yes

1/7/2008 12:30:29 PM

Quote :

"I also don't get girls who don't wanna change their last name"

Yeah, I don't understand that either.


[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 12:31 PM. Reason : quote]

1/7/2008 12:30:54 PM

Quote :

"I also don't get girls who don't wanna change their last name"

It's part of becoming a man's property instead of your parents. It's a tradition that's outdated and demeaning toward women. No one will EVER own me. Either both of us will change our names and enter into it equally, or neither of us will.

I'm in grad school and will be making more than him, so if anything he should become my property.

1/7/2008 12:46:20 PM

interesting, I've always seen it as becoming one of his family. which, I know, is still biased towards the male side.

1/7/2008 12:51:23 PM

^^that's retarded

1/7/2008 12:52:14 PM

^^^ Bitter much?

1/7/2008 12:52:30 PM

If she puts up with me after last night, prolly so?

1/7/2008 12:52:35 PM

Quote :

"It's part of becoming a man's property instead of your parents. It's a tradition that's outdated and demeaning toward women. No one will EVER own me. Either both of us will change our names and enter into it equally, or neither of us will. I'm in grad school and will be making more than him, so if anything he should become my property."

Jesus Christ woman, SHUT THE FUCK UP! I feel sorry for any man that has to EVER deal with you.

It's just a tradition, it doesn't mean you're anyone's property.

I personally don't care if a girl takes my last name or not... but if she's the type of bitch to put it like THIS... YOU WILL NEVER OWN ME WAAA WAAA WAA shit, there's no way I'd ever marry her.

1/7/2008 12:57:10 PM

^^^^^^ I think this is the only proper stance to take as a woman:

Quote :

"For a woman qua woman, the essence of femininity is hero worship—the desire to look up to man. "To look up" does not mean dependence, obedience, or anything implying inferiority. It means an intense kind of admiration; and admiration is an emotion that can be experienced only by a person of strong character and independent value judgments. A "clinging vine" type of woman is not an admirer, but an exploiter of men. Hero worship is a demanding virtue: a woman has to be worthy of it and of the hero she worships. Intellectually and morally, i.e., as a human being, she has to be his equal; then the object of her worship is specifically his masculinity, not any human virtue she might lack. "

So I'd take my husbands last name.

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:00 PM. Reason : ^]

1/7/2008 1:00:15 PM

Quote :

"It's part of becoming a man's property instead of your parents. It's a tradition that's outdated and demeaning toward women. No one will EVER own me. Either both of us will change our names and enter into it equally, or neither of us will. I'm in grad school and will be making more than him, so if anything he should become my property."

jesus christ

it ain't like you're a slave

1/7/2008 1:04:54 PM

1/7/2008 1:07:03 PM

^pervert

1/7/2008 1:08:40 PM

"i know my significant other is the one cause it was the first person that didnt treat me like shit"

1/7/2008 1:09:47 PM

aha that broad made me visibly cringe y'all.

I used to say I wasn't going to change my name. For a myriad of reasons, and also the fact that it's cool as fuck. But, I've changed my mind.

Do I think my current SO is "the one"? I'd like to think so. We've been through enough that I think we can weather life. But I take it very seriously - and now that it's a short term possibility rather than a long term perhaps, I'm taking a much closer look at everything. And it's not just looking at him. There's some stuff I've got to clean up in my house too, because I want to be a good partner.

When I get married, I want to be as sure as I can be.

1/7/2008 1:10:51 PM

But why should anyone participate in tradition for the sake of tradition? It only shows you are too weak minded to think for yourself.

I also don't want a ring or a wedding. I guess there'd have to be some small BS ceremony but I'd do that at the most unconventional place possible (courthouses are too cliche, but maybe a strip club would be funny).

1/7/2008 1:13:05 PM

Yes, but aren't you assuming that all of these people who change their names are doing it for the sake of tradition? Perhaps not. You're making the same gross assumptions as those who you seem to be against.

1/7/2008 1:14:52 PM

Quote :

"It's part of becoming a man's property instead of your parents. It's a tradition that's outdated and demeaning toward women. No one will EVER own me. Either both of us will change our names and enter into it equally, or neither of us will. I'm in grad school and will be making more than him, so if anything he should become my property"

A bunch of guys responding to a woman's opinion on something they'd never have to worry about = LOL

Quote :

"I think this is the only proper stance to take as a woman: "

Hahaha, it's not. Ayn Rand, . "Looking up to" a man doesn't mean you have to take his name. If it's about admiration, why is he the sole hero worth admiration in the relationship?

It's not that taking a dude's name would imply that you were his property today, it's that it absolutely used to be the case and has those historical undertones. Regardless, it's up to her what she wants to do with her name.

1/7/2008 1:17:10 PM

Quote :

"But why should anyone participate in tradition for the sake of tradition? It only shows you are too weak minded to think for yourself."

