pick up people on there

8/19/2011 1:58:51 PM