I just wanted to clear the air on a few things. It's also very late, and I'm writing this almost stream of consciousness, so forgive any disorganization.

I don't know why I ever started being an extremely mean person on the internet. I think it may have started from when I used to post on this webforum called Somethingleet.com at the turn of the decade. They used to have a section called "Flame Wars," where you would intentionally start arguments with other people. I used to partner with this other user on there named Envark, and we were rather notorious for insulting other people into oblivion. Eventually, the overwhelming negativity of that section (and the fact that a lot of people took it rather seriously) caused it to be deleted. However, the seed was planned, and that behavior spilled over into the general sections of that forum and onto thewolfweb.com. Which brings us here today.

Why does God exist, then? Who knows. It's probably a lens to focus all of the frustration and general malaise I have in my life. It's a punching bag. It's satisfying, for a brief period, to just focus all of your anger on someone who has screwed up online. You can laugh at them and call them a loser and a dumb faggot, and get rid of all that anger that you have at your job or with the way things have been going in your life. I realize that it's not satisfying in the long term, but I think that's why it went on for so long.

About a month ago, I was notified that something terrible had happened, that it was my fault, and that it had happened because of trolling I had done on this forum. It really shocked me, and honestly it brought me down to earth in a way I'd never expected. I felt really miserable, and I realized that my actions had true consequences in real life. I was actually hurting people, not just by making them feel bad somewhat, but by making actual bad things happen to them. I vowed to be a nicer, kinder person.

As you can imagine, doing that on here was a most difficult task. My "reputation" precedes me, and one of two things tended to happen. Either people didn't believe my sincerity, and thought that I was somehow being sarcastic or mean, or I had to deal with other trolls on this forum. And the trolling brought out the anger in me. My god, it did. It would take ever ounce of my strength to not post a reply that involved every single vile and despicable personal attack I could think of at the moment. But I swallowed my pride and kept on.

I'm sure some of you, at this point, are trying to look for examples of when I was a complete shithead in the past month. I'm sure they're there. A bad habit is hard to break, and some of you just tend to piss me off. This forum has its fair share of assholes, and it's hard to resist opportunities. But I genuinely wanted to change.

And then that thread happened. I was exposed as vulnerable. And everyone who I had ever taken a shot at on here, everyone who I had ever flamed or insulted, they all jumped on me like vultures.

I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt. It did. It hurt real bad. It wasn't only embarrassing to be caught doing something (honestly, and I'm being sincere here, I was just posting without even thinking to cite or that it mattered at all) it was extremely hurtful to be attacked by so many people at once. You all took the advantage to kick me when I was down. I probably deserved it from some of you for the things in my past, even if I had pledged to change. However, if you attacked me because I was mean to you in the past, what does that make you for attacking me back along with everyone else? Are you so different? Are you a better person?

The part that hurt the most, though, was how personal some of you were making it. You were addressing me, not by my username, but by my last name, when you called me an idiot or a loser. You brought up my real life past, my decisions that I'd made, when you attacked me. You brought up my job. You brought up my college degree. You didn't claim to dislike my persona on the internet, you claimed to dislike me as a real person. And that's what really hit me in the core. I'm sure you all got a few chuckles and thought it was "the greatest win" or whatever. I wonder if it would even bother you if you knew how miserable I was that entire day, even the week afterwards agonizing over that.

A lot of these attacks were coming from people who had never even met me, and they were addressing me using my real name. There's really only about a dozen or so people here who have taken the chance to know me in person, and I would hope that almost all of them would agree that I am absolutely nothing like God in person. They would know me as a person who would sacrifice anything for them, because I care about them very much.

And there were a few of you in that thread who surprised me. Some of you that I know personally, that I considered an acquaintance that I would go up and shake hands with if I ran into them. It was surprising to see you step on me as well. I'm not sure why you did it, and I don't know if you feel bad or not. But it really bothered me.

And yes, I did agonize over that thread. I still do. There's a huge difference between being told that people don't like God, that they think that he's a mean troll, and knowing that there are people out there who really don't like me as a person. There are people out there who don't want me around if they see me in person. That there are people out there who think I'm a loser, a failure, and someone who should just die.