Maybe because they want to? Like putting up a Christmas tree, exchanging gifts at Christmas, having the same signature treat at one's birthday celebration, or whatever else you may do for certain things/places/events.

If you want to be a judgmental feminazi, go for it. But don't try to justify it by belittling others who don't do things the way you want to.

Quote :

"Yes, but aren't you assuming that all of these people who change their names are doing it for the sake of tradition?"

Oh hai!
I'll change my name because people can pronounce his, and it's in the middle of the alphabet instead of the end (that sucked in elementary and middle school)

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:19 PM. Reason : lfkj]

1/7/2008 1:17:54 PM

still furshia are you saying you wouldnt take a mans last name if you got married?

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:18 PM. Reason : ^good post]

1/7/2008 1:18:17 PM

StillKodiak

1/7/2008 1:19:17 PM

Quote :

"a ring or a wedding"

the rings and weddings are usually a religious tradition to most people. so i'm not sure how that fits into the whole "man's property" frame of reference

1/7/2008 1:20:24 PM

^^^ I don't know. I'll worry about that if I get married.

^^ heh

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:20 PM. Reason : .]

1/7/2008 1:20:28 PM

i hope you would

1/7/2008 1:21:07 PM

i think my sister was thinking of going with a hyphen

but she realized that peirce-johnson i just too closed to pierced johnson.

1/7/2008 1:21:31 PM

^ hahahahaha

1/7/2008 1:22:12 PM

^^rofl

1/7/2008 1:23:27 PM

Why change it other than tradition? In a truly equal society it'd be a coin flip when applying for the license as to what name they used.

Since I'm not willing to take a 50% chance of looking like a tradition following tool, we'll have to decide on something. His main concern about the idea is that if we pick something cool (McEvil or something good) we'd constantly get harassed about fake IDs.

I think it's a great idea and I can't have kids so I don't have to worry about causing spawn any psychological harm.

1/7/2008 1:23:57 PM

so by starting a new last name, you'd willingly disassociate yourself from your parents and heritage?

i'd be kinda upset if i was one of your relatives

1/7/2008 1:25:19 PM

plz to explain how your last name makes you any more or less equal...

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:26 PM. Reason : unless you pick McLovin or some dumb shit where you should know better]

1/7/2008 1:25:42 PM

I was going to have an intelligent conversation on this subject, because it interests me and such. But when I see some kid touting degrees and acting a fool, I gotta step back and let the ignorance flow.

Truth is, lewoods,you look like a tool regardless of your name.

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:27 PM. Reason : Enjoy!]

1/7/2008 1:25:51 PM

98º

1/7/2008 1:27:40 PM

To me, having the same last name symbolizes the union of two people. It a way of showing their commitment to each other, not about being anyone's property. Yes, it was, but I wouldn't be with a guy that felt that was still true.

I'd prefer that it be one of our names, instead of something random, because of the family history involved with it. I just don't care about my last name enough to make it a big deal. Maybe if I were an only child or something like that, but meh, I have siblings.

I may or may not make more money than the guy I'm marrying (one day, no prospects now, I don't think), but so what? If you are going to be completely separate, what's the point of being married?

1/7/2008 1:28:44 PM

Quote :

"Since I'm not willing to take a 50% chance of looking like a tradition following tool,"

I know many stupid women
I know many bitchy women
I know entirely too many completely worthless women
I know a couple of bitter women
Some of whom belong in more than one category

But I have never sympathized for a mate the way I do for yours. Not because you're necessarily any of the above, but because you are so goddamn rabid about having it your way (which you have made distastefully clear that it simply cannot resemble anything from the past). Even if he agrees or is indifferent about it, it must surely get old to be around such intense, vocal dislike of anyone who doesn't do things your way. The fact that you view 'following tradition' (even if you don't know for sure that's the case; your posts indicates that if it looks like it is, you'll assume someone is) as being a tool is worrisome. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe the people who do have thought about their decisions, and that some traditions still endure for a reason?

I'm not hating on you, I just want that to be clear. But I do genuinely feel sorry for your bf.

1/7/2008 1:30:35 PM

Quote :

"I may or may not make more money than the guy I'm marrying (one day, no prospects now, I don't think), but so what? If you are going to be completely separate, what's the point of being married?"

Why does keeping your name mean you're not married? You're not completely separate based on the status of your name: that's a ridiculous thing to argue.

Why marry anyone if you aren't going to change your name? Uh, you love them, you'd like legal protection for them, tax breaks, etc etc etc. That's why.

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:32 PM. Reason : .]

1/7/2008 1:31:25 PM

Actually, I was referring to her earlier posts combined, not just the name thing.

I agree, if a name is that important to you, it shouldn't stop you from getting married.

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:34 PM. Reason : more.]

