How anal are you about squatting on a public toilet when worst comes to worst and you've got a 6-inch grip on an 8-inch turd?

Do you just throw caution to the wind and take your chances on the bare seat (you mad dog you) or do you prepare it with the ultimate in impermeable sanitation barriers, a toilet-paper cover?

No doubt we have all performed, wittingly or unwittingly, a cost-benefit analysis in preparation time vs. coverage area, as the unfortunate truth is that attempting to cover a such a curve with a flimsy rectangle is identically inexact.

The endeavor necessitates approximating the curve with straight lines, so my question to you is, what is your go-to step size?

Consider:

A: Wipe'n'Snipe
B: Oh-Shit-She's-Crowning
C: Deluxe
D: The Euler

and my personal favorite,

E: The Fourier




[Edited on February 22, 2011 at 10:40 AM. Reason : redx]

2/22/2011 10:38:25 AM

IBTslavefamouspost

2/22/2011 10:40:34 AM

my favorite thing to do is not be irrational about how dirty the toilet seat is

2/22/2011 10:40:52 AM

that being said i use the method of exhaustion

2/22/2011 10:41:45 AM

C

2/22/2011 10:42:01 AM

A

I'm not a pussy, but I'm not a daredevil either. Getting pregnant from a toilet seat is just embarrassing

2/22/2011 10:46:20 AM

A: Wipe'n'Snipe

2/22/2011 10:47:40 AM

if it's dry, i just my bare ass down. if it's a little wet i'll do A.

i am not a pussy

2/22/2011 10:49:27 AM

I too am not a pussy. Dry? sit down. A few dribbles, I clean it off, sit down.

Dirty as hell? I just squat and shit in the corner.

2/22/2011 10:52:45 AM

we have hand sanitizer outside the bathroom door. so i just squirt some on to a paper towel and then wipe off the seat.

2/22/2011 11:06:25 AM

top shelf ftw

2/22/2011 11:28:58 AM

toilet humor ...

2/22/2011 12:48:38 PM

i just take the toliet seat off and flip it over

2/22/2011 12:50:38 PM

Old.

http://thewolfweb.com/message_topic.aspx?topic=596929

2/22/2011 1:18:15 PM

patently different.

2/22/2011 5:21:16 PM

Did Penn and Teller do an episode on how catching diseases from public toilet seats is bullshit?

2/22/2011 5:24:54 PM

old

message_topic.aspx?topic=609073

2/22/2011 5:26:09 PM

Quote :

"A I'm not a pussy, but I'm not a daredevil either."

2/22/2011 5:26:55 PM

ITT: a moderator does not know how to properly link

2/22/2011 5:39:52 PM

yeah dude, i've got a mental block about shitting in public/away from "home". my body just decides it doesn't have to shit when i'm away from home.

2/22/2011 5:44:01 PM

I use A if I can catch a glare on the seat and see that it's relatively clean...otherwise A then B or C depending on the shape of the seat

2/22/2011 5:50:33 PM

C

2/22/2011 5:50:59 PM

i feel like if the xkcd guy had made this joke everyone would have laughed at it

all i got was one supercilious reference to the genre of humor, but hey i guess i should be happy it was even classified as such

2/22/2011 5:55:15 PM

I'm a man. I just sit on the fucking seat and take my shit. MAN THE FUCK UP YOU SISSIES.

2/22/2011 7:13:16 PM

Quote :

" A I'm not a pussy, but I'm not a daredevil either"

i find the older you get the less this becomes an issue

2/22/2011 7:31:23 PM

At least were I work I don't worry about any of this coverage crap.

2/22/2011 7:44:37 PM

This thread was inspired by frequent shits on NCSU campus. Notably, the Carmichael Gym men's locker room

[Edited on February 22, 2011 at 7:50 PM. Reason : you can't argue that one]

2/22/2011 7:50:41 PM

Just busted out The Euler in DH Hill

10/4/2011 10:56:49 AM

B, double-layered

but I also put about 2-3 layers of 2x1 square down into the water to prevent splashback

10/4/2011 11:00:44 AM

Just learn to hover like a girl.

10/4/2011 11:02:59 AM

I've done that when the TP supply was minimal, but the higher you hover, the larger the splash

10/4/2011 11:03:31 AM

if it's dry, i just my bare ass down. if it's a little wet i'll do A.

i am not a pussy

10/4/2011 11:06:11 AM

Quote :

"SIXTH FLOOR STACKS"

10/4/2011 11:06:35 AM

I popped my port-a-jon twosies cherry at the GT game.


It was more like a wiped and carpet-bombed situation.

10/4/2011 11:09:01 AM

How about port-a-johns? It seems like people forget how to be human when they go in those things.

10/4/2011 11:10:05 AM

y = 1/x; aka the hover.

10/4/2011 11:16:43 AM

A similar conundrum: message_topic.aspx?topic=559873

10/4/2011 11:22:28 AM

Quote :

"if it's dry, i just my bare ass down. if it's a little wet i'll do A. i am not a pussy "

if not wanting to sit in the remnants of someone else's urine makes me a pussy then so be it.

10/4/2011 11:29:53 AM

psychologically, I need to remove all visible dirt before I will allow my bare ass to come in contact with it.

humans are disgusting creatures. especially other mens' asses.

10/4/2011 11:35:17 AM

... but your ass is the definition of sparkling clean

got it

10/4/2011 11:40:51 AM

Squat and dodge in port-a-johns, no one wants that stew of blue and other peoples excriment splashing back up

10/4/2011 12:25:02 PM

I do A + B

10/4/2011 12:30:33 PM

Quote :

"... but your ass is the definition of sparkling clean got it"

I didn't claim that and I don't see your point.

If i saw anything visible on a toilet in my own house, possibly hairs from my own butt cheeks, i'm still wiping them off.

Congrats on being obtuse, and possibly dim.

10/4/2011 12:40:03 PM

Is this where oep comes in and sniff boxers?

10/4/2011 12:46:29 PM

A 99% of the time, C 1% of the time

10/4/2011 12:50:09 PM

I drag in a portable shower and take a full bath before and after using the toilet... Right oep?

10/4/2011 1:17:36 PM

I luck out at work. we have those paper toilet-shaped sheets

10/4/2011 8:27:07 PM

Quote :

"if it's dry, i just my bare ass down. if it's a little wet i'll do A. i am not a pussy"

and also:

Quote :

"ITT: a moderator does not know how to properly link"

i'm just waitin' for gunzz to come in here and bitch him out.

10/4/2011 8:33:31 PM

I can shit using a at a 95% confidence level.

10/4/2011 8:42:15 PM

I'm with jeepin

I do put a landing pad in the toilet though because I may trust the seat, but I still hate splashing water up my ass. Also if it's extremely funky I pass or ask the wife 4 a clorox wipe.

[Edited on October 4, 2011 at 9:09 PM. Reason : .]

10/4/2011 9:08:31 PM