I guess what I want to say is that if you're reading this, and you're someone who I've ever said anything mean to, I'm sorry. I didn't really mean it. I don't even know most of you, and you are probably a wonderful person who didn't deserve it. It was dumb stupid trolling, a way for me to get my frustration and aggression out, and it's not who I am as a person. I hope you can forgive me.

I want to address a few people personally as well:

kiljadn: I think we got on the wrong path when I said a few tactless things to you online. I never meant to say anything to offend you, and I'm sorry about that. The things I said to you over the last week were just me lashing out due to the anger and frustration about that thread. A lot of the things you said to me in that thread really really hurt, and I hope they aren't true. I hope that some day I can change how you feel about me.

One of the things that caused me to make this thread was the realization that everyone was having a great time playing for at Ruckus FC soccer team, and I wasn't invited. There may have not been any room, but it really seemed the real, true reason was because everyone just didn't like me as a person and didn't want me around. And that cut deep. I love playing soccer, and all of the people on that team are really awesome people that I would love to hang out and play with. And it really bothers me that they don't want me around because they don't like me as a person, even though I haven't met many of them. I'm not sure if the well was poisoned by you, but I would like a second chance if there exists one.

d7freestyler: I really hope you're not included in the group of friends that kiljadn claims "fucking hate" me. You're a great person, humorous, and fun to be around, and I hope we can hang out in the future.

Stein/Quinn: I thought we were friends.

Ernie: I see myself in you. I know there's a real person inside of that username. This will come back to haunt you. Trolling isn't worth finding out in the end that everyone you know literally hates you. That's the worst feeling in the world.

khcadwal: You seem like a really interesting person, and I hope that my reputation hasn't ruined any chance we could have at a friendship.

Samwise16: I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you. You're a genuine person with a good heart, but I'm going to be honest in saying that a lot of things you said frustrated me on occasion, and I lashed out back at you. I shouldn't have done that.

Shadowrunner: I can't be angry at you for what you did, but I've already explained to you in PMs the amount of stress, embarrassment, anger, hurt, and sadness I went through due to what that thread caused. I'm not sure if that made you feel bad or not, but I am going to be honest in saying that I hope one day you regret it. I don't mean that as some sort of "karmic retribution," but I hope that some day you think that you feel bad for causing me to experience that much anguish.

To the person I hurt: You won't ever know how sorry I am for what happened to you. Honestly, it crushed me to the core, and I hope one day you can forgive me.

And no, I didn't make that Beach Body thread to look at photos of users in their bikinis. I wanted to do something that would help people for once in my life, since I'd been so awful to so many people in the past.

Some of you are probably going to take this as a chance to make fun of me, to post "good riddens," and to cheer my misery. Don't. Don't get caught into that cycle. Be a real person. Have sympathy. Know that there are real people with real feelings. If you've ever felt lower than low, then you know where I've been. It's not a joke, and I learned that through two hard lessons.

But I guess that doesn't matter anymore.

Goodbye forever.

8/2/2010 1:12:03 AM

8/2/2010 1:13:55 AM

8/2/2010 1:14:16 AM

ibtl?

oh wait

in before the suicide

nice.


oh wait there's no suicide

just some wall of lame words

8/2/2010 1:15:24 AM

8/2/2010 1:22:01 AM

anyone have like a one paragraph or less summary of this crap

I'd say I don't care, but that might be a small lie

8/2/2010 1:37:48 AM

Because you have so many other things to do on a sunday night at 2am than spend a couple minutes reading the OP?

8/2/2010 1:53:22 AM

iop1

8/2/2010 2:47:43 AM

This seems pretty genuine; I'll sympathize. I really didn't see how plagiarizing something could work up so much hate in here for people go through the guy's personal life and stir the pot enough for the guy to peace out

to be fair there is not a lot of originality on this board anyways, I lurk around on here quite a bit and if there's not a lyrics thread then there's at least a topic discussed many times before by a comedian or something. big deal he didn't cite his source, move on.

heres steve perry robocop:

8/2/2010 3:01:49 AM

This is a lounge thread. Damn, some of you people are asses.

8/2/2010 3:07:35 AM

Quote :

"I really didn't see how plagiarizing something could work up so much hate in here for people go through the guy's personal life and stir the pot enough for the guy to peace out"

The plagiarizing wasn't the huge issue. It was a vulnerability, a chance, to make attacks on God, and everyone he ever pissed off took it, and a few jumped on the bandwagon. That's how and why it went beyond the OP's focus. That's what happens when the user acts the fool and makes people despise him. In my mind it's how society deals with things or people they don't like.