1/7/2008 1:32:37 PM

Quote :

"the rings and weddings are usually a religious tradition to most people. so i'm not sure how that fits into the whole "man's property" frame of reference"

He's atheist and I am just not a fan of traditions in general. Add that my mom would make it HELL for me (she'd make tacky craft centerpieces, ohh I can just think of the pain and suffering).

No Christmas tree or gifts. Christmas is at the wrong time of year to coincide with a pagan holiday and make it easier to convert them, nothing religious about it.

Quote :

"To me, having the same last name symbolizes the union of two people. It a way of showing their commitment to each other, not about being anyone's property."

This is the boyfriend's line. I don't think any change is needed, but I would be willing to compromise if he'd change his too. We'll see what happens. I'm in no rush.

1/7/2008 1:33:50 PM

ive been wrong on this one before and i have learned that girls can be really good at misleading. because of that i will not be making guesses like this anymore. im also not buying a ring until im sure (however that would work). i also really hate that girl line "you dont see a ring on this finger do you???" - thats like the rudest thing you could possibly say to someone you claim to want to marry and from now on will be considered a dealbreaker.

as for my current SO, i dont have one. but if i had to go on a limb and pick a female friend, i'd still say no. im picky aka probably never gonna get married since ive only liked maybe 3 girls enough to consider it in 30 years

1/7/2008 1:35:13 PM

Quote :

"Why marry anyone if you aren't going to change your name? Uh, you love them, you'd like legal protection for them, tax breaks, etc etc etc. That's why."

if you love them you shouldnt mind changing your name...

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:36 PM. Reason : ^good post]

1/7/2008 1:35:24 PM

Someone who breaks from tradition because it is tradition is a much bigger tool than someone who follows tradition because it is tradition.

1/7/2008 1:35:29 PM

I expect the future (we're talking distant future here) Mrs. Famous to take my name

But if she doesn't want to, then I don't see it being a really big deal

1/7/2008 1:35:32 PM

Quote :

"Add that my mom would make it HELL for me (she'd make tacky craft centerpieces, ohh I can just think of the pain and suffering)."

That's not at all a valid reason against a ceremony, seeing as how it'd be your wedding, not your mom's. I'm more than a little well-acquainted with this, as I'm not even engaged, and I've had to lay down and enforce boundaries with my mom, regarding various wedding stuff.

I listed Christmas traditions because those were the first to come to mind, and it's a common experience for many white Americans. There are others. I can only assume that since you didn't say anything about those, that they aren't distasteful and for tools. Yes/no?

Quote :

"if you love them you shouldnt mind changing your name... "

Shut up. You're never gonna trick anyone that you can legally marry into taking your last name.

1/7/2008 1:37:12 PM

Quote :

"Since I'm not willing to take a 50% chance of looking like a tradition following tool, we'll have to decide on something. His main concern about the idea is that if we pick something cool (McEvil or something good) we'd constantly get harassed about fake IDs. "

wow, yall are losers
i guess family and heritage dont mean much to yall. i pity your poor children. they're going to get made fun of their whole lives because their parents were idiots

1/7/2008 1:37:44 PM

Quote :

"A bunch of guys responding to a woman's opinion on something they'd never have to worry about = LOL "

Are you serious? Umm, the woman is about to become a part of my family... so... yeah, it is something we can worry about.

1/7/2008 1:38:32 PM

Quote :

"Someone who breaks from tradition because it is tradition is a much bigger tool than someone who follows tradition because it is tradition."

yep.

1/7/2008 1:40:23 PM

Quote :

"Are you serious? Umm, the woman is about to become a part of my family... so... yeah, it is something we can worry about."

I meant that you'll never have to worry about changing your name. And she'll become part of your family whether she changes her name or not.

Quote :

"wow, yall are losers i guess family and heritage dont mean much to yall. i pity your poor children. they're going to get made fun of their whole lives because their parents were idiots"

Quote :

"I think it's a great idea and I can't have kids so I don't have to worry about causing spawn any psychological harm."

Uh, she can't have kids.

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:42 PM. Reason : .]

1/7/2008 1:41:18 PM

Quote :

"I listed Christmas traditions because those were the first to come to mind, and it's a common experience for many white Americans"

blx dont get christmas?

1/7/2008 1:42:04 PM

We both think ceremonies are boring as shit and a waste of money that could be used for kegs of yuengling and strongbow. I can control my mom but not having to would be much easier.

rjrgrl, guess you missed the part where I said I couldn't have kids. No worries there.

1/7/2008 1:42:38 PM

Quote :

"You're never gonna trick anyone that you can legally marry into taking your last name."

haha one way or another there will be a male son of mine that has my last name

i am keeping my last name alive and rare

1/7/2008 1:42:49 PM

^^^only in the blue states

[Edited on January 7, 2008 at 1:43 PM. Reason : ^]

1/7/2008 1:43:02 PM

Terpball needs to change HIS name. See how you like that idea.

1/7/2008 1:43:32 PM