However, I know this thread took a lot of effort and I too feel it is sincere. Hopefully you take what you learned and become a better person and make positive changes in your life, both IRL and on the Interwebs.

8/2/2010 3:53:00 AM

i have no idea what's going on here... haven't really read chit chat for at least 3 weeks.

can i have some links to the background please? that thread where everybody stepped on God? that person that God hurt? that thread where God 'plagiarized'?

thanks.

(no, i don't want the background so i can post some smart remarks... i am genuinely curious because the OP sounds so genuine and human)


[Edited on August 2, 2010 at 4:31 AM. Reason : ]

8/2/2010 4:29:32 AM

Sure, why not

message_topic.aspx?topic=599455

8/2/2010 5:18:21 AM

I really dislike this misconception people have that anytime you disagree or talk negatively about someone, you're "trolling". To me, trolling is something disingenuous: you don't really care about the subject or the other person, you're justing trying to fish out a certain reaction. I never trolled God, and really I never troll anyone. If I'm talking shit to you here or in person, it's because you suck, and I don't mind telling people when their sucking infringes on the fun I'm trying to have.

If this were face-to-face, if we were in a room with a couple hundred people, and God interrupted the US soccer conversation I was having to scream in my face over and over and over about Lukas Podolski; or if I walked by a chat where he was coming down hard on people for breaking the rules of his lame beach body challenge; or if I saw him hounding some girl over and over and over like a creep, I wouldn't think twice to tell him knock it off. It's not some internet act. That's how I proceed here and in the rest of my life. 99.9% of the things I've said and done on TWW are congruent with the things I say or do outside of TWW.

And that's the fundamental, gigantic rift between God and the majority of people here. He thinks TWW is just some play place where your actions are without outside consequences, that you can be a dick for years on end and not expect it to come to a head like it did in the other thread.

His comparison of us is completely misguided. You make that thread about me, not that there's a good reason to in the first place, but you make that thread and you'll get a couple guys showing up to say, yeah Ernie sucks. People don't hate me because I'm not a hypocritical, hyper-sensitive phony. People that hate me through TWW are people I'd probably not like very much in person, they aren't people I fooled myself into thinking were my friends.

So peace out, you piece of shit. I hope you get your life together and come back a different person.

One love,

Ernie

8/2/2010 6:30:12 AM

Shit just got real.

8/2/2010 6:45:18 AM

I'll wait to hear the verdict on whether or not this is epic before I read it.

8/2/2010 7:13:23 AM

it's a shame this thread is in the lounge

anyway, gronke is full of crap...he's not leaving, he's not crying himself to sleep, no one on tww ran off someone of such deep and profound thought that the site will never recover

rather, he's enjoying the attention immensely and he's practically giggling to himself at this "genius" of a thread...in fact, at this very moment:

Quote :

"Currently Online? : Yes"

8/2/2010 7:42:41 AM

i'm debating whether or not to move it to chit chat

8/2/2010 7:57:37 AM

^yes

8/2/2010 7:59:28 AM

People take the internet way too seriously.

8/2/2010 8:02:13 AM

^^^ please do

^ qft

8/2/2010 8:05:25 AM

Nvm. qntmfred has a point.



[Edited on August 2, 2010 at 8:12 AM. Reason : .]

8/2/2010 8:06:01 AM

i vote lounge. if it goes to chit chat, it'll just turn into the other thread. we already have the other thread

if it's here, people might question whether he's sincere or not, but at least they might feel obligated to not be a dick about it

and even better, take God and his issues out of the conversation entirely. the bigger issue is not what he himself has or hasn't done, it's about how we conduct ourselves on the internet. i think a serious conversation about trolling and being a reasonable person would help everyone.

i get requests all the time from random people to delete threads or remove accounts b/c something somebody said in 2007 is gonna come back to get them in trouble irl. i think if people thought about the reality that the words they say every day on here are going to still be here in a few more years, they WILL show up in google, they might not choose to say some things. maybe

8/2/2010 8:06:23 AM

Normally I don't get involved in TDub drama, but I have 3 things to say:

Quote :

"About a month ago, I was notified that something terrible had happened, that it was my fault, and that it had happened because of trolling I had done on this forum. "

and

Quote :

"To the person I hurt: You won't ever know how sorry I am for what happened to you. Honestly, it crushed me to the core, and I hope one day you can forgive me."

1. So what is this about? I must have missed that.

Quote :

" And no, I didn't make that Beach Body thread to look at photos of users in their bikinis. I wanted to do something that would help people for once in my life, since I'd been so awful to so many people in the past."

2. I have a hard time believing this since you did some serious trolling in that thread. If your intent was truly a good one, then you fucked it up with the trolling. .


3. Go home, clean yourself up, and come back a better person. If you can't do that, then you have bigger issues.

8/2/2010 8:08:07 AM

Quote :

"the bigger issue is not what he himself has or hasn't done, it's about how we conduct ourselves on the internet. i think a serious conversation about trolling and being a reasonable person would help everyone."

i agree with this to an extent

the problem is that the internet is what it is...i realize you now have a very vested interest into making tww something better than what it is now and has been, but part of the internet is trolling...some people do it knowingly and some don't

but tww's current setup allows for it and, essentially, encourages "bad" behavior by having a chit chat section in the first place...i mean, the lounge is designated for "serious" or "real" threads, but chit chat is designated for everything else...if people want a shit-free tww, then eliminate chit chat and suspend people who get too douchebaggy

i know i, personally, would change MY behavior (or post less...or both)...i don't HAVE to act like i do in chit chat, but i find it entertaining...which makes me a bad person, i'm sure, but meh...i'm no better than God, but i cry about it a lot less

8/2/2010 8:24:14 AM

kill chit chat and you will kill tww.

8/2/2010 8:50:28 AM

^ i disagree that you will "kill" tww, but i do agree that it will take a significant change in user perception to make it work...feel free to post in: message_topic.aspx?topic=599729

8/2/2010 8:52:37 AM

no. are you fucking stupid? chit chat is the life of this site. get the fuck out with that shit.

8/2/2010 8:54:00 AM

^ very constructive...i wish to hear more of your opinions! were you on the debate team?

8/2/2010 8:56:24 AM

Quote :

"About a month ago, I was notified that something terrible had happened, that it was my fault, and that it had happened because of trolling I had done on this forum"

Did you make someone vote straight ticket Democrat?

8/2/2010 8:58:53 AM

^ Ah. I laughed out loud. And I'm a liberal.

8/2/2010 9:00:26 AM

Quote :

"I really dislike this misconception people have that anytime you disagree or talk negatively about someone, you're "trolling". To me, trolling is something disingenuous: you don't really care about the subject or the other person, you're justing trying to fish out a certain reaction. I never trolled God, and really I never troll anyone. If I'm talking shit to you here or in person, it's because you suck, and I don't mind telling people when their sucking infringes on the fun I'm trying to have. If this were face-to-face, if we were in a room with a couple hundred people, and God interrupted the US soccer conversation I was having to scream in my face over and over and over about Lukas Podolski; or if I walked by a chat where he was coming down hard on people for breaking the rules of his lame beach body challenge; or if I saw him hounding some girl over and over and over like a creep, I wouldn't think twice to tell him knock it off. It's not some internet act. That's how I proceed here and in the rest of my life. 99.9% of the things I've said and done on TWW are congruent with the things I say or do outside of TWW. And that's the fundamental, gigantic rift between God and the majority of people here. He thinks TWW is just some play place where your actions are without outside consequences, that you can be a dick for years on end and not expect it to come to a head like it did in the other thread. His comparison of us is completely misguided. You make that thread about me, not that there's a good reason to in the first place, but you make that thread and you'll get a couple guys showing up to say, yeah Ernie (kiljadn) sucks. People don't hate me because I'm not a hypocritical, hyper-sensitive phony. People that hate me through TWW are people I'd probably not like very much in person, they aren't people I fooled myself into thinking were my friends. So peace out, you piece of shit. I hope you get your life together and come back a different person. One love, Ernie & kiljadn"

My sentiments exactly. I could point out the racist things he's said, as well as the terribly derogatory things he's said about friends of mine, but it doesn't do anything except prove this point that he thinks TWW, and by proxy Facebook, are some magical play land where he can say whatever he pleases and not have it affect him. You can't piss in the wind and not expect any blowback.


Gronke:

Your biggest problem is that you confuse cordiality and tolerance with "friendship."

I am cordial and tolerant of people I don't like in order to make the day move smoothly. It's a social skill that I along with most people seem to have, and one that you can't seem to grasp.

I have a responsibility to run that team, and to make it fun for all of the people involved. Your personality is one that will never fit in with that overall mission. If you feel bothered by that, then that's your own problem to deal with. Change yourself if you feel the need, or don't. I don't care one way or the other. But as long as I'm in charge of the management of the team, your previous actions have been enough to exclude you from inclusion forever.

8/2/2010 9:00:32 AM

ITT people attempt to construct the internet into serious business.

8/2/2010 9:04:10 AM

Its sad this crap has already gotten this many responses.

This idiot's USER NAME is a deliberate troll. Why people continue to respond to him is beyond me.

Move this to chit chat with all the other padding.

8/2/2010 9:05:36 AM

^+1

8/2/2010 9:08:03 AM

This is no KG thread, but it'll do.

8/2/2010 9:47:11 AM

Quote :

"And no, I didn't make that Beach Body thread to look at photos of users in their bikinis. I wanted to do something that would help people for once in my life, since I'd been so awful to so many people in the past."

I would like to take a moment to say that the Beach Body thread was, indeed, a good idea created with good intentions. God and I have known each other for about 9 years now and we chat about physical fitness and goals on a regular basis. We wanted to create an avenue to motivate people ... and I think it worked! He and I discussed at length the idea that people could find motivation for self-improvement via this site.

That's one thing that I think we fail to do on this site. We spend so much time trolling one another and cutting people down that we forget that it's important to build people up ... even if it's just through an internet message board. Sure, maybe God was harsh in some of his responses in the Beach Body thread ... but there are just as many examples of him encouraging others. We need more threads like the Beach Body thread. We need more threads that encourage people to get off their butts and live their best life!

It's hard to start being nice on the internet. We have conditioned ourselves to be snarky and sarcastic in our responses to others. Why? Because we're essentially a message board of extreme assholes? Because the easiest way to survive on this site is to be an asshole or a bitch? Maybe.

On this site, many of us are nastier versions of ourselves. I heard a great quote recently: "Be yourself. But be a nicer version of yourself." Imagine how different this site would be if we all decided to simply become nicer versions of ourselves?

God, I understand why you made this thread. And I don't think it's healthy for anyone to create a persona to funnel your frustration and general malaise, as you did with God. Forget the frustration and malaise. Forget teedub. Go out in the world and be yourself. Just be a nicer version of yourself. I think that's great advice for everyone to follow.

[Edited on August 2, 2010 at 9:53 AM. Reason : .]

8/2/2010 9:52:05 AM

I only have issue with how you treat people and then act like nothing happened a day later. They read as extreme mood swings.

Also sam is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!

8/2/2010 9:53:33 AM

i wish i made more of an impression on people

i've never been mentioned in a "goodbye" thread

8/2/2010 9:55:55 AM

^

[Edited on August 2, 2010 at 10:08 AM. Reason : blah]

8/2/2010 10:08:10 AM

I thought this thread was about God learning how to program.

8/2/2010 10:10:52 AM

I look forward to never having to read another ST post from God

IOP1

8/2/2010 10:17:19 AM

^^ lol i thought he got homebrew running on PS3

8/2/2010 10:25:46 AM

Quote :

"i wish i made more of an impression on people i've never been mentioned in a "goodbye" thread "

lol I know right? If I ever have to leave for some reason (I don't see why, I don't take this shit half as seriously as some people) I'll be sure to mention you in a thread.


btw, does anyone know what it is that his trolling did to whoever that was so bad?

[Edited on August 2, 2010 at 10:28 AM. Reason : ]

8/2/2010 10:27:46 AM

thanks. i'm looking forward to it!

8/2/2010 10:28:51 AM

Quote :

"does anyone know what it is that his trolling did to whoever that was so bad?"

guitarguy tried to kill himself

8/2/2010 10:31:37 AM

^wtf no shit? Link?

8/2/2010 10:38:14 AM

Quote :

"I never meant to say anything to offend you, and I'm sorry about that."

Obvious lie is obvious

8/2/2010 10:44:04 AM

This thread is

8/2/2010 10:45:28 AM

ste 'em up

8/2/2010 10:53:32 AM